In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Instagram Tax

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Me posing with an overpriced lemonade in Houston’s Montrose neighborhood at a kitschy unicorn cafe. |Sweater|Scarf|Yogas

New theory. Instagram tax. No, it’s not just another new and terrible thing Instagram is doing, but it is a thing we are paying for as consumers and content creators. Places are cropping up everywhere with a visually appealing and stimulating aesthetic trying to be the next local must-be-seen local place. As a traveler and blogger, I have come across a ton of them here in Houston and all over. They’re fun, inviting, cute, and trendy. It’s fun taking pictures and posting from these places. Content creators are under pressure to be at these places constantly and always be on the lookout for the next one. It’s not just content creators who are on the lookout. Anyone who likes a cute picture for their feed is out and about. We’re all just trying to look cute. Cute is not cheap. These hotspots are not accessible to everyone, and they’re not meant to be. The market is targeting this need for cute content, and prices are rising because the demand will pay for that picture.

If you have spent any time around me, you are probably aware I don’t like spending money. I am a saver, a scrimper, a spend as little as possible kind of person. I don’t make a lot of money, and I have a travel addiction. I am picky where and what I spend ma monies. As a blogger, there are lots of things pulling me in a lot of directions. I love it. I hate it. I wish it were free.

Everything costs money. I live in the fourth largest city in the U.S. I know I’m going to pay more for dinner here than I would in small town Illinois. I like city living, and I’m willing to pay that price. Cities have a range, and that range now includes an Instagram tax. Aesthetic costs money. In the Insta-era, people are going places just for the picture with the thing. I’ve done it. I’ve spent more money on some things than I normally would because Instagram. I hate spending money. Sure it’s fun, but it’s fleeting. That lifestyle costs money I don’t have. Even if I did have it, I can’t justify spending $15 on an ok milkshake for the picture in the unicorn place. No thank you. I can make that shake at home. Instagram is all about aesthetic. I mean, I love aesthetic; it’s great. A coffee shop turns into a floral paradise. Why have a dessert shop when you can have a unicorn dessert shop? White, sleek, and modern. Go for it. Rustic, leather, and low to the ground. Have at it. There’s a niche for everything. Find it, design it, add $4 to every item.

Aesthetic is what draws us in. It’s what keeps us taking pictures and telling our friends about it. It’s CUTE! It may not make for loyal or return customers. Once you have the picture, do you really need to keep going back? Probably not. I have a picture of me eating ice cream out of a watermelon. I’ve not been back. Why pay $8 across town, when I like my $3 ice cream just down the street.  

I have no problems paying market value for whatever it is I want. I’m kind of tired going to places to buy the thing to have the picture and paying double or triple the cost. It’s crazy stupid. No judgement. I will probably continue having those pictures when my friends go, but I’m not going to search them out. I search out the food not the look. I’d rather have $10 in my bank account than spending time in a poorly decorated unicorn dessert bar. Speaking of which. The picture was taken at a unicorn themed dessert bar in Montrose. It looks like a unicorn wet dream. Anything unicorn, pink, or sparkles is there. No continuity what-so-ever. My friend got a $8 lavender lemonade. It was fine, but you’re paying the Instagram tax. It has cotton candy and lights up. Not worth it. I borrowed her drink for the picture because I prefer plane tickets.

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Lifestyle

Eight Years

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Alex and I rarely take cute pictures, they are usually goofy. | My Sweater (backless!) | My Jeans | My Socks | My Boots | My Watch | Alex’s Sweater (I picked it out) | Alex’s Jeans (these too) 

To the rest of the world, today is New Year’s Eve. Up until eight years ago, it was just New Year’s for me too.

My most influential person came into my life eight years and a few hours ago. His name is Alex. He’s made appearances here and there on my blog. He’s been a big part of my travels this year. He helped make 2018 brilliant.

I can’t really describe Alex to you in any way other than he is an amazing person. People love him or hate him. There is no in between. I don’t know why people hate him except he is an intense kind of man in all the best ways. So there is probably something wrong with the haters.

There are people who come into our lives and change everything. Alex is that person to me. I am who I am because of him. He has become such a part of my story it is impossible to tell it without him. He is written on my soul.

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We are always laughing together. Seriously. It’s obnoxious… To other people, I imagine.

On New Year’s Eve of 2010, Alex came into my life, and he never left. We were in college together. He was a senior; I was a freshman. We had almost no reason to meet. Due to fate and a heart condition, he’s stuck with me. We were in choir together. When our director rearranged the seating arrangement, he ended up sitting in front of me. Very few people know this about him anymore: he has a beautiful singing voice. Long story short. Out of sheer optimism or naiveté or stupidity, I invited this dude, who I’d never had an in-person conversation with, to my house for New Year’s. He hugged my dad before we’d ever touched. It was ballsy. It worked out.

In the last eight years, Alex and I have been through more than I could ever write about. We walked to hell and back holding hands a few times over. It wasn’t easy. Actually, it’s been the hardest eight years of my life. Because of him, they have been the best eight years of my life. He is just shy of sainthood. Flawed as he is, he has always put me first. I have severe PTSD. I’ve been through sexual assaults and domestic violence. I have been in abusive relationships. I have been insecure. I have been broken. I have been bruised literally and in a non-physical sense of things. I have seen some pretty horrific things. Through my darkest days, Alex has always been there. He has never left. He has never made me feel less than. He has made me laugh through my tears. He has held my hand when there were no words to be said. When I have been unable or unwilling to pick up the pieces of my soul, he has put them back together. He helped make me whole, when I had never known what that felt like.

Alex went into the Marines over five years ago. We spent three years living together before he enlisted. In five years, we have spent one Christmas and one birthday together. He deployed twice. Two weeks ago, he left on his third deployment. He’s on a boat somewhere in the world. I don’t know where. Late on Christmas Day, I was lucky enough to get a phone call from him. We exchange emails whenever he has internet. I don’t know when he’ll be home. It will be eight months or more. It’s hard. I miss him. I miss hearing his voice. I miss getting to visit him. This isn’t new. We’ve gone over a year without seeing or talking to each other by phone in the past. It’s part of life in the military and loving someone in the military. Many other women, men, and families go through the same thing. Worry is part of our lives.

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Just doing normal people stuff in a field in 12 degree weather. Like normal people.

Alex and I have been a part of each other’s lives for eight years. They have been beautiful and stressful and all the feelings in between. Life has been hard on us. A lot of things were out of our control, some that weren’t, and some that seemed like they were. I wish many things had gone differently in our combined lives and our lives before each other. Then again, I don’t. I wouldn’t change him or I or what we have for anything in the world.

I can’t tell you who I am without talking about Alex. He has been an integral part of my life. Some people don’t just influence who we are, they form who we are. He has pushed me to be better. He has questioned my opinions and thoughts. He has held me when I’ve cried. He always challenges me to be the best version of myself. I don’t think I’m as good for him as he is for me, but I’m not going to tell him that any time soon.

It’s been eight years. I hope to have about a gazillion more, but I’ll settle for another seventy. I think I can make it to 97. Any day after that will be a blessing I think.

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“Can we just take a normal picture???” I ask. He responds “No.”
Lifestyle

I’m Not In It For the Free Stuff… BUT!

For this week’s Tuesday Truth, I want to talk about the one thing that is really starting to get on my last nerve about being a blogger. 

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I started Bookish Liaisons as a hobby and a passion project. A place I could take all my thoughts and opinions about the books I read. It still is. It has definitely grown larger than my wildest dreams. It accidentally turned into a small job and business. This place of mine transformed from a book blog into a bookish lifestyle blog because I’m a nerd with a life!

I never, not once, started this to get free stuff. Actually, the first time someone sent me a free book, I was thrilled and mostly shocked. “I should have started doing this a long time ago,” went through my mind because free books! A bookworm’s dream. I do not search out free books, and I do not search out free stuff. Sometimes, I get things in exchange for an honest review. Always honest. I’m never going to sell out for loot. Or try and sell my followers on things I don’t genuinely believe in.

Complete honesty: I’m pretty proud of the following I have on Instagram. I love all my followers because they are joining in on this great journey of mine. I’m no Selena Gomez, but I’m doing just fine!

Due to the number of followers I have, I get a lot of offers from companies and people wanting to send me their products. I turn down most because I am very picky about what I associate with. I am only ever going to talk about, post, and promote things I believe in and would spend my own money on. The books I have received from publishers are fabulous, but I only say “yes” to the books I’m actually interested in reading. I have turned down a ton of books, even if they are free. No matter what, I still review with honesty. (The books I have hated the most have been books sent to me for free. Oh man, I roasted a couple.) I’m not going to put my integrity on the line for a free book. No way. If I upset a publisher, editor, or author because of that, so be it.

What is starting to get on my last nerve as a blogger: companies soliciting. I’m a blogger. I’m a blogger on a limited budget. I freelance for a living. I like to spend my money on three things: travel, my dog, and food. I’m a bargain shopper when it comes to books because I’m a bargain shopper with e.v.e.r.y.thing. I ABSOLUTELY HATE WHEN COMPANIES, AUTHORS, ANYONE REACHES OUT ASKING ME TO BUY THEIR PRODUCT AND REVIEW IT. I get. We all have to hustle. It’s the way of the world. If you really want me to review your book, candle, bookmark, product, whatever, then send me an email, ask if I’d be interested, and then send it to me for free. I will never ever ever ask anyone to send me something for free. If I want it I will buy it. I am not going to spend the little money I have on something I do not want, need, or am looking for.

I have been contacted so many times because people want me to buy, review, and promote their product. Being a blogger, creating content, writing posts, and promoting takes A LOT of time. If you can’t pay for my time to market your product as the influencer I am, then at least offer to send it to me for free. I always politely say “thanks, but no thanks.” Sometimes, they even ask if I could shout them out or repost their pictures on my feed directing my followers their way. NO. Unless I can product test, I am not going to promote it. Integrity people. So many of the people who have approached me this way had products I would have totally accepted. Not now. Ya gotta spend some to make some.

I’m nothing special; I have a respectable following. I am an influencer and a blogger. I absolutely love doing this. I hate that people don’t take the work, my time, or my followers seriously. I’m not in this for free stuff. I am also not in this to spend all of my money.

End of rant!

Lifestyle

Dear Black Women

Dear Black Women, 

Happy Black History Month!

I have a small yet growing following on social media. So I’m going to use that platform to talk about something all month long that is really, really important to me: you.

I am a feminist. I am a white woman. My feminism includes you. My feminism is inclusive.

Women have to deal with some real bullshit. There are some upsides, though. Having to deal with being treated like less, working harder to prove we’re equal, being observed as sexual playthings years before it’s appropriate, and more because there’s a lot bullshit. We’re humans. We deserve respect. We deserve to live our lives our way without fear or judgement or interference from people who have no idea who we are.

I’m white. Those are my experiences. I’m writing this to you because you have different experiences. You don’t have the privileges I do. You have to live life in a way I never will. You have to take precautions I never will. You have to deal with microaggressions and racism I never will. You have to deal with discrimination and harassment and sexuality in ways I never will.

I’m sorry you have to go through that. I wish it weren’t your reality.

Sadly, this world is nowhere near postracial. I love that people think since we had a black president *poof* racism, finito!  Those people died the moment Obama was elected because things are not ok. We – as a country, I didn’t – voted Darth Cheeto into office. Unfortunately, 53% of white women voted for that ass hat wearing mongoloid. (I hate using language like mongoloid but yikes, he’s deficient and it’s dated.) We live in a world where #blacklivesmatter is controversial. WHAT??? Ugh. (Just so we’re clear, I’m pro #blacklivesmatter.) We live in a world where black boys and men and women and children are dying because of the police. We live in a world where 1 out of 3 black males will be incarcerated at some point in their lives. We live in a world where black women wearing their hair natural is seen as a political statement. We live in a world where black women are angry and black men are dangerous. I think the only time I’ve ever heard a black woman yell in real life is at step competitions. Let’s just say, the only men I’ve seen with guns are white. This list can go on and on and on.

We all have biases. That can’t be avoided. I’m sure I have been insensitive. I hope if I am someone points it out to me, so I can learn from that experience. The thing is we can learn and do better and change and make this world fair for our children and our grandchildren. But it takes making an effort, learning, and communicating. We have to take ownership of the past and the present. (This is more of a white people issue.)

It’s sad that we have to have Black History Month. IT SHOULD BE DISCUSSED EVERYDAY!!! It’s important. Your history is my history because we’re people, we’re Americans. We need to recognize the faults we made and the faults we make. If it’s not part of the discussion how will we learn?

This month is an ode to you. Every day, I will post on social media about a fabulous black woman past or present. Narrowing it down to 28 is rough. Some may be famous, and some may be friends of mine. I think it’s important to recognize the accomplishments of women and especially black women because if we see excellence achieved by people similar to ourselves we know it’s possible. If we know it’s possible, we won’t just dream. We will act and be amazing ourselves breaking down gender walls and racial walls. Every success made by a woman and a black woman is a step forward for all of us no matter how small.

Women need to stand together. We have no chance if we don’t. Historically, white women have always benefited from the oppression of woc (women of color). Feminism has been historically white centric. When “women” were fighting to work, woc had been working for years because they didn’t have a choice. When “women” won the right to work, they depended on the low wages of woc to do the things around the house they were no longer doing because men didn’t pick up the slack. White women have benefited from the inequality.

Black women have been the leaders in change but never received any credit. A lot of the actions, ideas, and more that helped gain freedoms for white women originated in black communities… but no one cared until a white voice spoke it. A whole bunch of fashion, music, dance, etc trends over the past centuries, which have been popular in the US, have roots in black communities. Yay cultural appropriation… Totally fair and not at all offensive.

Dear Black Women. You are seen. You are important. You are spectacular. You matter. Your experiences are significant. Your voice should be heard. You are worthy. You are smart. You are funny. You are complex beings with layers upon layers of emotions, experiences, actions, dreams, and more. You deserve the best. You deserve the right to be yourself. (I hate telling women they’re beautiful because there are so many other things I can and should compliment them on, but I don’t think you hear it enough.) You are beautiful. You are a knockout just the way you are.

Love,

RaeAnna
Founder of Bookish Liaisons

P.S. I’m hoping white people read this, and learn something. We can always learn something. I have lots to learn.
P.P.S. To other nonblack women of color. You also matter!
P.P.P.S. Dear White People. If you find yourself angry: good. You obviously need an education. Also there are opinions in here that are my own. The facts I talk about are facts. They cannot be refuted. You may try; I will block you. I hope you learned.

Lifestyle

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!

Well, Merry Christmas Eve! I have been in full holiday cheer for about a month and a half, so this is very exciting. I am spending the holidays with my parents in Ames, Iowa where I grew up. It’s the first Christmas I have been home in a very long time, so they are incredibly happy to have me. Beau is by my side enjoying her first Christmas full of treats and a big, shiny stick just for her in all the houses she’s been to!

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are exciting but also bittersweet for me because it means the end of the season I love so much. This year is slightly different, however. Today is a very special day. It is the day leading up to the day epitomizing cheer, joy, and goodwill towards all! It also marks my one year anniversary.

On this day last year, I launched my blog, Instagram, and Twitter accounts. It was 2:30 in the morning on Christmas Eve when I finally clicked the launch button on all the accounts. I started off with exactly one follower: my best friend. She was sitting in the room with me as she patiently waited for me to finish up my new passion project before we headed to bed. I went to sleep thinking I would have a handful of likes and maybe a follower or two. I woke up to find over two hundred likes on my first post on Instagram. It ended up climbing all day long eventually topping out with over four hundred likes. How this happened on my first go: to this day, I have no idea. It would take me eight months to have another post on Instagram surpass my first one in popularity.

I chose Christmas Eve to launch because it is my favorite holiday, and I thought I would give myself several reasons to celebrate for years to come. I didn’t know it then, but it was a great decision. I have always found myself incredibly grateful on this day, and this community and experience has added to my appreciation of this beautiful world I live in.

I began this adventure with a review of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol and a post of my bookshelves and tree. So I will come full circle with another post of my bookshelves and Christmas tree. As luck would have it, Christmas Eve is landing on #shelfiesunday!

I don’t have much to say other than:

  • Merry Christmas
  • I hope you receive armfuls of books.
  • Thank you for a wonderful year.
  • I am looking forward to seeing where this next year takes us.

In a year, this has evolved from a minute hobby with one follower and no hopes to something far more amazing and fulfilling than I could have imagined. I have loved every minute getting to know this beautiful community I am a part of. At the beginning, I knew next to nothing. I have learned so much with more still to learn. I can’t imagine my life without this venture of mine anymore.

 

 

Books, Fiction

Bridges

Read No
Length 194
Quick Review The plot is flat, and the characters are superficial at best. For having a grammar police of a main character, the syntax is riddled with errors. The cover is incredibly misleading. Overall, it reads like a sub par young adult novel.

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Bridges by Maria Murnane is a novel about female friendship. Three women, who met in college, are in very different points in their lives. Told through the eyes of Daphne, a divorcée, mom and aspiring novelist from Ohio; she meets her friends in New York City for a long weekend. Daphne celebrates the impending marriage of the successful and perpetually single Skylar along with KC, the hottest, youngest grandma there ever was. Though they are close, they still have things to learn about each other, which could bring them together or drive them apart.

The story centers around three women in their forties, but the cover is incredibly misleading picturing three women looking to be in their early twenties. Not only is the cover mismatched but the title, as well. I have finished the book, and I still am not quite sure where Bridges comes into play.

Murnane tries to tackle the complexities of female friendship but falls short. Her characters are hollow. Their friendship feels incredibly surface. One of the largest contributing factors to this is the dialogue. Murnane makes a concerted effort to keep the dialogue light and true to how people talk; however, it doesn’t flow naturally. She tries too hard to make the dialogue witty and interesting. There are unnecessary characters, who do nothing to further the plot. Murnane is trying to stay relevant by using Lokai bracelets, but it’s kitschy and overdone. She also tries to incorporate internet dating through an irrelevant side character. The “horrifying” dating experiences she comes up with may have been avant garde in the 1940’s, but they’re nothing to bat an eye at for any actively dating woman under the age of 45.

Daphne seems to be a fictional version of Murnane as an aspiring novelist. The other characters are always referring to Daphne as something of a grammar police. She shows her knowledge of grammar in ludicrous ways, which add nothing to the story except irritate and distract the reader. After constant mention of being the perfect icon of grammar, the novel itself is riddled with grammar mistakes and odd word choices.

Overall, the novel could be something really interesting, but, as it stands, Bridges is a let down falling short of a the complexity that is female friendship. I would be happy to recommend you better novels about female friendship. Just let me know!

Memorable Quotes
“… love is completely random.  There’s no rhyme nor reason whatsoever to where we’ll find it, or how.”

Title: Bridges
Author: Maria Murnane
Publisher: Self-Published
Copyright: 2017
ISBN: 9780980042511