Tag: RaeAnna Rekemeyer

Books, Fiction

The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives by Lọlá Shónẹ́yìn Explores Specific Yet Universal Themes

RaeAnna

Worth A Read Yes
Length 304
Quick Review Shónẹ́yìn tackles universal themes by exploring the interior lives of four Nigerian women through the secrets they keep in a conservative, polygamist family.

Enjoying the sun with The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives. || Dress || Jewelry

Lọlá Shónẹ́yìn creates a horrifying family dynamic in The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives, which seizes and disgusts the reader in equal parts. Reading it is akin to watching an imminent trainwreck but in a fun way. Baba Segi, the patriarch, brings home Bolanle, educated wife number four, who shifts the family dynamic so drastically that she unintentionally reveals a well-guarded family secret. 

Shónẹ́yìn is able to explore universal tropes and themes with grace and humor while grounding the plot and characters in a highly specific setting of a Nigerian polygamist family. Though I cannot relate to the setting having never been to Nigeria, in a polygamist marriage, or being a Nigerian woman, I can so clearly relate to the experiences and struggles of the characters. Shónẹ́yìn is adept at creating ubiquity in a situation that does not overtly read as relatable.     

Baba Segi does not care about the family dynamic or his wives as long as things carry on peacefully in his presence. A flatulent and hefty man, he is completely oblivious to his wives’ lives and relationships in the living room and in the bedroom. He prefers to be catered to like the savior he sees himself to be. Yet everything he has so carelessly thrown together crumbles when wife number four cannot produce a child with her broken womb no matter how vehemently he thrusts. 

Society often perpetuates the importance placed on women as glorified human incubators, and Shónẹ́yìn allows this theme to blatantly sing through each page. Yet it cannot be any more obvious than in the small moments of the book. Baba Segi’s wives are only allowed to sit in a comfortable chair in the living room once they become mothers; if they do not produce children, they are relegated to a stool or the floor. These small details reinforce the world these women live in. Their humanity is intrinsically tied to their children, so they keep secrets to survive.

Sexual politics are omnipresent within the family as each wife grapples for attention and power. With distinct stories and secrets, the wives are drawn to the refuge of Baba Segi’s home. Bolanle stands apart as the childless, educated wife. Some are cruel, some are kind, they have all seen struggle, and Shónẹ́yìn humanizes their cruelty. The depictions ultimately lead to a representation of how vicious and cyclical the patriarchy’s determination is to confine and silence strong and resilient women, as they all are in their own unique ways. The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives elegantly sums up the reality for so many living, breathing women, “The choices we have to make in this world are hard and bitter. Sometimes we have no choices at all.” Women are often forced to survive by working within the constraints of choices other people make, and these wives are no different. Their actions and cruelties are a means of self preservation and survival. 

Rape is one of those awful yet universal themes. It happens. A lot. Rape, assault, and sexual violence has been an eternal part of the female narrative (though it does not solely affect women); Shónẹ́yìn tackles it without hesitation. From the act to consequences, rape is as much a character of the novel as the wives. One of the most poignant moments, for me, is when Bolanle opens up to her mother and is met with, “”You couldn’t have been raped. No daughter of mine could have been raped. That is not the way I brought you up.”” instead of comfort or empathy. One of the more difficult passages to read, it embodies the fear and reality so many rape survivors endure when telling their truth. 

A poet with three published collections before, Shónẹ́yìn’s debut novel, The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives is a revealing read that balances literary fiction with popular success. I highly suggest it to anyone looking for something riveting, moving, and still meaningful.

Memorable Quotes
“You see,  when the world owes you as much as it owes me, you need a base from which you can call in your debts.”
“I reasoned that if I strengthened my thigh muscles, it would make it difficult for anyone to force my legs apart like they did in my dreams.”

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Title: The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives
Author: Lọlá Shónẹ́yìn
Publisher: WilliamMorrow
Copyright: 2010
ISBN: 9780063072329

11..., Lifestyle

11… Things I Learned Camping the Grand Canyon

RaeAnna

Two and a half months ago, I road tripped to the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Grand Canyon (again), and Santa Fe. It was a pretty spectacular trip if I do say so myself. I had to curb my chit chat because I’m sure everyone was tiring of my Canyon anecdotes. It was a trip I had been wanting to take for a long while. I went with one expectation: a view. Everything else, I would figure out on my own in the midst of it. 

I haven’t been camping since my 15th birthday party. And that was a camping in Iowa twenty minutes from my bed for a night with friends kind of a camping “trip”. I had never been camping camping. The good luck kind of camping trip. Not only was I camping for the first time in half my life, I was camping the Grand Canyon, where the nearest Walmart was 75 miles away. Oh, and I did it alone. 

Hopping in the car and driving away from my very cushy bed, I knew there were only two options for this trip: 

  1. I would LOVE it.
  2. I would HATE it. 

Luckily, I loved it. Truly, deeply loved it. In a subtle yet distinctive soul shifting fashion. 

Driving West into Arizona, the sun rose revealing mountains, plains, cliffs, plants, and life glowing gold in the early morning light. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I drove on. So much of what I do revolves around social justice with a focus on gender and racial equity. I’m not ignorant of this country’s history. Living in a city that has washed away every trace of the Native People makes it easy to forget I live on stolen land. But something about that particular drive, taking in the landscape, I was overwhelmed with the weight of my own privilege and the suffering that has occurred across the country in the past and in our present. 

Four hours away from the Grand Canyon, I knew I wanted to use this trip as more than an excuse to center myself, connect with nature, and take a break from the hustle of life. I was going to learn. As much as the Canyon itself has so much information to offer, I have always been more interested in the stories of people. I wanted to learn about the people who lived and died by the Canyon long before colonizers arrived. I needed to make it a point to honor the Indigenous People who continue to live and fight for their land. 

I drove straight to the canyon rim and looked on with awe. Then I turned around and walked straight to the book shop. Duh. I bought a bunch of books and asked rangers and employees about which ones they suggest or were written by Native authors. Along my walks and hikes, I read every single plaque I came across. Stopping in Flagstaff on my way to Las Vegas, I found a bookstore that had an entire section dedicated to Native History and another bigger section dedicated to local Native history and authors. I ended up accumulating a lot of knowledge on my trip, and I’m still working my way through the books I bought. So I’m going to share some Grand Canyon knowledge. 

  1. Havasupai people lived and farmed inside the canyon at Indian Garden along what is now Bright Angel Trail until 1928. 1928! Less than 100 years ago. They were forced to leave by the National Park Service. 
  2. Uranium was discovered in the Orphan Mine in 1951. From 1956 to 1969, Uranium was extracted from a mine near the South Rim of the Canyon. I could see where it was while walking the Rim Trail. There are fences and signs all over essentially saying keep out with a fun twist saying “ecologically fragile,” but the meaning is actually along the lines of, ‘Stay out because this area is inundated with toxic and radioactive waste that hasn’t been cleared.’ So really, don’t sneak past those fences.
  3. The six major tribes living around the Grand Canyon are the Hualapai, Havasupai, Navajo, Hopi, Paiute, and Zuni people. They have inhabited the Grand Canyon plateau for a very long time. 
  4. Mary Colter, a prominent architect, designed some of the most famous buildings in Grand Canyon National Park, including Desert View Watchtower. In the male dominated field, she managed to create an architectural aesthetic that would last and influence the American West for generations. 
  5. Humans have been living in and around the Grand Canyon for 12,000 years, at least, that’s how old the oldest documented human artifacts are. White people arrived via Norse settlements on the continent as early as the tenth century… So the Grand Canyon was inhabited a casual 11,000 years—give or take—before white people started fucking shit up.
  6. What looks like mountain goats are actually bighorn sheep. They’re cool. I saw a family of them, hiking the South Kaibab Trail.
  7. The Hualapai Tribe built the famous Skywalk that projects 70 miles over the canyon with a glass floor. It’s one of the most visited attractions in Grand Canyon West, and when you’re visiting it, you’re supporting the tribe instead of the federal government. So much of the Grand Canyon belongs to tribes, who benefit from that tourism. Make sure to be respectful, take the time to learn about their history, culture, traditions, and obstacles they face in today’s era. Oh, you should check because many require reservations in advance.
  8. There is a North Rim and South Rim of Grand Canyon National Park. South Rim has more amenities and is the more visited of the two rims. It’s where I went, solely because there were no campsites available on the North Rim, which is known as being quieter and more remote. Though the two lodges are only ten miles apart if you hike through the Canyon, the drive takes five hours and 215 miles to go from one to the other. 
  9. The Canyon can be a luxury getaway or a wilderness exercise. I chose to lean more toward the latter. I camped on the South Rim, which has hotels, restaurants, coffee shops, rentals, campsites, a post office, general store, and so many amenities. I didn’t have any cell reception or internet access, but I definitely did not feel like I was in the wilderness… until I went below the rim. As the signs make sure to drive home the information: Once you go below the rim, you’re on your own. Rescue is not guaranteed, and even if help comes, it could be a good long wait. On all but Bright Angel Trail, the water you have is the water you have. There’s a sense of good luck and don’t be stupid every time I hit the trail. The further you go, the less people there are. On the South Kaibab Trail, I went well past Skeleton Point for a total of nine miles round trip. I didn’t see a single person from mile two to mile eight and a half. There was also a big storm, so the experience was a tad frightening at certain points.
  10. The Grand Canyon Pink Rattlesnake, or crotalus oreganus abyssus, is only found in the Grand Canyon, especially prevalent along the North Rim. It is venomous, so if you see one, do not approach. 
  11. There is one hotel inside the Canyon. When I say inside the Canyon, I mean it’s on the floor of the Canyon. Half a mile from the confluence of Bright Angel Creek and Colorado River, it was designed by Mary Colter. There’s a lottery for reservations that is pulled thirteen months in advance. There are three ways to get there. Raft the Colorado River. Take a mule. Or a ten mile hike via Bright Angel Trail or a seven and a half mile hike via South Kaibab Trail.

You could spend a lifetime exploring and researching the Grand Canyon, which many people have done and continue to do, so this is really just a highlight reel of interesting things I learned. The moment I left, I couldn’t wait to go back. I’m ready for my next adventure. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Happy 168th Homecoming, Cornell College

RaeAnna

It was Homecoming weekend for my alma mater, Cornell College, in Mt. Vernon, Iowa.

I’ve been to more homecomings than I haven’t since graduating—only missing this and last year, due to COVID. I loved Cornell while I was there, and love it still. Though, as does everything, it had it’s faults and shortcomings, it was the place I needed, as much for classes and maybe even more for the people it brought me. I still wear my Cornell clothes. I don’t follow the sports teams, but I didn’t do that while I was there either. I read the newsletters. I’ve donated money. I follow them on social media. I continue to sing its praises. I have a Cornell Alumni sticker on my car. I’m, what you may call, a die-hard alumna. Since I couldn’t be there, I celebrated in my own way.

High school was not my space. For a high school, my high school was amazing, but still, I couldn’t wait to leave and find my people in college. And find them, I did. But I also found myself. 

I grew up in Iowa. I wanted nothing more than to leave. Be away from Iowa. Live in cities in new places with lots and lots of different people. I wanted to touch the world outside my bubble. I applied to big schools in big places. And Cornell College. College. Not to be confused with University. Twelve years older, located in Iowa, with 23,000 less students, and named for William Wesley Cornell, a cousin of Ezra’s, it’s easy to confuse the two. I applied to Cornell College because a) it was a good school b) I could create my own major c) if it had to be in Iowa, at least it looked like the East Coast. Long story short, I ended up at a small school, in a tiny town, in Iowa. Exactly what I didn’t want, yet everything I needed. Maybe not the Iowa part, but the other two were definitely what I needed. 

Cornell is a strange place. A tiny liberal arts college in Iowa with a one-course at a time curriculum. It attracts the weirdies from all over. By weirdies, I really mean weirdies. From tech nerds to book nerds to gamers to LARPers. All inclusive weird. You name it, Cornell has it. For only 1,200 students, you can and will find your niche of nerd. We even had some token Republicans on campus. 

I quickly learned that even smart people don’t talk about smart people things all the time or even half the time. I found out it was not only fine but good to not take myself seriously all the time… or ever. Being smart doesn’t mean being boring and intellectual every moment of every day. PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO DRUGS! Y’all, I truly thought a skunk lived outside my dorm my entire first semester. Not even a tiny bit ashamed over this level of naïveté. I also learned it’s good to think outside the box, to question authority, to push back when I knew something was wrong, to speak up with questions and answers, to fail, to ask for help, to be vulnerable, and so many more things. I also learned Russian and German and how to diagram a sentence and furthered my French and English and a lot of applicable knowledge that I use every day in my career, life, and relationships. Yes, it was worth the money Karen. Yes, I do use that expensive piece of paper in my career, Stewart. But college is more than classrooms and textbooks. It should be a safe space to explore, fail, learn, grow, and become the people we were then, are today, and will be someday.

Home is what I think of when I think of Cornell. It was the first place I felt whole. A space that gave me acceptance, love, family, friends, pain, recovery, poverty, plenty, adventure, respect, happiness, anger, truth, and peer review journals. That last one I put in there just because it was unexpected and funny.

I met my people. 

I met my person, who has stayed my person despite moving cross country and living apart for seven out of our eight year personship. She’s doing amazing things, and I could not do life without her. She’s a special kind of human, and I’m so glad she’s mine. Homecoming my senior/her freshman year is really where we started bonding. It’s when I met her family, who would become my family. Cornell gave me a home for four years and led me to the family I chose for forever. 

I found the love of my life at Cornell. My first semester freshman year, I fell for him. Actually, I fell on him. The happiest and saddest moments of my life were shared in our home by Cornell. It was and has always been the earth shifting, head soaring, heart fluttering, belly laughing, eyes shining kind of love that turns into soul shattering, heart wrenching, inside hallowing, eyes filling, life altering heart aches. Cornell is where I lost him. Whether it’s our liberal arts education teaching us to think outside the box, our love, history, respect, or a combination, I still call him my best friend, my partner, my most favorite human .

So many people came in and out of my life at Cornell. I made friends in the dorms, in classes, through walking across the Ped Mall. I spent time with my partner’s fraternity brothers. I became an honorary member of a sorority. I was president of the French club. I had friends all over. I learned stillness and solitude are equally as important for me. I felt a part of something even when I took time for myself. 

I came into my own life at Cornell. 

Life was lived because it had to be suffered through. Then I went to college, where I met people who let me be whatever I was. Happy, sad, angry, passionate. Feelings were welcomed. I found a man who challenged me to love and be loved, demanded I allow myself to break in every way I needed to so I could recover. Cornell gave me permission to enter my own life authentically and with complexity. 

The hardest years of my life played out on campus and in Mt. Vernon. When I think of Cornell, a shimmering sadness plays across my heart. A foundational four years filled me with as much sorrow as happiness. I think I’m still catching up on the sleep I never got back then. I also really wish I hadn’t recycled all the paper handouts and copies from my classes… I’d give a lot of things—not the dogs— for all of those now. I would not be who I am without Cornell. I would probably not be at all if it weren’t for my Cornell family. I miss it as much as I am happy to have moved on. 

No matter the hardship, I am and always will be a die-hard alumna. I really didn’t like purple until I realized I had to embrace it at college. Purple and white are the school colors, and I’ve definitely acquired a collection of Cornell pride clothes over the years.

2021 is the 168th anniversary of Cornell’s existence. It’s old as shit, considering the state of Iowa is only seven years older than my beloved alma mater. Missing out on this year’s celebrations, although most were cancelled due to COVID, was sad. So I decided to fill my house with flowers in Cornell colors all week. I even did a photoshoot with a bouquet, hair comb, and corsage to celebrate. Flowers just make everything more fun, especially Homecoming. After the shoot, we went for coffee and sweets; I definitely felt like I was off to a school dance with my corsage. 

I made the corsage in markedly not Cornell colors but still in honor of Cornell. Red and white. My partner belonged to a fraternity, Mu Lambda Sigma, better known on campus as the Milts. This year marks their 150th anniversary. As any and all Milts will tell you without provocation, they are indeed the oldest organization on campus. Starting out as the Miltonian Literary Society and founded by Dean H.H. Freer in 1871, it evolved into the fraternity I know and love. I had really hoped to spend the Milt’s 150th anniversary on campus, but alas, I did not. 

Not only was my partner a Milt, he introduced me to actives and alum, many became close friends. The fraternity is and was important to me because these were men who created a space for me to exist with the knowledge that I was safe. They protected me and nurtured me. They taught me men could be good, kind, and gentle. I didn’t have to fear these men. I was able to reset my gut and learn to trust it for the first time in my life because of these men. Truly, I have been able to go out into the world and trust men directly because of my partner and the Milts. I am forever grateful to the goofiest group of dudes. So the corsage is as much in honor of my partner as it is in honor of each Milt who loved me at Cornell. Goodness, do I miss them. So much. 

Happy Homecoming, Cornell. I miss the good times and am thankful for the bad. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Books, NonFiction

Scottish Tartan and Highland Dress by Fiona MacDonald

RaeAnna

Worth A Read Yes
Length 192
Quick Review Tartan is inextricably linked with Scotland in the minds and hearts of people around the world, but it has a long and not always Scottish story.

I went all out for the Renaissance Faire in Minnesota, but, of course, I brought along a book to match.

I’m a wee bit obsessed with Scotland. I was supposed to go on a month-long trip to explore the cities and countryside in November 2020, but alas a pandemic had other ideas. Until I can make my way across the pond, I’ll be reading and researching all the amazing things Scotland has to offer. In August, I went to the Renaissance Faire with my person and his family. The weekend: Scottish Highlands. I don’t have the money to go all in on the highland theme, but I did buy a tartan shawl and this book, Scottish Tartan and Highland Dress; A Peculiar History by Fiona Macdonald.

History and fashion collide in this teeny book on an iconic cultural and national symbol, which happens to be a fabric with roots going back more than three millennia. I’m such a fan of fun facts, and Macdonald really finds a ton of facts and interesting anecdotes about tartan, reaching all the way back to the oldest known tartan found in Tarim Basin (Northwest China) from 1200 BC. 

It would be impossible to talk about tartan without discussing the fundamentals of weaving and/or Scottish history. Macdonald leaves no stone untraced as she broaches subjects ranging from feminist takes, appropriation, erasure, and so much more. Often she doesn’t adequately explain the topics to do them enough justice in the mention, but I like that she tries. The book creates a comprehensive look at tartan and the role it has played in Scottish history, culture, and fashion. Though the writing itself is quite rudimentary, Macdonald utilizes primary and secondary sources to weave the story and includes gaelic words with their meanings for authenticity. There was a real focus on men’s fashion, probably because kilts have an allure, but I think female’s fashion was largely neglected.

This is really a mixed review because the writing is lacking, but the amount of research and information included is quite comprehensive. From lists of tartans commissioned—including Burberry, Lady Boys of Bangkok, Yukon, Hello Kitty, Braveheart (the film), and so, so many more—to stories about royalty decorating castles in tartan to what’s under the kilt to more. Scottish Tartan and Highland Dress is a wonderful place to start for a basic overview, but if you’re wanting something detailed, I would look elsewhere. 

Memorable Quotes
“More than ever before, tartan had become a symbol.”

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bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Title: Scottish Tartan and Highland Dress; A Very Peculiar History
Author: Fiona Macdonald
Publisher: Book House
Copyright: 2012
ISBN: 9781908759894

11..., Lifestyle

11… Ways To Be Bougie On A Budget

RaeAnna

I love looking put together, but I hate spending money. I’m frugal because I like having a cushion to fall back on and I would rather spend that money on travels or dogs. Let’s be honest, most all of the money goes to the dogs.  

I’m a recent convert to press-on nails.

At thirty, I am not financially where I had hoped I’d be ten years ago or even two years ago, but I am lucky to have a partner to share the burden with and who supports that I’m following my dreams and doing what makes me happy. I have been very, very poor, and those experiences taught me a whole lot of things. How to make due; how to save; how to look like you’ve got a lot with a little; and how to responsibly enjoy the extra money I do have. 

Over the eleven years I have been on my own adulting it in the world, I’ve picked up some tricks to do bougie on a budget. Everyone deserves to look amazing without the haute couture price tags. Some things are super budget friendly and others are a little bit more extravagant, but they’re all budget friendly. 

  1. Press On Nails This is number one solely because it’s pictured. I learned how to paint my own nails incredibly well by the time I was in fifth grade because, even as a kid, I wanted to look good. Honestly, painting nails is incredibly budget friendly, but it’s time consuming and difficult to make it look salon quality. I’m a recent convert to press on nails; now, I think they’re great. The key is in getting short or medium length to keep it classy, but this is also because as a writer, I need to type, and long nails make that hard. It’s also important to make sure each nail is properly sized to your nail. And just put ‘em on! They’re quick and ready to go, and they haven’t ruined my actual nails yet. I love them for trips especially. 
  2. Designer & Designer Outlet Sale I’m a tall girl, and it’s really hard to find clothes that are long enough. When I lived in Chicago, I started shopping at designer outlets and designer stores during sale season. Being in Houston, that trend has continued. A whole bunch of clothes in my closet are designer because I hit up the sale racks and look. It takes some effort but is completely worth it. I found a $1200 Ralph Lauren evening gown for $54. I’ve bought amazing dresses and pants from Saks Fifth, Neiman Marcus, Guess, Calvin Klein, and more for less than $20. The best sales are in late August, all the summer stuff is being switched out for fall and winter, and my favorite time to shop is the week after New Year’s. So many sales on top of all the Christmas sales.  
  3. Black and White When in doubt, black and white color schemes are classy. They may not be personality forward, but they always look bougie. Black pants with a white turtleneck, damn girl or guy or they! White on white, killer. Black on black, stunning. Add a little grey in there, yum.
  4. Accessorize I would love to tell you that I have a minimalist closet—it’s good for the environment—but that would be a lie. I love clothes and shoes. I donate what clothes I no longer want or wear, but I tend to keep things for well over a decade because they still fit and I still like them. Like everyone, I have favorites that I wear over and over again. Changing what I wear a piece with can take it from casual to dressy to casual and all over the place. It’s amazing how versatile pieces can be when you pair them with something different. 
  5. Make Sure It Fits I try everything on and only buy things that fit and are comfortable. If it’s not comfortable I won’t wear it. If it doesn’t fit in the important ways, I don’t buy it. If a piece is too long or a little too big in places, that can be fixed. But if the waist is two inches too high, it makes my boobs look weird, pulls in the crotch, or whatever, it’s not for me, even if I love it. Same goes for shoes. Buying heels and even flats that fit properly makes them look more expensive than they actually are. Please do not buy shoes that gap in the back, it will cause blisters and look like a hand-me-down.
  6. Lipstick This is so personal. I love a good lipstick. Even if I don’t manage to do anything else, swiping on my favorite lip color makes me feel bougie and put together. Minimal effort, maximum result.
  7. Flowers As the best friend of a florist, I am biased and think we should all support our local florists and go boutique. The budget-conscious me says any flowers will do! I love boutique flowers because they’re beautiful, unique, and made with care. BUT flowers from your grocery store, Trader Joe’s, and backyard are gorgeous. They’re a simple touch that adds life to any room or event. If you show up with flowers to an event for the host, you exude bougie behavior, and everyone likes to be thought of. 
  8. Tailor It Finding a good tailor is so important. I have one I love in Houston that is really inexpensive. I almost never spend more than $20 on a piece. Tailors can take clothes that fit and make them look custom. I’ve tailored everything from pants and dresses to a jumpsuit. It’s an amazing option when something is too long or too big. Tailoring clothes that no longer fit is a great way to keep what’s in your closet without spending a ton on a whole new wardrobe. I’m obsessed with tailoring pieces. 
  9. Accumulate Knowledge Google is free. I think one of the bougiest and sexiest things a person can be is knowledgeable, especially about things they love. Do not confuse this with condescension; that is the worst. For instance, I love tea. So I’ve read books and googled lots of facts about tea, which I happily share with friends and sometimes strangers, when not completely inappropriate. For the first time ever, knowledge is accessible to all, and it’s the easiest thing in the world to google something you’re passionate about. 
  10. Start Saving Saving when you don’t have any money at all is hard and sometimes impossible; I’ve been there. Saving when you’ve never saved before is also hard. Start by saving whatever you can, no matter how small. Whether you’re saving for old you, a vacation, a nice something-or-other, a home, or something in between. Having savings makes me feel secure and more likely to invest or even splurge on quality items or things that make me happy. I’m nowhere near swiping without thinking, but maybe someday I will be. There are so many amazing resources out there to help you get started, but having a cushion for tough times or rainy days is bougie as fuck. I love a good savings account.
  11. Invest in What You Love Don’t spend money on things you don’t love. I buy clothes I love and that I will love for a long time. I don’t buy clothes based on trends because I’m too cheap for that. I don’t buy seasonal decor for my house because I don’t give a damn about that. I spend my money on lattes because they make me happy when I’m out with friends. I buy dog toys because I love how happy and energized it makes my babies. I used to buy books because they make me happy, now I get them from publishers. I buy art because I like to put it on my walls. I buy camera equipment because I love taking pictures. I have a well stocked tea cart because it fuels my work brain and my spirit. Investing in the things we love shows because we’re happier surrounding ourselves with our own passions. And happy is the bougiest thing we can be.  
  12. Know How You Photograph *Bonus* This is solely for looking bougie on a budget for Instagram. We all have our best angles, lighting, aesthetic, looks, colors, etc. And this is so completely up to you. Whatever you feel best and most confident in and love the way you look in pictures is what you should focus on. Looking bougie in photographs is all about setting up the shot and knowing how you want to look. If you’re shooting with a friend or even photographer and have an idea in mind, explain it to them. I often have my photographer sit where I will, and I take the shot of them so they know exactly what I want. Or you can search Pinterest/Instagram for ideas to show them. Practice in front of a mirror or take selfies with a timer/remote to see what poses you’re comfortable in and like. Don’t be afraid to try new things and then keep on trying. I delete 80% of the pictures I take, and I keep on failing and learning. 

These have been some of the ways I make my life look so much grandeur than it actually is. I surround myself with things I love that make me feel happy and confident. So much of being bougie is figuring out where your priorities are and then following through. When it comes to instagram… That’s a fragment of everyone’s realities. Real life is layered and complex and fascinating. Bougie can be ugly; cheap can be stunning; happiness is always priceless. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Books, NonFiction

Confronting Death in It’s Your Funeral by Kathy Benjamin

RaeAnna

Worth A Read Yes
Length 182
Quick Review Death comes to us all, but we can prepare for it. Kathy Benjamin helps people understand death, funerals, and how to prepare with a sense of humor and creativity while honoring traditions in this lovely little book. 

I figured a cemetery would be the most appropriate location for these pictures… Or a morgue, but they said no. Weird.

I am pro talking about death. I always have been. It might be the realist in me; it might be the fact I’ve seen the downsides of not talking about death; it might be my dark sense of humor; it might be that I love making people uncomfortable; it might be all the near death experiences I’ve had; it might be that I’m chronically ill. It’s probably all of those things combined. When I saw that Quirk was publishing this, I hopped on the chance to read it. I support transparency and talking about hard things. Death is one of those unavoidable things in life, and it makes people so squirmy. Kathy Benjamin takes on death and funerals in her funny yet profoundly informative It’s Your Funeral.

Going through the process of preparing for our very last hurrah in our honor, Benjamin talks about options, remains, funerals, wills, and more in three parts that encompassing knowing your options, planning the party, and ensuring your memory is what you want it to be as best as possible or Part I. It’s Your Body, Part II. It’s Your Funeral, and Part III. It’s Your Legacy. 

Death is scary, and Benjamin gets to the heart of one of the many reasons for fear: lack of control. Once we’re gone, we have no control of what happens to us, our life’s work, and how we’re remembered. By taking control of those things ourselves before we’re gone, we can have a semblance of control in the after, and Benjamin creates a comprehensive guide to tackling this feat. 

Filled with amazingly poignant and comical moments, Benjamin realistically talks about death. The ways to get rid of a body from the traditional to historical to cultural to unique with honesty and as little grossness as possible. Culture plays a big role in death and the traditions surrounding it, and It’s Your Funeral notes many traditions in other cultures and religions. Did you know that “In Bhutan, often rated the happiest nation in the world, it’s considered important to reflect on death five times a day.”

Funerals are the last hurrah. They can be fun, sad, celebratory, reminiscent, really anything at all, but “The theme for most funerals is basically just “grief.”” Lots of information is included on: what people traditionally are buried with and what they can bring with them; weird post-death doings by eccentric people; important things to think about; how to get creative; ideas; and more. A list of famous and interesting cemeteries are included in case you want some ideas or travel destinations. Serious to humorous quotes from real memorials, monuments, and epitaphs are listed for those who want ideas.

Honestly, a really funny book. If you couldn’t tell by the cover design. 10/10

Wills are important. Having witnessed this in my extended family, I can attest to the truth of “What does happen all the time is that people die without a will and all hell breaks loose.” It’s Your Funeral spells out exactly why and how to create a will. One of the most important things you can and should do for those you’ll leave behind. Please, if for no one else do it for me, create a will and a living will. I have both.

I love a good worksheet, and I’m assuming Benjamin does too, as there are many throughout this delightfully morbid book. To help process thoughts, emotions, wishes for your after life journey. These worksheets will help get your creative juices flowing, while you still can. They’re not all strictly serious, as in the “Haunting Game Plan” for those hoping to dawdlishly pass on.

I really enjoyed this one. Benjamin does an excellent job of balancing the information with humor; gravity with levity; tradition with creativity; American with global. For those wanting to broach the topic of planning what happens after for themselves or a loved one, It’s Your Funeral by Kathy Benjamin  is a really instructive place to start.

Memorable Quotes
“It’s almost more terrifying than dying: the thought that, one day, your whole life will likely be forgotten. Take a moment to gaze existentially out the window…”
“Sure, you’ll be dead, so it’s not your problem, but if you want to ensure things go smoothly after you die, write the freaking will.”

bisous un обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Title: It’s Your Funeral! Plan the Celebration of a Lifetime—Before It’s too Late
Author: Kathy Benjamin
Publisher: Quirk Books
Copyright: 2021
ISBN: 9781683692584