RaeAnna + A Nerdy Lifestyle
I'm a writer specializing in social justice and a memoirist trying to change the world through awareness. Being open about the realities of life after rape and the mental struggles that go along with that puts me in an interesting position. People have quite the reactions and say some exceptionally dumb things.
Scrolling through Facebook's On This Day page, I was reminded that seven years ago tonight. I was raped for the last time.
I hate motivational mantras... But my least favorite are the "If past you could see you now, they'd be so proud." No. Past me would be very disappointed and even angry at the way my life looks now. I don't think this mantra is targeted at over achievers who were abused emotionally/psychologically/financially/physically/sexually over the course of 23(ish) years. But I'm not dead!
Life has taught me to keep people at a distance, to not trust, to not depend, to not open myself up. People have seldomly shown themselves to be worthy of trust, and so I live a guarded life, involving as few people as possible and relying on others with extreme rarity. I have subconsciously programmed my existence to avoid actions and circumstances that encourage and form intimacy between myself and another human. I recently started ruminating on what these things are, and I came up with a list longer than eleven, but these are a good start.
I have not so slowly or subtly been losing my Christmas spirit over the last few years. I've gone from Lady Buddy the Elf to the only reason I have a Christmas tree is because someone else made it happen.
It's easy to get in the Christmas spirit with books about love in small town England. Single and independent Kate is coerced into a dating service consisting of twelve dates with twelve men by her best friend.