I'm crumbling. All I know is that it feels like my lungs and heart are slowly being compressed in a vice grip I can’t shake. I can’t stop crying. But I can’t seem to start breathing.
Category: In My Own Words
These are all my thoughts, opinions, and other things.
Miscarriage: It’s Funny How Life Works Out
Life never works out the way I think it will. I never thought I would get pregnant. I ended up losing my baby and it's father, but one came back.
I Hate My Body, But It’s What I’ve Got
I don't see what other people see when they look at my body. I see a living reminder of every horrific thing men have done to it.
Seven Years Ago Tonight I Was Raped For the Last Time
Scrolling through Facebook's On This Day page, I was reminded that seven years ago tonight. I was raped for the last time.
Past Me Would Be So Disappointed In Present Me
I hate motivational mantras... But my least favorite are the "If past you could see you now, they'd be so proud." No. Past me would be very disappointed and even angry at the way my life looks now. I don't think this mantra is targeted at over achievers who were abused emotionally/psychologically/financially/physically/sexually over the course of 23(ish) years. But I'm not dead!
11… Tidbits of Life I Avoid At All Costs
Life has taught me to keep people at a distance, to not trust, to not depend, to not open myself up. People have seldomly shown themselves to be worthy of trust, and so I live a guarded life, involving as few people as possible and relying on others with extreme rarity. I have subconsciously programmed my existence to avoid actions and circumstances that encourage and form intimacy between myself and another human. I recently started ruminating on what these things are, and I came up with a list longer than eleven, but these are a good start.