Books, NonFiction, Travel

Dame Traveler by Nastasia Yakoub; Exploration of the Feminine Gaze

RaeAnna

Read Yes
Length 215
Overall Feels Awe
Gay Vibes Unfortunately nonesies
Drink Pairing Sombai 
⭐⭐⭐⭐

A woman standing on Brighton Beach in Melbourne looking at Bathing Boxes, holding Dame Traveler.
I’m a dame traveler. While I was on the biggest trip I’ve ever taken, I met the woman I call my partner in Australia. So now, I have one exceptionally amazing reason to travel even more.

Women are amazing. I am obsessed with them. I’m also lucky enough to be a lesbian [maybe not “lucky” in the political sense…], so I’ve gotten to know women as humans, friends, adventurers, lovers, coworkers, and more. 

In a world where women are still a minority after millenia of subjugation, they never cease to defy convention and live their lives unabashedly. I’m sure throughout history, there have been countless women who have done the same in their own extraordinary ways, but the vast majority have been lost to history through erasure and a failure to see the importance and document… Thanks, men. 

With the rise of social media—also education, healthcare, right to vote, legal protection, employment, status as almost human, etc, but that was just the groundwork for what women do on Instagram—women have visibility, representation, autonomy, and power in a completely unprecedented way. Women are living their lives publicly. And they’re doing it in a really aesthetically pleasing way. But pretty pictures in cool places is not what Dame Traveler by Nastasia Yakoub is really showcasing. It’s about women untethered. Women who are not afraid to see the world alone, with others, on their own terms, and document it. The fact women feel important enough to document themselves, their travels, their lives, their art is a feat in and of itself. The world has finally arrived at a place where women are deemed human enough to be interesting enough to care enough to give us space enough to exist. Not only are women doing it and posting about it, there are now books in bookstores for little girls, little boys, and little theys to see and make their own dreams.

A woman standing on Brighton Beach in Melbourne looking at Bathing Boxes, holding Dame Traveler.
While my girlfriend was at work, I did some touristy things… like take pictures in front of the iconic Bathing Boxes at Brighton Beach in Melbourne, Australia.

This is an interesting book to review because it is mostly an amalgam of pictures by creators from around the world, whose work has been showcased on Yakoub’s curated instagram account @dametraveler. There are snippets from contributors as well as information and tips about certain locations. Yakoub could have created a book dedicated to her own travels and photography. Instead, she used this opportunity to support and document incredible women who believe enough to do. Divided into sections on architecture, water, culture, and nature, Dame Traveler delves into a photographic exploration of the diverse feminine gaze of a world too large for any one person to experience fully. So, for those of us who are trying to know the world in its entirety, we must turn to beautiful collections like this to explore, learn, and grow. 

Yakoub curated a stunning book. The only thing stopping me from grabbing my passport and leaving permanently is my dogs and bank account. Until then, this will be sitting on my coffee table to daydream through.  

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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A woman standing on Brighton Beach in Melbourne looking at Bathing Boxes, holding Dame Traveler.
I loved this day. It was so good.

Title: Dame Traveler; Live the Spirit of Adventure
Author: Nastasia Yakoub
Publisher: Ten Speed Press
Copyright: 2020
ISBN: 9781984857910

11..., Experiences, Lifestyle, Travel

11[ish]… Pictures I Love from Melbourne and the Sapphire Coast

RaeAnna

Last month, I went to Australia for the second (technically, third) time since August. I was there for two weeks, which is longer than I was there the first time by a week. The reason? When I was in Melbourne in August, I met the most amazing woman and fell in love. We decided to give this a try before I even left the country. 

So I returned two months after our first date to be with her as my girlfriend for the first time. Gay, so gay, but we’re gay, so it figures. While I was there, I was exploring the city that could end up being my home. As much fun as this distance thing is, I really can’t wait to not have my girlfriend 15 time zones away in another hemisphere. 

An important part of falling in love with a city, for me, is photographing it. If I take in a city as a tourist, I enjoy it deeply; know my way around; familiarize myself with its facets; but I don’t carry it in my soul. To really have a place etched on my heart, I have to perceive it as art. So I slow down, keeping my camera strap wrapped around my hand, looking. I find the beauty in the natural, the hope in the pristine, the history in the dilapidated, the humor in the contiguity, the love in the people. Through a lens, I try to capture places and humans in the way I see them. Beautiful and unique in the minutiae to the sweeping. 

I have always loved pictures. Taking them. Looking at them. It’s been only recently that I’ve even thought of myself as a photographer rather than someone who takes pictures. I love the photographs as much for the art as the memories they contain. 

I’ve been home from what feels like my second home, Melbourne, for two weeks. I didn’t just fall in love with Melbourne and Australia because I fell in love in Melbourne and Australia. Though, that is a massive part of why it feels so immediately like home. It’s a beautiful city in an exceptional part of the world. I took a lot of pictures in the beginning, and then I spent a lot of time being present without my camera or phone, learning what life with my person actually feels like. So, now that I’ve been home long enough to go through and edit my favorite pictures. I give you: 11[ish]… Pictures I Love from Melbourne and the Sapphire Coast. We are going in chronological order.

  1. Elmer!!! This is my girlfriend’s cat. He is such a handsome man, and, honestly, one of the most incredible cats I’ve ever met. Sorry to all my friends. He’s a ragdoll and the love of my girlfriend’s life. I’m not even upset about that. He knows how to sit and paw on command. What a dude.

2. Moments Along the Yarra One (two) taken along the Yarra, flowing through Melbourne. My first full day in Australia, I had a lazy morning before Kate had to work in the CBD. While she was in meetings, I wandered along the river, taking pictures of things I liked. This boat and a walking bridge connecting the two sides. 

3. Brighton Bathing Boxes I spent a morning exploring the iconic 20th century bathing boxes at Brighton Beach. It was a chilly, overcast day, which is my favorite for exploring and photographing. There are fewer crowds and better lighting. There were so many cool bathing boxes, each painted a different color and even theme. 

4. Tathra Beach Over a long weekend, we hopped in the car and headed to the Sapphire Coast—Tathra, New South Wales to be specific. It’s a beautiful part of the country, and there were so few people there. It made a lovely place feel even more special. This canoe was just sitting there, and I loved it. 

5. Mimosa Rocks National Park Oh what a beach this was!!! I absolutely fell in love with it. Kate and I both love the sea and quiet moments by it. So while she watched the surf and the horizon, I climbed rocks, took pictures, and prayed I wouldn’t slip in and ruin my camera. I didn’t. I really love this picture. It might be the most screensaver image I’ve ever taken.

6. Sapphire Coast Though you can’t tell from this picture, the water is a stunning shade of blue. I get why it’s named such. There was something incredibly powerful and peaceful about the waves crashing into the rocks. I’m a bit obsessed.

7. Echidna A swift pullover with no warning, drew my attention to the spikey boy crossing the road. Kate had stopped the car quickly so I could get out and snag a portrait of this distinguished gentleman. I didn’t even think about hoping to see an echidna, but I did. They’re neat!!!

8. Beans Whenever I travel and find out about a lesbian bar in a city, I do my best to visit. I didn’t even plan this, we met up with a friend at Melbourne’s lesbian, nonbinary, trans, neurodivergent bar in Fitzroy. It was cool! 

9. Cheese Counter at Preston Market Preston Market is my new happy place. Partially because they have amazing arepas. Partially because I can have any food I crave plus coffee in one space. Partially because I love authentic, diverse markets. Partially because seeing how happy it makes Kate makes me happy. On a Saturday, we woke up and walked to the market (it’s so wild to exist in a walkable space), and I, of course, made my way to the cheese counter.

10. Holding Hands I love holding her hand. It’s exciting and grounding, and I do not get to hold her hand whenever I want to… yet. On the way to the airport, I took this picture surreptitiously. There is something so remarkably intimate and vulnerable about reaching for someone’s hand. 

11. California Mountains This isn’t in Australia but the view after taking off from San Francisco on my way back to Texas. The view was absolutely incredible. I couldn’t fall asleep, but my brain wasn’t working enough to write or even read. So I took pictures and edited them. I do love this one. 

Experiences, In My Own Words, Lifestyle, Travel

Flying with the Window Open

RaeAnna

I will never understand people who fly with the blinds shut. Let alone people who don’t point out the window so their children can feel the awe of a vast world below. [But that’s an entirely different opinion, I think.]

There are so many who will never see the world like this. It’s a way of transportation, sure, but it’s also an immense privilege. 

We live in a time like no other. The Wright Brothers only just took flight in 1903. 

Planes have fascinated me for much longer than my memory serves. To this day, I love being at the airport. For just about every reason you can think of from the scientific to the sociological to the engineering to the sheer joy of flying off on an adventure. They’re fascinating. 

We spend so much money flying. It’s expensive and oftentimes the fastest if not only way to get some places. Whether it’s work or travel, it’s an incredible feat of humanity to be in the sky. Strip all the possibilities away down to one: you’re paying a lot of money for that view. Also… going through security/customs deserves a good view. 

The world is stunning. 

Clouds and topography, I clammer for window seats and spend the majority of my flight daydreaming out the window. Of the far off majestic places I know exist somewhere over the horizon. Of the people and stories to hear in abundance too great for any one person to know all the stories of just one person. A planet as fertile as it is ravaged. A civilization as generous as it is greedy. I’m an idealist at heart, but shhhh don’t tell anyone. Looking at the lands I know and don’t, I can’t help but think: This world is beyond words, and yet, we’re collectively destroying it. 

How can one look out the window of an airplane and not be left a little in reverence of its abundance and desolation? Maybe if more people did, the world would be a bit of a better place.  

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Anxiety Is A Fickle Bitch

RaeAnna

Anxiety is a fickle bitch. 

But so am I. 

Anxious has pretty much been the main component of my internal personality since the moment my mother decided she wanted to be a mom, making my existence an inevitability within the reality I occupy. Though, it took me 29 years to be able to admit and name it.

Posting pictures like this is a vulnerability and therefore anxiety in and of itself.

I kind of had this belief everyone lived in a perpetual state of trepidation that something horrific would happen for the simple act of daring to breathe when they don’t deserve that air let alone a roof let alone *gasp* joy. Mmmm… apparently, a healthy percentage of the population doesn’t wake up thinking, ‘huh, again?’ Wild. Mentally stable people are real and live among us. I’ve even met one or two. 

I, as a human, am not completely devoid of intelligence—though, there is loads of proof to the contrary. I’m also incredibly rational. Anxiety could not possibly compete with my capabilities for logic and analysis. Jk lol smiley face. My anxiety also possesses a finesse for semantics and strong predilection for emotional manipulation. 

Even as I write this, I keep thinking, “Is this too dark? Will anyone read this? Am I being relatable or psycho? Am I funny? Is this even well written? Do I need to quit my job and live in a tent beneath an overpass?” The reality is. I’m not writing this for you. I’m not writing this for her. I’m not writing this for them. I’m not writing this for anyone. I’m writing this for me. For whatever fucking reason, some people read this and send messages saying pretty words just frequently enough for me to know putting my inside thoughts not just outside but on the internet—of all places—is doing some good. I’ve turned my deepest shames and anxieties and fears and guilts and traumas into a little, tiny career for myself. 

Some days, it feels like writing and publishing helps. A lot of days, it feels like it’s a facade of a sacred act to waterboard myself with all the pain I’m already drowning in. Why the fuck do I keep doing this to myself? Is it fucking worth it? Is feeling like this helpful to me, myself, and I? Am I better off because I look my most painful moments in the eye every goddamn day? 

Anxiety says: no. You just like the attention.  

Logic says: Yeah… super fun being known as the girl who got raped over and over and over again. I know how many hugs I’ve given. I know how many tear stained shirts I’ve washed. I know how many stories I’ve been the first person in the world to hear from someone who had felt as alone as I did so many years ago. I know I’m not alone anymore. I know the joy of celebrating justice for another. I know the joy of holding space for people to break and put themselves back together again. I know that I am living a life I could not have dreamed to hope I would live to see. I know if I hadn’t spent the last thirteen years writing, I would not be okay enough to be where I’m at, let alone really chasing the joy I’m chasing. 

Which is exactly why I post them. Exposure therapy.

My best friend is also a frenetic ball of anxiety. One day, we were going back and forth with the things creating anxiety in our souls. I typed, “My brain…” and autocorrect changed it to, “My Brian…” Honestly, I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of that myself. Personifying and gendering objects and feelings male with basic bitch names has been something I do for a long time. It’s really easy to tell a frustrating appliance or ill-founded anxiety/depression to fuck right off. Pyoter, the Rumba, is yelled at quite often around the house. Being the raging lesbian woman I am… women are rational, while men are testosterone, I mean, aggression. So, I followed the autocorrect miss-send with a “From now on our anxiety brains are Brian.” Oh boy, we talk shit about Brian. 

Dealing with anxiety has gotten easier. Not really because life has gotten easier or the anxiety has lessened. At 32, I know, I’m going to be okay. Because I am going to be okay. I’ve been through quite a lot. It hasn’t always been good, but I’ve gotten through. I’m not great, but I’m doing okay. I’m in a really good place. I have people who love me and I love in return. Not a single person in my life gives me a single brick of foundation for anxiety. I just got back from Australia and Cambodia, and I’m heading down under again a lot sooner than expected. My bills are paid. I have food in my fridge. My dogs are safe and happy and healthy. My credit score went up last month. I haven’t had a serious suicidal ideation in over a year. I’ve made some really amazing new friends in the last year, nine months, even three months. Every day, I have some real, tangible joy. So, when the anxieties about life, love, people, money, travel, health pop up, I have a lot of anecdotal analysis to prove: It is getting better, and I might actually like this life. Maybe, one day, I’ll even deserve it. 

So, Fuck Brian. That dude sucks. 

11..., Lifestyle

11… Lessons Learned in Cambodia and Australia

RaeAnna

A month ago, I was on the trip of a lifetime in Cambodia and Australia. The how that odd combination came about is a bit of a long story, which I will get to at some point in time because I’m notoriously bad at writing about my travels until they’re long passed. 

Seeing the Sydney Opera House for the first time.
Exploring the temples of Angkor Wat.

Anyhow, I was in Cambodia and Australia for three weeks, and it was the best goddamn trip of my entire life. It was life changing; then, it was more life changing. I think it’s going to be one of the most life altering, influential trips of my life. Before this trip, I was working towards a future, but, now, I am incredibly excited about my future. 

While on my trip, there were a lot of life lessons. I would love to admit they were new and earth shattering. They weren’t. They were all things I knew cognitively and have preached but not really done because I’m a giant hypocrite. So, here are some of the lessons I learned while I was traversing the globe. 

Playing in the ocean at Sunset Beach on Koh Rong Sanleom, Cambodia.
  1. Cambodia is not at all close to Australia. I booked my trip within a trip thinking, ‘Gee, I’m already on that side of the world. Can’t be that long of a flight.’ Jokes on me. The flight from Sydney to Kuala Lumpur was longer than the longest flights I’d been on before this trip by a chunk. They may be close in time zones, but they’re in completely different hemispheres. I promise, I’m not dumb.
  2. Let friends help. I’m so bad at accepting help. My trip started off… Well, I legitimately had a panic attack before I’d even arrived at my gate in Houston. This trip was almost the very worst experience of my life. I’m me and can figure it out. But more importantly, I accepted help that was given freely and with love from a few very close friends. Hindsight, so fucking glad I did. My entire trip would’ve been miserable otherwise.
  3. Just go. I was a bit anxious about Cambodia. Likely not for the reasons you’re thinking. It’s the first time I’ve been in a country where I don’t speak the language. Not even a little bit. I knew NOTHING. I picked up some. Very little. I tried. Khmer is beautiful. I wasn’t perfect at it, but the people are amazing, and I didn’t need to be.  
  4. Spend the money. I have always been on the save, save, save for vacations so I can spend, spend, spend whatever I want (within budget) on the trip. I have always enjoyed just doing and buying the things I never would in my real life while traveling. This trip went a bit different. I’m also older. I spent money in a different way than I used to. I came home with almost nothing because I didn’t really want anything. I spent a bunch of money on doing stuff and staying in cool places. 
  5. Don’t spend the money. There were a lot of factors in not spending money on things. I’m older than I used to be and have more stuff than I know what to do with. I also no longer believe I need souvenirs to remember a trip by. Although, I would really love a chair from Cambodia. Pictures are now my keepsake of choice. I also had the constraint of changing places almost every day and bopping between CONTINENTS and having to carry everything. I had a plethora of opportunities to spend money on things. I chose not to. A month later, I don’t regret it. 
  6. I have cell phone service in the Cambodian jungle. I can facetime my dogs from a remote Cambodian island. But I couldn’t send a text from Grand Canyon National Park. The RIM. Not even IN the canyon. This will never cease to amaze me. 
  7. Let your friends bully you. I mean, not in the realest definition of the word ‘bully,’ but in the friendly, they-love-you-and-want-the-best-for-you way. I listened to my friend, Sabina, and that literally changed the trajectory of my future. I will be forever grateful. 
  8. Trust your gut. I am notorious for overriding my gut feeling. In everything from life to love. My gut has always, always, always been right. Why did it take me this fucking long to listen to it. I trusted my gut the entire trip, and I’ve never had a better, easier trip in my entire life. 
  9. Trust strangers. This is actually something I’ve always been pretty good at. There was a moment when I was 30 minutes into a tuk tuk ride, taking me out of the capital into rural Cambodia, passing cows and farmland with a man I had just met three hours earlier, munching on lotus he’d bought me, no questions asked, and the thought ‘Hmmm… this could’ve been a bad idea.’ Except it was a brilliant idea! I trusted my gut, which lets me trust strangers. Which turns strangers into friends. And friends make life so much more fun. FYI Bunna is the kindest man and best tuk tuk driver. If you’re ever in Phnom Penh, I’ll give you his number.
  10. Keep your heart and mind open. It’s the best way to travel. It’s the best way to live. It’s always led me in really interesting directions. I think it might be leading me into the most exciting adventure of my life.
  11. Go for it. Don’t look back.

Bisous und обьятия!

Looking at Popokvil Waterfall in Bokor National Park.
A baby Northern pig-tailed macaque watching from the trees in Bokor National Park outside of Kampot, Cambodia.
Learning how to surf at Bondi Beach in Sydney, Australia.
Books, Reading Lists

A Gay Little Reading List

RaeAnna

Representation is vital.

For every single minority group and person.

This picture just makes me happy.

We live in a world of spectrums and differences. All of it, every single one, should be depicted in art, media, news, books, everything. The world cannot grow into a better one if we ignore all the people who do not fall in the category of cishet, white people/men because cishet, white women hold minority status too, though with marked privileges. 

I have always, especially since the inception of this blog’s first iteration, tried to read diverse books written by diverse voices and as few white dudes as manageable. My mind and heart can’t grow, evolve, or be challenged if I’m not exposed to ideas, views, and the realities of others. It’s easy to get caught in a bubble, and I try really hard to not get stuck in one specific bubble for too long. 

This photoshoot was done as a surprise for a friend, but I also turned it into a gay book stack photo when I grabbed a bunch of queer books. Soccerwomen is not inherently queer, but have you seen women’s soccer? It’s real gay. Some of these books I’ve read; some I’ve not. Either way, it’s Pride. So if you’re looking for something queer to read, try one of these. If you’ve read all of these, read them again, or DM me so I can give you more options. 

The Disenchantment Celia Bell
Soccerwomen Gemma Clarke
The Queen’s English Chloe C. Davis
Queerly Beloved Susie Dumond
Save Yourself Cameron Esposito
Girl, Woman, Other Bernardine Evaristo
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe Fannie Flagg
The Queer Bible Jack Guinness
Hijab Butch Blues Lamya H. 
Queer Love in Color Jamal Jordan
Sister Outsider Audre Lorde
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo Taylor Jenkins Reid
Transgender History Susan Stryker

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna