Books, NonFiction

Laura Lippman’s Feminist Revolution in My Life as a Villainess

Worth A Read Yes
Length 384
Quick Review Laura Lippman has made a career creating villains and taking them down in her novels. At sixty years old, she has found herself a villainess. The real, living breathing kind.

My Life as a Villainess by Laura Lippman is a fantastic memoir. | Skirt | Top |

Laura Lippman is a badass and proves it on every page of her memoir, My Life as a Villainess

At sixty, Lippman loves herself; that—in and of itself—is a feminist revolution and reason enough to be deemed a ‘villainess.’ She knows it and doesn’t shy away from the ugly truth of being a woman daring to age instead of keeling over dead at 29, “Every day, everywhere I go, the culture is keen to remind me how repulsive I am.” The level of transparency she takes on is incredible. Tackling womanhood head on and all that it encompasses, age, money, body image, career, marriage, motherhood; nothing is off limits, and she does through humor and razor sharp observations, “People talk about the White House distracting us, nothing has distracted me as much as this stupid battle with my weight and my looks, both of which are fine.” Honestly, though, if women (as a whole unit) focused more on the White House/Congress/Policy/Anything and less on contorting our bodies into unrealistic and often hostile conflicting expectations, we would get so much shit done. Lippman knows this and gets even more pointed about it the further on you read, “What would happen to the global economy if all the women on the planet suddenly decided: I don’t care if you think I’m fuckable.”

Motherhood is often looked at as a necessary milestone to leveling up to real womanhood. *cough* *cough* Crap. Sorry was that unladylike? I don’t care. No matter how a woman chooses to live her life, as a mother or not, she will never do it right or well enough in the court of public opinion. Lippman became a mother at 51 and that journey came with its fair share of trials and tribulations. She doesn’t shy away from the role money played in becoming a mom later than most. Her transparency about the fact her family’s hard work led to the financial ability of being able to create a family on their own terms is admirable. She doesn’t apologize for having money or using it to become a mom, nor should she. Women are often pressured to apologize for anything and everything especially when it pertains to taking control over their own bodies, desires, and motherhood. 

Lippman is going through life on her own terms and experiencing it through the lens of a funny writer with a legacy of talented writers, her father being a journalist. Menopause and social opinion of menopause does not escape her scrutiny, “Menopause doesn’t make women want to die. It makes other people wish we would die, or at least disappear.” With a journalist’s background, she did her research. Humans and pilot whales experience menopause. Why? There is no answer or reason that science has come up with yet (which is another topic entirely: the lack of female research and representation in scientific data and interest, but I’m off topic now), but Lippman has her own theory, and you’ll have to read her book to find out what it is. You’ll enjoy it, unless you have no sense of humor.

It’s not all fun and games. Lippman takes on topics of being a bad friend, her competitive streak, and sexual harassment. These are all things humans and women struggle and live with daily. One of the most poignant and moving moments is when Lippman writes, “It was never about what I was wearing. It wasn’t even about me. That was the hardest lesson to learn.” It’s advice I have given in my own words to many women and girls. We are women. We are strong. But we exist in a world that does not respect our right to exist. The world tears us down and makes us small. The act of being ourselves, taking up space, and living our lives is an act of rebellion. It is the essence of being a villainess. 

I strive to be a villainess in my own life… and hopefully the world. | Skirt | Top | Sunglasses |

My Life as a Villainess is a documentation of Lippman’s journey to being a self-assured and confident woman with a whole lot of life behind and ahead of her. All the while telling her story, she dares the reader to ask themselves: What do I want? What do I really want? Whether it’s food, a career, children, travel, money, whatever. Ask. What do I want? What does my body really want. What does my mind want. All the time. Never cease asking or growing into the villainess every woman should strive to be: an authentic version of our truest selves.

I strongly recommend every woman who isn’t going to die before their teenage years come to an end read this book. Women and girls need to see strong, unapologetic, successful, interesting women, who have created their own paths in life, and Lippman is just that. She’s not perfect. In fact, she’s a mess, which makes her more relatable and worthy of being a role model. My Life as a Villainess is a phenomenal memoir about existing as a woman in the world.

Memorable Quotes
“If grudge-holding count for cardio, I’d have run the equivalent of many Boston marathons by now.”
“That’s the final step in accepting one’s gorgeousness. You then have to concede everyone is gorgeous.”
“Social media can take a friendship only so far.”

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Title: My Life as a Villainess
Author: Laura Lippman
Publisher: William Morrow (HarperCollins)

Copyright: 2020
ISBN: 9780062997333

Books, NonFiction

Motherland by Elissa Altman

Worth A Read Absolutely
Length 272
Quick Review Elissa Altman and her mother have always had a trying relationship. Altman explores their history in order to come to peace with and understand it. 

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Reading Motherland by Elissa Altman in downtown Houston. | Skirt | Watch | Top | Shoes |

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Motherland by Elissa Altman | Watch

Mother daughter relationships are hard under even the best of circumstances. When someone puts pen to paper about it, you know it is even more fraught. And usually the mom is dead, but Elissa Altman writes while her mother is still living. Motherland is, at its essence, an exploration of addiction and recovery and living with it.

Moms are hard. I probably have a skewed perception because I have struggled with the mom relationship since I became a cognizant person. Motherland resonated with me on a very visceral level. I finished it in a few hours without getting up to even refill my teacup. 

Elissa Altman is a lesbian woman raised by starlet mother in New York City. (Her father was supportive and present and seems like a really good dad and person, but this story isn’t about him.) Her mother had a career in entertainment before meeting her first husband and having a child, Altman. For the rest of her life, she would remind everyone of who she used to be, all while reminding her daughter what she had given up for her

From the start, it is wildly apparent the relationship between Altman and her mother is unhealthy under the best of circumstances. Her mother never made the shift in her mind that her days on TV were no longer. She lives as if the idea of her past self is all she was, is, and ever will be to the point Altman states, “She was a myth I searched for and never found.” Oh my god that sentence cuts me to the quick.  

  • “It was not the alcohol to which I was addicted; it was she…” About going to AA without an alcohol addiction.
  • A lot of I loved you the most did everything for you what has anyone else done that I didn’t and couldn’t do for you
  • It feels like my mother 
  • “The belief that whatever she was dishing out. I somehow deserved.”

Memorable Quotes
“Like the Centralia Mine fire, my mother and I have been burning for half a century.”
“It had been a choice: my mother’s life, or my own.”
No family likes having a writer in their midst, says a close friend. … No family ever says Yay. A writer.”

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Title: Motherland: A Memoir of Love, Loathing, and Longing
Author: Elissa Altman
Publisher: Ballantine Books
Copyright: 2019
ISBN: 9780399181580

Books, Fiction

A River of Stars by Vanessa Hua

Worth A Read Yes
Length 304
Quick Review A Chinese woman arrives in the U.S. to give birth to her baby, but due to circumstance stays to make her way in the face of adversity in Vanessa Hua’s A River of Stars.

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Reading A River of Stars by Vanessa Hua by the pool. | Dress

Reading books about immigration is important right now. It’s easy to talk about immigrants as a group or an other, but when you’re faced with stories of struggle, despair, children, and the humanity of it all, it’s hard to think of keep them separate from ourselves. The political climate in the U.S. is very …interested in immigration right now. We need these stories. Even though, A River of Stars by Vanessa Hua is a novel, it is very much grounded in reality for millions of men, women, and children living in fear and unknowns here in the U.S. and around the world.

Scarlett is a 37 year old Chinese woman who arrives in the United States to give birth to her bosses baby. She stays at a home for pregnant Chinese women, but it feels more like a prison filled with gossipy, rich ladies. Scarlett runs away with Daisy, a well-off, pregnant, teenage. They end up in San Francisco’s China Town scraping by, giving birth, and figuring it out, while the clock on their tourist visas keeps ticking away. They make friends and learn to lean on one another for help and companionship.

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A River of Stars by Vanessa Hua

There are four fundamental characters in A River of Stars: Scarlett, Daisy, Boss Yeung, and Mama Fang. Chapters randomly alternate perspective allowing each of these characters to tell their side of the story. It humanizes each of them, and shows their motivations, misunderstandings, feelings, and more. If the story had followed just Scarlett, it would have been vastly different. The immigrant story is not one sided but multifaceted and complicated. Everyone is searching for something, and at the core it is a search for identity and belonging. Hua also makes use of transliterations instead of using just English. The Chinese infusion is a lovely addition to the story because immigration stories usually include a language hurdle. Motherhood is an essential element to this story. Without it, the narrative kind of falls apart. Emigration is often heavily influenced by existing children or future children. Parents want the best for their kids. It’s a fairly fundamental emotion.

Vanessa Hua does a great job of creating an interesting story that is both fun to read and right on the nose for the political climate in her debut novel A River of Stars. It’s perfect for the upcoming summer months.  

Memorable Quotes
“Daisy didn’t realize that you might share the same bed, but dream different dreams.”
“She didn’t yet realize aunties specialize in contradictory advice.”

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Title: A River of Stars
Author: Vanessa Hua
Publisher: Ballantine Books (Random House)
Copyright: 2018
ISBN: 9780399178788

Books, NonFiction

Mother Winter by Sophia Shalmiyev

Worth A Read Yes
Length 288
Quick Review A meandering memoir. Shalmiyev talks about the dark side of growing up with an alcoholic mother and the scars that never go away.

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Mother Winter by Sophia Shalmiyev | Jeans | Sandals | Shirt | Sweater

Mother Winter by Sophia Shalmiyev is one of the most interesting memoirs I have ever read, and I have read a lot. I’m drawn to memoirs because life isn’t defined by a single event or truth but the culmination of all experiences. Everyone has their own ever evolving truth, and memoirs are a beautiful exploration of that. Sophia Shalmiyev looks back at her life and how so much of it was affected by her alcoholic mother even after leaving the country and starting a new life.

Mother Winter reads like poetry. It doesn’t necessarily make sense at first, but in its entirety, it is a beautiful story. Shalmiyev was born in Russia during the communist years. Her parents divorced, and her father raised her due to her mother being an alcoholic and unfit to parent. Even so, Shalmiyev never stopped looking, thinking, or yearning for the mother she lost. In her youth, she left the USSR to make a home in the United States.

I speak Russian. I have a fairly vast knowledge of the history, literature, and culture because I studied it in college. For me, the language and culture was very accessible. It’s interesting to know the history of a country and government juxtaposed against the personal experience of a young girl. I love how Shalmiyev transliterated some Russian words instead of translating them; it granted a more insight into the culture.

The prose in Mother Winter is not straight forward. The chapters weave and jump, backtracking and side-stepping. It is a very complicated organizational system, which could have failed miserably, but instead it is the perfect fit. The reader gets lost and regains themselves in the text, in a way similar to Shalmiyev felt, I can only imagine, as a child in Russia between homes and again as a young immigrant in America. Discombobulated in the best of ways. I love how eloquent and transcendent her prose is; then, suddenly there is a bluntness to her sentence where there is no room for misinterpretation. On of my favorite passages can be found on page 46 and 47. Shalmiyev cuts through the bullshit.

She weaves USSR history into her life giving the reader context and understanding of what she went through. She blends history, science, feelings, memories, anecdotes, adjective strings, third person narration, quotes, directives to her mother, and so much more. The amount of knowledge Shalmiyev includes extends from literature, medicine, philosophy, science, and history – I probably missed some.

Mother Winter is an absolute joy to read. I loved it from a personal stance because of the Russian component, but it is also the story of a mother and a woman surviving. I absolutely cannot recommend this book more.

Memorable Quotes
“Yesterday has never ended.”
“a book like Henry and June roasted my throat with the fear that tough and smart doesn’t protect you from subservient and used up.”
“Goods are damaged often by no fault of their own.”

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Title: Mother Winter
Author: Sophia Shalmiyev
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Copyright: 2019
ISBN: 9781501193088

In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Miscarriage

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I’ve tried writing this in several different ways. None of it feels quite right. Then again, nothing feels quite right about having a miscarriage.

Today was my due date four years ago. A due date that never came. I miscarried at thirteen weeks. My heart broke in a million different ways. I don’t really know how to describe that kind of loss. It is its own kind of grief.  

I had never wanted to be a mom. It was something I actively avoided. This pregnancy was a surprise and with the wrong man. When I found out, I was almost in my second trimester and very alone. My life changed in a moment. I went from a recent college graduate to a mom. I didn’t want kids, but I wanted that one very much. I was in a place in my life where having a baby was more than feasible. I had a job and was looking into buying a house. Single motherhood was terrifying, but I was in a place where I could have made it work. I was going to make it work. I wanted everything that came with it.  

I never bought the house. I didn’t keep the job. I never became a mom. I lost the baby.

When I found out I was pregnant, something happened. I wanted to protect my baby from the world. My baby would grow up knowing how loved and protected it was. I couldn’t protect it from my body; the thing that was supposed to nourish it, grow it, protect it. My body failed me. Failed my baby.

Standing in the shower has always been the place I’ve felt safest to cry. The morning I miscarried, the water washed away the tears and the blood. It couldn’t wash away my guilt or my grief. It took months to shake the guilt. The grief has dulled but has never gone away.

Being a mom is not high on my list of things I ever want to be. Honestly, I don’t want to have kids. I still want the baby I never got to hold. There is an ache. In the short time I knew I was pregnant, I had so many dreams and plans. I saw a new life. That life never happened. In so many ways, having a miscarriage was the best thing for me. The responsibility of motherhood would have kept me from following the dreams I’m just starting to find. Even though my body knew what was best, my heart still hurts.

Had my body not betrayed me, I don’t know where I would be now. I know I would have done everything for my son or daughter. That baby would have been my life. Instead of writing this, I would be finishing up the plans for a birthday party this weekend. A golden birthday party for my four year old little boy or girl. Paeton Ray. I chose a name the day I miscarried. I couldn’t just think of it as my baby, who wasn’t meant to be. I’ve never said that name out loud. This is the first time I’ve written it. Gender neutral. Similar to mine, RaeAnna Kay.

It’s been four years. I don’t cry every time I think about my miscarriage anymore. I’ll even go days without thinking about it. The pain can still creep in at the oddest times. April 4th has been a hard day the past four years. I can’t watch children’s movies without thinking about watching them with my baby. A year and half after my miscarriage I went to Inside Out with four of my guy friends from college. I ended up breaking down in the parking lot. It was impossible to find the words to explain, to make sense of it. It’s grief. Grief doesn’t go away, and it doesn’t always make sense. We live with it. It’s one thing to grieve a person you knew. It is another thing entirely to grieve someone you love so completely but never knew. I’ll always grieve a life I will never live with the baby who changed my heart.

I was laying on the couch this morning. Beau was on my chest with her head snuggled into my neck. She is the one being I love anywhere close to how much I loved my baby. I had never thought about it, but Beau is almost exactly the same age my baby would have been.