Category: 11…

11…
A list of things, people, places, whosits, whatsit, and random things I write about on Mondays at 11:11.

11..., Lifestyle

11… Ways To Be Bougie On A Budget

RaeAnna

I love looking put together, but I hate spending money. I’m frugal because I like having a cushion to fall back on and I would rather spend that money on travels or dogs. Let’s be honest, most all of the money goes to the dogs.  

I’m a recent convert to press-on nails.

At thirty, I am not financially where I had hoped I’d be ten years ago or even two years ago, but I am lucky to have a partner to share the burden with and who supports that I’m following my dreams and doing what makes me happy. I have been very, very poor, and those experiences taught me a whole lot of things. How to make due; how to save; how to look like you’ve got a lot with a little; and how to responsibly enjoy the extra money I do have. 

Over the eleven years I have been on my own adulting it in the world, I’ve picked up some tricks to do bougie on a budget. Everyone deserves to look amazing without the haute couture price tags. Some things are super budget friendly and others are a little bit more extravagant, but they’re all budget friendly. 

  1. Press On Nails This is number one solely because it’s pictured. I learned how to paint my own nails incredibly well by the time I was in fifth grade because, even as a kid, I wanted to look good. Honestly, painting nails is incredibly budget friendly, but it’s time consuming and difficult to make it look salon quality. I’m a recent convert to press on nails; now, I think they’re great. The key is in getting short or medium length to keep it classy, but this is also because as a writer, I need to type, and long nails make that hard. It’s also important to make sure each nail is properly sized to your nail. And just put ‘em on! They’re quick and ready to go, and they haven’t ruined my actual nails yet. I love them for trips especially. 
  2. Designer & Designer Outlet Sale I’m a tall girl, and it’s really hard to find clothes that are long enough. When I lived in Chicago, I started shopping at designer outlets and designer stores during sale season. Being in Houston, that trend has continued. A whole bunch of clothes in my closet are designer because I hit up the sale racks and look. It takes some effort but is completely worth it. I found a $1200 Ralph Lauren evening gown for $54. I’ve bought amazing dresses and pants from Saks Fifth, Neiman Marcus, Guess, Calvin Klein, and more for less than $20. The best sales are in late August, all the summer stuff is being switched out for fall and winter, and my favorite time to shop is the week after New Year’s. So many sales on top of all the Christmas sales.  
  3. Black and White When in doubt, black and white color schemes are classy. They may not be personality forward, but they always look bougie. Black pants with a white turtleneck, damn girl or guy or they! White on white, killer. Black on black, stunning. Add a little grey in there, yum.
  4. Accessorize I would love to tell you that I have a minimalist closet—it’s good for the environment—but that would be a lie. I love clothes and shoes. I donate what clothes I no longer want or wear, but I tend to keep things for well over a decade because they still fit and I still like them. Like everyone, I have favorites that I wear over and over again. Changing what I wear a piece with can take it from casual to dressy to casual and all over the place. It’s amazing how versatile pieces can be when you pair them with something different. 
  5. Make Sure It Fits I try everything on and only buy things that fit and are comfortable. If it’s not comfortable I won’t wear it. If it doesn’t fit in the important ways, I don’t buy it. If a piece is too long or a little too big in places, that can be fixed. But if the waist is two inches too high, it makes my boobs look weird, pulls in the crotch, or whatever, it’s not for me, even if I love it. Same goes for shoes. Buying heels and even flats that fit properly makes them look more expensive than they actually are. Please do not buy shoes that gap in the back, it will cause blisters and look like a hand-me-down.
  6. Lipstick This is so personal. I love a good lipstick. Even if I don’t manage to do anything else, swiping on my favorite lip color makes me feel bougie and put together. Minimal effort, maximum result.
  7. Flowers As the best friend of a florist, I am biased and think we should all support our local florists and go boutique. The budget-conscious me says any flowers will do! I love boutique flowers because they’re beautiful, unique, and made with care. BUT flowers from your grocery store, Trader Joe’s, and backyard are gorgeous. They’re a simple touch that adds life to any room or event. If you show up with flowers to an event for the host, you exude bougie behavior, and everyone likes to be thought of. 
  8. Tailor It Finding a good tailor is so important. I have one I love in Houston that is really inexpensive. I almost never spend more than $20 on a piece. Tailors can take clothes that fit and make them look custom. I’ve tailored everything from pants and dresses to a jumpsuit. It’s an amazing option when something is too long or too big. Tailoring clothes that no longer fit is a great way to keep what’s in your closet without spending a ton on a whole new wardrobe. I’m obsessed with tailoring pieces. 
  9. Accumulate Knowledge Google is free. I think one of the bougiest and sexiest things a person can be is knowledgeable, especially about things they love. Do not confuse this with condescension; that is the worst. For instance, I love tea. So I’ve read books and googled lots of facts about tea, which I happily share with friends and sometimes strangers, when not completely inappropriate. For the first time ever, knowledge is accessible to all, and it’s the easiest thing in the world to google something you’re passionate about. 
  10. Start Saving Saving when you don’t have any money at all is hard and sometimes impossible; I’ve been there. Saving when you’ve never saved before is also hard. Start by saving whatever you can, no matter how small. Whether you’re saving for old you, a vacation, a nice something-or-other, a home, or something in between. Having savings makes me feel secure and more likely to invest or even splurge on quality items or things that make me happy. I’m nowhere near swiping without thinking, but maybe someday I will be. There are so many amazing resources out there to help you get started, but having a cushion for tough times or rainy days is bougie as fuck. I love a good savings account.
  11. Invest in What You Love Don’t spend money on things you don’t love. I buy clothes I love and that I will love for a long time. I don’t buy clothes based on trends because I’m too cheap for that. I don’t buy seasonal decor for my house because I don’t give a damn about that. I spend my money on lattes because they make me happy when I’m out with friends. I buy dog toys because I love how happy and energized it makes my babies. I used to buy books because they make me happy, now I get them from publishers. I buy art because I like to put it on my walls. I buy camera equipment because I love taking pictures. I have a well stocked tea cart because it fuels my work brain and my spirit. Investing in the things we love shows because we’re happier surrounding ourselves with our own passions. And happy is the bougiest thing we can be.  
  12. Know How You Photograph *Bonus* This is solely for looking bougie on a budget for Instagram. We all have our best angles, lighting, aesthetic, looks, colors, etc. And this is so completely up to you. Whatever you feel best and most confident in and love the way you look in pictures is what you should focus on. Looking bougie in photographs is all about setting up the shot and knowing how you want to look. If you’re shooting with a friend or even photographer and have an idea in mind, explain it to them. I often have my photographer sit where I will, and I take the shot of them so they know exactly what I want. Or you can search Pinterest/Instagram for ideas to show them. Practice in front of a mirror or take selfies with a timer/remote to see what poses you’re comfortable in and like. Don’t be afraid to try new things and then keep on trying. I delete 80% of the pictures I take, and I keep on failing and learning. 

These have been some of the ways I make my life look so much grandeur than it actually is. I surround myself with things I love that make me feel happy and confident. So much of being bougie is figuring out where your priorities are and then following through. When it comes to instagram… That’s a fragment of everyone’s realities. Real life is layered and complex and fascinating. Bougie can be ugly; cheap can be stunning; happiness is always priceless. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

11..., Lifestyle

11… Fun Facts I Know and Love to Share

RaeAnna

I am a huge fan of knowledge. It’s really the reason I love to read. I want to know everything about anything. As a kid, I’m pretty sure I took “knowledge is power” literally, and I’m not sure I ever stopped. Knowing things makes me feel more secure in the world; I don’t mind not knowing things or the absence of knowledge. 

Me trying my super hardest to soak up all the knowledge.

The invention of the internet then high-speed internet then smartphones has made my pursuit of knowledge so much easier. If I don’t know something, I pull out my phone and do a quick Google search. Some of the things I learn stick for good, others may not. I grew up in the era before home computers were everywhere. Hell, I grew up when cell phones were a luxury. If I wanted to know something, I had to open a book or a dictionary. Now, my home had a dictionary and an encyclopedia, but those only do so much. So I kept a notebook with a list of things I wanted to know, and when we would take our frequent trips to the library, I would find the answers to my questions. 

Instant gratification did not exist as a child on my search for knowledge; however, it does now. And I take full advantage of Google. My search history is diverse and sometimes a bit frenetic. “David Bowie’s birthday” may be followed by “who founded quantum physics” followed by “what gun did Billy the Kid use.” Why oh why do I need to know these things? Frankly, I don’t. But I want to. I like finding answers to my questions. I like collecting information. I like being the person who is full of random facts. 

I have been called a know-it-all. I used to say “Well, actually” with my pointer finger extended. Then I realized that’s incredibly off putting. So I replaced “well, actually” with “fun fact!” and jazz hands because I have to gesticulate when I speak. Sometimes I don’t even realize I know something about a topic until someone says something, and I realize I have a factoid to add to their statement… Or correct their statement to make it factually correct.

When people find out I’m a knowledge nerd, a perpetual learner, an eternal student, a seeker of truth, they often want to know some fun facts. I realized it’s rather difficult to come up with fun facts on the spot when not prompted by conversation or information. So I compiled a handful of fun facts that I can spout at a moment’s notice. Some of these are fun facts and others are just facts that I like to tell people are fun because knowledge is cool, and no one can tell me different.  

  1. The pound sign, or hashtag if you will, was originally called the octothorp. Yes, it is also known as the number sign. The symbol itself has roots dating back to ancient Rome, the modern incarnation can be seen in variations since 1850. There wasn’t an official name for the symbol, which appeared on the bottom right of a telephone keypad. So Don MacPherson, a Bell Telephone Laboratories engineer, created the term octothorp. Octo- for the eight points in the symbol and -thorp in honor of Olympic medalist Jim Thorp. There you have it.
  2. Qatar, Monaco, and Cuba have the highest number of doctors per capita at 77, 71, and 67 respectively. 
  3. Magnolia trees are older than bees. They were [probably] pollinated by beetles until bees evolved and started pollinating the flowers and plants of the world. 
  4. The average international height of men is 5’7.5”, but average height varies drastically throughout the world. Timor has the shortest men on average, and the Netherlands boast the tallest average men. 
  5. David Bowie had heterochromia, which is an eye condition causing the eyes to be two different colors. It is very rare in humans, but it is far more common in animals. Several dog breeds see frequent occurrences of the condition, such as: Huskies, Border Collies, and Australian Shepherds.
  6. French and Russian have a lot of cognates, or words that sound similar and mean the same thing. I could get into the history of the two countries and how that affected Russian’s linguistic evolution but that’s another story entirely.
  7. Queen Elizabeth I died on March 24, 1603, which is exactly 391 years before my little brother was born on the same day. 
  8. Women are 73% more likely to be injured in a car accident than men. Funny, men and women have different insides, but crash test dummies are all modeled after the male anatomy. The crash test dummies used for women in cars are just small men. Cars are literally not designed to protect women. This isn’t necessarily on purpose, but data bias is a real thing and causes real, inherent problems in the world. But you know, we’re just women.
  9. Dr. Jen Gunter, a respected gynecologist, said that menstrual cramps are much more painful than a heart attack. Take this with a grain of salt because heart attacks in women often come with no pain because, SHOCKER, heart attack symptoms are different in men and women. Still menstrual cramps can be absolutely debilitating; I speak from experience. 
  10. Nigeria has been home to some of the most famous African writers, and many are of Igbo descent. Chinua Achebe, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Flora Nwapa, Christopher Okigbo are among them.
  11. One of the ways scientists proved all human life originated in Africa is through study of linguistic evolution, also known as evolutionary linguistics. Language originated in Southern Africa and evolved uniquely into families with specific characters. As humans dispersed, their language evolved and became simpler. Languages tend to lose phonemes, a distinct unit of sound, as they evolve away from their mother language. Africa is home to languages with more phonemes than other continents/countries and their languages. Like any science, this is a whole lot more complicated and fascinating than I’m making it. Today, the Taa language, spoken by people in Botswana and Namibia, has the most phonemes with a total of between 93 and 109, depending on the source. Rotokas, native to Papua New Guinea, has the least phonemes at eleven. 

Yes. I really know all of these things off the top of my head. I did fact check to make sure my knowledge wasn’t outdated, but these are things my brain has decided are important enough to store long term. I’m not complaining; though, I look like a real nerd, which is on brand for me. 

I love to learn. Some of these things directly correlate to my interests: women’s issues, books, and history. Some of these things were researched because it had something to do with my education: linguistics, language, and words. Yet some, I just have no idea why I know them other than I probably looked it up once upon a time, and it stuck. Permanently in my noggin. 

So I hope you enjoyed and learned a thing. Maybe this even sparked a sense of wonder and will elicit some random Googling and dives down the knowledge acquisition rabbit hole. Either way, I like fun facts!

bisous un обьятий,
RaeAnna

Shop the Post
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4543171″]

11..., Lifestyle

11… Habits I’m Trying to Re-Form This Summer

RaeAnna
A picture I took of Beau and I even before COVID and the puppy invasion… We were hiding from responsibilities then, and I we didn’t know what was coming yet.

Rescuing Tess, raising thirteen puppies, keeping four, dealing with rare doggy disorders, and surviving the pandemic did not ruin my life. BUT it did give me a really good reason to put off all my good habits. 

In my defense, I’ve been busy. 

The reality: I am no longer motivated to do all the good things I had been consistently doing in my life before becoming a pack mama. That’s right, I’m no longer a dog mom. I am a pack mama, which I can only equate to the feeling of being the very stressed Polar Express conductor as it mercilessly careens across the ice. If you haven’t seen the movie, the Polar Express does safely make it across the frozen lake… I think I see land. 

Back to my point. I had been working on developing really solid, unbreakable, healthy habits for myself in 2019 and 2020. Then Tess arrived. Then puppies arrived. Then COVID arrived. Then life stopped. Not stopped, slowed, drastically. Life changed very suddenly in very concrete ways. I stopped doing so many things I had worked really hard at doing on a regular if not daily basis. 

I had the goal of having a consistent routine before I turned 30. Hello, 30. You came exactly when you were supposed to, and yet I was completely unprepared. I wanted a routine of healthy and good habits before I turned 30 because it seemed like a good milestone. Creating a lifestyle is hard, but once it’s been done, maintaining it becomes a lot easier. I wanted to have a lifestyle I could maintain with relative ease by the time I hit 30. 

In a way, I did! Not the lifestyle I want, but an easy one to maintain. Wake up. Feed and let the dogs out. Work. Read. Eat. Enjoy exorbitant couch time with the dogs. See very few people. Sleep. These are easy things. A very manageable lifestyle, but not the one I want. 

I’m actively living my best life… aka not wearing any pants and barely managing to keep the dogs alive.

So this summer is about reforming the habits I lost in 2020 and maybe even forming some new ones!

  1. Exercise I don’t like exercise. Actually, I quite loathe it. But moving is so important. It helps just about everything. From sleep to mental acuity to aging to mood. Exercise is the key. I’m not looking to lose weight or really even change the way my body looks, I’m good with all that, but I put in the effort for my mind. My mind is the most important thing, the thing I love best about myself, the thing I want to maintain for the entirety of my life. Moving, exercise is the way to do just that. I am going to get back into doing yoga and pilates and barre and ballet. I slowed down because of the dogs, but I stopped when I got COVID. My lungs are starting to get back to a place where moving is an option again.
  2. Writing Book Critiques As a blogger with a big focus on books… I have done very little book critiquing even though I’ve been reading very regularly. I need to write like it’s my job… Oh wait, it is.
  3. Sticking to My Diet This isn’t a diet that I want to stick to. It’s a diet I need to stick to. I have a whole lot of pretty serious health issues. Staying on my diet can be hard and inconvenient and unfun, but it helps my body continue doing its job, which is staying alive. I fell out of being really strict about it because with everything going on it was just another thing on top of all the other things, and so I stopped being diligent. 
  4. Not Turning On the TV I used to be so good at waking up and not turning on the TV. Once I turn that sucker on, I have a hard time extricating myself from it. I started turning the TV on in the morning while the puppies played. I couldn’t leave them alone because they were very chewy. So TV was the easiest way to keep an eye on them without being distracted. So I’m going to start waking up and not turning the damn TV on.
  5. Maintaining A Sleep Schedule I lost my sleep schedule because of the puppies. I’ve always been bad about maintaining sleep patterns anyways; I do whatever my body wants. The problem: with my unfortunate health issues, sleep is essential. So I need to sleep regularly and enough even when my body and brain don’t feel like it, which is always.
  6. Reaching Out On Birthdays and Anniversaries I was pretty good at remembering birthdays and anniversaries for friends and family with cards. 2020 ruined that. I need to be better about it again.
  7. Getting Dressed I haven’t had many reasons to get dressed let alone get dressed up in 2020 or 2021… Or really since 2016 when I moved to Houston and became a full-time freelance writer. I love getting dressed up and wearing all the pretty clothes I’ve spent too many monies on. So I’m going to work on taking the few extra minutes to put effort into the way I look again. I do miss it. 
  8. Journaling This is not something I have ever done. As a writer, I’m a weirdo. I don’t like journaling. As a writer, I think it’s important. I’m also hoping it will help me process my anxieties, depression, life, and all those other things. 
  9. Going for Walks I used to go for walks with Beau and/or friends on a regular basis. I love walks because they get me out of the house and let me be in nature. I’ve always enjoyed walks. Plus this will help me leash train the puppies. Having a backyard has not beneficial to leash training. 
  10. Seeing Friends Again COVID really put a dent in my social life. I have missed so many friends because of social distancing and staying inside. I’m hoping as more and more people get the vaccine and restrictions are lifted, I can start seeing my people again. They’re wonderful and I miss them all.
  11. Working Regularly I used to be a bit of a workaholic. I worked a lot. Like a whole shitload. After the puppies were born and COVID affected a giant percentage of my clients, I have only been working the bare minimum. If I don’t have to do it. I don’t. This is not getting me ahead in any ways. Being a workaholic isn’t necessarily sustainable but neither is being a couch schlub. I need to find a balance between the two. 

I started slowly adding some of these habits into my life after the New Year to varying success. Starting small with the ones that are sustainable. I know I can’t make huge and sustainable lifestyle changes and immediately jump back to and improve upon what my life was before the puppies and COVID. That will only end up with nothing at all changing. I’m working on slowly adding the changes and habits in, guilt free. I’m giving myself grace to fail and sit in front of the TV for a day because change and habits don’t happen overnight. But I’m striving to do better, be consistent, show up, and work at getting into a new normal. Life will never be what it was with only one dog. That’s okay, I don’t want it to be, but I also can’t continue being a bare minimum human. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Posing in front of the Arc de Triomphe at Paris Casino in Las Vegas.
11..., Experiences, Lifestyle, Travel

11… Ways I Passed the Time in Las Vegas

RaeAnna
A boat filled with flowers floating in the Bellagio's Conservatory.
A boat filled with flowers floating in the Bellagio’s Conservatory.

The last five days, I spent exploring Las Vegas. I’d been once before… in December 1999. A little more than 21 years ago, so I had never really done Vegas because I was nine eight years old. Some would argue I still haven’t done Vegas because I don’t drink or gamble and the shows are still closed for the most part. That being said, there are loads of things to do, and I managed to fill my five full days with fun nonetheless. I got in very early this morning and am very ready for a nap. 

This is not a travel guide by any means. It’s just a quick overview of some of the fun I’ve had over the last five days. If you’ve been following my stories on Instagram, you know there were lots of outfit changes, food, and activities. Lots of pictures to come, but I need to go through them all and edit… Did I mention I didn’t get home til early this morning, so it’s not happening today.

Posing in front of the Arc de Triomphe at Paris Casino in Las Vegas.
Posing like the French girl I want to be in front of the l’Arc de Triomphe in Las Vegas. | Red Polka Dot Dress | Yellow Sandals | Yellow Wool Beret |
  1. Change Hotels There are so many fun hotels and casinos. If you stay for more than a few days, I suggest switching hotels like I did. I was able to experience Las Vegas from different vantage points, locations, rooms, and amenities. I stayed at the Luxor, Hilton Grand Vacation at the Flamingo, and Waldorf Astoria. I’ll chat more about each of them later!
  2. Content Creation One of my favorite things about being a writer and blogger is the content creation. I love having an excuse to take beautiful pictures. I’ve always loved being behind and in front of the camera. It’s taken me a lot longer to get comfortable being in front of the camera in public spaces, but I’m getting there. It’s always worth it when I see the finished product. I think everyone deserves amazing pictures of themselves, and we need to normalize that. But I did a lot of solo content creation all over The Strip. 
  3. Eat Oh my goodness. I ate so much all over the place. I will definitely have a dedicated food post. Some exceeded expectations. Some did not. I didn’t have any bad food, though. I did return to Eataly… a lot. 
  4. Work The blessing and curse of being a freelance writer is: I still work on vacation. In the before times, I traveled so much that not working every time I was on a trip would have been unfeasible and completely unrealistic. This was my first trip since COVID, but I still ended up working every day. I like it because it keeps me grounded and makes me appreciate the fun even more! Plus I’m more motivated to get it done ASAP, rather than procrastinate. 
  5. The Conservatory at the Bellagio I happened upon the Conservatory in the Bellagio on the very first day I was there. It was absolutely stunning and beautiful and everything my flower dreams are made of, so I went back… pretty much every day. 
  6. Walking I walk a lot when I travel. I walked between 8.75 and 14.6 miles every single day. I love going, going, going to explore everything. I’m not good at down time when I’m traveling. I have a few blisters from a poor shoe decision on the last day—the photos made it totally worth it, however. 
  7. Pool + Reading I landed at 8:45 Wednesday morning, and I was already checked into my room at the Luxor. I headed straight to my room, put on my swimsuit, grabbed a book, and sat my butt by the pool. It was 9:45, and I was two chapters into a new book and soaking up the sun. #goals I did sit poolside with a book every single day I was there. (The Waldorf Astoria’s pool is by far my favorite.)
  8. People Watched Oh, Las Vegas. It might be one of the more interesting places to people watch, especially late at night. 
  9. Shopping, Shopping, Shopping I actually did not do a lot of shopping. I’m too poor for the stuff I really want to buy. I did buy a few souvenirs for friends. I don’t like to buy things plastered with the location on them for myself—the exception being mugs—so I buy things that I like and will remind me of the trip. This trip happened to be hats. I found my new favorite hat store and went a little crazy, but a responsible amount of nutty.
  10. Friend It Up I love traveling and being on my own because I meet the most incredible people. Sometimes there are some looney acquaintances made, but most of the time, I have really amazing conversations with total strangers. 
  11. See Friends Some of my closest friends just moved to Las Vegas. Maria of Millennial Fashionista grew up in Las Vegas. She, her husband, and baby just moved back. Due to COVID, I hadn’t been able to see or visit them in almost two years, which meant: I hadn’t met darling Clara!!! I was finally able to remedy that situation by spending Wednesday afternoon and evening with them. It’s never enough time when it comes to good friends, but anything is better than nothing, particularly when it’s meeting the most perfect baby in the whole world. 
The most perfect baby in the whole world!

I had a great time in Vegas. I was definitely ready to head home and cuddle my babies by Sunday evening. I will for sure miss the Waldorf and all its amenities. I guess I can live without a pool boy… If I must. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Shop the Post
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4452570″]

11..., Lifestyle

11… Ways I’m Forgiving Myself

RaeAnna

I can’t believe a third of the year has already passed us by. I was really hoping to make some positive changes in my life within 2021’s first few months. Unfortunately, I have been struggling to even come up with a modicum of productivity. 

Just out here looking for forgiveness…. | Black Dress |

I am going to lay a lot of that blame at COVID’s figurative feet. Not just COVID existing in the world. I haven’t talked about it on this platform yet, but COVID entered my home right after Christmas. My partner ended up in the hospital for three weeks and on oxygen for another three. I really struggled to make it through the worst parts of it myself. More than three months later, we’re both dealing with the aftermath of COVID. Breathing is still difficult. I get fatigued so easily. Life has slowed down significantly as we recover. I am not able to go-go-go the way I like to or am used to. So a lot of things fell by the wayside. Pretty much anything that has not been an absolute necessity has gone untended, and even some of the necessities. So fuck you, COVID, my year could have been better without you!

There has been more and more talk of self-care in the world. Self-care looks different from person to person. I’m really the last person to talk about it because I’m really bad at doing it myself. So this is not a post about that. But in my effort to be kinder to myself and try to reduce some of my mental load and anxieties, I’m going to extend eleven forgivenesses from me to me in an effort of self-care and self-preservation. 

I’m also forgiving myself for not posting this last week/yesterday like I had planned on… because I ran out of time and the physical ability to get it done the day after Easter/yesterday I decided to clean the entire house/the dogs/disinfect dog boxes, which is a chore.

Sending myself flowers as an apology to me. (from Amanda Bee’s because duh)
  1. I forgive myself for the stack of books I’ve read and not reviewed. This sounds trivial, but a huge part of …on the B.L. is book reviews. I started out as a book blogger, and though I don’t identify solely as a book blogger, it’s still an integral part of my platform and life. I quite literally majored in reading real good. Having been depressed, anxiety riddled, and ill for the last year, I’ve done a lot of reading and very little reviewing. So I forgive myself for not reviewing. I couldn’t do it. I did not have the mental bandwidth to write more than I absolutely had to. So instead of writing all the backlog reviews, I’m going to write reviews for the ones I really want to write reviews for. I will do a big post about all the ones I’ve read and am not reviewing; partially because I really like some of the pictures taken. Going forward, I will try—try being the operative word—to write about all the books I’m reading. 
  2. I forgive myself for getting COVID. I have a lot of guilt about this. Dylan and I have been so extremely careful, and yet it entered our home and almost took his life—and mine but I’m ignoring the severity of my own situation. I feel shame over having COVID. Like I need to keep it a secret and not talk about it. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I do. 
  3. I forgive myself for ordering out. I love cooking, but I have found no joy in it the past  several months. So I have found myself ordering in a lot. Like a lot a lot. Like too much. I take solace in the fact I’m supporting small businesses who are struggling to survive through COVID.
  4. I forgive myself for not exercising. I can blame COVID for this one. I had been in a really good habit of exercising [semi]frequently, but then COVID hit my lungs. I’m still having a hard time getting up and going, so exercise has gone by the wayside for now.
  5. I forgive myself for having a short fuse. My fuse has been short for a whole BUNCH of reasons. I wish I had more patience right now, but I don’t. At this point, my patience is being reserved for the dogs. The people who have to deal with my fuse, or lack thereof, understand and are being incredibly understanding. But the dogs don’t have the same ability to understand mommy’s shortcomings and humanity, so I give them all my patience because I’m not going to make them neurotic with my frustrations.   
  6. I forgive myself for not writing. I write for a living both as a freelance writer and for this blog. I love it. I really love my job, and I feel incredibly lucky to get paid to do something that interests and stimulates me every day. But the things I want to dive into and explore more on the blog take a lot of emotional exploration and inevitably lead to breakdowns and breakthroughs, and I love that, but it’s hard. In a year where I’ve raised and gave away puppies while going through a pandemic… I haven’t been able to go there. So, I am forgiving myself for that because it does me no good to dwell on what I haven’t accomplished. 
  7. I forgive myself for not socializing the puppies more. After buying a house, the need to socialize the puppies at the dog park decreased because I have a backyard. They don’t need to play at the dog park the way Beau did when she was an only dog living in an apartment. They have tons of playmates and the space to be rambunctious ding dongs. I still feel bad that they haven’t had that experience but a) we’ve been staying in because of COVID b) socializing five dogs—four puppies—is a lot of work and I didn’t have it in me. 
  8. I forgive myself for not working as much. This isn’t completely my fault, but I could’ve done more to work more. The pandemic hit my work load hard because my clients were hit hard. So the work dwindled. In a way, that was a blessing; it gave me time to raise puppies, rest, and not work when I had COVID. 
  9. I forgive myself for not sending Thank You cards last year on my birthday. I ALWAYS send Thank You cards when I get presents. My 29th birthday landed in the beginning of a pandemic but also in the middle of raising thirteen very needy puppies. I had no time…. And it fell by the wayside. I’m trying not to feel bad about that. 
  10. I forgive myself for being a lesser friend. I try to be a good friend. I try to show up, stay in touch, reach out, send notes, get together, and all those good things. In 2020 and 2021, so far, I have been a lesser friend. I feel bad, but I couldn’t be there for people the way I like to be. 
  11. I forgive myself for putting myself, my happiness, my mental health first. I’m not used to putting me first. And I’m terrible at asking other people to make me a priority, treat me well, give and not just take, and more. I’m not good at demanding the respect I deserve. No one taught me that. So at 29, I’m trying to be better about only accepting and keeping people in my life who are good for me. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Shop the Post
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4432491″]

11..., Blog + Dog, Lifestyle

11… Ways Tessa Changed My Life in 366 Days

RaeAnna
Celebrating Tess’ Gotcha Day with a cookie and her sister. I’m embracing the chaos of my life as it is without trying to make it beautiful for Instagram or the blog. Having six dogs, four under a year, is messy, and I’m okay with that.

A year ago last Friday, I was headed to an event in Houston. Dressed up in heels and a skirt, I stopped traffic to herd a very pregnant dog to the side of the road. Ignoring the honking and middle fingers, I persuaded this sad, scared looking dog into the back of my car. I had no idea what the hell I was going to do with her or what I was going to tell Dylan, but in my soul, I knew she was mine. A vet trip, Amazon shopping, several pet store runs, and six days later, Tessa had a name, a home, and thirteen healthy puppies. And I was embarking on the longest year of my life.   

Today, Tessa is a 35 pound ball of energy, cuddles, and love. She may be the smallest being in the house—except for the bugs Texas insists upon—but she refuses to get lost in the fray or be pushed around. She was a good dog from the moment I gently plopped her in my backseat, but she has come so far. She’s healthy, happy, and goofy. She is obsessed with her sister, Beau. Intermittent wrestling with her four ginormous babies on her very specific terms between sun-naps and mama-snuggles is how she likes to spend her days. She’s sproingy and gentle. I could go on forever about how fabulous she is, but y’all would get bored, and I would never finish writing this because I would have to take many breaks to give her gratitude kisses. 

I cannot imagine my life pre-Tessa. That’s 100% a lie. I can absolutely imagine my life pre-Tessa. It was not lacking for anything, but my life is more complete because of her. 

A year and a week ago, I would have never been able to picture the way my life looks today. I wouldn’t be surprised because this past year is exactly something I could have seen myself doing, but I would not have planned it. I learned so much about myself from and because of Tessa. I learned my heart has no shortage of love to give and I am able to willingly give up everything I can for those I love and those who need me. I learned to draw boundaries and stand up for myself. I learned to take and ask for help. I am a better person because I stopped traffic for a desperate dog. I am a more tired person because I decided to keep that desperate dog. I am a happier, more blessed person because I embraced the challenges of keeping that desperate dog and four of her babies.  

They sure enjoyed that!

  Tess changed my life in far more than eleven ways. Without a doubt in my mind, she changed my life in ways I have yet to grasp. She is a blessing and a challenge. But she is mine, and I am hers.

  1. Financially—Oh goodness… I haven’t done the exact math on the amount of money that has been spent because Tessa found her forever home in my home. The least I can say is, bye-bye savings! Hello, debt. I made responsible choices, but the financial impact of taking on a heartworm positive, massively pregnant street dog was not small. Between her health and making sure the puppies were alive, healthy, and thriving, I will be feeling it for a good long while. I say this without complaint. But it is definitely a big life change that cannot go unnoted. I don’t think people realize the financial commitment it is to take on a street dog, let alone a pregnant one. She and the puppies—those I kept and those I did not—are worth every penny spent, knowing they are happy, healthy, and forever loved. 
  2. Worry—The amount I worried about Tessa while she was pregnant, while she was momming, and during her heartworm treatments has been all-consuming. I worry about her and her babies constantly. It’s the mama in me, I know. I just want them to be safe. 
  3. Sleep… What is that?—I think I am still catching up on all the sleep I lost while I was taking care of the puppies. Tessa had thirteen puppies and eight lactating nipples. Even after the puppies were weaned, they did not sleep through the night. It took months to get them into a rhythm. Even now, they are early birds… I am not. It’s a process. 
  4. Home Ownership—Buying a home was a process we had already started when I picked Tess up. Having her expedited the whole experience and dictated the houses we were looking at. Bigger became better in both square footage and yard size. I love my home, but it’s not the one I would have picked if I were still a one dog mom.
  5. Taking Breaks—2020 would have been a taxing year without raising a pack. It felt like the emotional and psychological Olympics. I all but signed off of social media, blogging, and doing everything but the bare minimum in my social, work, and personal life. I did not and still do not have the emotional bandwidth to take on a lot. As a perfectionist managing my workaholism, having to settle for done and not working has been hard. I have finally been able to accept the fact that all the dogs are alive and healthy can be enough. That taking breaks from life (outside of responsibilities) is acceptable and necessary and sometimes even the healthiest thing to do. I will get back to being my Type A, workaholic self, but until I can, I’m not going to beat myself up about it.
  6. Waking Up—I hate waking up. Tessa does not love lounging in bed past eight without getting up for breakfast and a potty break. Her preferred method of waking me up is by howling if she’s in her box or pouncing straight on my face if she’s sleeping in bed. Neither of which are my preferred method of waking up, so it’s an ongoing adjustment. 
  7. Cleaning—Cleaning has never been my favorite activity, but I am a neat freak. There’s a lot of letting go that happens when you have six dogs. Cleaning has not been one of them. Things are messier than they used to be, but I do not want my house to smell like dog. So I clean. I clean often. 
  8. Pack Discount—I have so many dogs, I get a pack discount at the vet. It’s something, and I’ll take it.
  9. Embracing The Casual—I am a casual person, but casual is not my style. I love to look great, and I love having a house that looks pristine. Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! I have six dogs now, so casual has become the de facto. I live in sweatpants and tshirts. I have accepted my legs and arms will be covered in scratches from Tessa’s playful and attention seeking sproings. I sadly cover my beautiful couch with blankets so it will last. I have begrudgingly accepted the casualness of my new life. 
  10. Pants—Speaking of sweatpants… I never wore pants around the house until Tessa and the puppies. She loves to jump around and throw her paws. Little she may be; gentle she is not. To protect myself, I have made the ultimate sacrifice. Every morning as I get out of bed, with sadness in my heart, I submit to leg prisons. This is the meaning of a mother’s love.
  11. Love—The first night Tessa was in the house. I lay in bed listening to her breath. I was distraught with worry. I didn’t know if I could love another dog as much as I loved Beau. I was terrified Beau would feel less loved. I did not know if I had enough love to give Tessa and the puppies. I was an idiot. Love has been just about the only thing I have enough of. Love for them has given me the strength to lean on people, ask for help, accept my limitations, stand up for myself, set boundaries, and know when to say enough. As much as I love them, they have given it all back to me and so much more. Beau, Tess, Knight, Duke, Makeda, and Bear love me intensely. I have never felt more whole, more loved, more secure in the world than I do today. Tessa has changed so much of my life. So much of those changes have been challenging and heartbreaking, but it is completely worth it because of the love she and they give me every minute of every day. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. 

It’s hard to fathom a year has gone by. Feeling simultaneously short and long, I had no idea what was coming at me 366 (leap year) days ago. The moment Dylan and I decided to keep Tess and take on the challenge of raising puppies and finding them homes, I knew it would be an adventure. Oh boy, has it been an adventure. The adventure of my life. Tess was a life altering decision. One that I made without really thinking about it. All I knew was I had to save that desperate dog from being hit by a car. Here we are. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna + Tessa