I'm crumbling. All I know is that it feels like my lungs and heart are slowly being compressed in a vice grip I can’t shake. I can’t stop crying. But I can’t seem to start breathing.
Tag: Vulnerability
Miscarriage: It’s Funny How Life Works Out
Life never works out the way I think it will. I never thought I would get pregnant. I ended up losing my baby and it's father, but one came back.
What Self Worth?
Self worth is something I place a high priority on... in other people. It doesn't even exist in my emotional vernacular. The entirety of my life, my worth has based on my appearance and what I can provide to others. Worth and love have always been transactional. I'm no innocent, but I have been left to fend for myself, scrounging for and happily accepting any love, even if all the only love I can find has been coupled with abuse and rape.
Happy 168th Homecoming, Cornell College
Happy 168th Homecoming to Cornell College. I doubt they've had 168 homecoming celebrations. Did homecoming even exist in 1853? (Cornell University sure didn't. Ha! We're the older, smaller, and better (not a subjective opinion, at all) cousin—literally—in Iowa. Easily confusable, I know.) As a die-hard alum, I filled my house with flowers in school colors in honor of homecoming.
On Anxiety: Getting Lost in the Woods
Anxiety is something I have always lived with. So often, I can't name the thing making me anxious because it is all of the things all at once all of the time.
Due Date-Versary
Today is my Due Date-Versary. Had my body done its basic, biologically female task of staying pregnant five years ago, I would be celebrating my child's fifth birthday. Instead, I'm focusing on the happiness in my life. The joys I have today because I had a miscarriage instead of a baby.