In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Pride 2019

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Rainbow Dress (So many compliments and linen!) | Heels | Belt | Purse | Hair Clip | Watch

The fact we have to have a month to bring awareness to any population of the world is shitty. I truly wish the world was a loving and accepting place full of kindness, but it isn’t. Which is why we have African American History Month in February, National Women’s History Month in March, Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month in May, National Hispanic-Latino Month in September, National American Indian (cringe) Heritage Month in November. This month of June is Pride Month to celebrate all our LGBTQIA+ brothers, sisters, and gender nonconforming family members. 

I was lucky enough to grow up in a family and church where sexual orientation and gender identity were nonissues. My parents wouldn’t have cared if I came home with a girlfriend. When I was young, the church I grew up in created a mission statement accepting and welcoming people of all identities as God’s children. Two places where seeds of hate and ignorance could have – and for so many are – sowed, I was given examples of acceptance and love. People are who they are. I have always believed and will continue to believe sexual orientation and gender identity are a part of who a person is and cannot be changed, though they are often far more fluid than people realize.

Pride month is important to me like all the other months celebrating the beautiful diversity of humanity. I have known out LGBTQIA+ people my entire life. (We all know them, we might not be aware, though.) I remember my parents explaining to me, at four or five, why our family friend brought another man instead of a woman to dinner. The conversation went pretty much like this: Mom/Dad, “Instead of falling in love with a girl, he fell in love with a boy.” My reaction was along the lines of “ok.” Totally scarred for life. Just kidding. I loved him, he loved a man. Cool. When I was 15 and a freshman in high school, my mother asked me if I was gay because I had no interest in boys. It wasn’t a big deal, but it was a question. I was not a lesbian then, and I’m not now. (Although, my sexual preferences are probably more fluid than I had thought possible at 15.) People I knew came out at all ages around me. In college, I knew a ton of gay, lesbian, and bi kids; there were even people transitioning. On the first day of class, one of my classmates introduced herself and said she was transitioning and would prefer to be addressed with the pronouns “she and her.” I went to a very liberal school, and everyone had a nonreaction of “cool.” She was a she, and no one cared or made a big deal about it. It wasn’t really until after graduating from college, when I ran into homophobia or transphobia along with a lot of other phobias based on rigid and outdated ideas of how people work. I knew they existed, but it seemed like it should be a thing of the Ozarks where there is a lack of teeth and running water. 

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Dress | Heels | Belt | Purse | Hair Clip | Watch

I’m all about Pride because everyone should support people embracing who they are. I’m also all about Pride because I have two gay cousins, who I love very much. I have friends who are LGBTQIA+, who I love very much. I want them to be able to inhabit the world with the same rights, protections, and abilities to be who they are and love who they love as their straight, cisgender neighbors without fear of violence or persecution. The world is changing; not nearly as fast as I would like. Marriage equality has been passed in my lifetime. It’s a huge step forward, but there are so many more to go. 

Falling anywhere on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum or not on it at all is fine by me. I don’t care either way as long as you are a good person. My opinions are my own, and I would never push my own opinions and feelings on other people. I may not know a great deal. I do believe acceptance, kindness, and respect should be given to all people because every person is deserving. 

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Rainbow Dress (literally the best) | Belt | Purse | Heels | Watch | Hair Clip |
Books, NonFiction

Transgender History by Susan Stryker

Worth a Read Yes
Length 320
Quick Review An overview of the transgender people’s history in the United States from about WWII to present day.

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Transgender History by Susan Stryker | Red Dress Dress | Straw Purse | Bracelets | Bow | Belt

 

I’m always hesitant about nonfiction books written by people who don’t personally understand what they are writing about, which is why I picked up Transgender History so enthusiastically. Susan Stryker is a scholar and a transsexual woman. The book is full of insight and history and emotional depth. At the root of this often politically charged topic are people. So often that fact is forgotten. Transgender PEOPLE live lives as full and complicated and emotional as anyone else.

It would be almost impossible to discuss trans* history and rights without having an understanding of key terms and phrases. Stryker takes 45 pages to define many important terms. This sounds super boring, but it was actually very interesting. Some terms are well known but many are not.

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Transgender History by Susan Stryker | Red Dress Dress | Belt | Purse | Bow | Bracelets

There is so much information packed into 320 pages. Some of the highlights are the discussions about riots throughout American history and their impact on society and culture. Notably Cooper D-Nuts, Dewey’s, and Compton’s were huge points when several factors came together to create change on some level. The inclusion of excerpts from articles, letters, testimonies, research, and books helps to capture the spirit of the time, provide information from other experts, and give personal stories.  

I had always wondered why I heard more about trans women than trans men. Transgender History gave me the answer. Trans men could often disappear into society living as they wanted to. Known as passing. Trans women did not share the same abilities and have been at a higher risk of violence. I also wondered where the unfortunate idea trans people are rapists came from. Sadly, that idea originated at a feminist convention with the trans woman Beth Elliott. As a feminist, this saddens me greatly. I still don’t understand why there are types of feminism which are exclusionary. (Mine is not.)

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Transgender History by Susan Stryker | Dress | Purse | Belt | Bracelets | Bow

Fun facts I didn’t know but should have:

  • Ames was one of a handful of American cities and counties with trans anti-discrimination protections in 2016. Ames is my home town; so proud!
  • The DSM didn’t depathologize transgender people until the DSM V in 2013
  • HIV is common in poverty stricken trans communities because of sharing hormone needles.  

So many notable trans people are mentioned throughout the pages. Sarah McBride, author of Tomorrow Will Be Different,  is mentioned as the first trans person to speak at a televised national convention. Reed Erickson, a transgender male, did so much to further research and science for trans people.  

Transgender History is misunderstood if it’s understood at all. There is so much I didn’t know and still don’t know. Stryker does an amazing job educating the reader without making them feel guilty or uneducated. If you are interested in learning about a deeply oppressed community, I highly suggest reading this book.

Memorable Quotes
“When people struggling against an injustice have no hope that anything will ever change, they use their strength to survive; when they think that their actions matter, that same strength becomes a force for positive change.”

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Title: Transgender History: The Roots of Today’s Revolution
Author: Susan Stryker
Publisher: Seal Press (Hachette Book Group)
Copyright: 2017
ISBN: 9781580056908

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Transgender History | Dress | Belt | Purse | Bow
In My Own Words, Lifestyle

I Will Say “Tampon”

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I recently saw this jar of tampons in a unisex bathroom in a Houston restaurant. I got to thinkin’.

I want to talk about tampons. I get to talk about tampons because this is my blog, and I can talk about anything I want. Today, it’s tampons. You do not have to be here or read this or care about my opinions.

It’s not that I love talking about tampons. It’s more of a need. There’s a need to talk about them. Tampons make people uncomfortable. Tampons make women uncomfortable. Talking about them; we wear them just fine. Tampons make men uncomfortable. Tampons completely bewilder men. How is it that half of the population has almost no clue how tampons work? I have dated a handful of men, and none of them knew how a tampon worked. (I once showed my college boyfriend how they worked.) There are girls out there who don’t know how tampons work. Insanity! Do not make girls wear the mini, sticky diapers, I mean, pads. Unless that’s their choice. Then, I’m just in disagreement with their life choices.

Periods, in general, elude men. I found out recently a whole section of men think women can just hold it. “It” being our periods. I’m pretty phenomenal and impressive, but I can’t hold my period. I don’t know any woman who can. It shows up whenever it wants to. It’s like a hurricane or an earthquake. There are signs, but once it’s on its way, there’s no stopping it. Mother nature is miraculous. Periods differ from pee. They come out completely different holes. Spoiler the urethra and the vagina are different. One is for pee. One is for babies and sexy time. There is bladder control, but there’s no such thing as uterine lining shedding control. That’s why women NEED tampons or pads or diva cups or Thinx (I had to google “magic period underwear” cause I couldn’t remember what they’re called) or whatever other weird invention is out there.

I don’t blame men or women for not knowing about tampons or periods. The education system is failing us. This is a basic bodily function like peeing or shitting. It happens. It’s nature. Everyone should know about it. Everyone should know about tampons and the other contraptions. Tampons make it easier for women to carry on with our lives. It’s far better than being sent to a tent outside the city for a week. (Although, there are times when that doesn’t seem half bad. Especially if the tent has a spa or pool boys.)

In April, my period showed up unexpectedly while I was at to Axpona, an audio expo, with my dad. My dad, bless his heart, is immune to period talk because I grew up in a house where it was normal!!!! Periods happen. My dad never had a problem buying tampons or grabbing one from the bathroom for me. It’s life; he’s a good dude. During the unexpected visit from my underwear demon, I had no tampons with me. I was at an expo made up of 98% men, and the only place with tampons was a CVS kiosk. I bought the box; it was the only option. My mom tried to make me hide the box in my tiny purse. I didn’t. I walked through the many, many men, who were all around my dad’s age, with a box of tampons on full display. My mom was embarrassed. I was not. The men either didn’t notice or didn’t care. Either way, the only person who cared was my mom. Periods happen. Tampons help. We should never be embarrassed by either one.

I always get excited when I see unisex bathrooms. I think they’re great. What makes me even happier is when I see tampons in a bathroom. Recently, I was in a unisex bathroom with a counter. The only thing on the counter was a glass jar of tampons [pictured above]. This seems small, but it’s really not. It’s kind to the women who need tampons. More importantly, it’s a step in the right direction towards normalizing the female body and all that goes with it. Like tampons.

There are so many things I could talk about when it comes to tampons. Tax. Diva cups. Stigma. Education. Toxic shock syndrome. Plastic. Chemicals. Fertility. The list goes on. I have opinions, obviously. My biggest issue surrounding tampons is the stigma. I want it to disappear. Until a doctor will give me a hysterectomy (I keep asking), I will have a period and a need for tampons. I’m going to say “tampon” and “period” with as many decibels as is necessary. Never will I speak in hushed tones or try and hide a tampon to make other people feel comfortable.

This is life. Periods, literally, help bring life into this world. So… yep!  

Books, NonFiction

Tomorrow Will Be Different by Sarah McBride

Worth a Read Most Definitely
Length 304
Quick Review Sarah McBride is a transgender woman active in politics living her life to the fullest. I was in happy and sad tears the whole book!

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Tomorrow Will Be Better by Sarah McBride looking over the National Mall in D.C.

I believe change happens when people are moved by people’s stories. There is power in a story. Sarah McBride opens up in Tomorrow Will Be Better about her story as a trans woman, a person, a wife, and an advocate. People are more than one adjective; they’re many. Sarah is more than a trans woman. She is a woman with a beautiful, uplifting, and heartbreaking story. If you read this without being moved you’re a gargoyle. I was in happy/sad tears the entire book.

The book starts with a forward by Joe Biden, which is very touching.

Sarah McBride grew up in Delaware and is a “stateriot.” I just love that term because I feel a little bit like a stateriot for my home state: Iowa. She fell in love with politics at a young age and worked on the governor’s campaign before graduating high school. In college at American University, she won student president. Before her senior year of college, she came out to her campus as transgendered. The university embraced her for who she really is. To officially mark the birth of Sarah, she threw a party asking everyone to bring things to fill her brand new closet. (This is such a smart idea! A complete wardrobe change is expensive. Especially as a woman.) After college, she stayed in Washington D.C. working for trans and human rights. She fell in love with the man who would become her husband. Tomorrow Will Be Better is an apt title for a book full of hardship dripping in hope.

The book focuses on two major parts of Sarah’s life. The fight for trans rights in Delaware and her journey with her husband, Andrew.

 

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Tomorrow Will Be Better by Sarah McBride | Dress | Heels | Hair Clips |

Sarah fought and helped pass the marriage equality bill in Delaware. In an unprecedented move a bill to include and protect trans people was passed a month after the marriage equality bill. Sarah was an integral part of passing that bill and bringing other trans people to Delaware’s Congress so their voices could be heard. I remember hearing about this in the news, and it was moving then.

Sarah and Andrew fell in love during her senior year at AU after meeting at a White House dinner. They dated for a year, when they found out Andrew had cancer. Sarah stood by and helped him through the journey. It is a heartbreaking story proving the power of love.

More than anything, I appreciated Sarah’s honesty and her voice in Tomorrow Will Be Better. Being a white, trans woman is a unique perspective. She went from being perceived as a white man with all the privileges that implies to living as her true self, a woman. The experience was incredibly jarring, “I never realized just how disempowering, unsafe, and unsettling it would feel to have a stranger assume they were entitled to comment on my appearance or my body.” The implications of being a woman in the world and being a trans woman in the world are complicated and ultimately dangerous. Transphobia combined with toxic masculinity are dangerous.

Trans rights are incredibly misunderstood if they’re understood at all. For the people who do accept people for who they are, it can come as a surprise the absolute lack of right trans people have. For the people who don’t accept them, it’s (hopefully) from a lack of education. Sarah explains the hurdles trans people face and how it compounds when they are not accepted, a minority, in poverty, etc. Sarah explains so many aspects of the trans experience without anger or judgement. She is patient and kind with a general attitude and hope that Tomorrow Will Be Better. She touches on privilege, names, documentation, medical awareness, and so much more.

This is an incredible story. Sarah McBride is an inspiration. I highly recommend the beautiful memoir, Tomorrow Will Be Better, to anyone who wants to learn, feel, and strive for hope.

Memorable Quotes
“”If we cannot change our college, then how can we expect to change our country.””
“There is a unique kind of pain in being unseen.”
“Somehow society manages to treat women like both a delicate infant and a sexualized idol in the same moment.”
“I felt a moral responsibility to use that privilege and those relationships to subvert the power of prejudice.”
“For many of us [trans people], though, we are reluctant to give out that information because it often becomes weaponized against us, invoked instead of our chosen name to ignore and deny our gender identity.”

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Title: Tomorrow Will Be Better
Author: Sarah McBride
Publisher: Three Rivers Press (Penguin Random House)
Copyright: 2018
ISBN: 9781524761486

Books, NonFiction

Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari

Read Yes
Length 279
Quick Review Aziz Ansari is as confused with the world of love and dating as the rest of us are, so he wrote a book about it.

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Aziz Ansari talks about how much he loves food in Modern Romance, so I had an ice cream at Twisty Treat. | Romper (best thing ever) | Flippy Floppies | Sunglasses

Love is tough. Kinda like life. Love, dating, relationships, breakups, and marriage (probably not in that order) have changed in my [dating] lifetime, and it has certainly changed over the past couple of generations. Aziz Ansari decided to write Modern Romance about the conditions people face when existing in the dating world. He worked with researchers so it would be more than observational humor. There is a lot of science in this one and some laughs.

Ansari begins with the basics of what dating used to be like. For a woman: Need man or die. For a man: Need woman or no babies, no help, no food, no sex, no one to come home to. 🙁 Dating changed, but still had some of those basic elements in the last century. Most people married for love instead of need, but the marriage age was far lower and people made due with who was in the viscinity. Now, marriage is not necessary for survival. People are searching for soul mates instead of a good enough mate. Also, the internet. Game changer in Modern Romance because there weren’t tons of options outside of the ‘where I am located.’ Now, internet dating and apps make the WHOLE world open.

One thing I really appreciate is Ansari went out of his way to acknowledge how love and dating is still different for men and women, “If you were a woman, you had far less time to find a man. True love? This guy has a job and a decent mustache. Lock it down, girl.” No shit. Romance is still different for women today because, well, lots of reasons. Ansari did not make it seem like everything is the same for men and women because it’s not.

The book explored dating in the United States and the world through focus groups in New York, Tokyo, Paris, and Buenos Aires. There were also conversations had with women in Qatar and other places in the U.S. Honestly, the dating scene sounds pretty horrific in Tokyo, Buenos Aires, and Qatar. The focus groups and science helped bring a lot of credence to what Ansari was saying, and it also proves a lot of personal observations to be fact and not just observations.

Modern Romance isn’t all just science and statistics. It’s pretty funny. Ansari has a tendency towards hilarious and prolonged tangents. If you’ve ever heard me tell a story, this is something I do and appreciate. I also discovered, Ansari and I have a similar approach to choosing restaurants and a passion for food. Although, I don’t think this is terrible special considering everyone I spend time around has an incredible passion for the culinary arts.

Side Notes:

  • Aziz, I hope it worked out for you and the juicer.
  • Statistic: iPhone users are twice as likely to sext as Android users. Android users are by and large nerdier than iPhone users. We (Android users) have less opportunity or second party interest to sext…. It’s not our fault.
  • The young, body, sex positive women give me so much hope. I wish I had that kind of confidence at their age.

All in all, Modern Romance was not at all what I expected. It was very interesting and funny. I wouldn’t say I learned a ton, but I read a whole bunch. I’ve also done my fair share of dating the old fashioned way and via technology, so the love truths were duhs from me.

Memorable Quotes
“Today, if you own a smartphone, you’re carrying a 24-7 singles bar in your pocket.”
“Nowadays the Internet is my chubby friends. It is the whole world’s chubby friend.”

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Title: Modern Romance
Author: Aziz Ansari
With: Eric Klinenberg
Publisher: Penguin Press (Penguin Random House/Penguin Group)
Copyright: 2015
ISBN: 9781594206276

 

Blog + Dog, Style

Dog Mom Shirts

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Hanging out at the beach in Galveston, TX. | Dog Mom Shirt | Dog Mom Hat | Shorts

I love dog mom clothes. It’s advertizing. It says “Hi, I love my dog more than I’ll ever love you.” It may also say, “Hi, I’m a crazy dog mom. Try me.” Okay. All it probably says is “I have a dog and enough money for this tshirt.” If you know me, I’ll personally tell you all three of those sentences, but the first is the most apropos.

I really love being a dog mom. It’s probably the most rewarding thing I will ever do in my entire life. I shouldn’t have children because I will probably always tell them I love them almost as much as the dog. Reasons why:

  • Dogs clean their own butts. There’s a solid three-ish years you have to do that with the human children.
  • Children are sticky. My dog has never been sticky. Not ever.
  • I can put my dog in a box and leave for several hours. Children: Hello, CPS?
  • Children are a lifelong commitment.
  • I wish my dog was a lifelong commitment.
  • Children can talk. My dog only barks when there is danger or she has to shit.
  • Children will probably grow up to hate you in some small way. Beau only holds a grudge for 20 seconds.
  • I can pack Beau up in the car and go anywhere anytime. Children have school and other boring crap I have to go to and be a part of.
  • Waking up to my dog’s butthole is unpleasant, but it’s better than an expensive, sticky, talkative child.

I love kids. I think they’re super great. Especially when I can hand them back to their parents. Being Fun Aunt RaeAnna is my favorite thing to be to children. I can whoosh in with presents and fun times before whooshing out several days later. I’ll even take them for weeks at a time! My heart is with my dog. I love being her Mom more than anything. I love working from home because I get to cover Beau in kisses any time I want to.

I have been collecting Dog Mom clothes because it is my favorite part of my identity. Here are all the fun Dog Mom things I found!

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