Worth A Read Yes Length 256 Quick Review If you’re not from the Midwest, you probably know it exists somewhere but the where and the what it is is probably a little foggy. This book will walk you through the important yet forgotten region.
Raygun started out as a tshirt store in Des Moines. It quickly grew a cult following because the t-shirts are hilarious and just about the only ones in my closet. Over the years, they have expanded from t-shirts to art to book publishing.
This will be a short book review because I can sum it up in: This is hilarious and educational! Two of my favorite things.
An Iowan by birth, I want people to know my state exists. I would also like for it to not be confused with Ohio or Idaho. Iowa does not share a border with Pennsylvania nor is it known as the Potato State. It does have a border with Illinois and Minnesota and is known as the Hawkeye state. The Midwest is a great book for laughs and learning. Whether you want to know facts about the state, history, or people, Raygun delivers the information in a relatable and very Midwestern way.
With lines like, “Adam and Eve are prime examples of how not to behave if you want to stay in the Midwest.” followed by “Those who remained and prospered in Eden are today’s Midwesterners.”
There are so many wonderful qualities The Midwest goes over in detail, but one of the most common is “After our good looks, this niceness is what we’re known most for.” As an Iowan, I can say I hear “Oh you’re from Iowa, that’s why you’re so nice.” It gets tiring being stereotyped, but if my home state has to be stereotyped, this is not a bad one.
The Midwest is so attention starved, this book takes advantage of every single opportunity to point out a famous, important, or any person of note real or fictional that hails from the greatest region in the “galaxy.” Out of the forty-five presidents of the United States, Raygun wants you to know “The Midwest has produced fifteen U.S. presidents. Three were killed, four other survived serious assassination attempts, and two died early. Our current Midwestern president, Barack Obama, may be in a dire situation. After all, just being a Midwestern president gives him a 70% chance of being killed, being shot at, or dying early.” Positive: Obama made it!
Raygun never misses a chance to make fun of literally anything, including the Midwest. We have a very self-deprecating sense of humor if nothing else. The Midwest is full of information, laughs, illustrations, cartoons, and more; all of which comprise one of the most overlooked yet completely awesome regions in the world. We’re humble, but we will self promote when the occasion arises… Mostly because we want to come and enjoy the under appreciated beauty 67 million people call home!
Memorable Quotes “Hollywood can’t get enough of us! With character attributes that range from extremely good looking and intelligent to kind and brave, Midwesterners can fill just about any role.” Clark Kent is from Kansas!
Title: The Midwest: God’s Gift to Planet Earth!; An Illustrated Guide to the History and Culture of the Galaxy’s Most Important Region Author: Raygun Publisher: Raygun Copyright: 2012 ISBN: 9780578116198
Welcome to the family Tess, Siren, March, Knight, Hardy, Duke, Nosky, Hera, Boudica, Makeda, Lily-May, Athena, Oryol, and Bear.
No this is not an April Fool’s prank. This is real life. Sorry I’ve been keeping it from you, but we wanted to find some equilibrium before announcing it to the world. Here is a cliff notes version of a much longer story.
Exactly five weeks ago, I was driving to an event in Houston on a frontage road during rush hour when I saw a small and seemingly very pregnant dog on the side of the road. Nothing pulls on my heartstrings more than a homeless dog. I was driving too fast to stop. I quickly flipped around and stopped traffic in high heels and a skirt to make sure she made it across the road to safety. I knelt in a fallow field as people sped home to their families, holding out my hand, wishing I had dog treats in my car, crossing my fingers my car didn’t get hit all while looking at a very skittish dog, hoping she wouldn’t run away. It took thirty seconds before she picked up a mutilated bird wing and dropped it at my feet. My heart broke as I touched her head for the first time. A minute later, I took a calculated risk by picking her up. Instead of biting me or struggling to get free, her body relaxed into mine as I carried her across the field to place her in the back seat of my car. She immediately curled up and let out the biggest sigh.
Once I was back on the highway, I called Dylan. “Hi, honey. I have a dog in the car.” “I didn’t know you took Beau with you.” I paused, “It’s a different dog, and she’s pregnant.” He paused for even longer, “Oh. Well. Okay. I’ll be home soon, and we’ll talk.” Then I called my bestie, Kelsey, and asked, “What the fuck did I just do.”
Before I brought this new and unknown dog into the house, I put Beau in her box to make sure both would be safe and quarantined. It took ten minutes to bring the new dog through the front door. She was scared and didn’t know what a doorway was. I didn’t want to push her or make her feel uncomfortable, so I sat down, petting her head until she walked far enough in so I could shut the door. I laid a blanket down for her with a bowl of water and food. She drank two full bowls of water and nibbled on the dog food before she laid down and closed her eyes. Her belly was huge. Her nipples were about to burst. I could see the movement of tiny puppies in her stomach. My family had a litter of puppies when I was fourteen, so I knew the signs and what to look for. We had maybe a week before the puppies would arrive.
Dylan walked through the door and made eye contact with the cutest stray you ever did see. I saw his heart melt. We talked for a long time about keeping her or contacting a rescue. Taking on a stray is a big commitment. Taking on a pregnant stray is a HUGE commitment. I knew she would be ours in the field, but I didn’t want to push Dylan into that decision if he wasn’t comfortable with it.
That night we [I] gave her the name Tess. We decided to lengthen it to Tessa because Dylan likes that a little better. Her name comes from the titular character in Tess of the D’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy. The plot mimics Tessa’s own story, in a way, but with a happier ending. We gave her a bath, fed her, and loved on her.
A call to the vet happened immediately the next morning. We kept hoping she would be microchipped by a home with someone desperately searching for her. No such luck. Dylan and I knew at that moment, we had a second dog. We spent three hours at the vet running a full panel of tests, x-rays, blood work, ultrasounds, and more to make sure Tess and the babies were healthy as can be and, at least, not contagious before we brought her home to Beau. After a once over, we found out Tess is maybe a year old. The vet came in with the results from all the tests, and it wasn’t all great news. Honestly, it was mostly bad news. Tess had hookworms and tapeworms. We put her on pregnancy safe dewormers to take care of that problem. As expected in a street dog, she has heartworms. We won’t be able to treat that until she has weaned the babies, but she is on heartworm prevention to keep it from getting worse. That will be a process to take care over the next year. Then, the vet told us we were expecting THIRTEEN puppies. Tess isn’t very big. She weighed 52 pounds pregnant. I didn’t think she could fit more than eight babies in her tummy. The vet pulled out the x-ray saying, “Here is where the pellet is.” My brain didn’t register it at first. My dog. My pregnant dog had been shot in the spine. I don’t understand. I can’t understand it. It makes me want to cry thinking about it. I was trying to register and process that this small, young, helpless dog was full of fleas, worms, heartworms, a pellet, and thirteen babies. Other than that, she was healthy, and sweet. The vet prepared us to only have nine puppies survive because of the amount of puppies in the litter and the fact she had been living on the street for probably ever. Oh, and the puppies could arrive any time between now and a week. Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Tess looked at me with the most soulful eyes and the biggest, pointy ears, and I knew we would do everything in our power to make her happy and healthy.
After paying a small fortune at the vet, we took her home and made her comfortable. Then we headed to Petsmart where we spent another small fortune to get puppy formula, crate, blankets, collar, leash, dog food, dog bowls, puppy pads, bottles, flea collars, flea baths, flea bombs, puppy shampoo, and more. We bought a kiddy pool for Tess to whelp in, syringes, thermometers, and more at Target. Then we hopped on Amazon to order towels, blankets, bleach, sheets, and more. Normally, people have two months to prepare and spread out the cost of puppies before they arrive. Not only did we not have days, we also had to get everything for our new dog. Those first eighteen hours were very, VERY expensive .
What made this whole thing harder was the fact I had to leave town two days later. Dylan had never whelped puppies. I had, but I had agreed to watch my cousin in New Orleans a year prior to this. I couldn’t back out. Dylan had to work that weekend, and he was stressed out of his mind trying to be a prepared doggy daddy. We tried to board Tess at a 24 hour vet office to make sure she was taken care of while Dylan was at work. That ended up being a complete nightmare, I will talk about that more in another blog post. Instead, we bought cameras to watch Tess in the puppy room and relied on my best friend, Amanda, to come over and lend a hand. I headed to New Orleans, hoping Tess would wait a week to have the puppies. In the meantime, I watched the cameras like a crazy person.
Five days after I brought Tess home, she went into labor. Fourteen hours later, Siren, the first puppy, arrived at 3:45 in the afternoon. It took seventeen hours for all thirteen puppies to arrive. My best friend, Amanda, came and helped. I was on Skype, as Overwatch, the entire time, letting them know when a puppy was coming and what to do when they needed help. We almost lost Tess between puppy ten and eleven, but she made it through. The three of us were up all night; it was exhausting and stressful. Dylan and Amanda were absolute champs. With every squeaking puppy, we let out excited cries. All thirteen puppies survived.
At two weeks old, we had a huge scare. Oryol, Athena, and Knight’s necks started to harden and swell very quickly. The swelling started at their necks and worked towards their faces, closing their eyes. It looked bad, but what was even worse was the swelling was cutting off their air supply making them wheeze and cough for air. We loaded Tess and all thirteen puppies into the car with blankets and pillows to head to the Blue Pearl Vet in Spring, a 24 hour animal ER, at 8:45 at night. We were prepared to stay as long as we had to with credit cards in hand willing to pay whatever price we needed to. All the puppies came with because the swelling came on so suddenly, I couldn’t bear to leave the puppies at home and risk another one getting sick. The Coronavirus hysteria had started, so we weren’t able to go inside with our three sick puppies. The vet was baffled by the case. They went on a regimen of steroids and broad spectrum antibiotics to take care of anything it could be because it would be days before pathology could confirm if it was viral, bacterial, or autoimmune. We were hoping it was an autoimmune disease; the other options meant a possibility of losing the entire litter and even Tess. After pathology and all sorts of other small fortunes were spent, we found out it was a wildly atypical case of the rare autoimmune disease: Puppy Strangles. It doesn’t occur in puppies younger than three weeks, which is why it was such a rare case. The fact three puppies had it at the same time in the space of an hour made it even more uncommon. Normally, it is not lethal, but because they were so small, had we waited much longer they would have strangled to death. They’re still on steroids, but they’re doing great and should be off them in a week!
Coronavirus sucks. Honestly, it couldn’t have come at a better time for me, though. I was supposed to go on a three week trip to Europe, which was cancelled because of the pandemic. Also because of the pandemic, work has been very slow, and Dylan and I are stuck at home with the puppies all day. It’s an amazing way to spend our quarantine, and I’m not in Europe missing out on this preciously short time.
Tess is the sweetest dog you ever did meet. Beau and her love each other. They are becoming the best of friends, taking on the other’s habits and falling asleep snuggling. Tess is becoming exhausted and drained from all the nursing, but she is doing an amazing job. Thirteen teething puppies with only eight functional nipples does not make for a happy mama. I can’t imagine what she’s going through, but we’re loving her fiercely through it all. Beau is obsessed with the puppies. Whenever they squeak, Beau runs in to check on them. Tess sees Beau taking care of things and lays back down. They’re coparenting, and it makes my heart so happy. Beau is torn between being enamored and terrified of the puppies. She wants to play with them so badly, and they’re now old enough they have started to play back.
My thirteen poop factories keep me busy doing laundry. And I mean a LOT of laundry. I’m a laundry goddess. They are the cutest things in the whole world, which makes it all worthwhile.
Last week, at three weeks old, my bestie, Jenn, took family pictures. We wanted to capture all thirteen babies, Tess, Beau, Dylan, and I before they’re zooming all over the place in complete and utter chaos. They turned out so cute. I will treasure them forever.
They’re officially one month old today. It’s an amazing age. They are walking and talking and playing. They mimic Beau’s boxerish play tactics. A herd of puppies run to me whenever I get near. I spend all day cuddling them when I’m not cleaning up. They are perfect and delightful and too good for this world.
The only reason I knew I could bring a heavily pregnant dog home off the side of the street was because Dylan would have done the exact same thing. When we started dating, he knew this was the kind of person I am, and he signed on anyways. He had been pushing to get a second dog for the last two years. I have been very resistant to it because dogs are a lot of work and a lot of money. I love them to death, but it is hard to travel with one dog let alone two. The Monday before Tess came home, I had told Dylan we were absolutely NOT bringing a second dog into the house. By Wednesday we had two. A week and a half later, we had fifteen dogs. I guess I was wrong. I couldn’t be happier about our circus.
I’m not much for resolutions or goals, but these aren’t resolutions. These are small things I’m going to do this year because I’m going to need a reminder of the things I thought about doing at one point when I’m bored and can’t remember what I want to do. These are all blog focused because I have loads of ideas, and then I forget about those ideas the moment I sit down to write anything at all.
Make a point to see more murals in Houston.
Try new restaurants.
Take better and more unique pictures.
Be better about sticking to the schedule I set for myself.
Create a list of my favorite coffee shops in Houston.
Write about the things that are important to me.
Go on more Blips for Trips (short, drivable day trips) in my spare time.
Learn how to create a mailing list.
Write about the Iowa Law Library. (finally)
See more of Texas.
Support as many wonderful women as I can.
bisous und обьятий, RaeAnna
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I went home for the holidays. Home is such a vague word because I consider home to be Houston and wherever my people are. Other than that, I was in Minnesota, Chicago, and Iowa. I got to spend time with most of the people that matter most to me in this world.
Three long road trips to Chicago to Ames to home [Houston] with my favorite man and being, aka my life pawtner aka my boyfriend and my dog.
I played with horses in Minnesota. Alex’s mom has a horse farm in the middle of nowhere Minnesota, and it’s one of my favorite places on Earth. The farm is surrounded by bluffs, and it’s just beautiful. I was only there for two days, but it was a great way to start my holiday trip.
Had a family Christmas in Effingham, where Mom and Dad are building their retirement lake home. While Mom was showing us the sight, we got the car stuck. None of us wore the right shoes, but we pushed anyways and made it back onto the road. Girl Power.
I dressed up with my sisters and Beau on Christmas morning to be Santa and her elves because we don’t require Santa to be a man in our family. I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything as cute as Beau in a Santa costume. Made my entire year.
One of my Christmas presents was two tickets to The Second City for their Do You Believe in Madness? Show, critiquing the modern political climate and culture in general. Kelsey and I went and had an AMAZING time. I don’t know if I’ve ever laughed that much in a two hour period. (I probably have, but it was at myself, so it doesn’t count.) We had front row seats, and they served hot chocolate. I mean, it was made for me.
I got to spend the evening with my brother and sister-in-law in Chicago, enjoying good food, yummy chocolates, and even better company.
Beau got bit by my parents’ new rescue dog. Stay tuned for more on this week’s Blog + Dog for more details. She’s fine, but it was ruff.
I did some unnecessary shopping in downtown Ames with my mom, pawtner, and dad. I picked up very important things, like popover tins, tea, soap that smells like hot chocolate, and dog treats/toys/chewbones. Beau appreciates the fact we spend more money on her than ourselves.
I took pictures in the Iowa Law Library. There will be a post about that in the future. It’s amazing. If you ever have the chance to go, do so. You won’t regret it.
The family went to the Iowa State Capitol Building and East Village in Des Moines to explore and have a fun afternoon on New Year’s Eve. I had never been with my dad, and my mom hadn’t been in two decades – since I went on a second grade field trip.
I dressed up as a flapper for New Year’s Eve, took pictures in Beardshear Hall on Iowa State’s campus, and attended a concert in a speakeasy. It was a lot of fun. My parents had an amazing time, and Dylan and I got to dance together, which was a nice way to bring in the New Year.
Spoiler, I can’t stand Nicholas Sparks’ writing. It’s boring, formulaic, and extremely unrealistic. Sorry, but I like my reading material to be somewhat grounded in reality. The one thing he gets right: the setting. Almost all of his books are set in the Carolinas, focusing in on North Carolina. Why? I don’t know, but probably because he lives there. Specifically New Bern, North Carolina, which is a forty-five minute drive from where I visit with high frequency because my bff is stationed in Jacksonville.
This list actually has nothing to do with Nicholas Sparks and everything to do with the beauty of North Carolina. I no longer loathe the writing of Nicholas Sparks solely because the state is gorgeous. So we see eye to eye on one thing. Maybe more, I don’t know the man.
Bald Head Island This is numero uno on the list because it will eventually be on my top 11 favorite places in the world list. Bald Head Island is about as far south as you can get in the great state of North Carolina. You can read more about it here.
Lighthouses I LOVE lighthouses. They are my favoritest things. Maybe not my absolute favorite, but I have an intense fascination with them. I have only seen two in real life, but I’m working on upping that number significantly.
MCAS New River This is actually kind of a crappy place, but I will always have rose colored glasses for it because my bff-for-always-and-ever lived there for five years. Happy memories for the win.
Wild Ponies I have not personally seen the wild ponies, but they exist in the Outer Banks. I love the idea of wild ponies, and hope to see them for myself at a respectful distance someday.
Sea Turtles Sea turtles lay their eggs on the beaches of North Carolina. I have not been able to see the hatching of these miraculous babies, but I have seen the nests(?), which is sand with a sign saying leave this space alone or something to that affect.
Beaches There are beaches all over the world, but I seem to frequent the North Carolina ones with the most frequency. They’re lovely.
Oak Island I just recently found this gem. It is an island right across from Bald Head Island. It has a lighthouse of its own. I can play in the ocean and see two lighthouses. It’s magic. Not really, but it made for a magical day.
Biltmore Estate I’ve never been to this grand place in Asheville, North Carolina, but I hear it is super duper fabulous. I hope to make it there one of these days.
Proximity North Carolina is five hours away from my best friend in DC and four hours away from my close friends in Virginia Beach. Gotta love the East Coast and their tiny states.
Blue Ridge Mountains I have not had the pleasure of exploring these mountains in earnest or at all, but I have driven through them a good many times. They are beautiful. The first several years I drove through them was solely in the dead of night…
Charlotte Douglas International Airport I really love the Charlotte airport. It has huge windows and Adirondack style rocking chairs. Also, they do a fabulous job decorating it for Christmas.
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Christmas tree hunting is one of my favorite activities of the year. There were only a few years after college when I didn’t hunt for a tree because family I lived with had a fake tree *gasp*. Even in my college apartment, I cut down a tree every year.
As a kid, my family brought our dogs with every year it wasn’t too cold for them. They always had a blast running around the tree farm sniffing all the smells. My brother and I would run around pointing at our favorite trees. I have always loved the big fat ones. The fatter the better. One year in college, I found the fattest tree, and it was 12 feet tall. It was ginormous. And it didn’t fit in my tree stand. It ended up being one my favorite disasters, and my best friend and I still giggle about it!
The Christmas after Beau came home, it wasn’t even a question of if she would come with us or not. We didn’t know exactly how she would do riding on the trailer at the farm or with all the people around, but she was a dream. Beau is incredibly well behaved around all the people, loves sniffing the smells, and running between the trees as best she can on a leash. This year, she did even better on the trailer. I’m such a proud Mama!
This is our third Christmas in Houston. The first year, we found High Star Christmas Tree farm just North of the city. We love it. The prices are unbeatable. They’re very kind. And they’re dog friendly! We’ve gone every year! Beau has come with all of her years with us! So, two.
Beau helped pick out our tree. As best as she can…. She sniffed it and wagged her tail, so I’d say that’s a yes. I’m so picky about trees. I like them tall and fat, but we don’t have a ton of tree space in our apartment. It’s also important to find one that is green and doesn’t have too much dead stuff in the middle. It’s a process. When we arrived, we took the obligatory blogger pictures. Then we spent an hour roaming around looking for the perfect tree. Don’t go tree hunting with me unprepared for a bunch of walking and “hmm…,” *head tilt*, walk around, and “not quite.”
The tree is now up and decorated. I couldn’t be happier. I love sitting at home with a cup of cocoa enjoying all the lights! Beau cuddles have made my Christmas season a gazillion times better.
If you still need a tree, you can find more information about High Star Christmas Tree Farm here. They’re really wonderful. This is not sponsored at all. I genuinely love them!
*Style* We decided to be nerds and all wear matching shirts. Beau LOVES her jacket. It keeps her so warm. It is an absolute must in the cold weather for our furry friends. It’s a deal at Target under $10. My shirt is from Old Navy. Dylan’s shirt is from Target. I actually wear his when I want the over-sized look! My jeans are talls from Abercrombie, but they come in short and regular too. I wear them all the time. I’m absolutely in love with my shoes. They’re silver sparkles from Old Navy! I’m wearing a size 7.5, and they’re true to size.
Happy Wednesday! Love, Beau, RaeAnna, & Dylan
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