I have not so slowly or subtly been losing my Christmas spirit over the last few years. I've gone from Lady Buddy the Elf to the only reason I have a Christmas tree is because someone else made it happen.
Category: In My Own Words
These are all my thoughts, opinions, and other things.
I Am Not Trauma Bonding
I am not trauma bonding. I will give the rundown of my past to new people in my life because I want them to find out the violence I've endured from me and not a tweet or Instagram post. It feels like the polite thing to do.
What Self Worth?
Self worth is something I place a high priority on... in other people. It doesn't even exist in my emotional vernacular. The entirety of my life, my worth has based on my appearance and what I can provide to others. Worth and love have always been transactional. I'm no innocent, but I have been left to fend for myself, scrounging for and happily accepting any love, even if all the only love I can find has been coupled with abuse and rape.
I Have Been Self Censoring
"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering." Friedrich Nietzsche
Happy 168th Homecoming, Cornell College
Happy 168th Homecoming to Cornell College. I doubt they've had 168 homecoming celebrations. Did homecoming even exist in 1853? (Cornell University sure didn't. Ha! We're the older, smaller, and better (not a subjective opinion, at all) cousin—literally—in Iowa. Easily confusable, I know.) As a die-hard alum, I filled my house with flowers in school colors in honor of homecoming.
Hey! I’m Queer. Happy Pride!
Hey, y’all. I’m queer. Pansexual to be specific. This isn’t my coming out. I’m fully out of the closet. If I’m being honest, I never had an I’m-not-straight talk with anyone. It’s just been something that has existed as a solid fact in my life for a decade now. My non-heterosexual identity has been talked about for awhile, but as I get older, I’m feeling the need to live more loudly in my queer identity.