Friendship – Page 2 – …on the B.L.

11… Reasons Amanda is Amazing and Perfection

April 13, 2020April 13, 2020 RaeAnna

Posing with the puppies in Amanda’s backyard in our matching Bee Kind shirts. | Floral Shorts |

I met Amanda because of my blog. She is a florist and business owner — of Amanda Bee’s Floral Design, the best florist in town and probably the country — in Houston. Almost two years ago, she reached out to me because she wanted to do a collaboration. A few days after corresponding by email, she showed up on my doorstep with a big bouquet of flowers. We chatted for five minutes, and in that time frame, she said “We’re going to be friends.” I found out she only lived eight minutes away from me, a happy coincidence. A week later, we went out for lunch. That evening, I ended up in an alley, changing into wedding dresses for a really fun photo shoot to showcase her floral designs.
We’ve been inseparable ever since.
Amanda has become more than a friend over the last two years; she’s family. We’ve spent holidays together, gone on vacation, hosted game nights, baked, learned from each other, helped, vented, met each other’s families, and a plethora of other very weird and oddly specific things. We have made her husband and my boyfriend become friends because they don’t have any other option. She is Beau’s godmother and has done innumerable things to help take care of Beau when I’ve been out of town or just need a backyard to get the zoomies out.
Houston would not be the place it is without her. I have come to depend on her in so many ways. She even helped bring the puppies into this world because I was unable to. I am a better person because she is in my life. We can adventure together or sit on the couch and do nothing together.
I have started referring to Amanda as my personal Patron Saint. She shows up even when I don’t know I need her. She stayed with Tess while we were waiting for the puppies to arrive. Not only did she help bring all thirteen puppies into the world, she has opened up her home to all of us.
I live in an apartment. The apartment has a two pets per home policy… I am, currently, thirteen over that limit. My parents offered to let me, Tess, and all the puppies stay with them in Iowa. The problem: That’s a sixteen hour drive (nonstop) with THIRTEEN very, very, very young puppies. Oh, and I’d have to drive them all those sixteen hours back to Houston. Amanda and Andrew, her husband, opened up their home to me, Tess, and the puppies. She cleared out an entire room for the puppies to stay in and one for me. It’s not even for a short amount of time. We’re here for a LONG time during a pandemic and quarantine. I can’t imagine how inconvenient it is to have fourteen dogs and an extra person around 24/7. They offered without hesitation or provocation. They have been an absolute blessing. I truly do not know what I would do without their kindness. It’s an immense gift they’ve given me, and I will be baking them yum-yums forever and in the after life.
Anyways. Here are eleven reasons Amanda is one of my closest friends and an incredible human being.

She always shows up with a smile and a helping hand.
Flowers. So many flowers. Having a florist friend is amazing, and she’s so talented.
Her sense of humor is perfectly matched to my own. We’re always laughing.
She loves board games as much as I do. Maybe more.
We can adventure together.
She’s smart. So, so smart. She has Bachelor of Arts in Horticulture with an emphasis in Floral Design and Event Planning and a Minor in Entomology. (She will kill all the bugs for me and plant my garden. No joke. It happens.) She has a wealth of knowledge on the natural world. It’s so fun listening to her talk about her job and gardening and plants and even bugs. If I want to know what a flower or plant is, I send her a picture, and she texts me the answer within seconds. She has taught me about slugs and butterflies and lots of other things I’ve blocked out of my bug-hating mind. I have my very own natural dictionary.
It drives me bonkers how humble she is. She is absolutely incredible, smart, fascinating, and more, but she has no idea!
Her sense of style and aesthetic is incredible. Honestly, I want to show everyone her house, and I have brought many people over. I always want to show people how amazing she is and what she can do; her house is such a pure reflection of everything she is.
Kindness is at the heart of everything she does. There are few people who possess a similar depth of kindness, altruism, and understanding. It’s unending and radiant. Being around Amanda is calming and invigorating because she makes you feel like you’re the most important person.
You would be hard pressed to find a better cheerleader.
She’s effortlessly cool in her own unique brand of unapologetically and perfectly weird.
*Bonus* She’s proud of who she is and stands up for what she believes in. I may not agree with all of her beliefs, but I respect her, which is far more important and much harder to earn.

I could write a much longer list than eleven (twelve) things about all the reasons Amanda is wonderful. I think it’s impossible for anyone to dislike her, but I might be biased, and if you do dislike her, what did you do to deserve her wrath?
Even if this blog disappeared tomorrow, I would be forever grateful it brought us together. She was a blessing two years ago and has continued to be one every day, ever since. I don’t know if it was luck or fate, but whatever it was, I feel lucky she knocked on my door and told me we would be friends.
I am proud to call her a friend. I am honored to call her family.

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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In My Own Words, Lifestyle

End of An Era

September 13, 2019September 13, 2019 RaeAnna

I never wanted a military relationship. On a technicality, I never had an official, romantic, military relationship. But I have been in a military relationship from start to finish.

Shortly after Alex and I started dating in the winter of 2011, he told me he wanted to go into the military after graduating from college that spring. I knew I didn’t want to be in college while my boyfriend was off being a soldier or whatever. If he wanted to be in the military, then we would be friends. I wouldn’t do it with him.

Alex was never supposed to be anything more than a fling. He was a senior. I was a freshman. Neither of us were looking for anything. But he was cute; I was awkward. I made a move; it worked. Instead of flinging it, we fell in love. The kind of profound love that can only come about when inexperience combines with true compatibility, honesty, and dedication. I was raw and broken emotion, and he didn’t turn away from my pain. I saw through his façade to the man I still see today. It was and is the kind of love which reaches deep within two souls. Alex is written on my DNA. There is not a part of me remaining he has not touched. I am the person I am because he took the time to see me. I used to think he made me the person I am, but that’s not true. He did not make me; I made me, but he pushed.

After five years, I finally have pictures of this sign.

Love is an extraordinary force. The love we found made him decide to put his military aspirations away so we could be together. A year and a half after he chose me over the military, we were laying in bed. He stared at the ceiling as he said, “I think, I still want to go into the military.” I loved him, and I knew this was something he needed to do or he would resent the what ifs. He met recruiters from every branch. As a couple, we met with the branches he was most impressed with. Together, we decided on the Marines. It took almost a year between interviewing recruiters to sending him to boot camp. OCS was the first choice, but the political climate and a paperwork fiasco made that process long and unreasonable. He didn’t want to wait any longer, so he enlisted in October 2013. By that time, we were no longer a couple, but we were still committed to each other, sharing a home, bills, and responsibilities. I watched him swear in before the bus took my Alex to become a Marine. I heard boot camp changed people, and I had no idea who I would hug at graduation in three months. I’m convinced nothing can change my Alex because he was exactly the same willful, messy, smart, inquisitive, sarcastic, quirky, goof of a person. He did have abs, though.

Six years.
Five birthdays.
Four ranks.
Three deployments.
Two quals.
One extension.
Sergeant LeFebvre.

It may not have been an official, romantic, military relationship. But I have been in a military relationship. I have been there for him in every way that I could. I have showed up for ceremonies and a homecoming. I have gone to balls and family days. I have written letters. I have made phone calls. I have planned and replanned trips. I have waited and wondered. I have sent care packages. I have attended weddings. I have made friends. I have bought plane tickets and driven over night. I have whisked him away and staycationed. I have been there.

The military has kept him away from me. He hasn’t been able to support me or show up for me. That’s not his fault. It’s not my fault. It’s military life. We signed up for it. We agreed to it. We knew what that contract meant. It never made his absence less painful. Agreeing to something and dealing with something are not the same. I graduated college, which was largely due to his existence in my life. I hoped he would be there to surprise me. He didn’t. I moved and got a job. I wanted him to celebrate with me. He didn’t. I ended up in the hospital and almost died. I prayed he could be there to hold my hand. He didn’t. I had surgery. I wished he could take care of me. He didn’t. I moved across the country. I wanted him to move me. He didn’t. I got sick and spent months trying to figure out what was wrong. I needed to hold his hand. He didn’t. I made friends, who I wish he could meet. He hasn’t.

Seriously. This is a great sign. Also, taking pictures without a tripod and only a phone… difficult.

I have been a part of Alex’s life for six years, but he has not been a physical part of mine. It’s not that Alex is a bad guy or doesn’t want to be a part of my life, but the military makes it difficult if not impossible. We have done what we can, but now, we’ll be able to do more. Alex missed so many things in my life, and we can’t get those back. The future holds possibility.

As of today, an era has ended. With DD 214, he’s on his way home. For good. He’ll always be a Marine, but he’s no longer active duty. A new journey is unfolding for him. One that will more easily allow him to be a part of my life. As happy as I am, it is bittersweet saying goodbye to our years in the military and being military adjacent. We both grew as people. He’s a better man, and I’m a more self-sufficient woman. I don’t know how our lives will look, but it will be different.

Dear Alex,

I am so fucking proud of you. I didn’t want this to be my life in 2011. By 2013, I had accepted this would be part of my life for an indeterminate amount of time. Six years is shorter than twenty, so thank you.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life before the military, during, and after. Being your partner has been one of the greatest pleasures of my life. I don’t know who I would be without your constant presence, pressure, and reassurance even if it was in an email from a boat in the middle of somewhere. You have been worth every tear and worry crinkle but mostly laugh lines.

There is so much I won’t miss about the military. I will miss the balls, obviously. I will miss getting breakfast at the cafe downtown. I will miss the Marina. I will miss dragging you to lighthouses. I will miss the barracks in a masochistic sort of way. I will miss the idiots doing idiot things. I will miss your friends who I adore to tease. I will miss buying t-shirts that say Marines. I will miss the hanger and hearing helicopters over head. I will miss the lotion in the base hotel. I will miss the Aviation Memorial. I will miss driving through base. I will miss hearing acronyms. I will miss listening to you talk about your zingers and all the ways you annoy your peons. I will miss seeing you in uniform. I will miss the Pardon Our Noise; It’s the Sound of Freedom sign.

Most of all, I will miss walking next to you on Onslow Beach on Camp Lejeune. We have walked up and down that beach so many times over the last five years. We’ve walked it in July’s scorching sun and in December wrapped in sweaters. It was one of the first things we did on my first trip to Jacksonville and one of the last. I have collected the memories along with the rocks and shells you’ve given me on that beach. You never loved it as much as I did, but you always walked with me, no matter what.

Drive home safe, and I’ll see you soon.

Love Always,
RaeAnna

In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Happy Birthday Kelsey

May 13, 2019June 23, 2019 RaeAnna

December, 2018 at the Art Museum in Chicago.

Baby Kelsey and RaeAnna in December, 2013.

There are people who make you. There are people who break you. There are a few who define you. There are even fewer you can’t imagine living without. There are maybe a handful of people who are all in for the good, the bad, the worse, the horrible, and the healing. Life is hard. Life is really hard, and mine has been a series of uphill battles. People have not been kind and because of that getting to know me is a battle in and of itself.

San Diego. January, 2014. Our first trip together.

I met Kelsey almost six years ago. She was a freshman; I was a senior. I couldn’t tell you what it was about her. Probably a fuck ton of timing. I was raw and broken and alone. I needed a person, and so did she. We became pretty inseparable almost immediately. There’s no sex in this story but a lot of time laying in bed with pets watching stupid TV shows. We both have a deep love of bed, and I’m more comfortable lying in bed with her than anyone else.

In a lot of ways, I found the greatest love story of my life.

Love is tricky even when life is easy. Love takes two parties – at least, it should. Even my dog and I have our ups and downs because we’re two different personalities trying to figure things out as we go. When people love people, well, that’s even harder. People talk. Beau vocalizes. At the end of the day, I feed Beau. Unlike Beau, Kelsey has a choice to be with me. She can feed herself. Also my baggage is pretty fucking heavy. Kelsey didn’t teach me love doesn’t have to be accompanied by bruises or conditions or violence or abuse. She did put love, the real kind, into action, though. She showed me kindness, compassion, respect without ever judging me or making me feel less than. I never saw fear or hatred or pity in her eyes. There was only ever love. Sometimes, sadness. When you love someone, pain is shared, and she has shared mine.

That time Kelsey said I could do heights and I about shit my pants. Spring Break, 2014.

I have made careers and relationships out of hiding who I am and being what other people want. My life for decades was based on pretending and hiding. Unconditional love was a theory; it belonged to other people. The lucky ones. For me, love was bought and sold and revoked. It was anything but free. I spent years searching and working and grasping at something that wasn’t even love to begin with. I put up with abuse and violence because “I love you” was whispered in there somewhere. All I had was words. Love isn’t a word; it’s a verb.

Kelsey may be the only person in the entire world who truly loves me unconditionally. I am unfiltered and utterly me with her. I am never anything but me. Some days, I’m funny and loud and obnoxious and so embarrassing. Some days, I’m in a bad mood. Some days, I cry and cry and cry. Some days, I’m strong. Most days, I’m broken and a little bit of everything. I am quiet. I like quiet; though, most people wouldn’t know it. I talk and make jokes because people don’t ask questions when someone seems open. Kelsey is the only person who doesn’t ask if something’s wrong if I go without talking. She asks questions when I’m ready, but mostly she lets me tell her when I can. She doesn’t push. She respects who I am, no matter who that person is in the moment. Because she knows who I am and where I’ve been. More importantly, she never asks for more than I can give. She sees me and accepts me and doesn’t want anything else.

That time we randomly went to Wisconsin for lunch. 2015.

There are things in my life I’m working through. Have been working through for a lot longer than Kelsey has been in my life. Six years ago, there was a massive upheaval of the few things and people keeping me sane. The first ounce of happiness and stability in my entire life was suddenly gone, and everything else started to disappear along with it. I lost so much so quickly. I was spiralling and raw in a way that I would really like to never be again. Because of that upheaval, I was able to be open with this random 18 year old. For some unknown reason, she didn’t say “Fuck this crazy.” Instead she dug in and dealt with problems no one should ever have to deal with.

The good, the bad, the worse, the horrible, and the healing. Kelsey didn’t become my friend during the good. She hopped in at worse. Then, she watched me hit horrible and stay there for a long time before we got to healing. Maybe, she’ll get good one of these days. She didn’t put me back together again. She gave me a safe space to get it wrong over and over and over again. She continues to watch me put the same pieces together in different orders trying to figure out which way the belong. Hopefully someday, I’ll get it right.

Love stories are often between a boy and a girl who lock eyes across a room and just know. That’s great and all. (Other than being heteronormative. Girl and girl. Boy and boy. Fluid and queer. You do you!) I think some of the most important love stories in our lives are the ones that have nothing to do with sex. Platonic love is just as powerful, if not more so, than the romantic. I have loved men in an all consuming kind of way. They have shaped me, and some have even defined who I would become. No one has ever loved me the way my best friend has. We will never say vows or file taxes together or have children or any number of other quantifiers placed on a successful relationship. Instead, we choose to love each other’s crazy every goddamn day.

Kelsey isn’t perfect. She’s stubborn and picky and moody and a royal pain in my ass. She can be an absolute bitch sometimes. (I can say that because I’m her person. If anyone else calls her that, I will end them.) The thing is, she’s human. She is also kind and generous and smart and strong and patient and funny. She has seen hell and continues on. She is the greatest cat mom ever. Her love for Doodle makes mothers of humans question their love for their child. Kelsey is intensely everything I need in life. I can honestly tell you, there is a huge chance I would not be in this world if it weren’t for her. At the very least, without her, I would be in a very different place in my life, and it would not be better. She became my family and opened up her home to me. She is the person I talk to most. She knows just about everything there is to know about me. My world is better because she is in it.

I need Kelsey in a way I will never need another person. She is my person, and I am hers.

Today is her birthday. I think I could probably write books about our relationship and what she means to me. I love her with all of my heart, and I have so much gratitude for everything she has done for me over the past six years. I refer to our friendship as a love story because it goes beyond friendship. It’s not just coffee or vacation. It’s a relationship. It’s a partnership. It is two people who have shaped and been shaped by one another. I wish I could be with her to celebrate today, but instead I will see her in a week and a half.

Happy Birthday! Thank God the phone cameras have gotten better over the last six years.

Books, Fiction

A River of Stars by Vanessa Hua

April 30, 2019April 27, 2019 RaeAnna

Worth A Read Yes
Length 304
Quick Review A Chinese woman arrives in the U.S. to give birth to her baby, but due to circumstance stays to make her way in the face of adversity in Vanessa Hua’s A River of Stars.

Reading A River of Stars by Vanessa Hua by the pool. | Dress

Reading books about immigration is important right now. It’s easy to talk about immigrants as a group or an other, but when you’re faced with stories of struggle, despair, children, and the humanity of it all, it’s hard to think of keep them separate from ourselves. The political climate in the U.S. is very …interested in immigration right now. We need these stories. Even though, A River of Stars by Vanessa Hua is a novel, it is very much grounded in reality for millions of men, women, and children living in fear and unknowns here in the U.S. and around the world.

Scarlett is a 37 year old Chinese woman who arrives in the United States to give birth to her bosses baby. She stays at a home for pregnant Chinese women, but it feels more like a prison filled with gossipy, rich ladies. Scarlett runs away with Daisy, a well-off, pregnant, teenage. They end up in San Francisco’s China Town scraping by, giving birth, and figuring it out, while the clock on their tourist visas keeps ticking away. They make friends and learn to lean on one another for help and companionship.

There are four fundamental characters in A River of Stars: Scarlett, Daisy, Boss Yeung, and Mama Fang. Chapters randomly alternate perspective allowing each of these characters to tell their side of the story. It humanizes each of them, and shows their motivations, misunderstandings, feelings, and more. If the story had followed just Scarlett, it would have been vastly different. The immigrant story is not one sided but multifaceted and complicated. Everyone is searching for something, and at the core it is a search for identity and belonging. Hua also makes use of transliterations instead of using just English. The Chinese infusion is a lovely addition to the story because immigration stories usually include a language hurdle. Motherhood is an essential element to this story. Without it, the narrative kind of falls apart. Emigration is often heavily influenced by existing children or future children. Parents want the best for their kids. It’s a fairly fundamental emotion.

Vanessa Hua does a great job of creating an interesting story that is both fun to read and right on the nose for the political climate in her debut novel A River of Stars. It’s perfect for the upcoming summer months.

Memorable Quotes
“Daisy didn’t realize that you might share the same bed, but dream different dreams.”
“She didn’t yet realize aunties specialize in contradictory advice.”

Buy on Amazon | Buy on Book Depository
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Title: A River of Stars
Author: Vanessa Hua
Publisher: Ballantine Books (Random House)
Copyright: 2018
ISBN: 9780399178788

Lifestyle

Invest in Books and Friends

March 13, 2018 RaeAnna

Happy Feminist Friday!

I think two of the most important things women can invest in are books and friendship. These two things have a lot in common. They’re both time consuming. They cost. Books cost money; friends can cost money (going out, gas, etc.). They are absolutely priceless!!!

Books
Well, I obviously think these are one of the most important things anyone can invest in. Not like I’m a book blogger or anything…

Books for a really, really, really long time were inaccessible. They were expensive to make. Then the Gutenberg Press happened. Woohoo! Technology helped make the production of books simpler, faster, cheaper, which allowed more books into the world creating more authors and more readers. Before the Gutenberg Press, you had to be super rich or clergy to have books. The other big reason books were inaccessible for so long: literacy. The only way you learned to read was if you were – again – super rich or clergy. Rates of literacy began to rise after books became more accessible………..

I forgot to mention one teensy little thing. Previous paragraph is pretty much just about men. Women reading, yeah that, it’s a new thing. Women didn’t read. They weren’t taught. Education was a thing for men. Educated women? They existed… Very few and far between. That history is loooong.

Anyways, books are important. It’s still a fairly new phenomenon. There are still many places in this world where reading is rare, but I’m lucky to live in a place and a time where reading is easy and inexpensive!

Women should read because knowledge is power. Enough said.

Friends
Friends are super important. Books are not my only friends. I wouldn’t say I have tons and tons of friends. I have several really close friends. I am beyond blessed to have each and every one of them.

Funny enough, books have lead me to several of my friendships.

My best friend and I met in the library at college. We both worked there. I was a senior; she was a freshman. It was her first day of college, and it was my last first day of college. I trained her. One thing lead to another, and she has never gotten rid of me since.

My blogger bestie, Maria, and I solidified our friendship over books and reading and the general accumulation and discussion of knowledge. We lived on the same dorm floor our freshman year in college – a handful of years ago, now. We met and hit it off pretty much immediately. I would love to say books were the catalyst, but it was a combination of books and fashion. We LOVE both. Fast forward a handful of years. We had fallen out of touch because life. We kept tabs, but hadn’t talked or seen each other in YEARS. Living on opposite sides of the country, we each entered the blogosphere within months of each other, literally two. She is a fashion/lifestyle blogger: Millennial Fashionista. I am a literary/lifestyle blogger. We support one another. We chat often. We share blogging woes and highs. Books brought us together many years ago, and books helped rekindle our friendship. Click here to see us in action on her page!

Friendship is such an important aspect in our lives as people and women. It’s important to have a support system. Friends provide a place to be our weird selves.

Books and Friends. My two favorite things!