Experiences, In My Own Words, Lifestyle, Travel

Flying with the Window Open

I will never understand people who fly with the blinds shut. Let alone people who don’t point out the window so their children can feel the awe of a vast world below. [But that’s an entirely different opinion, I think.]

There are so many who will never see the world like this. It’s a way of transportation, sure, but it’s also an immense privilege. 

We live in a time like no other. The Wright Brothers only just took flight in 1903. 

Planes have fascinated me for much longer than my memory serves. To this day, I love being at the airport. For just about every reason you can think of from the scientific to the sociological to the engineering to the sheer joy of flying off on an adventure. They’re fascinating. 

We spend so much money flying. It’s expensive and oftentimes the fastest if not only way to get some places. Whether it’s work or travel, it’s an incredible feat of humanity to be in the sky. Strip all the possibilities away down to one: you’re paying a lot of money for that view. Also… going through security/customs deserves a good view. 

The world is stunning. 

Clouds and topography, I clammer for window seats and spend the majority of my flight daydreaming out the window. Of the far off majestic places I know exist somewhere over the horizon. Of the people and stories to hear in abundance too great for any one person to know all the stories of just one person. A planet as fertile as it is ravaged. A civilization as generous as it is greedy. I’m an idealist at heart, but shhhh don’t tell anyone. Looking at the lands I know and don’t, I can’t help but think: This world is beyond words, and yet, we’re collectively destroying it. 

How can one look out the window of an airplane and not be left a little in reverence of its abundance and desolation? Maybe if more people did, the world would be a bit of a better place.  

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

In My Own Words, Lifestyle

I Am Not Trauma Bonding

I am not trauma bonding. 

I’m incredibly open about my past, which was basically 24 years of constant trauma. (The last six have seen their trauma, but nowhere near the first two and a half decades of the hellscape I called home.) So fun! It’s a huge part of my life and led to my career in social justice and writing and depression (kidding?). If I could separate me the person from me the traumatized, I fucking would. But I can’t. It is ever present. A character in my story. It comes up. In my stories and especially in my humor. If you don’t like dark humor at my own expense… I’m probably not for you. To be in my life is to have some familiarity with my trauma. Don’t confuse that with bonding or asking others to take it on. I’ll carry that weight; I’ve got this; it’s not new. My pain is a familiar companion. 

My trauma solidified my existence as a raging intersectional feminist in search of knowledge.

When a new person starts to enter my life in a non-surface relationship, I tend to give the ten minute run down. Friends, dating, whatever. The rundown will happen sooner rather than later.

I am not trauma bonding.

Sharing the events that made me is as necessary as where I’m from and who my siblings are. I am a writer who specializes in memoir work. One of the biggest reasons I give the rundown is because I want a person to find out from me what happened to me. It’s a heads up. A hey, I’m okay. I don’t want them to find out all the really violent and awful things that were my daily life through an Instagram post, an article on Medium, through my blog, on Facebook, or worse a 280 character tweet. I’m not about to do that to a person cause that just feels shitty to me. I wouldn’t want to find out someone I care about even a teensy bit was gang raped at nineteen. I want people to know I’m okay; I’m not a sploot on the surface of the Earth. I’m a broken, thriving human. 

I am not trauma bonding.

My story opens the door for people to tell me their own stories. Or not. It’s up to them. I’m not trying to have a good cathartic cry and feel my feelings with someone. No one gets that. Tears and devastation are left for solo road trips and hot showers. I’m not looking to be raw and open. I’m looking to change the world, even if it’s just in small ways. My story is not new, but it has had an impact on people’s lives; helped them find their own voice; not feel so alone; know someone somewhere sees their pain and cares. My story is in the world because I want to end the stigma for survivors, for those who did not survive, for those who have yet to survive. Maybe my story will stop someone from going too far and creating another survivor. I don’t know. Do we ever really know the impact of our existence in the world? All I know is that I have a voice. I have a past. I will use my voice to do as much good in the world as I can.   

I can be broken and strong, femme and capable, vulnerable and resilient, traumatized and healthy.

I am not trauma bonding.

I am simply preparing people for what the reality of being in my life is. To stand by my side in any significant capacity is to bear witness to pain that was, is, and will be. Though the events of my past are solidly in my past, the consequences and pain are ever evolving. I’m constantly reconciling and healing. Honestly, I’m also testing the waters to see if this new person can handle it. Out of sheer self-preservation, I’m not going to let myself become emotionally involved with someone who will flee when the hard stories start coming up. Let alone if they invest a lot of time and get to the point where they may see the consequences of another’s actions in the form of my anxiety, PTSD, depression, and OCD. The truth is, I am a bit of a mess. My life and mental health is really in a good place considering, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days. I want to know I can potentially show a side of me that is not completely together and capable. I don’t want to hide integral pieces of myself. Fuck, I’m not going to stop writing, talking, and fighting for change because someone is uncomfortable with my past; I’ve been there too many times to do it again. I take pen to paper, fingers to keys, putting that pain on display for the world to see and hopefully feel. This is my job. This is my purpose.

I am not trauma bonding. 

Silence was my protector for so long. I refuse to be silent. I refuse to be a well behaved woman. I am strong. I am broken. I am clumsy. I am kind. I am funny. I am sad. I like to think I’m smart. I am multitudes. But I am traumatized. I am not asking a single person to take that trauma on. It is just a story among many stories of my life. 

bisous un обьятий,
RaeAnna

Books, Reading Lists

11… Books I’m Excited to Read This Fall

I started out niched solely as a book blogger in the Insta-sphere. Even though that’s not the only thing I was writing about way back when, it was what I became known for. I rebranded so I had more freedom to talk about all the things without any push back and unfollows because travel, dogs, social justice, opinion pieces, etc were not on brand. 

The books topping my reading list this fall.

When COVID hit, my life became wrapped up in the puppies and staying home. I’ve lost a great deal of motivation. Before 2020, I was extremely self-motivated and would often work ten or more hours a day seven days a week between my writing for work and content creating for the blog. I have found a complete loss of self-motivation in ALL things. Not just blog content. 

A book part of this blog has been and will be book critiques. I love reading and expanding my world views. I have not fallen off the wagon when it comes to reading…. Although, I’m Netflixing more than I used to. My reading quotas are still being met. The book critique quotas are not, however. I’m getting back to it… Probably. 

Bear really wanted to let you all know he’s super excited to be involved too.

Anyways. Publishers are still sending me books. I am still reading them. I’m just not posting them—or anything else—lately. But I wanted to give you a little sneak peek into eleven books I’m excited to read this fall. My reading taste is pretty focused. As a book critic, I like to vary it more than I would if I were solely reading for pleasure, so I aim for half nonfiction and half fiction on a wide range of topics, views, authors, and more. There is always a lean towards social justice, inclusion, representation, and progress. Even in my light reading, I choose female point of views and authors as well as finding POC writers because even when it’s a cute novel, women of color speak to things I may not immediately think of as a white woman.  

Here are the eleven books on the top of my reading list right now:

  1. Charged Emily Bazelon
  2. Harlem Shuffle Colson Whitehead
  3. Sister Outsider Audre Lorde
  4. An Indigenous Peoples’ History of the United States Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz
  5. My Broken Language Quiara Alegría Hudes
  6. Girl, Woman, Other Bernardine Evaristo
  7. The Testaments Margaret Atwood
  8. The Bright Side Sanctuary for Animals Becky Mandelbaum
  9. Slaughterhouse Five Kurt Vonnegut
  10. Entitled Kate Manne
  11. Ghost Forest Pik-Shuen Fung

Fingers crossed I publish book critiques of what should be some amazing books in a relatively soon time frame. We shall see. 

anbisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Black History Month 2020

Happy Black History Month!

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Holy crap. I can’t believe it’s February already. I feel like I haven’t done anything productive this year. Oh well, there are still 336 days left to turn this shit around. 

Back on topic: 
There are so many amazing heritage months during the year. Every year, I try and focus on one or two because I can’t focus on them all. Damnit! The very first year, I spent February celebrating black women for Black History Month. (Last year, I focused on Asian American Pacific Heritage Month and LGBTQIA+ Pride Month.) It was wonderful. On Instagram, I talked about a different amazing black woman every day, focusing on lesser known movers and shakers throughout history. I only read books penned by black women. These women are/were incredible. They have been the backbone of this country for centuries. Well, not just this country, but that’s a much longer story. They deserve far more recognition than they have ever gotten. For as much as I knew before that month, I learned so much more. It started amazing conversations, which I would have never had otherwise. I expanded my mind and my heart. I love being a nerdy blogger because my focus is on educating myself and pushing others to do the same. I read books about a variety of things from memoirs by comediennes to novels to nonfiction. You can’t know something until you know it, and there was so much I didn’t know. There is so much I don’t know. It’s why I keep reading: to educate myself, to be better, to do good in the world. 

I push a very intersectional feminist agenda. I didn’t have a huge following back then, but I knew from the beginning I wanted to use whatever my platform was to showcase incredible humans of diverse backgrounds and voices. Not to speak for them, but be a channel for which their voices could be heard or realized or found. It’s hard to know something you don’t know, which is why I try to showcase the divergent world in which we exist. It’s so easy to be caught in our own bubble, but outside our bubbles, a world seethes with an indescribable amount of individuality and intersection. We are all humans. Our existence is uniquely our own, but it also overlaps in so many fascinating ways. We are more alike than we are different. But it’s impossible to experience the unique overlapping of humanity trapped in our own spheres of being.  

That first year blogging and Instagramming was enlightening. Racism exists. It’s rampant. It’s horrible. It’s everywhere from our grandparents to the media to our own internal bias. For as much love and support as I received, I also encountered a great deal of dickweasels. I lost over 500 followers because I was highlighting black women. I heard “There are incredible white women too,” or “What about black men?” I wasn’t saying black women were better than anyone else. I was saying we, as humans, are all beautiful and fascinating, but let’s bear witness to an overlooked and left behind and oppressed group of people because they need and deserve love and acceptance and have the right to be seen. I may have lost 500 followers, who I didn’t want anyways if I’m being honest, but I gained over 1,000 new followers. I heard so many comments of support and awe. It’s not about the followers; it’s about what those numbers represent. Hatred exists in the world, but I have found kindness and compassion weighs heavier. People want a better world. People want to do better. People want to grow. People want to give and receive kindness.

This year for Black History Month, I’m not just focusing on women. I’m reading books by black authors. I won’t be highlighting a person every day because honestly, it was a lot of work and research, and my job has been keeping me very busy lately, and I don’t have the time. I truly wish I did. I hope to expand my mind and those of everyone who cares enough to follow along on this journey. I’m still completely baffled people care what I have to say, but if you’re listening – in this case, reading – I will be using my voice to raise awareness and advocate for change, peace, kindness, love, acceptance, tolerance, and a beautifully colorful world. Although, I try and do this all the time, so Black History Month really isn’t all that different than any other month. It’s just a more one directionally focused month.  

So far there are only seven books on the list, but I might try and sneak an eighth in there since there are eight book review days in February. If you haven’t noticed, I post every Tuesday and Thursday. Send me your recommendations if you have any!!! What I’m reading this month: 

The Black Book
Dapper Dan by Daniel R. Day
How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi
The Water Dancer by Ta-Nehisi Coates
Becoming by Michelle Obama
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
Charged by Emily Bazelon (It’s not by a black woman, but it does talk about an issue that affects the black community at much higher rates than white people.)

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Style

Books, Coffee, Dogs & Social Justice

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Graphic Tee (it’s perfect) || Jeans (the best) || OTK Boots (a winter must) || Blazer (a staple) || Houndstooth Silk Scarf (who doesn’t love these)

I love fashion. I have always loved looking my best. When I was in 2nd grade, I was frequently called into the front office because my outfit was “adorable” and needed to be seen. I always dressed up in middle school, high school, college, and the corporate world. Now I work from home, so I don’t get dressed unless I have a pressing reason to go out into the world. As a blogger, I have a reason to look nice when I’m content creating.

I’m also a tall girl. I’m 5’10”, and that comes with its own shopping and dressing complications. Cute shirt… if I were four inches shorter. Awesome pants! Where’s the flood? Pretty dress: DO. NOT. BEND. OVER. The list goes on. Every once in awhile, I’ll be sharing my favorite outfits, which are tall girl friendly.

Since I started this blog (and long before in my personal life) people have been complimenting and asking where I get my clothes. I figure, I might as well start writing about! Maybe make a little money. Even when I’m not writing about fashion, I will be linking my outfits in all of my posts! 

I’ve never been much of a t-shirt girl, but when I found this one on Amazon, I knew I needed it. It is very, very me! Books, Coffee, Dogs & Social Justice??? I mean how much more me can a piece of clothing get?!? You can buy it here. It’s less than $16!!! You probably need it too if you’re following along.

I love over-the-knee boots. I never owned a pair until last year. These black otk boots are so cute. They literally go with everything from jeans to skirts to dresses; you could probably pull an Ariana Grande and wear them with shorts. I’m not that confident. I got these on JustFab, and they are definitely worth it.

I love Express because their clothes range from classic to trendy, and they’re more likely to fit me than other retailers. I bought this great blazer there. I love pairing them with jeans, but it would also work great to the office or really any occasion. The jeans are from Abercrombie & Fitch. They’re high waisted and super skinny; more importantly, they’re super comfortable. I have worn them a ton and washed them almost just as many times. (Really, who washes jeans EVERY time?) They have held up so well!!! The houndstooth silk scarf in my hair is from Forever 21. It’s a fun little accent.

The highlight of this outfit is for sure the graphic tee. I loved strutting my stuff in this outfit. I was really comfortable, but felt like the bad-ass boss babe I am trying to be!

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Graphic Tee from Amazon.com
Jeans from Abercrombie & Fitch
Blazer from Express
Over-the-Knee Boots from JustFab.com
Houndstooth Silk Scarf from Forever 21