RaeAnna + A Nerdy Lifestyle
Nature has always made me feel like me. Hope at the top of a mountain, but my soul feels all its feelings when my toes are in the ocean. I've been knee-deep in nihilism for a long time, and the solitude of the beach and lack of a vantage point brings up all the thoughts no one really wants to hear.
In a week, I turn 30. I'm very much looking forward to it, but a small part of me is dreading it. Society deems women of a certain age unworthy of... everything, and I am now about to be a woman of a certain age. There are so many exciting things about aging, but my existence has always and almost solely been validated for the way I look. Who I am is just a bonus to the way I look for the man I'll one day trap/catch. The world has told me so many things about aging and my existence in the world. I would be lying if I said I hadn't ended up on the kitchen floor in a full on panic attack about aging in society.
It's been one hell of a fucked up year, and I'm scared 2021 likes a dare. I've been doing my best to avoid confronting all the things this year has brought to the table.