Tag: Rescue Dog

Blog + Dog, In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Happy 2nd Birthday Tess, My Little Liar

RaeAnna
Tess was happy I FINALLY stopped teasing her with the cake and even wore a party hat to get a bite of that cake. | Dress | Hair Bow | Earrings | Necklace |

Happy Birthday Tess!

She’s reached the ripe old age of two, as of last Saturday. I’m late posting because I’m the worst mama ever, but she celebrated with cake. 

Alright, if I’m being honest, I have no idea when she turns two. That’s the nature of rescues. We just have no idea. The vet can give us an estimate of how old they think she is, but there’s no telling. Last year, when I took her to the vet the day after rescuing her pregnant-ass off the side of the road, the vet said they were doubtful if she was even a year old yet, which made me sad. How hard must her life have been to not only get shot (yes, there’s a bullet in her back), living on the street, and get knocked up all before her first birthday. 

Everyone deserves a birthday, and I decided to make Tess a year old upon her adoption into the Rekemeyer family by giving her the birthday of January 9, 2019. I also really like numbers in patterns, so that looks like 1.9.19 (Beau’s is 5.15.15). 

It’s not a birthday without a personalized, dog-friendly cake from Three Dog Bakery. Tess devoured her part, and no she did not eat the whole thing by herself. She definitely got the biggest slice, but everyone else got a slice too. Beau took her slice and ran so she could enjoy it in solitude. Knight carried his around the house with a prideful prance. Duke laid on the ground and ate it upside down with confused enthusiasm. Bear was terrified of the thing in his bowl and ran away howling. Makeda enjoyed her piece and Bear’s with optimistic bewilderment. The puppies don’t get people food or anything other than dog treats and their special food, so it’s always funny on the rare instance they get something out of their norm. 

Tess has been full of surprises from the moment I brought her home. Carrying a host of problems and a shockingly large litter, she has been the sweetest problem raiser I’ve ever encountered. Luckily, the problems and surprises have not been behavior or attitude things, they’ve all been her tiny body doing funky things or due to her previously homeless predicament. 

Tess eyeing her cake from Three Dog Bakery. | Hair Bow | Dress | Earrings

Of course, we couldn’t enjoy her birthday without a memorable hiccup. Due to health reasons and concerns from our various veterinary health professionals and specialists, the 2020 dog additions have not been fixed yet. 

Tess went into heat a month and a half ago. Every precaution was taken to prevent another unwanted pregnancy—not that I don’t love every single one of her puppies. No more babies! When I say, every precaution, I mean, everything physically possible was done to ensure there would be no incestual babies in my house. That being said, I rounded the corner one day to find Bear—the youngest, biggest, and most sexually aggressive puppy—attempting intimate relations with his mom through the bars of her kennel…. I guess where there’s a will, there’s an awkward attempt. If it weren’t so completely distressing, the effort would have been very comical to watch play out. I did not, however, watch it play out. Being a cock block has always been one of my many talents, and this mama stepped in right away. 

The likelihood Tess wound up with children once again through the kennel was highly unlikely, and I talked my anxiety demon down for a good month and a half. Then a week ago, I was laying in bed with Tess on my face (because where else, in a king sized bed, would she possibly want to settle?) and noticed her nipples and boobies were starting to engorge. Fuck… I took her to the vet for a pregnancy test as soon as they could get me in, which was an incredibly stressful  27 hours of researching second trimester dog pregnancy signs, googling Texas’ doggy abortion laws (yes, that’s a real thing), and crying about the fact that I let this poor little thing down. 

After spending $629, I found out Tessa is a big fat liar. 

She’s experiencing a false pregnancy. Thankfully there are no father-brothers or a grandma-mother in my house; yes, that felt as dirty to type as I’m sure it did to read. Suffice to say the vet and all the staff had a good laugh at the thought of Bear trying to canoodle through the bars of a kennel.

No babies. Tess is completely fine and a very happy two year old. She’s just hormonal and continues to surprise me in expensive, inventive, and stressful ways. Once she’s heartworm negative (we find out in April), we’re yanking that overachieving uterus.

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna + Tessa

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11..., Lifestyle

11… Ways I Have Avoided Dealing With 2020

RaeAnna
#12 I’ve also been dancing it out a whole lot! Although, that’s nothing new. | Skirt | Top |

2020 has been a shit year. I hate generalizations, but I think the world will agree with me on this one. It’s been a Biblical plague level disaster of a year. Part of me is so ready for it to be over, and the other part of me is terrified 2021 will pop and say, “So you thought 2020 was bad? Wait and see what I have planned.” I am truly concerned that this is the new reality for the world. My biggest life goal as an adventure seeker and travel enthusiast is to see the world. 2020 was supposed to be a year of international travel. None of that happened, but I am terrified in my core, that this is the new status quo. What if I can’t see the world? 

I’ve been emotionally distancing myself from 2020. Even though this year has produced more fodder for my social justice focused writing career, I have not been able to actually write about it. It hurts my heart too much. So I have spent all of 2020 avoiding 2020 and not doing my job and writing about the world and how it’s a dumpster fire on steroids.

  1. Puppies… I’ve been avoiding this year with puppies. Not only is this good for my mental health and increases the amount of love and affection I have in my life, it has also been good for the puppies. They didn’t die on the street with their mom from exposure or starvation. That’s dark but not untrue. I love my dogs, and they drained the life out of me for many months, but I would not change a Goddamn thing. 
  2. Netflix… They keep making new shows and movies, and I must watch them or I won’t know what’s going on in the world. Or I add them all to my list and never feel like I’m in the mood for that particular show or starting a new series or a movie or whatever so then I… [see #9]
  3. Sleep… I have never been a great sleeper. I pushed my parents sleep deprivation limits within the first year of my life because I didn’t sleep. Now, I just push my own limits of sleep deprivation. With work being less crazy—thanks COVID—and me having nowhere to go, I’ve been trying to give myself a normal human sleep schedule for the first time in my life. It’s not going great.
  4. Nyquil Induced Sleep… When I can’t sleep and I need to sleep but the anxiety is too high, I do the healthy thing and drug myself to sleep with Nyquil. Why am I admitting this online? In the vain of honesty? Maybe I’m just too sleep deprived to know better. Either way, this is a thing I do sometimes. 
  5. Relentless Existential Crises… The inside of my brain is not a happy place. I am an existentialist (just kidding, I’m a full on nihilist but that doesn’t sound as cute). I trend towards nothing means anything! and why do I even try? and my credit score won’t matter when I die! and it will all end in the Big Crunch anyways! Like I said, not a happy place, and this is what I crawl in bed with every night.  
  6. Reading… I have been reading without writing book reviews. Woops! There is a very large pile of books waiting to be reviewed sitting on my desk. I need to get to them, but I haven’t been able to force myself into being a productive human and writing down my thoughts for you all to not read. 
  7. Anxiety Induced Paranoia… Hi! I’m a human. I have anxiety. It’s debilitating and sometimes gives me streaks of paranoia. Like: My life-partner no longer loves me and has changed the locks, left my stuff by the curb, and won’t let me back in the house all because he fell asleep, forgot to plug in his phone, and can’t answer my call because the phone is dead. I absolutely do not have abandonment issues. But the anxiety monster pops up and says: You’re not worth being loved, so here’s a terrible situation that could TOTALLY happen and has happened. You’re now homeless. Best wishes. 
  8. Staring At My Computer and Doing Nothing… I absolutely am always productive. This is a lie. There are some days when I say “I’m going to be productive!” So I sit down at my computer. Open a document to start writing and finally make a tiny dent in my ever growing pile of books and blog posts I want/need to write. As I gaze upon my computer with my hands on the keys, I am overcome by the feeling of NOPE! So I stare at my computer and pretend like I was productive for two hours before saying, “Well, I tried.” I end it all by cuddling dogs and reading another book I hope to review someday. 
  9. Rewatching Shows I’ve Already Seen Too Many Times… This is a thing people with anxiety do. They rewatch shows over and over and over again because it’s comforting because we know what is going to happen. Instead of starting new shows, I just rewatch the old ones. This is the most productive thing (other than puppies) that I have done during quarantine. Sue me. I didn’t bake sourdough.
  10. Planning To Tackle Projects And Then Never Doing Anything… I NEED TO SET UP MY OFFICE AND PAINT MY HOUSE. I haven’t. I have all the things I need for my office, and yet it hasn’t been done. Oh well. That’s life. I know in my head what my house will look like when it’s done. It is beautiful. Reality: The walls are a terrible and dated color of greige. 
  11. Staring At The Ceiling… When in doubt. Lay in bed and stare at the ceiling doing nothingness. Seriously. Nothing but drown in self-doubt, anxiety, worry, and nihilism. 

Sending all my love to everyone who reads this and everyone who doesn’t. The world is a terrifying place right now. I’m hoping it gets better and we can all see and love one another again. Until then, I’ll just be here keeping up with avoiding 2020. 

bisous un обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Blog + Dog

Pupdate! Duke Is Having Surgery and I Am So Happy

RaeAnna
Duke loves to look out the windows and watch the world go by.
My sweet boy always makes me laugh.
Three month old Duke smiling for the camera.

Had you told me a year ago, I was going to own a house and fill it with six dogs, I would have been surprised but not shocked. I was happily living in an apartment with one dog and pushing against the constant “Can we get a second dog?” My answer was always “No.” I wanted to keep my life as simple as possible. One dog is not simple, but it is simpler than two dogs. Why would I not have been shocked? Buying a house was an ongoing conversation. I have a heart for animals, so there was probably a good reason I would have six dogs. 

In February, I brought home a stray dog, Tessa. We had already started the home buying process. Tess had thirteen puppies five days later. I kept saying we weren’t going to keep any except the mama. Dylan said, “We’ll keep one. We have to keep one.” I said, “Fine.” Then it turned into keeping two dogs. One for him, one for me. That turned into three dogs because the runtiest had made an extra special place for himself in our hearts after working our butts off to keep him alive and he had some health issues we wanted to make sure were properly seen to his whole life long.  

Keeping four puppies was an accident. Everyone had been claimed by the beginning of June, except Duke. He was the second runt and sweet as pie. Every prospective family fell through. The wife wanted him, but the husband said no. It wasn’t the right time. They didn’t pass my tests. 

He loves sitting with his face propped up on something.

It ended up being such a blessing Duke stayed in the family. 

I can’t imagine our family without Duke. He brings me so much joy. He’s the only one who likes to fall asleep in Mommy’s arms, and, dammit, I want a cuddler! If I didn’t, I’d have cats. Duke listens and learns better than the other dogs. He’s gentle and sweet and keeps Knight company. He loves playing with others but also being alone. He loves hanging around outside after everyone has gone in to soak up some sun. The addition to the family isn’t just because of his amazing personality, it is because he has some serious health problems. 

Duke’s top jaw is much longer than his bottom jaw. His lower canines are boring holes into his top palette. If the problem is not taken care of it will eventually lead to open sores, abscesses, infection, and a host of other serious problems. That’s just what we could see. His overbite started becoming noticeable around eight weeks old, but it wasn’t extravagant. By the time he was four months, it started being incredibly noticeable. And we started worrying. 

You can kind of see his funny overbite.

We took Duke to the vet regularly so they could check up on him. The beginning of September, I took him to the vet to have it checked because we were noticing significant effects. We were referred to several dental specialists so we could get him in ASAP. He had grown so quickly in two weeks; extensive damage/trauma happened in a very short period of time. We had several appointments saved with different dental specialists across the state. Finally one of the best dental specialists in the state/country was able to squeeze him a month ahead of everyone else. 

I have had so very many sleepless nights worrying about him and quite frankly how we’ll pay for it if the procedures end up being even more extravagant. The puppies have been a series of rare problems, and it has been expensive. LIke, really expensive. I don’t regret it, but we are to the very end of our financial string. We’ll make more money, but Tess and her thirteen puppies have one chance at life and we want to make sure those lives are happy and healthy. 

Up until a few days ago, we weren’t sure if Duke was going to have his toofers removed or need facial reconstructive surgery. His needs and future were up in the air until the specialist could take a look. 

Lounging is his favorite activity. He is such a fancy boy.

Thankfully, Duke’s is the best worst case scenario. All of his teeth have, miraculously, aligned well except his bottom two canines.

We have a surgery date! On November 5, he will go in for tooth reduction and vital pulp therapy—it’s a weird process that you can google if you really want to know what it is. As long as everything goes well, he’ll come home the same night. He’ll have seven days of taking it easy on his little mouth, and six months later, he’ll get to go back for a check in to make sure everything worked wonders. 

Duke gets to keep his teeth and his cute fucked up face forever. We are so, so, so happy and relieved. I have been an absolute mess worrying about him for the last three months wondering if this will be problematic and affect his quality of life forever, which has been my biggest fear for him. It won’t! He gets to be a happy, healthy member of the pack for years to come.

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna + Duke

He just wants to cuddle and look up at you with his big happy eyes.
Blog + Dog

Heartworm Journey 2.1

RaeAnna
Immediately after picking Tess up from the vet after her first heartworm shot last Friday.

Pupdate Time

Tessa came into my life as a sad, heavily pregnant dog I literally picked up off the side of the highway and placed in my car on February 26, 2020. The next morning, I took her to the vet to get her and the puppies checked out. Among other things,we found out she is heartworm positive. 

This isn’t the first time we have been through a heartworm journey. Six months after adopting Beau, we found out she was heartworm positive. Beau has been heartworm free for two and a half years. With Beau, we were able to start the treatment right away because she was [as] healthy [as she could be outside of the heartworms.] In an ideal world, we would have started Tess’ treatment schedule the day we found out, but it isn’t. Tess was pregnant, and treating heartworms is not safe for the pregnancy or the puppies while she nursed. We also needed to build up her strength, weight, and health. Having been a street dog, she was not in any condition to take on or survive the treatment. We started her on Heartgard (heartworm prevention) immediately to keep her from getting reinfected. Our focus was on getting her healthy and having some babies!

With both Tess and Beau, we have chosen to go with the gold standard of heartworm treatment. It’s expensive and takes time, but for us, it’s worth it. Everyone’s heartworm journey and circumstances are different. The path we have taken starts by keeping Tess calm. She’s about a year and a half, loves to play with her rambunctious kiddos, and wants to keep up with Beau more than anything. So calm has been difficult. You want to keep heartworm positive dogs calm because it lowers the risk of the worms spreading throughout the body. Once Tess had weaned the puppies, we started with a month of antibiotics to kill parasites that live symbiotically with the heartworms. After that month, there is a month off of medicine to give her body time to recover and time for those damn parasites to DIE. After the month-long waiting period, there is a shot to start killing heartworms. There’s an x-ray to see how much damage has been done and to make sure the treatment is even worth doing. If the damage is too extensive, it’s better and more humane to give palliative care. Heartworm shots are like chemo. They are very hard on the body and some dogs don’t make it through the treatment. We almost lost Beau after the first shot. Once the x-ray has been done and the all clear has been given, puppy gets shot one. They spend the day at the vet for observation to make sure there are no adverse reactions. The first shot is the hardest because it does the majority of heartworm killing. There is a month of severe activity restriction, steroids, and in many cases sedatives. The second and third shots come a month later and are given 24 hours apart. Puppy will go in one morning and get the second shot, stay the night for observation, have the third shot the next morning, and go home that evening. Another month of restricted activity, steroids, and sedatives. Physical activity can slowly be worked into the routine a month after the third shot. Six months after the third shot, another heartworm test is done to make sure the treatment was successful.

Tess is starting to feel better. The head cock is back.

Last Friday, Tess had the first shot. We started her on the antibiotics on June 1. July was her month of rest, and she will go in for her second and third shots the beginning of September. 

Before having the first shot, we had x-rays taken. The news was not as good as we hoped, but it could have been worse. With Beau, we caught it early, and the heartworms stayed in her heart. With Tess, the heartworms traveled into her lungs and set up camp. Her heart is quite enlarged. Neither is good news. Permanent damage has been done. Best case scenario, she will live a long and happy life. But there is a chance her years will be significantly lessened due to the damage. Whatever the outcome, we are doing everything we can to make sure she is happy, healthy, and loved for however long she is with us. 

The first night went pretty well. Tess was happy to be home but extremely exhausted and lethargic. Day two and three were terrible. She was exploding liquid from all her orifices. She was so sick and couldn’t keep anything in her tiny body. She and I sat outside in the grass for three hours in the middle of the night on Saturday as she dry heaved into the grass. It’s so hard to watch, and it’s even harder because I can’t explain what’s happening or why she feels terrible. Her symptoms are normal and expected because the treatment is a lot like chemo: it makes her feel awful in order to feel better. Late Sunday night, she started to feel better, and her smile came back. 

Tess has been a trooper. The pep in her step hasn’t gone away even though she is heavily sedated. Every morning, she wakes up excited to be alive and prancing outside to go potty. Every time she hears the pill bottle open, she comes running because she knows it’s treat time aka meds time. It breaks my heart not being able to play with her the way she wants to play; hopefully the next two months will go by quickly. 

Heartworms sucks. It sucks a little less this time around because the process wasn’t foreign. In some ways, Tess is having an easier time than Beau did. Having the puppies and Beau has kept Tessa’s spirits high. The puppies are completely oblivious to the changes, but Beau is so concerned that her best friend doesn’t feel good. Tess is constantly surrounded by toys because Beau keeps bringing her toys and giving her get well soon kisses.

I’m lucky that we’re able to give Tess and Beau the best treatment available, but it breaks my heart that it’s necessary. As a street dog, Tess didn’t have anyone looking out for her. Beau was in and out of homes, and the shelter didn’t prevent heartworms. 

HEARTWORMS IS COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE. 

In the South, it’s not an if but a when your dog will get heartworms if you do not give them heartworm prevention. It is so very important. The treatment to get rid of heartworms is extremely expensive and painful and not a guaranteed fix. If you have a dog, put them on prevention all year round. It could save their life. There are options. Heartgard is a monthly tablet. ProHeart is a shot you can have administered once a year at their annual check up. Just do it. It’s cheaper than getting rid of them and saves your heart the pain of having to watch your beloved pet go through something this awful. Believe me, I KNOW!!!!

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

11..., Lifestyle

11… Things I’ve Missed Over the Last Three and A Half Months

RaeAnna
Enjoying downtown Houston last summer when I had significantly less dogs and far more time and no COVID in my life. | Dress | Watch | Earrings |

The last three and a half months have been crazy chaotic for everyone around the world. You’ve probably noticed the hoard of puppies in my Instagram stories or the pictures or the posts I’ve managed to produce. COVID and quarantine have definitely had a serious impact on my life, but the puppies have had a far bigger impact. Working from home, my quotidien life didn’t change drastically because of quarantine, but it did change because of the swarm, which is what we came to call the thirteen puppies. I love them, but I have missed out on a whole lot of things because of them. 1000% worth it, though. 

  1. Sleep. I have missed sleep. What is it? I don’t even know anymore. They are sleeping through the night, so I’m getting more than two non-consecutive hours now. I am playing catch up. 
  2. Beau. Because I was living at my best friend’s house and then in Iowa, I went two months without seeing Beau. It hurt my heart, and I know it hurt her feelings because I disappeared with a gazillion dogs for EVER. Luckily, I’ve been back in Houston for two weeks, and Beau and I have been snuggling like crazy trying to catch up.
  3. Going Out. Even if COVID hadn’t shut down the world, I wouldn’t have been able to go out and enjoy the world. I feel like I’ve been so detached from everything because the puppies have kept me occupied and preoccupied. 
  4. Showers. I haven’t had tons and tons of time for showers, and even if I did, I’m not completely sure how useful they would be. The moment I get out of the shower, I tend to find poop or pee or throw up or most usually a combination of all three. It’s hard to convince myself to shower when I’m just going to be gross ten minutes later. Might as well stay gross.
  5. Reading. I have not had time to read because my time is spoken for. I’m about a gazillion books behind schedule. Woops.
  6. Looking Like A Human. I’m certain I look like an exhausted, chubby alien version of myself. Eating well went right out the window because I haven’t had the time to cook, let alone grocery shop. I’ve definitely put on some softer edges and some wrinkles. 
  7. Water. Honestly. I’m so dehydrated. I keep forgetting to drink water because… Well, I’m not good at it to begin with, so when I’m uber busy, hydration just doesn’t happen.
  8. Knowing What’s Going On. Whether it be what’s going on in the world or what’s going on with my best friend, I honestly have no fucking idea. I’m not even on social media right now. This is the first blog post in a month! I found out about George Floyd because my best friend texted me (I did take time out to protest because that is FUCKING IMPORTANT, and social justice is a huge part of …on the B.L., so I can’t not march.) I love my friends, but seriously, I hardly talk to them. 
  9. Money. I’ve been spending it like it grows on trees because these puppies have been ridiculously expensive because the number of them and they’ve also had some super fun rare medical problems, but they’re healthy now. Also I’ve not had much money coming in because COVID has slowed everything down. I so poor. 
  10. …on the B.L. Hello. I haven’t written or posted anything in weeks and weeks. It’s hard to motivate myself to do anything with the very little free time I have when I’m exhausted. So here I am, finally posting something. Woo!
  11. Houston. I’ve missed Houston. I was gone for a month, but even when I’ve been here I can’t even enjoy the outdoorsy things this great city has to offer because I’ve been momming it up. Oh well. Maybe soon. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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11..., Lifestyle

11… Devastating Things About Raising Puppies

RaeAnna

I have loved raising the puppies. From the moment I brought Tess home at the end of February, I knew my heart was going to break. Having had a litter when I was fourteen, I had an understanding of the difficulties lying ahead of me. It’s different because there were “only” ten puppies in that litter. Thirteen… that’s another story entirely. As an adult, though, it’s different; it’s harder. Being financially, physically, and emotionally responsible for the first three months of thirteen little puppy lives has been beyond hard. As much as other people have been around, I have almost completely been the sole caretaker. It’s one of the most taxing experiences of my entire life. It’s different than taking care of babies; in a lot of ways, it’s harder. The difference: it’s only for a few months.   

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Getting cuddles in before she goes. | Dress | Shirt 

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Boudica playing in the backyard before she went to her furever home.

  1. Boudica went to her furever home on Saturday. She’s the first to leave the litter. She needed to go to her family. She is so shy and timid, her brothers and sisters were overwhelming her, and she couldn’t grow into the explorative, happy puppy I know she will be given the space and patience she has found with her family. It is heartbreaking letting her go, but she couldn’t have found a better fit for her sweet soul. She has a huge back yard and will go on so many camping trips. My heart hurts without her, but it’s easier knowing she’s in the best place for her. 
  2. Health problems have been plaguing this journey. Puppy Strangles was one of the most terrifying experiences. Walking in after letting the two-week old puppies have an hour nap to find one struggling to breath through a swollen face and hard neck dropped my stomach. Two more had it within the hour. We didn’t know what it was; luckily, we went to the ER, and they were able to get the help they desperately needed. It was five weeks of antibiotics and steroids to make sure they would be healthy and happy the rest of their lives. They’re perfect, and you’d never know we almost lost Oryol, Athena, and Knight. Noski has a degenerative joint problem; it was so bad, I wasn’t sure he was going to make it because he couldn’t walk. He absolutely was not himself, and my heart broke watching him struggle to lift his head. Tess had a hotspot, which showed up overnight, leaving her with no hair and huge scabs around her neck. It looked like I had her collar on too tight for ages; I felt horrible. She was on steroids and anti-inflammatory medicine for weeks to get rid of it… The hair hasn’t grown back yet.  
  3. Tess has struggled. She has absolutely persevered and been a rock star mom… But there are THIRTEEN puppies and EIGHT functional nipples. The math does not work out in her favor or mine. They all want to be with her and love on her, and she’s exhausted and fed up with the swarm. It’s hard watching her do her very best by them. She’s torn between wanting to be with them and wanting to be alone. I wish I could do more for her.
  4. It’s hard giving all thirteen puppies the attention and socialization they need and deserve. I only have so many hands. My life is spent almost completely with them. If I’m not changing sheets, doing laundry, feeding them, or trying to get a little work done to pay for the vet bills, I’m with them outside, inside, wherever. I do everything I can to make sure they’re all loved on equally, but it’s hard.  
  5. A few puppies needed extra special loving because they were sick, small, or not getting enough food. As newborns, the puppies ate about every two hours on a rotating schedule because: not enough nipples. Tess couldn’t produce enough, and the little ones weren’t able to fight their way in. I had to supplement several puppies by pulling them out and letting them nurse without the competition. But that wasn’t enough, so I ended up bottle feeding them every two hours for four and a half weeks. It’s not conducive to sleep, but I’ll get to that. 
  6. My sleep cycle has been devastated. It wasn’t normal to begin with, but it was regular and perfect for me. I usually went to bed around 4:00 am… Now, I get up at 5:00 am. NOW, before I was getting maybe three hours of non-consecutive sleep a night. It was horrible. I’m getting around four and a half hours of sleep at once. It’s hard. I’ve always functioned tired because I’ve had to. I’m used to the feeling of complete exhaustion. The kind where there is a pit in your stomach that feels like hunger, but it’s literally my body hungering for sleep. I’ll get it in a few more weeks. 
  7. All this work, lack of sleep, and poor hydration is taking quite the toll on my skin. I’m looking a bit haggard. I’m a bit vain. I’m actively trying to prevent wrinkles and signs of aging because I’m a woman and society dictates it so because my worth becomes non-existent the moment I look three minutes older than 25… Kidding, kind of, probably not really. Anyways, I’m doing my best to treat my skin well, but all this not fabulous schedule and difficultness is really starting to show on my face. I HAVE FINE LINES. I need a facial. Stat!
  8. Having to choose sucks. I mean, it is horrible. Talk about a Sophie’s Choice – this is complete hyperbole; they are all going to absolutely the very best homes I could find. It was hard. We knew we wanted to keep three puppies. Actually, we weren’t going to keep any. Then it was one puppy. Then it was two puppies; Dylan’s pick and my pick. But Knight was really sick and small and deformed, and I put a LOT of time and money and energy into just keeping him alive, and no one deserves his goodness but me! So we decided to keep three puppies. Dylan pretty much immediately bonded with Bear, so that was his pick. I have spent just about every waking moment with them for the last ten weeks. I love each and every one of them with all my heart. I know them better than anyone else. I want to keep them all forever. How could I possibly choose? I couldn’t. I did, but I chose based on what the best fit for our family was. Bear is a scrappy cuddler; Tess is laid back; Knight wants nothing more than to cuddle. Beau needed someone who could run, run, run with her. I chose Makeda because they can run around for hours together. There were others who would’ve been better fits for me, but I wanted to make Beau happy. 
  9. The stress of everything has been tough. I can handle stress, but this is a lot. There have been things outside of the puppies causing stress like COVID and everything else life throws at us. The puppies are stressful, though. Trying to make sure they’re healthy, happy, socialized, and everything else is stressful. I have been on the verge of tears pretty much constantly for eight weeks. My teeth are loosening up a bit because of all the stress. I don’t remember the last time I showered because my brain has shut off. Speaking of my brain not working, words are hard. My speech has definitely struggled. 
  10. I’m not a particularly in shape or fit person. I do my best to avoid working out every way I can. That being said, I’m not that out of shape. Puppies grow quickly. At birth, they all easily fit in a cat bed. Now, one fits in that cat bed. All thirteen fit in a single laundry basket for their two week check up. At six weeks, only four fit in a laundry basket at a time. I used to be able to carry four in my arms. Now, I can manage two – as long as it’s not Bear. Carrying them all up and down the stairs, wrangling them, feeding them, trying not to step on them, and more has had quite the toll on my body. My back aches. My neck aches. My leg muscles are so tight. I’ve gained weight… Damnit stress. My arms and legs are covered in scratches and bruises; it looks like I didn’t survive the razor blade windmill in a horror movie. I have a hard time wearing shoes because the tops of my feet are so scratched. My fingers are covered in band-aids. I have to wear wrist support because they have reached their max. I hurt. I need a massage and a vacation. Probably some sleep.
  11. I can bear all of these things. It’s been hard and exhausting and lonely and expensive, and it’s completely worth it. The hardest thing has been knowing from the moment we decided to keep Tess is the knowing I would have to say goodbye to these perfect little beings I raised and loved with my whole heart. I have thoroughly vetted everyone getting a puppy. Furever families must sign contracts to guarantee they will be taken care of. Most are going to friends or family members, which means I’ll get to visit them and watch them grow up. Knowing they are going to wonderful homes that will love them for the rest of their lives makes it easier, but it’s heartbreaking. I’ve said goodbye to one already, but I have eight more goodbyes to come. It’s devastating but the best thing for them. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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