Jacksonville – …on the B.L.

End of An Era

September 13, 2019September 13, 2019 RaeAnna

I never wanted a military relationship. On a technicality, I never had an official, romantic, military relationship. But I have been in a military relationship from start to finish.

Shortly after Alex and I started dating in the winter of 2011, he told me he wanted to go into the military after graduating from college that spring. I knew I didn’t want to be in college while my boyfriend was off being a soldier or whatever. If he wanted to be in the military, then we would be friends. I wouldn’t do it with him.

Alex was never supposed to be anything more than a fling. He was a senior. I was a freshman. Neither of us were looking for anything. But he was cute; I was awkward. I made a move; it worked. Instead of flinging it, we fell in love. The kind of profound love that can only come about when inexperience combines with true compatibility, honesty, and dedication. I was raw and broken emotion, and he didn’t turn away from my pain. I saw through his façade to the man I still see today. It was and is the kind of love which reaches deep within two souls. Alex is written on my DNA. There is not a part of me remaining he has not touched. I am the person I am because he took the time to see me. I used to think he made me the person I am, but that’s not true. He did not make me; I made me, but he pushed.

After five years, I finally have pictures of this sign.

Love is an extraordinary force. The love we found made him decide to put his military aspirations away so we could be together. A year and a half after he chose me over the military, we were laying in bed. He stared at the ceiling as he said, “I think, I still want to go into the military.” I loved him, and I knew this was something he needed to do or he would resent the what ifs. He met recruiters from every branch. As a couple, we met with the branches he was most impressed with. Together, we decided on the Marines. It took almost a year between interviewing recruiters to sending him to boot camp. OCS was the first choice, but the political climate and a paperwork fiasco made that process long and unreasonable. He didn’t want to wait any longer, so he enlisted in October 2013. By that time, we were no longer a couple, but we were still committed to each other, sharing a home, bills, and responsibilities. I watched him swear in before the bus took my Alex to become a Marine. I heard boot camp changed people, and I had no idea who I would hug at graduation in three months. I’m convinced nothing can change my Alex because he was exactly the same willful, messy, smart, inquisitive, sarcastic, quirky, goof of a person. He did have abs, though.

Six years.
Five birthdays.
Four ranks.
Three deployments.
Two quals.
One extension.
Sergeant LeFebvre.

It may not have been an official, romantic, military relationship. But I have been in a military relationship. I have been there for him in every way that I could. I have showed up for ceremonies and a homecoming. I have gone to balls and family days. I have written letters. I have made phone calls. I have planned and replanned trips. I have waited and wondered. I have sent care packages. I have attended weddings. I have made friends. I have bought plane tickets and driven over night. I have whisked him away and staycationed. I have been there.

The military has kept him away from me. He hasn’t been able to support me or show up for me. That’s not his fault. It’s not my fault. It’s military life. We signed up for it. We agreed to it. We knew what that contract meant. It never made his absence less painful. Agreeing to something and dealing with something are not the same. I graduated college, which was largely due to his existence in my life. I hoped he would be there to surprise me. He didn’t. I moved and got a job. I wanted him to celebrate with me. He didn’t. I ended up in the hospital and almost died. I prayed he could be there to hold my hand. He didn’t. I had surgery. I wished he could take care of me. He didn’t. I moved across the country. I wanted him to move me. He didn’t. I got sick and spent months trying to figure out what was wrong. I needed to hold his hand. He didn’t. I made friends, who I wish he could meet. He hasn’t.

Seriously. This is a great sign. Also, taking pictures without a tripod and only a phone… difficult.

I have been a part of Alex’s life for six years, but he has not been a physical part of mine. It’s not that Alex is a bad guy or doesn’t want to be a part of my life, but the military makes it difficult if not impossible. We have done what we can, but now, we’ll be able to do more. Alex missed so many things in my life, and we can’t get those back. The future holds possibility.

As of today, an era has ended. With DD 214, he’s on his way home. For good. He’ll always be a Marine, but he’s no longer active duty. A new journey is unfolding for him. One that will more easily allow him to be a part of my life. As happy as I am, it is bittersweet saying goodbye to our years in the military and being military adjacent. We both grew as people. He’s a better man, and I’m a more self-sufficient woman. I don’t know how our lives will look, but it will be different.

Dear Alex,

I am so fucking proud of you. I didn’t want this to be my life in 2011. By 2013, I had accepted this would be part of my life for an indeterminate amount of time. Six years is shorter than twenty, so thank you.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life before the military, during, and after. Being your partner has been one of the greatest pleasures of my life. I don’t know who I would be without your constant presence, pressure, and reassurance even if it was in an email from a boat in the middle of somewhere. You have been worth every tear and worry crinkle but mostly laugh lines.

There is so much I won’t miss about the military. I will miss the balls, obviously. I will miss getting breakfast at the cafe downtown. I will miss the Marina. I will miss dragging you to lighthouses. I will miss the barracks in a masochistic sort of way. I will miss the idiots doing idiot things. I will miss your friends who I adore to tease. I will miss buying t-shirts that say Marines. I will miss the hanger and hearing helicopters over head. I will miss the lotion in the base hotel. I will miss the Aviation Memorial. I will miss driving through base. I will miss hearing acronyms. I will miss listening to you talk about your zingers and all the ways you annoy your peons. I will miss seeing you in uniform. I will miss the Pardon Our Noise; It’s the Sound of Freedom sign.

Most of all, I will miss walking next to you on Onslow Beach on Camp Lejeune. We have walked up and down that beach so many times over the last five years. We’ve walked it in July’s scorching sun and in December wrapped in sweaters. It was one of the first things we did on my first trip to Jacksonville and one of the last. I have collected the memories along with the rocks and shells you’ve given me on that beach. You never loved it as much as I did, but you always walked with me, no matter what.

Drive home safe, and I’ll see you soon.

Love Always,
RaeAnna

Experiences, Travel

New Bern, North Carolina: Birthplace of Pepsi-Cola

September 8, 2019 RaeAnna

Drinking Pepsi in front of the Birthplace of Pepsi-Cola.

Enjoying a refreshing Pepsi in New Bern, NC.

The ginkgo trees covered in Spanish moss.

An adorable front door in an alley in downtown New Bern, NC.

Literally one of my favorite pictures I have ever taken. The outdoor sanctuary in New Bern, NC.

I have been going to Jacksonville, North Carolina for years. Other than having a ton of trees and ocean views, there isn’t much going for it. Luckily, it’s nicely situated in between a lot of cool places. Unfortunately, I hadn’t looked into many of the surrounding areas until the last couple of years; even then, I didn’t look very hard. I’m kicking myself because I’ve been missing out.

New Bern, North Carolina is just one of those places I’ve been missing out on. A small town on the Neuse River only an hour north of Jacksonville. An easy day trip. With my never ending well of charm mixed with persistence, stubbornness, lack of self-respect, and my willingness to beg in combination with Alex’s complete ambivalence towards our activities as long as he’s gotten enough sleep, I managed to convince him a trip to New Bern, North Carolina wouldn’t be a terrible way to spend an afternoon.

Pepsi-Cola outside the shop in front of the Bradham Pharmacy sign.

I think every town has a claim to fame; this is absolutely refutable. New Bern, NC doesn’t have a small claim to fame. They’re the origination point of Pepsi-Cola; it’s a huge claim to fame. Pepsi is the soda I grew up on. Caleb Davis Bradhem ended up opening a drugstore on a corner in downtown New Bern. In 1893, he invented “Brad’s Drink” as a healthy way to help digestion. In 1898, he renamed it Pepsi-Cola after dyspepsia, or indigestion. By 1903, Pepsi-Cola was an official company and trademark due to its popularity. You can still visit the site where Pepsi was created on the corner of Middle Street and Pollock Street. The soda shop serves Pepsi and popcorn, and there’s a gift shop on the other side of the soda fountain. The store opened its doors in 1998, one hundred years after the creation of Pepsi-Cola. Alex and I bought matching shirts because we don’t know if we’ll ever be back. I’m a Pepsi girl, and he loves his Mountain Dew, so it was fitting.

New Bern isn’t just home to Pepsi, it is the second oldest town in North Carolina having been founded in 1710. It served as the first state capitol. There’s a gorgeous church standing across the street from the Pepsi shop. The church yard is home to headstones with faded lettering dating back to the eighteenth century. Ginkgo trees sheathed in Spanish moss shade the outdoor sanctuary. It really is stunning. The downtown is full of picturesque spots and well kept buildings. There are over 150 buildings and homes on the historic registry. It’s easy to get lost in the small town charm of this waterfront town.

I wish I had known about this town about five years sooner. If you’re ever in town, grab a glass bottle of Pepsi and stop by Wiener Haus because it has some pretty good food.

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Experiences, Style, Travel

So Long, Jacksonville

August 28, 2019September 20, 2019 RaeAnna

At Bush International Airport bright and early to fly to Jacksonville. I DID pair a Spider-Man tee with a Pink Satin Pleated Midi Skirt! I’m so avant garde! | Shoes | Suitcase | Sweater | Purse | Belt | Earrings | Watch |

I love traveling. Obviously. I do it all the time. I last left Jacksonville a month and four days ago, so why am I back so soon?

Jacksonville, North Carolina is an interesting place. I was not immediately smitten. The process took a few years. Situated in swamplandia, it’s not much to look at. Their main claim to fame is the Marine Base: Camp LeJeune. Like most military towns, there is an abundance of strip clubs, pawn shops, used car dealerships, tattoo parlors, and barbershops because what else could a young military man want (and I do mean man, well maybe guy). The average age of the town can’t be more than 25 because the military is notoriously young. The natives are ambivalent towards the transient military community, but they manage to coexist in the dysfunctionally-functional way people trend toward. When a civilian finds out I’m in town visiting a guy in the military, their eyes glaze over and I receive a cursory nod and “Oh…” before they move on to more interesting clichés of life. Wealth is not evident, and the town feels like it would immediately implode if the military ever forsook them. There are pieces of history and beauty scattered throughout. A river runs through downtown on its way to the ocean, where you can find a wooden boardwalk sloping from age and water. A cobblestone block runs in front of a cute café. Historic buildings, Victorian homes with wrap around porches, and a white-steepled church make the area quintessentially small town cute. It did take me four and a half years to find this spot in town devoid of strip malls and other less than tasteful establishments.

All of that said, I have a warm spot in my heart for this hiccup of place. What the town lacks, nature makes up for. People are genuinely kind, whether I’m military adjacent or not. Many are far from home, hailing from every nook and cranny of the country. Where the city stops, the ocean and forest immediately begin. You don’t have to drive more than fifteen minutes to find a beach. If you’re willing to go a little farther, you can find lighthouses and islands and the North Carolina of postcards.

The small town cute in downtown Jacksonville.

I have no desire to live in Jacksonville. There is a HUGE chance, I’ll never be within city limits after this trip is done.

I’ve been a frequent and enthusiastic visitor to Jacksonville, Camp LeJeune, and MCAS New River because it has been home to my best friend for five and a half years. After finishing boot camp and his MOS training, he was stationed as a helicopter mechanic at MCAS New River. I visited him for the first time in Jacksonville exactly five years ago to the day for Labor Day weekend. We went to beaches and reconnected after eight months apart. My life has changed immensely in those five years. I quit my jobs in downtown Chicago’s corporate America, which allowed me to see him more often and for longer. I started freelancing – aka bartending to pay the bills. I moved to Houston and freelanced – for realsies, no bartending necessary. I began a blog. I started traveling even more. I adopted a dog. I rediscovered the fuel of my spirit. Alex and I fell apart and reconnected. It’s been a journey.

Throughout it all, I’ve been a regular visitor to Jacksonville, North Carolina. But this is my last trip. I’m not ditching Alex for a sparkly new best friend forever and always. He is leaving the Marines behind him. In a few days, he will be discharged after six years honorable years of service, three deployments, and a lot of sleepless nights to start his life a civilian somewhere in the world. I’ll have a new place to frequently and enthusiastically visit.

So this is a last minute farewell tour of a town I would have never gotten to know or grown to love if it weren’t for the Marines.

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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I’m looking very confused as to what to do with this sweater, while trying not to over heat in the 6:00 am heat of Houston, Texas.

Books, Fiction

The Farm by Joanne Ramos

August 13, 2019August 12, 2019 RaeAnna

Worth a Read Yes
Length 336
Quick Review Golden Oaks is a gilded cage for the very wealthy to know their babies are getting the best of everything including surrogates.

Reading The Farm by Joanne Ramos in Jacksonville, North Carolina. | Dress | Shoes | Sunglasses

Cover of The Farm by Joanne Ramos. | Dress |

The Farm is Joanne Ramos’ debut novel. Ramos balances the outlandish and the painfully possible reality the near future could hold for privileged and not-so-privileged parts of society.

Golden Oaks is a place where young, healthy, pretty, desperate-for-money women go to be Hosts for lavishly wealthy Clients in want of a baby or three. Located a few hours outside of New York City, it couldn’t be a safer or more beautiful place for a baby to grow under the watchful eye of trained health professionals looking after every aspect of the baby and the Host. Women of all colors, backgrounds, and ethnicities are hosts at Golden Oaks, which is not-so-lovingly referred to as The Farm by many of the Hosts.

The story follows four women from vastly different backgrounds. Mae is an American of Asian descent who manages Golden Oaks. Jane is a Filipino immigrant trying to support her daughter. Ate is Jane’s older, Filipino, immigrant cousin who nannies for upper class New York families. Reagan is a young, wealthy, white woman trying to make enough money to support her art career without her father’s money and control. The Farm dives into socioeconomic diversity and driving forces behind poverty, emigration, and choices women make based solely on need.

Ramos fills The Farm with interesting plots and characters. There is a 1984 Big Brother kind of feel to the novel that is simultaneously overtly creepy yet almost comforting. Though, the plot has a happier rather than completely realistic ending, there are very realistic aspects and problems to Golden Oaks that ground the plot in human emotion and complexity. Ramos doesn’t simplify difficult concepts nor does she try to explain them. She tells a story about motivation, poverty, and womanhood allowing the reader to take away what they will.

The quote “Sometimes a person has no choice but hard choices…” is incredibly insightful and the entire point of The Farm. Though simple in concept, it can be hard for people who have never experienced that kind of desperation to understand what women will do when their backs are against a wall looking into the mouth of a hippo.

The Farm is heartbreaking and infuriating. Joanne Ramos’ has quite a literary career ahead of her if this is what she brings to the table with her debut novel.

Memorable Quotes
“But babies are stronger than people think, and smarter.”
“the monumental efforts taken to make Clients feel food about outsourcing their pregnancies.”
“As if being a good girl and being strong willed were in conflict.”

Buy on Amazon | Buy on Barnes & Noble | Buy on Book Depository
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Title: The Farm
Author: Joanne Ramos
Publisher: Random House
Copyright: 2019
ISBN: 9781984853752

11..., Lifestyle

11… Reasons I Don’t Hate Nicholas Sparks

August 12, 2019August 11, 2019 RaeAnna

I LOVE lighthouses!!!! This one is on Oak Island. | Skirt Set | Head Band |

Even with the summer heat of North Carolina, it’s gorgeous. | Dress | Shoes | Sunglasses |

Beaches are my happy place. Top Sail Beach. | Bikini Top | Bikini Bottom | Beach Towel |

201908018832302095628777118 — Dance! It’s the ocean with a forest view! | Swimsuit | Cover Up | Head Band |

My favorite sign ever in existence. Can’t argue with freedom! | Skirt Set | Shoes | Sunglasses |

Spoiler, I can’t stand Nicholas Sparks’ writing. It’s boring, formulaic, and extremely unrealistic. Sorry, but I like my reading material to be somewhat grounded in reality. The one thing he gets right: the setting. Almost all of his books are set in the Carolinas, focusing in on North Carolina. Why? I don’t know, but probably because he lives there. Specifically New Bern, North Carolina, which is a forty-five minute drive from where I visit with high frequency because my bff is stationed in Jacksonville.

This list actually has nothing to do with Nicholas Sparks and everything to do with the beauty of North Carolina. I no longer loathe the writing of Nicholas Sparks solely because the state is gorgeous. So we see eye to eye on one thing. Maybe more, I don’t know the man.

Bald Head Island This is numero uno on the list because it will eventually be on my top 11 favorite places in the world list. Bald Head Island is about as far south as you can get in the great state of North Carolina. You can read more about it here.
Lighthouses I LOVE lighthouses. They are my favoritest things. Maybe not my absolute favorite, but I have an intense fascination with them. I have only seen two in real life, but I’m working on upping that number significantly.
MCAS New River This is actually kind of a crappy place, but I will always have rose colored glasses for it because my bff-for-always-and-ever lived there for five years. Happy memories for the win.
Wild Ponies I have not personally seen the wild ponies, but they exist in the Outer Banks. I love the idea of wild ponies, and hope to see them for myself at a respectful distance someday.
Sea Turtles Sea turtles lay their eggs on the beaches of North Carolina. I have not been able to see the hatching of these miraculous babies, but I have seen the nests(?), which is sand with a sign saying leave this space alone or something to that affect.
Beaches There are beaches all over the world, but I seem to frequent the North Carolina ones with the most frequency. They’re lovely.
Oak Island I just recently found this gem. It is an island right across from Bald Head Island. It has a lighthouse of its own. I can play in the ocean and see two lighthouses. It’s magic. Not really, but it made for a magical day.
Biltmore Estate I’ve never been to this grand place in Asheville, North Carolina, but I hear it is super duper fabulous. I hope to make it there one of these days.
Proximity North Carolina is five hours away from my best friend in DC and four hours away from my close friends in Virginia Beach. Gotta love the East Coast and their tiny states.
Blue Ridge Mountains I have not had the pleasure of exploring these mountains in earnest or at all, but I have driven through them a good many times. They are beautiful. The first several years I drove through them was solely in the dead of night…
Charlotte Douglas International Airport I really love the Charlotte airport. It has huge windows and Adirondack style rocking chairs. Also, they do a fabulous job decorating it for Christmas.

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Travel, Travel Guides

A Fabulous Disaster

September 29, 2018June 25, 2019 RaeAnna

Angel Oak, a 400 year old tree, in Charleston.

I am a planner. I like having plans. No. I love having plans. They make me feel safe and comfortable and, you know, like I have a plan.

This vacation was not off to smooth sailing in the plan department. I was going to visit Alex in North Carolina to celebrate ten days of his much deserved leave from the Marines. (I know, he’s a bad-ass.) As things go with the military, leave was o.k.ed by the peeps in charge nine days before I hopped on a plane. The month leading up to, he was on a boat with minimal contact, so these non-plans were made through one email a day. Due to the surprising hurricane, which was most definitely not included in the vacation, he almost didn’t make it off the boat. So we made tentative plans to head to Savannah and Charleston for vacation. That was the plan when I got off the plane. Literally.

Alex met me at the airport on a Tuesday in Jacksonville, North Carolina; it’s an hour north of Wilmington, North Carolina: the hub of hurricane-desimation. I got off the plane. We hopped in his beater of a car. He packed a bag at the barracks. We were evacuating within an hour of wheels on the ground. We were NOT going to be stuck in the eye of the storm for ten days.

Before we get started on this story, I want you to keep in mind two things: 1) I was working 40 hours a week. 2) The condition of Alex’s car. He bought a beater after one of his deployments. Traveling in it was potentially more worrisome than the hurricane. It could fall apart at any moment. I’m not joking. (It did not fall apart. It made it like the confident hunk-a-junk it is.) This car does NOT have A/C. I repeat. NO air conditioning. In the South. On a roadtrip. In Miami. Yikes. Hot as dragon balls.

The beautiful circular staircase at Vizcaya.

First stop: We were exhausted, so we stopped at the first hotel – if it can be called that – we saw in Myrtle Beach. The next day, we woke up and headed for Waffle House. It’s a roadtrip must for me! I grabbed my laptop, and as I dug into a pecan waffle and cheesy eggs, I started looking up Air BnB’s. Alex filled me in on the hurricane, the stock market, politics, and other things I almost care about. I’m kidding. I care a little. All the Air BnB’s were expensive. I’m a budget traveler, and Alex makes me look lavish. He found a hotel in Jacksonville for a steal. The pictures and Google reviews made it look acceptable. Spoiler: It wasn’t.

We ended up leaving Jacksonville after the first night because there were bugs, and I got bit up. I have PTSD; one of the triggers for me is bugs because I had an unfortunately extended run-in with bed bugs in high school. After a good cry in a moldy shower, we headed to the place where all problems are solved. Starbucks. I texted my savior, I mean best friend. She works at Hilton and is an Art History grad student. There is this awesome Hilton Honors Friends & Family discount through which she saved my vacation and mental sanity in one fell swoop. Unfortunately due to the hurricane, there were no affordable hotels in the area. On a whim, I looked up rooms in Miami. They were super inexpensive. Instead of doing a Charleston and Savannah trip, we decided to head to Miami for five days.

I love Miami. It’s such a fun city. One of our friends from college – a fraternity brother of Alex’s – lives in Miami, so we had to see him. The hotel was fabulous. Thank you Kelsey. In Miami, we saw Vizcaya, Little Havana, Lincoln Road, Miami Beach, and a couple bars. It was a blast. Never did I think I would evacuate a hurricane TO Florida. Read about that trip here!

As our time in Miami began to fade, we needed to figure out what we would do with our last four days. One of Kelsey’s favorite places is St. Augustine, Florida, and I’ve heard her talk about it for years. We decided to head there. That discount hooked us up again for two days! There we went to the Castillo de San Marcos. I did a lot of eating. We toured around the pretty town. The hurricane damage and flooding had not abated, so we extended our stay a day to enjoy the beach.

I called Delta a few times while in St. Augustine. The Jacksonville airport kept losing power, so no flights were leaving or arriving. The roads to Jacksonville were also not open due to flooding. Even if the airport was open, I couldn’t get there. Luckily, Delta was super helpful and rescheduled my Friday flight to Monday. Hurrication extended!

Where to next? Well, Charleston got us five hours closer to the airport, and I wanted to go. There’s so much to do there, but I didn’t know anything to do. Holy smokes it is gorgeous! Other than seeing the Angel Oak, Alex and I pretty much just walked around the city! It reminded me of New Orleans in a lot of ways. I will be back to explore more.

I made it back to Jacksonville on Saturday night. On Sunday, we drove around town and to the marina on base to see the hurricane damage. It was definitely something.

My flight took off as replanned on Monday afternoon.

There was no plan. At all. The entire trip. The only thing planned was the date and time of my flight. One of which was moved. It ended up being a blessing we didn’t have plans because the hurricane would have ruined them anyways. I’m glad I had this fabulous disaster of a non-planned vacation with Alex because he thrives in chaos and truly enjoys watching me be uncomfortable. I don’t know if I would do it again intentionally, but it is one of the most fun trips I’ve had, though, equally stressful.