11..., Lifestyle

11… Fun Facts I Know and Love to Share

I am a huge fan of knowledge. It’s really the reason I love to read. I want to know everything about anything. As a kid, I’m pretty sure I took “knowledge is power” literally, and I’m not sure I ever stopped. Knowing things makes me feel more secure in the world; I don’t mind not knowing things or the absence of knowledge. 

Me trying my super hardest to soak up all the knowledge.

The invention of the internet then high-speed internet then smartphones has made my pursuit of knowledge so much easier. If I don’t know something, I pull out my phone and do a quick Google search. Some of the things I learn stick for good, others may not. I grew up in the era before home computers were everywhere. Hell, I grew up when cell phones were a luxury. If I wanted to know something, I had to open a book or a dictionary. Now, my home had a dictionary and an encyclopedia, but those only do so much. So I kept a notebook with a list of things I wanted to know, and when we would take our frequent trips to the library, I would find the answers to my questions. 

Instant gratification did not exist as a child on my search for knowledge; however, it does now. And I take full advantage of Google. My search history is diverse and sometimes a bit frenetic. “David Bowie’s birthday” may be followed by “who founded quantum physics” followed by “what gun did Billy the Kid use.” Why oh why do I need to know these things? Frankly, I don’t. But I want to. I like finding answers to my questions. I like collecting information. I like being the person who is full of random facts. 

I have been called a know-it-all. I used to say “Well, actually” with my pointer finger extended. Then I realized that’s incredibly off putting. So I replaced “well, actually” with “fun fact!” and jazz hands because I have to gesticulate when I speak. Sometimes I don’t even realize I know something about a topic until someone says something, and I realize I have a factoid to add to their statement… Or correct their statement to make it factually correct.

When people find out I’m a knowledge nerd, a perpetual learner, an eternal student, a seeker of truth, they often want to know some fun facts. I realized it’s rather difficult to come up with fun facts on the spot when not prompted by conversation or information. So I compiled a handful of fun facts that I can spout at a moment’s notice. Some of these are fun facts and others are just facts that I like to tell people are fun because knowledge is cool, and no one can tell me different.  

  1. The pound sign, or hashtag if you will, was originally called the octothorp. Yes, it is also known as the number sign. The symbol itself has roots dating back to ancient Rome, the modern incarnation can be seen in variations since 1850. There wasn’t an official name for the symbol, which appeared on the bottom right of a telephone keypad. So Don MacPherson, a Bell Telephone Laboratories engineer, created the term octothorp. Octo- for the eight points in the symbol and -thorp in honor of Olympic medalist Jim Thorp. There you have it.
  2. Qatar, Monaco, and Cuba have the highest number of doctors per capita at 77, 71, and 67 respectively. 
  3. Magnolia trees are older than bees. They were [probably] pollinated by beetles until bees evolved and started pollinating the flowers and plants of the world. 
  4. The average international height of men is 5’7.5”, but average height varies drastically throughout the world. Timor has the shortest men on average, and the Netherlands boast the tallest average men. 
  5. David Bowie had heterochromia, which is an eye condition causing the eyes to be two different colors. It is very rare in humans, but it is far more common in animals. Several dog breeds see frequent occurrences of the condition, such as: Huskies, Border Collies, and Australian Shepherds.
  6. French and Russian have a lot of cognates, or words that sound similar and mean the same thing. I could get into the history of the two countries and how that affected Russian’s linguistic evolution but that’s another story entirely.
  7. Queen Elizabeth I died on March 24, 1603, which is exactly 391 years before my little brother was born on the same day. 
  8. Women are 73% more likely to be injured in a car accident than men. Funny, men and women have different insides, but crash test dummies are all modeled after the male anatomy. The crash test dummies used for women in cars are just small men. Cars are literally not designed to protect women. This isn’t necessarily on purpose, but data bias is a real thing and causes real, inherent problems in the world. But you know, we’re just women.
  9. Dr. Jen Gunter, a respected gynecologist, said that menstrual cramps are much more painful than a heart attack. Take this with a grain of salt because heart attacks in women often come with no pain because, SHOCKER, heart attack symptoms are different in men and women. Still menstrual cramps can be absolutely debilitating; I speak from experience. 
  10. Nigeria has been home to some of the most famous African writers, and many are of Igbo descent. Chinua Achebe, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Flora Nwapa, Christopher Okigbo are among them.
  11. One of the ways scientists proved all human life originated in Africa is through study of linguistic evolution, also known as evolutionary linguistics. Language originated in Southern Africa and evolved uniquely into families with specific characters. As humans dispersed, their language evolved and became simpler. Languages tend to lose phonemes, a distinct unit of sound, as they evolve away from their mother language. Africa is home to languages with more phonemes than other continents/countries and their languages. Like any science, this is a whole lot more complicated and fascinating than I’m making it. Today, the Taa language, spoken by people in Botswana and Namibia, has the most phonemes with a total of between 93 and 109, depending on the source. Rotokas, native to Papua New Guinea, has the least phonemes at eleven. 

Yes. I really know all of these things off the top of my head. I did fact check to make sure my knowledge wasn’t outdated, but these are things my brain has decided are important enough to store long term. I’m not complaining; though, I look like a real nerd, which is on brand for me. 

I love to learn. Some of these things directly correlate to my interests: women’s issues, books, and history. Some of these things were researched because it had something to do with my education: linguistics, language, and words. Yet some, I just have no idea why I know them other than I probably looked it up once upon a time, and it stuck. Permanently in my noggin. 

So I hope you enjoyed and learned a thing. Maybe this even sparked a sense of wonder and will elicit some random Googling and dives down the knowledge acquisition rabbit hole. Either way, I like fun facts!

bisous un обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Books, Reading Lists

Books to Read This Spring 2021

Spring Reading List. Peep Beau relaxing in the background

One of the things I posted about in my 11… Ways I’m Forgiving Myself post was all the books I’d read and never reviewed. There are a whole lot. So I’m dividing them up into four different posts. Here is the first one. After this, hopefully—big hopefully—I will be much better about not getting behind on the book reviews. One or two is understandable, but I’m 48 books behind on the reviewing.

Oh well, it happens. I’ve forgiven myself. Now, I’m rounding them up. Here are some books that I read. Some are really good. Some are really not. Some are in between. Some I took pictures with. Some I did not. Pictures are included when necessary. Otherwise, you’ve got a brief review of each! Yay. I was productive today.

When the restaurant and your outfit matches the book.

Tools of Engagement by Tessa Bailey
Worth A Read Eh || Length 368

Quick Review When Wes gains custody of his niece he has to grow up, but Bethany is already a grown up, trying to prove something to her family. There’s an age difference, a personality difference, and a lifestyle difference, but none of that stops these two from lusting after each other and falling in love. The writing is not great, but there are some fun quippy moments. It’s definitely a good summer, beach read. No thought necessary for this formulaic romance.  
Memorable Quote
“When it came to being annoying, drunk men were right up there with telemarketers and thirty-second advertisements in the middle of an internet video.”

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No Offense by Meg Cabot
Worth A Read Eh || Length 352

Quick Review Molly is a librarian in a small Florida Keys town, who attracts the attention of the native Sheriff. I found Molly irritating and John, the Sheriff, unbelievable stupid. There’s a mystery. There’s love. I was bored. I really did not love this book, but then again, I’m a hard critic when it comes to boring romances. 
Memorable Quote
“…the three words she most loved hearing in all the world—the three words she was pretty certain every librarian, or at least lover of knowledge, adored more than any other in the human language: You were right.

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Unfinished by Priyanka Chopra Jonas
Worth A Read Yes || Length 256

Quick Review She’s an incredible beauty and an even bigger talent. Having taken India by storm, she managed to conquer prime time American television in a way no other Southeast Asian had before. I have a great love for Bollywood movies and knew of her long before she came to the U.S. I have been thrilled to watch her career as she paves new roads for diversity. Her undeniable spirit, vivacity, and talent comes through on every page as she opens up about her personal struggles, successes, and things in between.
Memorable Quote
“My parents had taught me that confidence is not a permanent state of being, a piece of wisdom I still believe.”

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Dog’s Best Friend by Simon Garfield
Worth A Read Yes || Length 320

Quick Review An incredibly sweet look at the relationship humans have forged with dogs over the centuries. From art and science to breeding and connection, dogs have played a pivotal role in human history. Today, they play a pivotal role in many of our lives. (I know they have in mine.) Well researched and movingly written, I highly suggest it for anyone who has a dog or has loved a dog. Also the footnotes are incredible. 
Memorable Quote
“A dog binds us to the world like nothing else: to a history of all the dogs that have gone before, to a wider community that welcomes their presence and demands our selfless attention. This too is their purpose, why they are here with us and us with them.”

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Miss Benson’s Beetle by Rachel Joyce
Worth A Read Yes || Length 352

Quick Review An elderly Miss Benson heads to the other side of the world with a ditsy assistant to find an undiscovered beetle. With twists, turns, intrigue, and a lot of oopsies, these two make memories and find adventures. This turned out to be a really sweet book about two women fighting for and finding a place in the world.  
Memorable Quote 
“Hunger is the ultimate expression of hope…”

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A Dog Named Beautiful by Rob Kugler
Worth A Read Yes || Length 304

Quick Review Like many people, Kugler turned to a puppy when life was tough. For him, it was returning from war. A Marine, he worked hard to find his place in the world, but his dog, Bella, brought meaning into his life. When she was diagnosed with a terminal illness, he wanted to give life back to her, and they took to the road. It’s a moving story told without much nuance, but when you’re telling the story of a cute dog… who needs nuance. 
Memorable Quote
This moment matters, and it’s a moment I will not let slip by.”

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Getting my pose on.

The Brilliant Life of Eudora Honeysett by Annie Lyons
Worth A Read Yes || Length 384 

Quick Review An exploration of connection, age, and living in the moment through the eyes of a crotchety old woman with a literal death wish. It’s a sweet book. Really a wonderful book to distract and engage during quarantine. Equal parts frustrating and exhilarating. Annie Lyons creates connection and joy between two lost humans as far apart in age as possible. 
Memorable Quote
“Death is an inevitable preoccupation for a woman of Eudoras years, but she can’t recall a time when it wasn’t lurking in the background.”

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Greenlights in McConaughey’s Austin, Texas overlooking the Pennybacker Bridge (aka 360 Bridge)

Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey
Worth A Read Yes || Length 304

Quick Review He’s one of the most recognizable celebrities in the world, and he’s here to tell his story in his words. A beautiful look at his life littered with his writings and tidbits of wisdom. Born and raised in Texas, he tells it how it is in a charming southern way. His distinctive voice comes through on every page. 
Memorable Quote
“When we know what we want to do, knowing when to do it is the hard part.”

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It’s Not All Downhill From Here by Terry McMillan
Worth A Read Yes || Length 355

Quick Review I think the world needs more novels about women enjoying life after thirty-five. It’s a love story but not the romantic kind. McMillan highlights the importance of leaning into female relationships, putting oneself first, and living through grief. I love it.
Memorable Quote
“I still love him more than my Twizzlers!”

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Fin & Lady by Cathleen Schine
Worth A Read Yes || Length 277

Quick Review As an older sister, I love reading books about sibling relationships; though mine bears no resemblance to that of Fin and Lady’s. It’s a great story about family, responsibility, growing up, understanding, and life. The dialogue is amazingly quippy. Perfect book to take on vacation. 
Memorable Quote
“…and secrets, he already understood, were generally associated with shame.”

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Enjoying some beach time even though the book was subpar.

The Jetsetters by Amanda Eyre Ward
Worth A Read No || Length 352

Quick Review Diving into the ties and traumas that bind a family together. It’s an attempt to explore mother-daughter and sibling relationships but falls very short. It does an even worse job examining trauma and sexual assault. I was a big not fan. What looks like a light, beach read by the cover is a bummer. 
Memorable Quote
“You couldn’t be naked with another person and remain perfectly together.”

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bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Books, NonFiction

Laura Lippman’s Feminist Revolution in My Life as a Villainess

Worth A Read Yes
Length 384
Quick Review Laura Lippman has made a career creating villains and taking them down in her novels. At sixty years old, she has found herself a villainess. The real, living breathing kind.

My Life as a Villainess by Laura Lippman is a fantastic memoir. | Skirt | Top |

Laura Lippman is a badass and proves it on every page of her memoir, My Life as a Villainess

At sixty, Lippman loves herself; that—in and of itself—is a feminist revolution and reason enough to be deemed a ‘villainess.’ She knows it and doesn’t shy away from the ugly truth of being a woman daring to age instead of keeling over dead at 29, “Every day, everywhere I go, the culture is keen to remind me how repulsive I am.” The level of transparency she takes on is incredible. Tackling womanhood head on and all that it encompasses, age, money, body image, career, marriage, motherhood; nothing is off limits, and she does through humor and razor sharp observations, “People talk about the White House distracting us, nothing has distracted me as much as this stupid battle with my weight and my looks, both of which are fine.” Honestly, though, if women (as a whole unit) focused more on the White House/Congress/Policy/Anything and less on contorting our bodies into unrealistic and often hostile conflicting expectations, we would get so much shit done. Lippman knows this and gets even more pointed about it the further on you read, “What would happen to the global economy if all the women on the planet suddenly decided: I don’t care if you think I’m fuckable.”

Motherhood is often looked at as a necessary milestone to leveling up to real womanhood. *cough* *cough* Crap. Sorry was that unladylike? I don’t care. No matter how a woman chooses to live her life, as a mother or not, she will never do it right or well enough in the court of public opinion. Lippman became a mother at 51 and that journey came with its fair share of trials and tribulations. She doesn’t shy away from the role money played in becoming a mom later than most. Her transparency about the fact her family’s hard work led to the financial ability of being able to create a family on their own terms is admirable. She doesn’t apologize for having money or using it to become a mom, nor should she. Women are often pressured to apologize for anything and everything especially when it pertains to taking control over their own bodies, desires, and motherhood. 

Lippman is going through life on her own terms and experiencing it through the lens of a funny writer with a legacy of talented writers, her father being a journalist. Menopause and social opinion of menopause does not escape her scrutiny, “Menopause doesn’t make women want to die. It makes other people wish we would die, or at least disappear.” With a journalist’s background, she did her research. Humans and pilot whales experience menopause. Why? There is no answer or reason that science has come up with yet (which is another topic entirely: the lack of female research and representation in scientific data and interest, but I’m off topic now), but Lippman has her own theory, and you’ll have to read her book to find out what it is. You’ll enjoy it, unless you have no sense of humor.

It’s not all fun and games. Lippman takes on topics of being a bad friend, her competitive streak, and sexual harassment. These are all things humans and women struggle and live with daily. One of the most poignant and moving moments is when Lippman writes, “It was never about what I was wearing. It wasn’t even about me. That was the hardest lesson to learn.” It’s advice I have given in my own words to many women and girls. We are women. We are strong. But we exist in a world that does not respect our right to exist. The world tears us down and makes us small. The act of being ourselves, taking up space, and living our lives is an act of rebellion. It is the essence of being a villainess. 

I strive to be a villainess in my own life… and hopefully the world. | Skirt | Top | Sunglasses |

My Life as a Villainess is a documentation of Lippman’s journey to being a self-assured and confident woman with a whole lot of life behind and ahead of her. All the while telling her story, she dares the reader to ask themselves: What do I want? What do I really want? Whether it’s food, a career, children, travel, money, whatever. Ask. What do I want? What does my body really want. What does my mind want. All the time. Never cease asking or growing into the villainess every woman should strive to be: an authentic version of our truest selves.

I strongly recommend every woman who isn’t going to die before their teenage years come to an end read this book. Women and girls need to see strong, unapologetic, successful, interesting women, who have created their own paths in life, and Lippman is just that. She’s not perfect. In fact, she’s a mess, which makes her more relatable and worthy of being a role model. My Life as a Villainess is a phenomenal memoir about existing as a woman in the world.

Memorable Quotes
“If grudge-holding count for cardio, I’d have run the equivalent of many Boston marathons by now.”
“That’s the final step in accepting one’s gorgeousness. You then have to concede everyone is gorgeous.”
“Social media can take a friendship only so far.”

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Title: My Life as a Villainess
Author: Laura Lippman
Publisher: William Morrow (HarperCollins)

Copyright: 2020
ISBN: 9780062997333

Books, NonFiction

Childhood Trauma in Alan Cummings’ Not My Father’s Son

Read Yes
Length 294
Quick Review A beautifully honest dive into heartbreaking memories that helped create an incredible talent in actor Alan Cummings. 

Reading Not My Father’s Son with my boy, Knight.

Alan Cummings is a celebrated actor with exceptional range. Acting wasn’t just a calling, it was a means to an end, the way to survive being at home with his father. He revisits the childhood trauma that led to an acting career with painful sincerity in his memoir Not My Father’s Son

Growing up in rural Scotland, Alan Cummings was different. He was not the son his father wanted. He was not like his older brother, but his brother did not inspire warmth or fatherly love either. He recalls the moments and memories that made him full of abuse, joy, fear, and affairs. With each heartstopping recollection, a vivid picture of the resilient man Cummings became solidifies in the reader’s mind. Adulthood meant escaping the house that held so many terrifying years and life to be proud of, but even in the face of freedom, Cummings’ past is a part of his present. 

I have a love for memoires. Memory is fascinating, and what stays in one person’s mind as a defining moment in their lives tells a great deal about who they are and how they see themselves. Not every writer can delve into their emotional past with the same raw integrity Cummings does. He has an intense ability to capture his childhood fears and memories and desires for better within the page. There is bravery in the way he writes and tells the world, ‘This is who I am and who I came from, but I am more than this.’ As a grown woman dealing with the psychological violence of childhood, I could wholly identify with Cummings as I read, “It is a startling thing, the need to feel utterly believed.” Violence does not happen in a vacuum, but it is often recovered from in one. Having just one person who believes in the truth of your story is a powerful thing and the greatest gift you can give a survivor.  

Trauma and violence is a fickle thing. Cummings is able to bring words to the effects of living in a home where violence is as much a family member as his mother, brother, and father, “I actually think the prolonged period of tension before landing his blows, as we were systematically inspected, chided, and humiliated, had a far worse effect than the actual hits.” The relationship between parent and child is so emotionally complex. Even in the face of violence and being the target of hatred, Cummings doesn’t shy away from the complexity of this relationship with his father and the need to be a good son in Not My Father’s Son, “My father continued to have affairs throughout my childhood, and they were not subtle or discreet.” “I understood that I had to collude, to protect my father, even though he didn’t deserve it.”

Not My Father’s Son is not just the story of Cummings’ relationship with his father, though it is devoted heavily to it. His mother was an integral part of the family and who he would become. For as much belittling as he experienced at the hands and words of his father, he also experienced true love and compassion from his mother, “She [mother] told me I was special and loved. And actually, having two such opposing messages, although confusing, was ultimately pretty healthy. My father told me I was worthless, my mother that I was precious. They couldn’t both be right, but they evened each other out and I began to make my own mind up, not just about myself but about everything that was going on around me.” 

Cummings is sensational at creating an emotionally grounded and tangled picture of growing up. For every person who has experienced violence or trauma, it is a revelation. I did not live his life in any way, but I could find my own story within his truths. Not My Father’s Son is the story of one man overcoming and living with a childhood that could have ruined him. Through the pain and the violence, Cummings shows grace. One of the most touching and human moments can be found in the acknowledgments when he thanks his father, “Thank you, Alex Cumming, for siring me and ensuring I will have lots of source material. I forgive you.” It is a beautiful memoir. 

Memorable Quotes
“It has not been pleasant as an adult to realize that dealing with my father’s violence was the beginning of my studies of acting.”
“Memory is so subjective. We all remember in a visceral, emotional way, and so even if we agree on the facts—what was said, what happened where and when—what we take away and store from a moment, what we feel about it, can vary radically.”
“For yes, being a woman, even one with a penis and for the purposes of drama, really made me feel that women have been coerced into a way of presenting themselves that is basically a form of bondage. Their shoes, their skirts, even their nails seem designed to stop them from being able to escape whilst at the same time drawing attention to their sexual and secondary sexual characteristics. And I think that has happened so that men feel they can ogle them and protect them in equal measure.”

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Title: Not My Father’s Son
Author: Alan Cumming
Publisher: Dey St. (William Morrow – HarperCollins)
Copyright: 2014
ISBN: 9780062225061

Books, NonFiction

Racial Consciousness in Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong

Worth A Read Yes
Length 224
Quick Review The reality of existing as an Asian American encapsulated into a collection of essays by the remarkable Cathy Park Hong. 

Reading Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong in front of the Asian Gardens in Des Moines, Iowa. | Top | Skirt | Sandals | Watch | Glasses

Asians have been a part of the fabric of the United States for as long as the country has existed. They have played a vital part in the establishment, growth, expansion, history, progress, and culture of the US. Yet, they are overlooked and forgotten. When they are remembered they’re often touted as the good immigrants because of their excellent assimilation. Cathy Park Hong explores the nuance of being Asian and American; of being immigrant and citizen; of being and excluded in Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning

Asia is an expansive and diverse area of the world, but America has one word for the people of the region: Asian. It is just one of many ways America sweeps over oppression and racism with an optimistic view that does not mirror the reality Asian Americans live with. Hong explores the truth of her own minor feelings as a child and into adulthood. 

Minor Feelings cuts to the core of racism and the inescapable psychological effects it has, “Racial self-hatred is seeing yourself the way the whites see you, which turns you into your own worst enemy. Your only defense is to be hard on yourself, which becomes compulsive, and therefore a comfort, to peck yourself to death.” Hong is acutely aware of existing as an Asian woman; her parents immigrated to the US from Korea. In her essays, she delves into her own feelings of shame and sadness while examining racial consciousness in America. Though the book is about the Asian experience in America, it speaks to the same feelings people of color experience on a daily basis. 

Hong has a powerful command of language and uses it as more than a vessel for thoughts but as an art. By writing about racial consciousness, she helps empower generations of people who live with the same minor feelings as herself. Through lenses of history, art, psychology, femininity, friendship, and more, she creates a whole picture of being Asian in America. Her words can and should change hearts and minds by painting a picture of present and past realities. 

Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong

I cannot begin to explain the impact of this small book. It is remarkable and moving. It hit close to home as I read it. One of my closest friends is Asian and does not fit what society believes Asian American women look like. I have watched her exist in a world that reacts mostly in confusion. She’s a pioneer just by being herself. As a white girl growing up in Iowa, I was acutely aware of the Asian stereotypes and racism because many of my friends were Asian, either immigrants themselves or first generation. They were all incredibly smart and driven and funny and fabulous in every way. Part of that was their nature and a large part of it was the pressures from society and their parents. They faced two options in society’s eyes: math and success or manicurist and an accent. There is often no in between. As children, these weren’t things we talked about outright or feelings we articulated, but they were a part of the fabric of our existence and friendship. We joked about ABC, the Asian parent grading scale, what being a “banana” meant, and a great many more things steeped in racial stereotypes. These were the beginnings of larger conversations I would have in college, in my future, and in my career. Reading Minor Feelings, I couldn’t help but think about each one of those friends and conversations.

The US is in the middle of an election, an election where immigration is in the spotlight. Though it is a front and center policy topic, there is an absence. Asians and Asian Americans are being neglected in conversation, which shouldn’t come as a surprise because they so often are. Hong addresses the dichotomy and oppression Asian Americans face in Minor Feelings, which is beautiful and heartbreaking. The collection of essays addresses the neglect, the oppression, the existence of Asian Americans. Hong is a brilliant writer, and I cannot recommend more. 

Memorable Quotes
“When I hear the phrase “Asians are next in line to be white,” I replace the word “white” with “disappear.” Asians are next in line to disappear.”
“Patiently educating a clueless white person about race is draining. It takes all your powers of persuasion. Because it’s more than a chat about race. It’s ontological. It’s like explaining to a person why you exist, or why you feel pain, or why your reality is distinct from their reality. Except it’s even trickier than that. Because the person has all of Western history, politics, literature, and mass culture on their side, proving that you don’t exist.”

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Title: Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning
Author: Cathy Park Hong
Publisher: One World
Copyright: 2020
ISBN: 9781984820365

Books, NonFiction

Humanization of Donald Trump in Mary L. Trump’s Too Much and Never Enough

Worth Reading Yes
Length 225
Quick Review Trump governs one of the most powerful countries in the world. His niece, a clinical psychologist, posits he doesn’t deserve any of the praise he’s garnered for himself. 

Too Much and Never Enough by Mary L. Trump in front of Air Force One.

Mary L. Trump is the oldest of Fred Trump Jr.’s children and Donald Trump’s only niece. With a doctorate in clinical psychology from the Derner Institute of Advanced Psychological Studies and a lifetime of anecdotal experience, Dr. Trump explores the complicated familial history that made the youngest Trump, an undiagnosed yet dangerous narcissist with complex pathologies, in her book Too Much and Never Enough; How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man

Before becoming president, Donald lived a life of luxury, but that luxury masked a childhood and life filled with too much and not enough. Donald is one of five and the second youngest child of Frederick and Mary Anne Trump. He, like his four siblings, had a difficult childhood. Their father was cold, domineering, and manipulative, and their mother lacked warmth and had little role in the two youngest Trump’s lives. He, like his siblings, suffered from emotional neglect, causing a lifetime of irreparable damage.

Too Much and Never Enough is more than Donald’s story. It is the story of Dr. Trump’s family, her father, herself. She humanizes Donald by giving context to his inexplicable behavior. His personality, though outlandish and atrocious, is explainable. There is a reason Donald is the way he is, “Child abuse is, in some sense, the experience of “too much” or “not enough.”” Dr. Trump contextualizes childhood development and attachment and how everything went wrong in his particular situation, “…Donald suffered deprivations that would scar him for life.” Donald didn’t experience this abuse in a vacuum, it went back generations and existed for all the children in varying ways and was passed down to the next generation and experienced by Dr. Trump herself. As he grew older, Donald lashed out more and more as there was “… an increasing hostility to others and a seeming indifference to his mother’s absence and father’s neglect. … With appropriate care and attention, they might have been overcome. Unfortunately for Donald and everybody else on this planet, those behaviors became hardened into personality traits…” Into adolescence and adulthood, these traits would affect everyone in his orbit and eventually the globe as he took on one of the most powerful political positions. 

Family dynamics affected Donald, but they affected everyone else in the family as well. Dr. Trump wants her family’s story to be told. Her father passed away a disinherited, family disappointment at 42 from alcoholism. Family dynamics affected Dr. Trump. Even though she was born into a family worth multi millions, she had plead for college tuition. Of all the people in the world, Dr. Trump has as many if not more reasons to eviscerate Donald, yet she makes it known from the beginning that she is not writing this for financial gain but to elucidate Donald’s pathologies for the world at large. Though I believe her motivations, the book still feels rushed. Spreading the word before the campaign or a combination of capitalizing on it, means redundancies and a little bit of the “not enough.” Given more time, the narrative could have been improved. 

Donald, like every person, is a culmination of everything he endured and survived. Dr. Trump humanizes him through reasoning. She provides excuses without releasing him from culpability because he is an adult responsible for his actions. She repeatedly bolsters her arguments through facts, statistics, anecdotes, and quotes. What could have strictly been a family tell-all is a well researched look into her family’s history. 

Air Force One in Cedar Rapids, Iowa from my airplane window.

Dr. Trump never refers to Donald as Uncle or president. He is always Donald. The entirety of Too Much and Never Enough, she keeps her family at a distance and only refers to them by their first name. When she does to their relation, it is solely to contextualize who they are to her and within the family. 

There is a sense of humor to Too Much and Never Enough. In the chapter titled “A Civil Servant in Public Housing” or the phrase: “Unfortunately for Donald and everybody else on this planet, those behaviors became hardened into personality traits…” Dr. Trump finds a way to lighten the mood, even if it’s just for a moment. 

Diagnosing Donald is impossible. Dr. Trump begins Too Much and Never Enough by saying she can’t diagnose him because it would require a battery of tests and cross-sectional diagnosis that he would never sit for. Through reading, you can get a sense of what she believes his diagnosis could be if he would ever admit he has a problem. 

As infuriating as Too Much and Never Enough is, it is a lovely book about the horrible Trump family. Their failures, shortcomings, and history. For Mary L. Trump PhD, it is a story of overcoming and succeeding. Donald Trump is one of the most dangerous and powerful men in the world, but at the end of the day, he is a man who has suffered greatly. 

Memorable Quotes
“The fact is, Donald’s pathologies are so complex and his behaviors so often inexplicable that coming up with an accurate and comprehensive diagnosis would require a full battery of psychological and neuropsychological tests that he’ll never sit for.”
“It’s difficult to understand what goes on in any family – perhaps hardest of all for the people in it. Regardless of how a parent treats a child, it’s almost impossible for that child to believe that parent means them any harm.”
“Nothing is ever enough. This is far beyond garden-variety narcissism; Donald is not simply weak, his ego is a fragile thing that must be bolstered every moment because he knows deep down that he is nothing of what he claims to be. He knows he has never been loved. So he must draw you in if he can by getting you to assent to even the most seemingly insignificant things. … Then he makes his vulnerabilities and insecurities your responsibility: you must assuage them, you must take care of him. Failing to do so leaves a vacuum that is unbearable for him to withstand for long.”
“Donald was to my grandfather what the border wall has been for Donald: a vanity project funded at the expense of more worthy pursuits.”

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Title: Too Much and Never Enough; How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man
Author: Mary L. Trump PhD
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Copyright: 2020
ISBN: 9781982141462