Experiences, In My Own Words, Lifestyle, Travel

Abandonment Issues Triggered Over Driving Myself to the Airport

I drove myself to the airport this morning. It’s not the first time I’ve had to park my car while I jetset. It definitely will not be the last. But I was not supposed to drive myself. I hate spending money I don’t have to, and honestly, there’s something really lovely about having someone care enough to do the airport drop off and pick up dance with. 

I masked up. I was just alone and drinking coffee.

I booked this trip two weeks ago, and for me, that’s some pretty good advance warning. I spoke with my platonic life partner and roommate and best friend, all one person, about driving me. I had picked flights that would work with his work/life schedule. He agreed. It went on our household calendar. Last night, he got home from work. I was working at the table. He’d been invited out with friends. Great! Have fun. Remember we need to leave the house by 3:45 am, so just be home by then. He gives me a hug and says he’ll be home by nine so we can watch a show before getting some sleep and heading to the airport. 10:30 hits, and I head to bed.

When I wake up and head downstairs to leave… No truck in the driveway. No ring notification. No man on the couch or in his bed or anywhere in the house at all. It’s 3:30. You know. Still time. Four calls straight to voicemail while I’m brushing my teeth. I eventually leave a voicemail. “I’m not angry. I’m not even disappointed. I’ve just come to expect this.” The petty asshole in me responds to his midnight-thirty “Love you!” text message with “Then maybe you should be home to take me to the airport…..” “But I guess not.” I did not take the high road. Grace was not given. Not my proudest moment. I let all the doggos out and said my goodbyes before hopping in the car and driving my independent lady ass to the airport. I did cry in the car. Not a breakdown cry. The silent stoic tears of a war bride waving goodbye on a train platform in a 1950s black and white movie. Probably not that pretty, but you get the picture. Hurt.

I’m taking this trip because I miss my best friend; I’m going through an intensely tough time and need to get away; the day after I get back my life will revolve around the out-all-nighter because he’s having his hip replaced, and I’ll be taking care of him. This is me being punchy about the fact I’ll be his nurse round-the-clock for six weeks and he couldn’t make it home in time to take me to the airport. Not sorry. I am also not sorry for airing this information. I’m a writer. He knows this. Life is copy.

Two quick things before I get to what I actually want to talk about. 1) This scenario is not actually a huge deal and was easily solved. The emotional aspect… Different story. Had this happened ten years ago, I would be a proper mess, but I’m so much more healed now. So I’m a slight mess instead. 2) If this were an isolated incident, I would be mad or disappointed. The problem, it’s not. So I’m hurt because it never feels lovely to be forgotten, and it’s pretty terrible never being a priority or able to depend on someone. 

Trauma is a huge part of my story. I have issues. I am excessively familiar with all of my issues and triggers and the coping mechanisms I’ve developed over the course of thirty-one years. I’m quite good at telling my people what I need from them to keep functioning as optimally as I can. These things are quite easy and simple because at the end of the day, they’re my problems and I hate being a burden. I wear my trauma on my sleeve; it just makes life and relationships easier when I’m not hiding things that impact me so deeply. So everyone close to me knew what they were getting into and decided to stay. To the extreme point that if I’m dating someone or getting to know someone as a friend I lay it all out there on the first date/hang out. Truly, all they have to do is Google me and so much is out there for consumption. I am old enough to know I don’t want to waste my fucking time on people who will judge me, not support me, are intimidated by whatever, think what I do is dumb, can’t handle it. Trial by fire. Their reactions say it all. 

Sad and hurt for too many reasons but ready for adventure.

When you have a relationship, platonic or romantic, with a person who has survived and lives with trauma, you have to accept that your actions, even the innocuous ones, can have a huge and sweeping impact. I struggle with worth, abandonment issues, being enough, and just feeling like an entirely forgettable human. Among other things. So when I was left to fend for myself this morning, the thought was “Alone. Like always.” Maneuvering the logistics of getting to the airport: so simple. Maneuvering the emotional toll of being forgotten and abandoned: not so simple. 

Trusting people is so hard for me. I’ve let people in and been hurt over and over and over again. Trust is built over time and in the little moments. Watching TV on the couch after a rough day. Text messages to check in after falling down the stairs. Sleepovers for funsies. Showing up on time or at all when plans are made. “Safe travel” texts before planes take off. Not canceling. Including people in conversations. Remembering how to pronounce a name. Randomly reaching out for no reason. Sending a postcard. Listening without judgement. All these little things are teeny moments building trust and relationship between people. Trust takes time to build and often so little to corrode or destroy. To protect myself and cope with a life of abuse, I keep people at a distance, don’t give them chances to build trust, and make it incredibly hard to get to know me. How I have any friends is quite the mystery at this point. I’m working on it. As shitty as it is to say, when one person lets me down, it feels like another tick mark against all of humanity. Like, welp, this person can’t be trusted, and they’re human, therefore all humans are ashtrays. Refer to the first sentence of this paragraph… I am aware this is a problem.

I’m not someone who needs, wants, or even craves grand gestures. (Maybe I am, but I’ve never had anyone remotely try, so I wouldn’t actually know. I do love doing them, however.) Little things mean the most. A ride to the airport is not life altering, but it’s a little thing. Love, true love, exists in those little things, the quotidian, the quiet moments, the in betweens. It’s not always explosions or fireworks. It’s life altering in fundamentally consistent, persistent ways of sharing joys and sorrows, every big and little moment. Love is showing up and bearing witness to a lived life. Those tiny moments mean everything. To someone with trauma, it means everything and so much more. I don’t ask for much. I don’t need much. I probably need more than I realize, but I’ve been alone and self-sufficient for so long, I don’t know what it’s like to lean on someone or ask for help. Maybe someone will force my walls down and make me realize it’s okay to need things. To that woman, I say, “Best of luck. I’ll be quite the challenge.” Until then if ever. Fuck that shit; I’m a strong, independent woman. I don’t need anyone. I got myself to the airport like I’ve done numerous times before. And I’ll take myself home. 

That doesn’t mean I’m not hurting. I’m not struggling. I’m not wondering if he forgot because I’m forgettable. Or he didn’t come because I wasn’t supportive enough of his night out. Or he didn’t think I was worth taking to the airport. Or that maybe I just don’t deserve someone to care about me. Or he just doesn’t want me in his life anymore. Or he never cared at all. Logically, I know all of this is untrue and it was an accident. But that doesn’t mean I believe it. Feelings and logic rarely coexist peacefully. 

When you decide to be in someone’s life who is dealing with trauma, you better be damn sure you know what you’re getting into and that your actions have repurcussions. Your accidents and mistakes carry more weight. Little things mean the most, for the good and the bad. I know what it’s like to be on both sides. Being the traumatized and loving someone with trauma. It’s hard doing the loving, but I also know just how worth it it is. Then again, I also know how to be there for them because I know. And when you love someone, you just show up. Trauma or no trauma. Show up. That’s the bare minimum, and it shouldn’t be a lot to ask for. Then again, my bare minimum was “This one doesn’t rape me!” for the longest time. It’s been upped to, “This one doesn’t make me cry every day!” I’m fucked up. I know. 

So I’m sitting on this fucking plane, crying my big, gay tears next to a man in a MAGA hat, trying to convince myself that maybe someday I’ll find someone who will ask if I need a ride to the airport and show up. (Shout out to Amanda, who offered, but I “had a ride.”) It should be simple. But it’s not for me. The idea of my having worth enough for anyone to take me to the airport let alone love me does not exist. The accident of falling asleep at a friend’s house after a fun night out is small, but to me, it carries connotations of so much more. 

Travel, Travel Guides

The Best Photoshoot Locations in Las Vegas

In usual RaeAnna style, I am incredibly behind on my travel writing. Normally, I put it off because I don’t want to edit pictures, but the pictures have been edited since the plane ride home. I’ve just been ridiculously terrible at getting the writing portion done. 

Las Vegas is the perfect place to go when you want to pretend you’re not where you are. So many of the casinos have destination themes, and they sure do go over the top. You can enjoy a romantic gondola ride through Venetian canals and be under the Eiffel Tower ten minutes later before seeing the Sphinx before heading to the tropics enjoying a slice of pizza by the Statue of Liberty. Truly there is so very much to do and see and let your imagination run wild. If you’re me or just like a good picture opportunity, there’s really so many places you can do just that. Honestly, you can spend your whole trip posing around the world within two miles. 

Hello, Vegas! I’m here to play!
Thanks for a good time! I’ll be back soon.

Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas Sign This sign is iconic for a reason. I wasn’t quite sure where I thought it was, but it’s a bit of a walk from the strip. There is a convenient parking lot if you don’t want to walk there like I did. What I didn’t realize was that it was two sided! On the other side, as you’re driving away from the strip [duh], it says “Drive Carefully Come Back Soon.” I walked past the sign on my very first day. I didn’t stop to take a picture because there was a VERY long line, and warning, there is always a long line unless…. I went at 6:00 am the next day, and I was the only one there. Except for Elvis, from Pittsburgh. He serenaded me as I posed. Luckily, I was prepared and brought two outfits so I could take pictures front and back and pretend I was leaving to post when I was actually leaving.

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Standing in the middle of the room for a cool picture.

The Venetian Really anywhere you go here, there are gorgeous picture spots. Had I known, I would have gotten up earlier and snagged a picture before all the people arrived to shop and site see. Inside is equally gorgeous with their flower installations. 

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Dancing in the morning glow.

Mandalay Bay Again. This one is HUGE, so the picture moments are endless. The main entrance is really gorgeous and filled with waterfalls and tropical plants. If you can’t tell, I managed to match my outfit to the theme of the place. I got there too late in the morning for a sunrise golden hour, but I made it work, I think. This one is at the very end of the strip, and I almost never saw it thrumming with people. 

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There’s nothing much better than reading in the pool.
Of course I had to see the sphynx.

Luxor Pools I stayed here the very first night. I’d only been to Las Vegas once before in 1999… It was an ode to my childhood trip. The pools are very well known and make great photo spots. When I was there at the end of April/beginning of May, one pool was closed due to COVID, another was under renovation, and the third was open. It was good enough! I landed at 9:00 in the morning and was poolside by 10:15. The pools crowd very quickly, so I suggest getting there early if you don’t want too many bodies sharing the spotlight. Sphynx By noon, I had a bunch of content because I changed into a cute outfit to pose in front of the Sphinx. If you’re trying to find it, like I was (it’s hard to know where things are when you’re INSIDE the casinos), the Sphynx is out the doors next to the front desk, facing the waterfalls. I had to get creative with my angles because the normal photo spot for the Sphinx was closed. They turned out fun anyways!

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This was my favorite place in all of Las Vegas.

Bellagio There are so many gorgeous photo spots. I suggest all of them. I fell, absolutely fell in love with the Conservatory and Botanical Garden. The first night I was there, I walked the entire strip and into the Bellagio. I followed the flowers to the Conservatory, where I was left in awe, which meant I visited every single day to appreciate it at different times of the day. It’s a 14,000 square foot Botanical Garden with a stunning glass ceiling; every season and for Lunar New Year, the Horticulture and Engineering teams create a unique and brilliant floral and botanical installation. They reuse, recycle, replant, and repurpose as much as they can in their commitment to sustainable art. They recently changed the installation for summer, and now I want to go back to see it. This may have been my favorite thing in Vegas…. And it’s free. 

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Best food I had in all of Las Vegas.

Best Friend In Park MGM, Roy Choi’s incredible and experiential restaurant can be found. This was a must on Amanda’s list, and I never say no to food. I didn’t know what to expect, but the moment we walked up, I was in. 90s Kid Paradise. I’m not kidding. If you were raised in the 90s like I was—aging myself—, then you’ll have, at the very least, nostalgia, and, at the best, a full on nostalgiagasm. There is so much going in the front, and then we walked to the dining room… I wasn’t expecting that. The food was incredible. The best food of the trip, hands down. I will go back again.

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It was hot. This was the coolest I was the entire trip.

Hilton Garden Grand Vacation Just a normal Hilton. It’s connected to the Flamingo, so my friends wanted to stay there for pool access (discussed below). The cute part about this hotel is the oversized chair. Everyone needs one of those pictures on vacation.

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I really loved this bathtub.
Rooftop pools are for me.

Waldorf Astoria Rooms Themselves I stayed here the last couple of nights. There is no casino here, which means it’s quieter and caters to a less rambunctious crowd. It’s also nice as fuck, which is why the rooms themselves are the perfect place for a photoshoot. I don’t take baths, but I took a bath every day I was there. Also… not a bad view to get some work done. Pool The rooftop pool is really, really nice. It has a fabulous bar with wonderful waitstaff. You’ll need a reservation for the cabanas, but honestly you don’t need it. Amanda and I lounged in our Texas icon, Buc-ee’s, swimsuits before immediately changing into something cute. I spent several hours by that pool. Paul, the bartender, is fantastic and also an Iowa native; we hit it off when he wasn’t busy. The [nonalcoholic] drinks are delicious. I felt like I had loads of money sitting by that pool… A beautiful fantasy.

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These were my favorite pictures from the entire trip.
Who wouldn’t want to eat a baguette in front of the Eiffel Tower?

Paris Eiffel Tower The Eiffel Tower is one of the most photographed structures in the world, one of the most tagged locations on Instagram. Okay… the real one, but that means the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas is a must see and must photograph spot too. There’s loads of ways to get your picture, but I suggest heading across the street to the Bellagio Fountain and posing with your back to the Eiffel Tower. That way you get a cute foreground and the entire tower in the frame. And if you scroll through Instagram, very few people are doing that. Arc de Triomphe This spot isn’t quite as noticeable when you’re walking around the strip because it’s nestled back into the hotel. The Arc de Triomphe is on the side of Paris, where people are picked up and dropped off. I woke up early and headed over there to take a whole bunch of fun Parisian inspired photos with the Arch in the background. 

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Meow Wolf was incredible.

Meow Wolf This was such a fascinating experience. If you want to spend an entire day taking unique, strange, and potentially disturbing pictures in the midst of a hoard of people, this is the place for you. I truly loved it, and there is so much to take in. I didn’t spend a lot of time behind my camera. Instead I immersed myself in the immersion. I did pause to take this picture because the room truly was beautiful. 

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I preferred looking over it after it closed.

Flamingo’s Pool For the young, party people—not me—this is the go to spot. It’s very pink. Very crowded. Very expensive. I stayed in the Hilton Garden Grand Vacation attached to the Flamingo for one night, so I got in for free. But you will have to wait in line and pay to get in. If you want a chair or a table or a couch, pay some more. It’s not my scene. I walked in and walked right back out. I took this picture on a walkway overlooking the pool after it had closed. Honestly, I think it’s better than being surrounded by a whole lot of sweaty, wet drunk people while trying to get a picture for the gram. Take a flight of stairs. Worth it.

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I would not go back, but you should decide that for yourself.

Fremont Street If I never go back to Fremont Street, I will be okay. It did not speak to me. It was fine once. There’s a lot of alcohol, gambling, and drunk people. LIGHT. So much light. There’s not really any amazing photo opportunities except for literally standing in the middle of the street, surrounded by people. Which can be a cool picture, but that’s about it. I do like the picture, though; it’s not my usual aesthetic.

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This was just a cute nook.

An Alley of Shops Between Linq and Flamingo I tried so hard to find out if this area had a name, and I have no idea what it’s called if it’s called anything at all. Onward, it’s a nice, clean lane with shops and restaurants.. It’s a great little spot for just a casual picture in the sun. Nothing crazy, but nice. 

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I was feeling myself.

Caesars Palace Can we briefly mention the lack of an apostrophe… I don’t like it. Grammar aside, it’s a beautiful casino. Huge. Being completely transparent, there are tons of photo worthy spots, but a lot of times the interesting thing about it is the art and sculpture recreations. So go explore and find the naked man statue that speaks to your soul, I mean, Instagram feed. 

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So there’s a run down of my favorite photo worthy locations. The thing is, this is not at all a comprehensive or even intensive or even well-researched look at Vegas’ Insta notable spots. This is what I found works and is pretty while still trying to have fun and not be intimidated by the swarms of people. 

If you’re on your way to Vegas, remember to stop by the Bellagio’s Conservatory & Botanical Garden. You will not regret it, and send me a picture of what’s installed right now. Also eat all the food, every single bite. 

bisous und обьятий,

Posing in front of the Arc de Triomphe at Paris Casino in Las Vegas.
11..., Experiences, Lifestyle, Travel

11… Ways I Passed the Time in Las Vegas

A boat filled with flowers floating in the Bellagio's Conservatory.
A boat filled with flowers floating in the Bellagio’s Conservatory.

The last five days, I spent exploring Las Vegas. I’d been once before… in December 1999. A little more than 21 years ago, so I had never really done Vegas because I was nine eight years old. Some would argue I still haven’t done Vegas because I don’t drink or gamble and the shows are still closed for the most part. That being said, there are loads of things to do, and I managed to fill my five full days with fun nonetheless. I got in very early this morning and am very ready for a nap. 

This is not a travel guide by any means. It’s just a quick overview of some of the fun I’ve had over the last five days. If you’ve been following my stories on Instagram, you know there were lots of outfit changes, food, and activities. Lots of pictures to come, but I need to go through them all and edit… Did I mention I didn’t get home til early this morning, so it’s not happening today.

Posing in front of the Arc de Triomphe at Paris Casino in Las Vegas.
Posing like the French girl I want to be in front of the l’Arc de Triomphe in Las Vegas. | Red Polka Dot Dress | Yellow Sandals | Yellow Wool Beret |
  1. Change Hotels There are so many fun hotels and casinos. If you stay for more than a few days, I suggest switching hotels like I did. I was able to experience Las Vegas from different vantage points, locations, rooms, and amenities. I stayed at the Luxor, Hilton Grand Vacation at the Flamingo, and Waldorf Astoria. I’ll chat more about each of them later!
  2. Content Creation One of my favorite things about being a writer and blogger is the content creation. I love having an excuse to take beautiful pictures. I’ve always loved being behind and in front of the camera. It’s taken me a lot longer to get comfortable being in front of the camera in public spaces, but I’m getting there. It’s always worth it when I see the finished product. I think everyone deserves amazing pictures of themselves, and we need to normalize that. But I did a lot of solo content creation all over The Strip. 
  3. Eat Oh my goodness. I ate so much all over the place. I will definitely have a dedicated food post. Some exceeded expectations. Some did not. I didn’t have any bad food, though. I did return to Eataly… a lot. 
  4. Work The blessing and curse of being a freelance writer is: I still work on vacation. In the before times, I traveled so much that not working every time I was on a trip would have been unfeasible and completely unrealistic. This was my first trip since COVID, but I still ended up working every day. I like it because it keeps me grounded and makes me appreciate the fun even more! Plus I’m more motivated to get it done ASAP, rather than procrastinate. 
  5. The Conservatory at the Bellagio I happened upon the Conservatory in the Bellagio on the very first day I was there. It was absolutely stunning and beautiful and everything my flower dreams are made of, so I went back… pretty much every day. 
  6. Walking I walk a lot when I travel. I walked between 8.75 and 14.6 miles every single day. I love going, going, going to explore everything. I’m not good at down time when I’m traveling. I have a few blisters from a poor shoe decision on the last day—the photos made it totally worth it, however. 
  7. Pool + Reading I landed at 8:45 Wednesday morning, and I was already checked into my room at the Luxor. I headed straight to my room, put on my swimsuit, grabbed a book, and sat my butt by the pool. It was 9:45, and I was two chapters into a new book and soaking up the sun. #goals I did sit poolside with a book every single day I was there. (The Waldorf Astoria’s pool is by far my favorite.)
  8. People Watched Oh, Las Vegas. It might be one of the more interesting places to people watch, especially late at night. 
  9. Shopping, Shopping, Shopping I actually did not do a lot of shopping. I’m too poor for the stuff I really want to buy. I did buy a few souvenirs for friends. I don’t like to buy things plastered with the location on them for myself—the exception being mugs—so I buy things that I like and will remind me of the trip. This trip happened to be hats. I found my new favorite hat store and went a little crazy, but a responsible amount of nutty.
  10. Friend It Up I love traveling and being on my own because I meet the most incredible people. Sometimes there are some looney acquaintances made, but most of the time, I have really amazing conversations with total strangers. 
  11. See Friends Some of my closest friends just moved to Las Vegas. Maria of Millennial Fashionista grew up in Las Vegas. She, her husband, and baby just moved back. Due to COVID, I hadn’t been able to see or visit them in almost two years, which meant: I hadn’t met darling Clara!!! I was finally able to remedy that situation by spending Wednesday afternoon and evening with them. It’s never enough time when it comes to good friends, but anything is better than nothing, particularly when it’s meeting the most perfect baby in the whole world. 
The most perfect baby in the whole world!

I had a great time in Vegas. I was definitely ready to head home and cuddle my babies by Sunday evening. I will for sure miss the Waldorf and all its amenities. I guess I can live without a pool boy… If I must. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Experiences, In My Own Words, Lifestyle, Travel

Derecho: Iowa’s $4 Billion Storm No One Talks About

A month ago, my best friend, Alex, called on Monday, August 10 at 11:12 in the morning on his drive from Cedar Rapids to Carrol, Iowa, like he always does when he’s commuting on work trips. Nothing was out of the norm. I was switching between our conversations about nothing and everything to yelling at dogs to stop chewing on each others’ butts to pouring myself another cup of inspiration water, or tea as normal people call it. Little did we know, Alex was driving directly into a devastating natural disaster. 

Through the phone, I could hear the rain and winds beat against the windows of his car. The sounds worsened as he muttered, “Holy shit. Everything is green.” Growing up in the Midwest, “green” means one thing: tornado. Except this time it wasn’t just a tornado. The phrase “I’m going to find an overpass” was the only thing Alex said for minutes. We sat in silence, I on the couch, him driving through a catastrophic storm a thousand miles away. I hung up under the guise of giving him room to concentrate, but, in the vain of complete honesty, my anxiety and lack of control couldn’t handle the helplessness of both our situations. He never found an overpass, and stopping is more dangerous than moving forward. He called as he drove past my hometown to report he was alive and Ames was dark. 

Derecho. 

The only reason I know about the derecho and devastation in Iowa or even what a derecho is is because I was on the phone with Alex while it happened and I’m from Iowa. I spent 23 years waiting to leave and six years being very proud to be from there. I have friends and family all over Iowa. I know people whose lives were ravaged by a storm that has received almost no media coverage outside the region. I have had to rely on Facebook updates and local news sources for any information. National coverage has been all but nonexistent. 

There was no warning about the derecho. Even climatologists were surprised by the devastation that sweeped the Midwest. It began in the early hours in South Dakota; by 8:00 am, the storm crossed from Nebraska into Iowa. Iowa was going through a severe drought, so a forecast of rain was welcomed by the predominantly agricultural state, but the storm grew angrier. By the time it reached Carroll, it was no longer just a storm but an unstable force raging across the Heartland. By the time it reached Des Moines, wind speeds were over 80 mph. It reached its pinnacle in the Cedar Rapids area with wind speeds of 120 mph and higher. Iowa experienced the worst damage, but the derecho traveled 770 miles from South Dakota to Ohio over a fourteen hour period. 

Cedar Rapids, where Alex lives and a mere twenty minutes away from our alma mater, was one of the worst hit areas. I had a plane ticket to Cedar Rapids for the 13th. Three days after the storm. As I looked out the window over the familiar patchwork of Iowa, I could see silos crumpled like pop cans (or soda cans for non-Midwesterners), crops felled as if Paul Bunyan had gone on a jaunt, trees broken like twigs, and homes spread across roads. The derecho didn’t destroy everything. Like a tornado, a field would be decimated but the one next to it was fine; a silo destroyed but the home stood tall; everything was gone or everything was fine. From the sky it was remarkable, but it couldn’t compare to the view from the ground. 

Alex picked me up. Streets were completely blocked by trees. Power lines were down. Houses were dark. People were sitting in lawn chairs in their front yards with nothing else to do. We made our way through the hallways and into his apartment by the light of our cellphones. He lives adjacent to Coe College, and after three days without, he was one of the lucky ones, and had his power turned on. Some would end up going weeks without power. 

It was emotionally devastating to walk the streets of Cedar Rapids. Trees poked their way into living rooms. Windows cluttered streets. Roofs shattered across yards. Cars were tacoed under limbs and debris. Houses buckled under hundred year old trees. Power lines frayed on sidewalks. Lamps snapped in half. Orange flyers clung to doors condemning homes, signalling another family was homeless. It was everything I could do to stay the tears. Yet laughter, voices, music floated in the air. Amidst destruction lived hope and community. Families and friends congregated on porches and in yards to escape the stagnant humidity building in the homes from the lack of air conditioning. 

I wandered the streets with my camera. Taking it all in. What was touched, what remained, and the in between. People started calling to me, inviting me into their yards. Everyone saw the camera with hope in their eyes that someone was there to document what had happened to them. I said I was a writer, from Ames and Mount Vernon, living in Houston. I’m not the writer they were hoping for, but I want to tell their stories. 

Lisa* ran off the front porch of what was her beautiful blue Victorian home, waving me over. “Ma’am! Are you telling our story?” Her mother sat on the porch swing as Lisa’s three young children played with toys. Her husband was baking potatoes in a fire pit they’d moved to the front yard so they had a better view of the debris clearing. Lisa’s nephew came around from the backyard with her phone, which had been charging in the car. “Oh, don’t you worry about my house. We have some water damage and lost some windows and a few trees, but we’ll be fine.” Carpet, from what seemed like the entire house, was rolled up in the driveway; boxes full of broken glass and window frames sat next to the carpet; plastic rustled in every visible window hole; a hundred year old maple lay across their house with the side porch crushed beneath it and roots still intact. “Do you have a minute? I want to show you the people who have really been affected. This is over on Eldridge behind the Mall that way.” She pulled up a video on her phone to show me apartments collapsed on top of each other, furniture strewn every which way, and the sobbing of a man in the background. “These folks lost everything. They need help. We need someone to pay attention to this, so they can get the help they need.” She squeezed my arm and thanked me for caring when I asked how they were doing, “We’re blessed. It could’ve been much worse, but God watched over us.”

An older woman and her granddaughter sat on the ground staring up at an undamaged tree, “Minnie Mouse! We have grapes for you!” Ever the animal lover, my interest was piqued. Mary beckoned me over and patted the ground beside her, “If you’re covering the storm, don’t forget to talk about the animals. They didn’t have a house to take cover in like we did.” Sitting in a crook of the tree sat a squirrel. Emily, the granddaughter handed me a grape, “Minnie Mouse’s tree fell down. I tried to fix her nest, but she didn’t want it back.” Minnie Mouse and Gretchen are two of the squirrels who frequently visit Mary’s porch for bird seed and other snacks. Gretchen had been hanging around for six years, but Minnie Mouse was only two years old. They were so used to Mary and Emily that these two squirrels used to sit on their laps eating grapes, their favorite fruit but apples were okay too. Gretchen only disappeared during the storm, but it took Minnie Mouse five days to make her way back to Mary’s front porch. Neither were ready to be touched yet. Mary wanted me to tell you, “The storm changed them.” I don’t think Gretchen and Minnie Mouse were the only ones changed by the derecho, though.   

Rod and Phil drove down from Wisconsin to help clean up their mom’s yard, but they weren’t the only ones. Cousins and grandchildren filled the yard. Everyone had a job, and no one sat idle, except for Doris. Doris’ home was intact, but there was damage to the siding and roof with a few cracked windows. Every single one of the many trees surrounding the Victorian home had fallen victim to the derecho. Gazing at an enormous pile of freshly chopped wood, Doris couldn’t help but say with a smile, “It’s such a blessing none of the trees hit the house! I’ll have lots of firewood this winter, at least. My poor grandkids lost their house in the country, so they’ll be staying with me for the foreseeable future.” The grandkids piped up, “But you let us have cookies for breakfast. Mom doesn’t do that.” Rod asked if I had heard about the storm in Houston, “It’s a shame this isn’t getting any coverage. How can people care about a place and the people if they never see it?” 

In the evenings along First Avenue, cookouts were everywhere, accompanied by signs saying something to the gist of: “Free Food! Everyone Welcome.” Barbershops, churches, businesses, and families set up BBQs offering food to the hungry. In an area without power and a lack of food storage, people depended on these moments of community perseverance. There wasn’t a sad face in sight. People congregated with joy as they connected over food and a shared sense of surviving something remarkable.

This is the Iowa I grew up in. This is the Iowa I am proud to be from. I talked to people who were clearing their neighbors’ yards even though theirs was condemned next door. Those in the worst of circumstances never dwelled on their own problems, instead they wanted me to know about those who had it worse. Every single person I spoke with uttered the word “blessed.” They were blessed; they had fared so well. These people, in the heart of the destruction, saw blessings. They used the devastation, in the midst of a pandemic, to gather and help and find the good in the derecho. No one drew attention to their own heartbreak and struggles, they wanted me to tell the stories of the people who lost more. These are the people I grew up around. The ones who give when they don’t have much themselves. The ones who stay when they don’t have a reason to. The ones who find a reason to laugh and dance when no one would blame them for crying. This is Iowa. It is the Heartland.

Of the 35.7 million acres of land in Iowa, over 26 million acres are devoted to crops. A total of 85% of all land in the state is used for agricultural purposes with over 88,000 individually owned farms. Iowa is the largest producer of corn, eggs (18 chickens per person in the state), red meat, and hogs (seven piggies per person! for a total of 30% of all hogs in the country) in the US. It is the second largest producer of soybeans in the US. They’re also in the top five producers of goat’s milk, oats, turkey, and dairy. Iowa has the largest grain storage capacity in the country, 3.6 billion bushels to be exact. 39% of all corn production goes toward ethanol. Iowa is the leading producer of ethanol: 4.23 billion gallons of ethanol, in 2019 alone, are produced in the state’s 42 corn ethanol plants and two cellulosic plants. Iowa falls to second place in cash receipts for a total of $27.4 billion in 2018. It is the second in agricultural exports and is responsible for over $10.6 billion dollars in exportation revenues. The derecho affects every single one of these, which in turn affects the country and the world. The fall in revenue will have an impact on the local, national, and global economies. There could be food shortages for those who enjoy pork, beef, eggs, dairy, corn, and a whole bunch of other things. Not to mention the dent in ethanol production, which affects a whole long list of things. More than 57 million bushels of grain storage were destroyed, which will cost upwards of $300 million to clear and replace. 35% or more of the corn crop was destroyed, and the remaining crops may have a difficult time being harvested and stored. The derecho didn’t just destroy homes and lives in Iowa, it will have a major impact on the national and international economy over the following months and years as the state rebuilds. But you know, it’s just a fly over state that only garners attention during elections and is thought of as a backwater-hicksville. (Also false.)  

Governor Kim Reynolds requested $82.7 million to repair or replace the 8,237 destroyed homes. She also requested $100 million for private repair utilities and $3.77 billion to cover agricultural damage. Trump, ever helpful, approved $45 million. This leaves farmers, homeowners, and practically everyone else hurting. The lack of federal aid could force small farmers to sell, some of whom have worked the land for generations. 

Currently, a month later, the Iowa Department of Human Services website states that the only households eligible for federal aid must fall 200% under the poverty line and submit their paperwork by September 21, 2020. The maximum amount these households are eligible to receive is $5,000. 200% UNDER the federal poverty line. Even if a person or family meets that qualification, they might get $5,000. So if they don’t have insurance, they’re shit outta luck. The people who qualify for “aid” are the people who are having to decide between food and medication, rent and food, food and shoes, so on and so forth; there is no way they are able to afford insurance. As someone who has been that poor, insurance is prayer. Actual insurance is a luxury. At the end of the day, when a person has lost everything, $5,000 doesn’t cover much. It might be just enough to cover food and a deposit on a place to live. 

With the cost of damages in Iowa still rising and totalling over $4 billion, Iowans are feeling left behind and forgotten by their government, country, and media coverage.

Nine days after the derecho demolished Iowa, I flew out of Cedar Rapids’ Eastern Iowa Airport. After boarding the plane, we were delayed. Looking out the window, I and the other passengers on the plane watched Donald Trump and his entourage exit Air Force One. He was there for a tour of Iowa to see the destruction himself and lend his full support to the people. He never even left the airport. He got off his plane, showed his face for a press conference, and flew away with less than two hours on the ground. 

Four days after getting back to Houston, I was at a socially distanced going away party, when someone asked if I had fun on my trip. My response was, “Fun, no. Disaster zones are never fun.” A quick conversation about why I called Iowa a disaster zone, Were there riots? Is it because they’re so conservative? Once that was cleared up, I was met with a Wow, I didn’t hear about the storm in Ohio. As friends were struggling to cook meals over open fires in cities and towns throughout Iowa, people on the side of the country were learning about the storm two weeks later in Ohio, the great potato state. 

*All names have been changed.

Travel, Travel Guides

New Orleans Kid Friendly Itinerary

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Kisses in front of Saint Louis Cathedral in Jackson Square in New Orleans, Louisiana.

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Breakfast at the iconic Café du Monde.

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A stop at Chalmette Battle Ground on the Creole Queen river boat tour.

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A live oak tree at the Chalmette Battlefield.

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Sunset over the Mississippi River looking at the ferry and the Saint Louis Cathedral.

Titles “…with Kids” are not often part of my repertoire. They’ve never been a part of my repertoire until today. I don’t have a child. I have dogs, so I write about them. Children are not often a part of my narrative because the ones in my life are in the periphery. I love them dearly, but I visit, not tend to them. Last week, I was in New Orleans caring for my eight year old cousin while her parents enjoyed a much deserved adult vacation. Allison came into my life for the first time a year ago on the family cruise celebrating my grandmother’s 80th year on this planet. Allison and I hit it off immediately. I’ve seen her every two or three months since then; I see her more than any other family member. I agreed to watch her for a week over a year ago. 

Allison will love me no matter what, but I wanted to make our week together extra, super special because she’s eight and I can. After receiving permission from Mom and Dad, we played hooky from school and headed to the French Quarter. Oops! Not sorry. I have done and would do all of these things by myself or with adults, but they were requested by a kid and approved by a kid. 

Breakfast

Café du Monde Head to the original café on Decatur across from Jackson Square for deliciously fresh beignets and an amazing view of the hustle and bustle. Have some hickory coffee for the adults and chocolate milk for the kiddos. Bring cash because that’s all they accept.

Activities

Open Air Market This is a great place to have nibbles and explore. You can find great souvenirs. There are tons of things to keep the kids’ eyes busy for an hour if you let them roam.
Saint Louis Cathedral It may not be the normal place you take kids, but it’s free. Allison loved it. We lit candles and said prayers before sitting down in the sanctuary. She had lots of questions about the architecture and statues. I answered as many questions as I could and googled the rest.
Jackson Square After or before bopping into Saint Louis Cathedral, take a picture in the iconic square. It’s one of the most photographed areas in New Orleans. Don’t miss it!
Street Car It’s name might not be Desire, but it’s a great way to see New Orleans outside of the quarter for cheap. There are incredible houses and buildings in the Garden District. You can always hop off and grab lunch at one of the many restaurants and cafés along the route. 

River Boat Tour

River Boat Tours I’ve experienced a few different tours, and they’re all great. Allison begged to go on the river boat tour days before our hooky day, so this was definitely the highlight for her. We took the Creole Queen for the history tour and stopped at Chalmette Battlefield. We had a blast. She got a snack on the boat, we took pictures, and watched the paddle. She couldn’t have been happier. 

I would love to give you more food options, but you’ll be overwhelmed with options. I have too many favorites to narrow it down. Allison had a blast. She was so exhausted by the end of the day, I heard some snoring from the back seat. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

 

In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Roaring 20’s

It’s the 20’s!!!! 

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Walking into Beardshear Hall on Iowa State University’s campus in Ames, Iowa dressed in 20’s style. | Dress | Shoes | Cape | Purse | Necklace | Gloves | Bracelet | Earrings | Headpiece |

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That’s a really weird thing to say. I remember thinking that was so long ago and simultaneously so far away. Yet, here we are. Life has a way of chugging on like a train on a downhill slope. 

The 1920’s were known to be roaring. Even though prohibition took up the entirety of that decade, it didn’t seem to stop the party. If people followed the rules and didn’t drink, I have a feeling The Great Gatsby would have been a lot less interesting. It will be interesting to see how this decade plays out in a new century. We have 3,621 days left to find out. 

This post is only 33 days late, but it’s not like the past is going anywhere. 

I was in Iowa, my home state, for New Year’s Eve. During the day, the family and I spent the day in Des Moines bopping around the capitol building and East Village. It was a lot of fun and made for some great photo opportunities. 

That evening, I wanted to grab a quick picture or two in my flapper outfit. I headed to Iowa State University’s campus. I was so excited because Beardshear Hall was unlocked. We (not-so-much) snuck in and had a full blown photoshoot. It ended up being the perfect location. Built in 1906, it’s beautiful. The vintage architecture was the perfect backdrop for my vintage outfit. I even brought along my grandmother’s vintage fur cape. It’s ridiculously over the top, but then again so were the 20’s, and I have almost no reason to wear it. 

In true roaring 20’s fashion, we rang in the new year at a real speakeasy. I’m not kidding. In the middle of nowhere Iowa, I was at an illegal I don’t even know what to call it, but it wasn’t legal, there was food, a live band, and a bunch of people enjoying the evening. We had food and listened to great music. I watched my parents dance the night away. The audience was far older than Dylan and I, but it was a lot of fun anyways. 

I would love to say the start of the 20’s have been roaring for me, but that would be a lie of enormous proportions. I have worn my gorgeous 20’s outfit twice. Once on New Year’s Eve and once for a 20’s themed party at a ballroom studio. Here’s to hoping I have more opportunity to party it up and make this decade incredibly memorable. 

I think I have more pictures than things to say. I absolutely love 20’s fashion. I think it’s gorgeous. I also really enjoy the fact it’s not form fitting, which makes it really comfortable for dancing and having fun. I really went all out. I found my flapper dress on Amazon. It’s actually very comfortable and high quality. The shoes and opera gloves, I already had. I found the jewelry on Amazon too. It really was amazing dressing up in vintage style. Someone saw the pictures I took and thought they were really from the 20’s. Best compliment ever!!! 

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Pictures from the speakeasy in Iowa on New Year’s Eve.

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bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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