RaeAnna Rekemeyer – Page 42

Mother Winter by Sophia Shalmiyev

April 16, 2019April 15, 2019 RaeAnna

Worth A Read Yes
Length 288
Quick Review A meandering memoir. Shalmiyev talks about the dark side of growing up with an alcoholic mother and the scars that never go away.

*Mother Winter* by Sophia Shalmiyev | Jeans | Sandals | Shirt | Sweater

Mother Winter by Sophia Shalmiyev is one of the most interesting memoirs I have ever read, and I have read a lot. I’m drawn to memoirs because life isn’t defined by a single event or truth but the culmination of all experiences. Everyone has their own ever evolving truth, and memoirs are a beautiful exploration of that. Sophia Shalmiyev looks back at her life and how so much of it was affected by her alcoholic mother even after leaving the country and starting a new life.

Mother Winter reads like poetry. It doesn’t necessarily make sense at first, but in its entirety, it is a beautiful story. Shalmiyev was born in Russia during the communist years. Her parents divorced, and her father raised her due to her mother being an alcoholic and unfit to parent. Even so, Shalmiyev never stopped looking, thinking, or yearning for the mother she lost. In her youth, she left the USSR to make a home in the United States.

I speak Russian. I have a fairly vast knowledge of the history, literature, and culture because I studied it in college. For me, the language and culture was very accessible. It’s interesting to know the history of a country and government juxtaposed against the personal experience of a young girl. I love how Shalmiyev transliterated some Russian words instead of translating them; it granted a more insight into the culture.

The prose in Mother Winter is not straight forward. The chapters weave and jump, backtracking and side-stepping. It is a very complicated organizational system, which could have failed miserably, but instead it is the perfect fit. The reader gets lost and regains themselves in the text, in a way similar to Shalmiyev felt, I can only imagine, as a child in Russia between homes and again as a young immigrant in America. Discombobulated in the best of ways. I love how eloquent and transcendent her prose is; then, suddenly there is a bluntness to her sentence where there is no room for misinterpretation. On of my favorite passages can be found on page 46 and 47. Shalmiyev cuts through the bullshit.

She weaves USSR history into her life giving the reader context and understanding of what she went through. She blends history, science, feelings, memories, anecdotes, adjective strings, third person narration, quotes, directives to her mother, and so much more. The amount of knowledge Shalmiyev includes extends from literature, medicine, philosophy, science, and history – I probably missed some.

Mother Winter is an absolute joy to read. I loved it from a personal stance because of the Russian component, but it is also the story of a mother and a woman surviving. I absolutely cannot recommend this book more.

Memorable Quotes
“Yesterday has never ended.”
“a book like Henry and June roasted my throat with the fear that tough and smart doesn’t protect you from subservient and used up.”
“Goods are damaged often by no fault of their own.”

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Title: Mother Winter
Author: Sophia Shalmiyev
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Copyright: 2019
ISBN: 9781501193088

Style

Easter Outfits

April 15, 2019September 20, 2019 RaeAnna

Wearing my Easter outfit in Little Italy, Chicago. | Lace Romper | Black Patent Pumps

Growing up, Easter was always a huge deal in my house. My brother and I would run to the living room to try and scope out the Easter eggs before Mom and Dad got out of bed. Mom used to put our Easter baskets out on the table, but she learned we would go through them without her. She ended up hiding those as well by the time I was five, so she and Dad could see our faces. We weren’t allowed to hunt them until after church. We would go have breakfast at church with friends before heading to Sunday School and service. After church was over we would go home and run around finding all the eggs, candy, and goodies. As I got older, we started going to sunrise service. At one point, I attended four church services before noon.

I’m not religious in any sense of the word. When I’m in my hometown, I go to church with my mom because it means a lot to her. I try to be home for Easter as often as I can. A few years ago, I drove through the night, so I could walk into church and surprise my mom. She ended up tearing up. I’ve missed a few years, but I’ll be with the parental units this year.

It is my 27th Easter, and I have successfully hunted easter eggs all but two years in college. Last year, my mom sent a bag of Easter eggs, so my boyfriend could hide them for me. My dog thinks it’s good fun because I’m running around like a goof with a bag. I firmly believe there is no age limit on fun. The off chance I have children, they will be competing with me to find eggs. I’ll go easy on them the first couple years. I love it. It brings me joy. I’ll die hunting easter eggs.

Growing up, Easter and Christmas were the two occasions I got to pick out an entire new outfit. I think that tradition continued well into high school. Now, it’s a little less of a thing because I have a fair amount of clothing. I love Easter outfits, though. They’re springy and sweet. I lean towards the pastels and fluffy skirts. I’m including three outfits perfect for Easter. All on sale from Asos. I highly suggest them. Super cute.

Off-the-shoulder floral dress from Asos.

I love this off-the-shoulder, long-sleeve floral dress. It has whites, pinks, blues, and flowers. I mean it’s the perfect Easter/spring dress. It would be beautiful for upcoming wedding season too or date night. I do love it. It’s under $35 too.

If you want something a little more delicate. This lace cami dress is so cute. I like that it is open back too. It is sold out in this seafoam color. It is available in the pink. I think the pink is better because it pops against fair skin tones better than the green. It’s $26.50.

Lace romper from Asos with black patent leather pumps.

I am loving on jumpsuits. They’re so in, but also they’re different. Everyone goes for a dress on Easter, why not try something unusual. This is the cutest lace, long-sleeve romper. The back is completely open with a bow and high neck. I love the periwinkle color and lace. There are pockets!!!! Who doesn’t love pockets?!? Also it’s an absolute steal at $13.50. I mean come on. You need it! I think black patent leather pumps go with everything, by the way.

If you order now, you can for sure have them by this weekend. Asos has great two day delivery. I’ve even gotten things the next day. Also as someone 5’10”, these are great options. I didn’t have a single problem fitting into them with their defined waists.

Stay tuned on Sunday. I will be posting some pictures from my Easter egg hunt. I don’t know if my parents are tired of hiding the eggs or not, but it’s happening. I for sure think this has gone on much longer than they ever anticipated. I’m great at adulting and kidding!

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Books, NonFiction

The Elephant in the Room by Tommy Tomlinson

April 11, 2019April 3, 2019 RaeAnna

Worth a Read Yes
Length 256
Quick Review Tommy Tomlinson has “always been fat.” After living a full life, he decided to make a change and lose weight.

Tommy Tomlinson is a well known journalist. He had a brilliant career and the love of his life, but he was a fat man. His weight kept him from enjoying his life to the fullest. Over the course of a year, Tomlinson documented his weightloss journey in The Elephant in the Room.

The memoir delves into his year of weight loss but also his past. The past can rear its ugly head forever if it goes unconfronted. To deal with his issues with food he had to look into his past and why he loved food as much as he did. Each chapter documented one month of his weight loss journey. At the end of each chapter he document how much weight he had lost or gained. His honesty about the struggle is refreshing. It is a journey with ups and downs; all of which he experienced.

Tomlinson’s honesty is inspiring. His style of writing is funny and sad and deeply insightful. I really enjoyed reading The Elephant in the Room.

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Title: The Elephant in the Room: One Fat Man’s Quest to Get Smaller in a Growing America
Author: Tommy Tomlinson
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Copyright: 2019
ISBN: 9781982106690

Books, NonFiction

From the Corner of the Oval by Beck Dorey Stein

April 8, 2019April 8, 2019 RaeAnna

Read Yes
Length 330
Quick Review From the Corner of the Oval is the story of Beck Dorey-Steins experiences in the White House under the Obama administration as a stenographer.

Reading *From the Corner of the Oval* by Beck Dorey Stein | Cold-Shoulder Shirt | Hot Pink Skirt | Blue Suede Shoes | Fossil Watch

I wasn’t sure what to think of when I picked up From the Corner of the Oval. The cover is hot pink and blue, but it’s a political memoir. What? Those don’t go together unless you’re the fictional character Elle Woods. Beck Dorey-Stein is definitely not Elle Woods, but she belonged to the political sphere and the bright color wearing crowd.

Dorey-Stein begins From the Corner of the Oval as a tutor at a private school in DC. She had no idea what she was doing or where she was going, but she wanted it to not be in Washington DC. One day, she replied to a Craigslist ad, which ended up being a job as a stenographer in the White House. As a stenographer, she accompanied the president on trips around the country and the globe catching rides on Air Force One.

There is no way you can read Dorey-Stein’s words and not see her honesty. She’s sharing her life in the White House and her personal life as they bleed into one another. She makes mistakes, but she doesn’t try to hide them. She lets her humanity shine through without being apologetic for the choices she made. It’s the clarity that makes it a good and entertaining memoir to read.

The prose is fun to read. There are a ton of quotable moments, but I failed to jot them down. She has a witty way with words. She finds the humor in the unfortunate events that transpire.

It’s a great read. Not at all what I expected from a Capital Hill memoir, but Beck Dorey-Stein explains the color choice on the cover of From the Corner of the Oval through her flamboyant personality on every page.

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Quick Review
“…and as on so many other nights, it’s like I’m not there.”
“The world is what you make it.”

Title: From the Corner of the Oval
Author: Beck Dorey-Stein
Publisher: Penguin Random House
Copyright: 2018
ISBN: 9780525509127

In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Miscarriage

April 5, 2019June 23, 2019 RaeAnna

I’ve tried writing this in several different ways. None of it feels quite right. Then again, nothing feels quite right about having a miscarriage.

Today was my due date four years ago. A due date that never came. I miscarried at thirteen weeks. My heart broke in a million different ways. I don’t really know how to describe that kind of loss. It is its own kind of grief.

I had never wanted to be a mom. It was something I actively avoided. This pregnancy was a surprise and with the wrong man. When I found out, I was almost in my second trimester and very alone. My life changed in a moment. I went from a recent college graduate to a mom. I didn’t want kids, but I wanted that one very much. I was in a place in my life where having a baby was more than feasible. I had a job and was looking into buying a house. Single motherhood was terrifying, but I was in a place where I could have made it work. I was going to make it work. I wanted everything that came with it.

I never bought the house. I didn’t keep the job. I never became a mom. I lost the baby.

When I found out I was pregnant, something happened. I wanted to protect my baby from the world. My baby would grow up knowing how loved and protected it was. I couldn’t protect it from my body; the thing that was supposed to nourish it, grow it, protect it. My body failed me. Failed my baby.

Standing in the shower has always been the place I’ve felt safest to cry. The morning I miscarried, the water washed away the tears and the blood. It couldn’t wash away my guilt or my grief. It took months to shake the guilt. The grief has dulled but has never gone away.

Being a mom is not high on my list of things I ever want to be. Honestly, I don’t want to have kids. I still want the baby I never got to hold. There is an ache. In the short time I knew I was pregnant, I had so many dreams and plans. I saw a new life. That life never happened. In so many ways, having a miscarriage was the best thing for me. The responsibility of motherhood would have kept me from following the dreams I’m just starting to find. Even though my body knew what was best, my heart still hurts.

Had my body not betrayed me, I don’t know where I would be now. I know I would have done everything for my son or daughter. That baby would have been my life. Instead of writing this, I would be finishing up the plans for a birthday party this weekend. A golden birthday party for my four year old little boy or girl. Paeton Ray. I chose a name the day I miscarried. I couldn’t just think of it as my baby, who wasn’t meant to be. I’ve never said that name out loud. This is the first time I’ve written it. Gender neutral. Similar to mine, RaeAnna Kay.

It’s been four years. I don’t cry every time I think about my miscarriage anymore. I’ll even go days without thinking about it. The pain can still creep in at the oddest times. April 4th has been a hard day the past four years. I can’t watch children’s movies without thinking about watching them with my baby. A year and half after my miscarriage I went to Inside Out with four of my guy friends from college. I ended up breaking down in the parking lot. It was impossible to find the words to explain, to make sense of it. It’s grief. Grief doesn’t go away, and it doesn’t always make sense. We live with it. It’s one thing to grieve a person you knew. It is another thing entirely to grieve someone you love so completely but never knew. I’ll always grieve a life I will never live with the baby who changed my heart.

I was laying on the couch this morning. Beau was on my chest with her head snuggled into my neck. She is the one being I love anywhere close to how much I loved my baby. I had never thought about it, but Beau is almost exactly the same age my baby would have been.

Blog + Dog

Late Night Dog Walks

April 3, 2019April 3, 2019 RaeAnna

Trying not to get drug around in my professional pajamas, cozy man sweater, and red wellies.

Growing up, I had a fenced in backyard, so letting the dogs out to go potty was easy any time of day. Living in an apartment, it’s not quite so easy. I actually have to put on pants and leave my comfy home to take Beau potty. The responsible dog mama that I am, I take her out first thing in the morning and right before we crawl into bed at night. (Also a few other times throughout the day; I’m not a monster.)

Potty breaks first thing in the morning and last thing at night are inconvenient. I look more of a mess than I usually do, which is saying something because working from home does not inspire great fashion choices. I have come to mildly enjoy the inconvenience of our late night dog walks. It is usually very late in the evening, so everyone is asleep. I like walking around in the peace and quiet. I even break the rules and let Beau run off the leash when I’m absolutely sure no one else is around. She’s my runner. She loves the freedom to chase leaves and be free. I may mildly enjoy the walks, but Beau loves the walks.

Posing like the fashion icon I am in my red wellies.

Luckily Beau does not care how fashionable I am. I am the absolute least attractive dog walker in my apartment complex. In light of this, I have documented a few late night walk outfits because I look insane. Comfortable but a nut job. I have to wear whole shoes because I’ve been stung by scorpions on more than one occasion. I recently became the proud owner of Hunter wellies, and they are my go to. If I get stung by a scorpion in those suckers, I’m cursed. On the chillier nights I wear my flannel puppy pajamas. Obviously, they are the best jammies ever. I couldn’t find the exact pair, so I linked something equally puppy-rific (shorts, top). On warmer nights, I’m in my professional jammies. Red wellies always. I almost always wear an over-sized men’s sweater because comfy and warm. Surprisingly, I have been on the receiving end of many compliments in my hot mess outfits.

Here’s the thing. Being a dog mom isn’t all about cuddles and cuteness. It’s a lot of inconvenience. Late night dog walks kind of suck. Picking up dog poop definitely sucks. It’s all worth it because I get the unconditional love of my sweet Beau.
xoxo,
Beau + RaeAnna

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