In My Own Words, Lifestyle

End of An Era

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This is my favorite sign.

 

I never wanted a military relationship. On a technicality, I never had an official, romantic, military relationship. But I have been in a military relationship from start to finish. 

Shortly after Alex and I started dating in the winter of 2011, he told me he wanted to go into the military after graduating from college that spring. I knew I didn’t want to be in college while my boyfriend was off being a soldier or whatever. If he wanted to be in the military, then we would be friends. I wouldn’t do it with him. 

Alex was never supposed to be anything more than a fling. He was a senior. I was a freshman. Neither of us were looking for anything. But he was cute; I was awkward. I made a move; it worked. Instead of flinging it, we fell in love. The kind of profound love that can only come about when inexperience combines with true compatibility, honesty, and dedication. I was raw and broken emotion, and he didn’t turn away from my pain. I saw through his façade to the man I still see today.  It was and is the kind of love which reaches deep within two souls. Alex is written on my DNA. There is not a part of me remaining he has not touched. I am the person I am because he took the time to see me. I used to think he made me the person I am, but that’s not true. He did not make me; I made me, but he pushed.

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After five years, I finally have pictures of this sign.

Love is an extraordinary force. The love we found made him decide to put his military aspirations away so we could be together. A year and a half after he chose me over the military, we were laying in bed. He stared at the ceiling as he said, “I think, I still want to go into the military.” I loved him, and I knew this was something he needed to do or he would resent the what ifs. He met recruiters from every branch. As a couple, we met with the branches he was most impressed with. Together, we decided on the Marines. It took almost a year between interviewing recruiters to sending him to boot camp. OCS was the first choice, but the political climate and a paperwork fiasco made that process long and unreasonable. He didn’t want to wait any longer, so he enlisted in October 2013. By that time, we were no longer a couple, but we were still committed to each other, sharing a home, bills, and responsibilities. I watched him swear in before the bus took my Alex to become a Marine. I heard boot camp changed people, and I had no idea who I would hug at graduation in three months. I’m convinced nothing can change my Alex because he was exactly the same willful, messy, smart, inquisitive, sarcastic, quirky, goof of a person. He did have abs, though.

Six years.
Five birthdays.
Four ranks.
Three deployments.
Two quals.
One extension.
Sergeant LeFebvre. 

It may not have been an official, romantic, military relationship. But I have been in a military relationship. I have been there for him in every way that I could. I have showed up for ceremonies and a homecoming. I have gone to balls and family days. I have written letters. I have made phone calls. I have planned and replanned trips. I have waited and wondered. I have sent care packages. I have attended weddings. I have made friends. I have bought plane tickets and driven over night. I have whisked him away and staycationed. I have been there. 

The military has kept him away from me. He hasn’t been able to support me or show up for me. That’s not his fault. It’s not my fault. It’s military life. We signed up for it. We agreed to it. We knew what that contract meant. It never made his absence less painful. Agreeing to something and dealing with something are not the same. I graduated college, which was largely due to his existence in my life. I hoped he would be there to surprise me. He didn’t. I moved and got a job. I wanted him to celebrate with me. He didn’t. I ended up in the hospital and almost died. I prayed he could be there to hold my hand. He didn’t. I had surgery. I wished he could take care of me. He didn’t. I moved across the country. I wanted him to move me. He didn’t. I got sick and spent months trying to figure out what was wrong. I needed to hold his hand. He didn’t. I made friends, who I wish he could meet. He hasn’t. 

 

 

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Seriously. This is a great sign. Also, taking pictures without a tripod and only a phone… difficult.

I have been a part of Alex’s life for six years, but he has not been a physical part of mine. It’s not that Alex is a bad guy or doesn’t want to be a part of my life, but the military makes it difficult if not impossible. We have done what we can, but now, we’ll be able to do more. Alex missed so many things in my life, and we can’t get those back. The future holds possibility. 

As of today, an era has ended. With DD 214, he’s on his way home. For good. He’ll always be a Marine, but he’s no longer active duty. A new journey is unfolding for him. One that will more easily allow him to be a part of my life. As happy as I am, it is bittersweet saying goodbye to our years in the military and being military adjacent. We both grew as people. He’s a better man, and I’m a more self-sufficient woman. I don’t know how our lives will look, but it will be different. 

Dear Alex, 

I am so fucking proud of you. I didn’t want this to be my life in 2011. By 2013, I had accepted this would be part of my life for an indeterminate amount of time. Six years is shorter than twenty, so thank you. 

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life before the military, during, and after. Being your partner has been one of the greatest pleasures of my life. I don’t know who I would be without your constant presence, pressure, and reassurance even if it was in an email from a boat in the middle of somewhere. You have been worth every tear and worry crinkle but mostly laugh lines. 

There is so much I won’t miss about the military. I will miss the balls, obviously. I will miss getting breakfast at the cafe downtown. I will miss the Marina. I will miss dragging you to lighthouses. I will miss the barracks in a masochistic sort of way. I will miss the idiots doing idiot things. I will miss your friends who I adore to tease. I will miss buying t-shirts that say Marines. I will miss the hanger and hearing helicopters over head. I will miss the lotion in the base hotel. I will miss the Aviation Memorial. I will miss driving through base. I will miss hearing acronyms. I will miss listening to you talk about your zingers and all the ways you annoy your peons. I will miss seeing you in uniform. I will miss the Pardon Our Noise; It’s the Sound of Freedom sign. 

Most of all, I will miss walking next to you on Onslow Beach on Camp Lejeune. We have walked up and down that beach so many times over the last five years. We’ve walked it in July’s scorching sun and in December wrapped in sweaters. It was one of the first things we did on my first trip to Jacksonville and one of the last. I have collected the memories along with the rocks and shells you’ve given me on that beach. You never loved it as much as I did, but you always walked with me, no matter what.  

Drive home safe, and I’ll see you soon.

Love Always,
RaeAnna

Experiences, Travel

New Bern, North Carolina: Birthplace of Pepsi-Cola

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Drinking Pepsi in front of the Birthplace of Pepsi-Cola.
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Enjoying a refreshing Pepsi in New Bern, NC.
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The ginkgo trees covered in Spanish moss. 
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An adorable front door in an alley in downtown New Bern, NC.
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Literally one of my favorite pictures I have ever taken. The outdoor sanctuary in New Bern, NC.

I have been going to Jacksonville, North Carolina for years. Other than having a ton of trees and ocean views, there isn’t much going for it. Luckily, it’s nicely situated in between a lot of cool places. Unfortunately, I hadn’t looked into many of the surrounding areas until the last couple of years; even then, I didn’t look very hard. I’m kicking myself because I’ve been missing out.

New Bern, North Carolina is just one of those places I’ve been missing out on. A small town on the Neuse River only an hour north of Jacksonville. An easy day trip. With my never ending well of charm mixed with persistence, stubbornness, lack of self-respect, and my willingness to beg in combination with Alex’s complete ambivalence towards our activities as long as he’s gotten enough sleep, I managed to convince him a trip to New Bern, North Carolina wouldn’t be a terrible way to spend an afternoon. 

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Pepsi-Cola outside the shop in front of the Bradham Pharmacy sign.

I think every town has a claim to fame; this is absolutely refutable. New Bern, NC doesn’t have a small claim to fame. They’re the origination point of Pepsi-Cola; it’s a huge claim to fame. Pepsi is the soda I grew up on. Caleb Davis Bradhem ended up opening a drugstore on a corner in downtown New Bern. In 1893, he invented “Brad’s Drink” as a healthy way to help digestion. In 1898, he renamed it Pepsi-Cola after dyspepsia, or indigestion. By 1903, Pepsi-Cola was an official company and trademark due to its popularity. You can still visit the site where Pepsi was created on the corner of Middle Street and Pollock Street. The soda shop serves Pepsi and popcorn, and there’s a gift shop on the other side of the soda fountain. The store opened its doors in 1998, one hundred years after the creation of Pepsi-Cola. Alex and I bought matching shirts because we don’t know if we’ll ever be back. I’m a Pepsi girl, and he loves his Mountain Dew, so it was fitting. 

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Alex and I in our matching shirts!

New Bern isn’t just home to Pepsi, it is the second oldest town in North Carolina having been founded in 1710. It served as the first state capitol. There’s a gorgeous church standing across the street from the Pepsi shop. The church yard is home to headstones with faded lettering dating back to the eighteenth century. Ginkgo trees sheathed in Spanish moss shade the outdoor sanctuary. It really is stunning. The downtown is full of picturesque spots and well kept buildings. There are over 150 buildings and homes on the historic registry. It’s easy to get lost in the small town charm of this waterfront town. 

I wish I had known about this town about five years sooner. If you’re ever in town, grab a glass bottle of Pepsi and stop by Wiener Haus because it has some pretty good food. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Experiences, Style, Travel

So Long, Jacksonville

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At Bush International Airport bright and early to fly to Jacksonville. I DID pair a Spider-Man tee with a Pink Satin Pleated Midi Skirt! I’m so avant garde! | Shoes | Suitcase | Sweater | Purse | Belt | Earrings | Watch |

I love traveling. Obviously. I do it all the time. I last left Jacksonville a month and four days ago, so why am I back so soon?

Jacksonville, North Carolina is an interesting place. I was not immediately smitten. The process took a few years. Situated in swamplandia, it’s not much to look at. Their main claim to fame is the Marine Base: Camp LeJeune. Like most military towns, there is an abundance of strip clubs, pawn shops, used car dealerships, tattoo parlors, and barbershops because what else could a young military man want (and I do mean man, well maybe guy). The average age of the town can’t be more than 25 because the military is notoriously young. The natives are ambivalent towards the transient military community, but they manage to coexist in the dysfunctionally-functional way people trend toward. When a civilian finds out I’m in town visiting a guy in the military, their eyes glaze over and I receive a cursory nod and “Oh…” before they move on to more interesting clichés of life. Wealth is not evident, and the town feels like it would immediately implode if the military ever forsook them. There are pieces of history and beauty scattered throughout. A river runs through downtown on its way to the ocean, where you can find a wooden boardwalk sloping from age and water. A cobblestone block runs in front of a cute café. Historic buildings, Victorian homes with wrap around porches, and a white-steepled church make the area quintessentially small town cute. It did take me four and a half years to find this spot in town devoid of strip malls and other less than tasteful establishments.  

All of that said, I have a warm spot in my heart for this hiccup of place. What the town lacks, nature makes up for. People are genuinely kind, whether I’m military adjacent or not. Many are far from home, hailing from every nook and cranny of the country. Where the city stops, the ocean and forest immediately begin. You don’t have to drive more than fifteen minutes to find a beach. If you’re willing to go a little farther, you can find lighthouses and islands and the North Carolina of postcards. 

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The small town cute in downtown Jacksonville.

I have no desire to live in Jacksonville. There is a HUGE chance, I’ll never be within city limits after this trip is done.

I’ve been a frequent and enthusiastic visitor to Jacksonville, Camp LeJeune, and MCAS New River because it has been home to my best friend for five and a half years. After finishing boot camp and his MOS training, he was stationed as a helicopter mechanic at MCAS New River. I visited him for the first time in Jacksonville exactly five years ago to the day for Labor Day weekend. We went to beaches and reconnected after eight months apart. My life has changed immensely in those five years. I quit my jobs in downtown Chicago’s corporate America, which allowed me to see him more often and for longer. I started freelancing – aka bartending to pay the bills. I moved to Houston and freelanced – for realsies, no bartending necessary. I began a blog. I started traveling even more. I adopted a dog. I rediscovered the fuel of my spirit. Alex and I fell apart and reconnected. It’s been a journey. 

Throughout it all, I’ve been a regular visitor to Jacksonville, North Carolina. But this is my last trip. I’m not ditching Alex for a sparkly new best friend forever and always. He is leaving the Marines behind him. In a few days, he will be discharged after six years honorable years of service, three deployments, and a lot of sleepless nights to start his life a civilian somewhere in the world. I’ll have a new place to frequently and enthusiastically visit.  

So this is a last minute farewell tour of a town I would have never gotten to know or grown to love if it weren’t for the Marines. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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I’m looking very confused as to what to do with this sweater, while trying not to over heat in the 6:00 am heat of Houston, Texas.
Books, Fiction

The Farm by Joanne Ramos

Worth a Read Yes
Length 336
Quick Review Golden Oaks is a gilded cage for the very wealthy to know their babies are getting the best of everything including surrogates. 

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Reading The Farm by Joanne Ramos in Jacksonville, North Carolina. | Dress | Shoes | Sunglasses
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Cover of The Farm by Joanne Ramos. | Dress |

The Farm is Joanne Ramos’ debut novel. Ramos balances the outlandish and the painfully possible reality the near future could hold for privileged and not-so-privileged parts of society. 

Golden Oaks is a place where young, healthy, pretty, desperate-for-money women go to be Hosts for lavishly wealthy Clients in want of a baby or three. Located a few hours outside of New York City, it couldn’t be a safer or more beautiful place for a baby to grow under the watchful eye of trained health professionals looking after every aspect of the baby and the Host. Women of all colors, backgrounds, and ethnicities are hosts at Golden Oaks, which is not-so-lovingly referred to as The Farm by many of the Hosts. 

The story follows four women from vastly different backgrounds. Mae is an American of Asian descent who manages Golden Oaks. Jane is a Filipino immigrant trying to support her daughter. Ate is Jane’s older, Filipino, immigrant cousin who nannies for upper class New York families.  Reagan is a young, wealthy, white woman trying to make enough money to support her art career without her father’s money and control. The Farm dives into socioeconomic diversity and driving forces behind poverty, emigration, and choices women make based solely on need. 

Ramos fills The Farm with interesting plots and characters. There is a 1984 Big Brother kind of feel to the novel that is simultaneously overtly creepy yet almost comforting. Though, the plot has a happier rather than completely realistic ending, there are very realistic aspects and problems to Golden Oaks that ground the plot in human emotion and complexity. Ramos doesn’t simplify difficult concepts nor does she try to explain them. She tells a story about motivation, poverty, and womanhood allowing the reader to take away what they will. 

The quote “Sometimes a person has no choice but hard choices…” is incredibly insightful and the entire point of The Farm. Though simple in concept, it can be hard for people who have never experienced that kind of desperation to understand what women will do when their backs are against a wall looking into the mouth of a hippo.    

The Farm is heartbreaking and infuriating. Joanne Ramos’ has quite a literary career ahead of her if this is what she brings to the table with her debut novel. 

Memorable Quotes
“But babies are stronger than people think, and smarter.”
“the monumental efforts taken to make Clients feel food about outsourcing their pregnancies.”
“As if being a good girl and being strong willed were in conflict.”

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Title: The Farm
Author: Joanne Ramos
Publisher: Random House
Copyright: 2019
ISBN: 9781984853752

11..., Lifestyle

11… Reasons I Don’t Hate Nicholas Sparks

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I LOVE lighthouses!!!! This one is on Oak Island. | Skirt Set | Head Band |
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Even with the summer heat of North Carolina, it’s gorgeous. | Dress | Shoes | Sunglasses |
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Beaches are my happy place.  Top Sail Beach. | Bikini Top | Bikini Bottom | Beach Towel |
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Dance! It’s the ocean with a forest view! | Swimsuit | Cover Up | Head Band |
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My favorite sign ever in existence. Can’t argue with freedom! | Skirt Set | Shoes | Sunglasses |
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It’s just such a pretty state!!!!

Spoiler, I can’t stand Nicholas Sparks’ writing. It’s boring, formulaic, and extremely unrealistic. Sorry, but I like my reading material to be somewhat grounded in reality. The one thing he gets right: the setting. Almost all of his books are set in the Carolinas, focusing in on North Carolina. Why? I don’t know, but probably because he lives there. Specifically New Bern, North Carolina, which is a forty-five minute drive from where I visit with high frequency because my bff is stationed in Jacksonville.

This list actually has nothing to do with Nicholas Sparks and everything to do with the beauty of North Carolina. I no longer loathe the writing of Nicholas Sparks solely because the state is gorgeous. So we see eye to eye on one thing. Maybe more, I don’t know the man. 

  1. Bald Head Island This is numero uno on the list because it will eventually be on my top 11 favorite places in the world list. Bald Head Island is about as far south as you can get in the great state of North Carolina. You can read more about it here
  2. Lighthouses I LOVE lighthouses. They are my favoritest things. Maybe not my absolute favorite, but I have an intense fascination with them. I have only seen two in real life, but I’m working on upping that number significantly.
  3. MCAS New River This is actually kind of a crappy place, but I will always have rose colored glasses for it because my bff-for-always-and-ever lived there for five years. Happy memories for the win. 
  4. Wild Ponies I have not personally seen the wild ponies, but they exist in the Outer Banks. I love the idea of wild ponies, and hope to see them for myself at a respectful distance someday. 
  5. Sea Turtles Sea turtles lay their eggs on the beaches of North Carolina. I have not been able to see the hatching of these miraculous babies, but I have seen the nests(?), which is sand with a sign saying leave this space alone or something to that affect.
  6. Beaches There are beaches all over the world, but I seem to frequent the North Carolina ones with the most frequency. They’re lovely. 
  7. Oak Island I just recently found this gem. It is an island right across from Bald Head Island. It has a lighthouse of its own. I can play in the ocean and see two lighthouses. It’s magic. Not really, but it made for a magical day. 
  8. Biltmore Estate I’ve never been to this grand place in Asheville, North Carolina, but I hear it is super duper fabulous. I hope to make it there one of these days. 
  9. Proximity North Carolina is five hours away from my best friend in DC and four hours away from my close friends in Virginia Beach. Gotta love the East Coast and their tiny states. 
  10. Blue Ridge Mountains I have not had the pleasure of exploring these mountains in earnest or at all, but I have driven through them a good many times. They are beautiful. The first several years I drove through them was solely in the dead of night…
  11. Charlotte Douglas International Airport I really love the Charlotte airport. It has huge windows and Adirondack style rocking chairs. Also, they do a fabulous job decorating it for Christmas. 

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Books, Fiction

Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes

Worth A Read Yes and No
Length 304
Quick Review A predictable love story about a widow and a pro baseball player beginning again. 

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Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes | Swimsuit | Sunglasses

Evvie Drake has lived in small town Maine all her life. She’s married to the beloved doctor. Her porch is the prettiest in town. As she packs her bags to leave him and her life behind, he dies. There are pages one through four. Evvie is forced to figure out what to do next because it’s impossible to leave a dead husband. Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes is a sad and funny look into the after. 

The plot is subpar and not interesting in any way. It’s about as trite and saccharine as a love story can be. Every single character and interaction is overdone and predictable. Nothing is a surprise. The sad girl who’s only ever been seen by one man and is the pity of the town even though the dead husband was *gasp* abusive is finally seen as sexy and alluring in her sweaters by a famous ex-baseball player who is going through his own struggle because he can’t pitch anymore *oh no!!!*. They flirt, boink, go their separate ways because misunderstanding, throw in a dog and some great scenery, cut to the last ten pages, and you know the ending.  

The only redeeming factor to the Evvie Drake Starts Over is Holmes’ dialogue. Though the plot is crap, the dialogue and humor pulled me through. As much as the characters are a bore, I do like them. They’re funny and witty and completely flawed. Evvie resonates with me because I too existential crisis “”lie on the floor in the middle of the night and contemplate my existence.”” Holmes paints the characters as if they are much older than their early thirties. I’m not even in my thirties and I love sweaters, but leading with those factoids makes Evvie seem old and matronly. Add in the widowhood, and I had to keep reminding myself she was basically my age. The conversations between characters is funny in the way I like to think I am with my friends:
Evvie: “”Everything okay?””
Dean: “”Yeah, yeah, sorry about the noise. Knocked a box off the counter. It’s never the box with the sheets in it, you know? It’s always whatever will make it sound the most like you tried to murder a robot by throwing it down a couple of flights of stairs.””

It’s super baseball themed because the love interest is a sports dude, ugh. The book is split into parts: Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer to Opening Day. 

Honestly, the plot in Evvie Drake Starts Over makes me sad. The dialogue is funny and engaging. I was hoping this would be something more… I can’t tell you what, but I was hoping it would be a better version of a rom-com. Although, it is a great read for vacation. I powered through it in one day on the beach. Tough life, I know. 

Memorable Quotes
“Evvie’s Scandinavian grandmother had claimed that young women dream about the husbands they want, old women dream about the husbands they wanted, and only the luckiest women, for a moment in the middle, dream about the husbands they’ve got.”
“She stretched out on the sofa, trying to ignore the do something, do something voice…”
“”Climate-change denial is flat-earth idiocy for people who want us all to drown.””

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Title: Evvie Drake Starts Over
Author: Linda Holmes
Publisher: Ballantine Books
Copyright: 2019
ISBN: 9780525619246