Blog + Dog, In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Happy National Puppy Day from A Pack Mom

Cuddling with three puppies and their mama. The others are somewhere doing something. I’m very attentive, I know.

Yesterday was National Puppy Day, and I missed it. Well, I watched everyone else post pictures about their puppies. I was lazy and didn’t. 

The thing is, every day is puppy day in my house. Not only do I have four actual puppies, I have two older girls too. It’s a zoo. It’s chaos. It’s a furtacular event always. There is never a moment, big or small, that does not have something to do with the dogs. I can attribute that to their being enormous, multitudinous, and very attached to me. I go nowhere alone ever, and I love it. 

Even as I write this, I have one asleep on each foot, two are upside down tug-o-warring, one is asleep in their box for naughty reasons, and a sixth is standing up on my wingback chair staring out the window in case of God knows what. That means there are five very big dogs in my small office. It’s wonderful. This is not a complaint. This is a brag. My office is better than your office. 

A year ago, I had a home filled with Beau, the original rescue, Tess, the stray mama, and thirteen three week old puppies. I was determined to keep zero of the puppies. Life and a man had a completely opposing world view of what would happen, and I lost. Fast forward through the poop, tears, puppy breath, teething, potty training to today: I am a homeowner with a house full of six much bigger than expected dogs. 

I would love to tell you this life is easy. It is not. 

Having six dogs sounds amazing, and it is. Having six dogs sounds hard, and it is. Having six dogs sounds a little crazy, and it most certainly is. It was a choice and a commitment. It was a commitment to them and a commitment to Dylan, my pawtner in parenting. We made a commitment to each of our dogs to love, respect, raise, and maintain them until their last breaths, no take backsies. We made a commitment to one another that no matter what transpires between us, we will raise them together; we will not separate them; we will not keep them from the one another; we will share expenses; we will carry the burden; we will lean on the other when things are hard; and we will always create rules and boundaries together for them, no take backsies. Adopting one dog four years ago (wow) connected us in a more concrete way, making it more complicated if things went to go awry. Adding five more rescues to that equation… well, much, much, much more of a concrete connection. Worth it, but a challenge. 

There are more than just the challenges of having six dogs. We did it in a COVID world where both our incomes and lives have been impacted very, very much. Tess was incredibly sick and pregnant when I picked her up off the street. Getting her healthy was expensive and heartbreaking. The puppies have some special needs, which makes it expensive and a bit complicated at times. (No complaint. I knew what I was getting into.) The reality is: VETS ARE EXPENSIVE. Their health is non-negotiable. We went without so they could be taken care of. We took on debt to take them to the ER. We buy their dog food first before our groceries. COVID made things much tighter, but it’s worth it. 

On top of it, a rescue already existed in this home. Beau was the first priority. We made a decision to foster Tess and the puppies. We knew we wanted to keep Tess, but if the rescue in Beau couldn’t handle being in a multiple dog household, we would have made the very hard decision to find Tess and all the puppies their furever homes. Turns out Beau LOVED Tess immediately. They were inseparable and best buds from the beginning. They do everything together and literally hug every morning when they wake up. Beau also loves the puppies. It was an adjustment, but they adore her and she loves to play with them. But she still had to figure out how to be top dog, get attention, and cope with the fact she was no longer the sun, moon, and universe in two people’s worlds. She had to learn to share: time, food, love, attention, bed. Just kidding, she never learned how to share bed; she’s the only one that always sleeps in bed. Some of her neurosis were exacerbated at first, but with love, time, and extra attention, she’s back to her normal neurotic self. 

Is it a breeze now? Fuck no. 

It’s still hard. They’re still young. They’re still growing and learning and making mistakes and getting on each others’ nerves. Most days are amazing, but there are some days I cry. Being a dog parent to one is hard. Being a dog parent to six is still hard. Struggle is a part of taking care of and living with another being, human or not. The happiness outweighs all the negatives, but it’s work. 

It. Is. A. Lot. Of. Work. 

It takes a lot of work just to afford to maintain them and keep them healthy. It takes a lot of emotional work to stay calm in the chaos because I’m not going to fuck up my dogs’ emotional wellbeing with an inability to handle the fact they’re just being puppies. I do my best. Sometimes I fail. That’s okay. They love me anyways. They know they’re safe. They’re in the only home they’ve ever known with the only parents they’ve ever known being loved in the only way they’ve ever known: unconditionally, patiently, enthusiastically, and constantly.

My six dogs have been the catalyst for DRASTIC life changes over the last year, and I’m okay with that. Everything is for the better even when it has hurt like hell. They are and will be my number one priority until the day they die. I took on this responsibility, and no matter how hard it was, is, or will be, I chose to make their lives the very best I can. 

If you ever find yourself in my home, know that you are watching six pieces of my heart and the very best of me walk around our home.

In honor of trying to be the very best pawrent I can be. I’m including six inspiration posters I created from things I’ve said to my dogs in my very best high pitched and happy-even-though-my-world-is-chaos-and-stressful dog parent voice:

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna, Beau, Tessa, 
Knight, Duke, Makeda, + Bear

11..., Lifestyle

11… Disappointing Things I Have Shoved In My Mouth

Bad Banana Bread is up there in disappointment factor. | Sweater | Sports Bra | Yoga Shorts | Glasses |

I’m sure Freud has something to say about that title. 

When we’re children, we stick everything in our mouths because that’s one way we learn. It’s also evolution’s way of weeding out the real dummies. Kidding. As adults, we are more fastidious about what we shove into our mouths. But there’s really only one way to know if you’ll like it or not: open up and let your tongue decide. 

  1. Bland Indian Food This deserves to be number one for a reason!!! (The rest are not in numerical order, but this one is.) Bland should never be an adjective for Indian food. They just don’t go together. But I have had bland Indian food, and it was the most disappointing thing I’ve ever experienced. It hurt my soul and sent me to Yelp, which never happens. Zero stars. Go somewhere else. 
  2. Bad Banana Bread Is there anything worse? Absolutely, but this is disappointing. Dry banana bread is the most disappointing, but I made bad banana bread a couple weeks ago. (Pictured) It was totally done on the outside yet pudding-like on the inside. Why? Because I ran out of regular flour and used whole wheat flour to finish it off. Nope. Doesn’t work. Don’t do it. DISAPPOINTING.
  3.  “World’s Best [anything]” It’s not. They just put it on the sign to make you stop and steal your money with their disappointing world’s not best whatever. 
  4. This One Dude in College I’ll keep it at: disappointment. Wherever your mind wandered, subtract all of the inches and it’s still more than what it was. 
  5. Anything Chocolate Chip When You’re Expecting Blueberry I’m weird. I don’t like chocolate chip muffins or cookies or really anything. It’s such a disappointment when it turns out to be chocolate instead of blueberry, which I don’t love, but give me a free muffin, I will take it.
  6. Post Five Second Rule In my house, if it hits the floor, it’s the dogs’. There is too much puppy glitter – aka dog hair – for me to put anything in my mouth once it hits the ground. I found this out the hard way. Water only does so much.
  7. Dog Treats That Look Like Human Cookies I love giving my dog pretty treats. They deserve nice things too. But when I grab a cookie out of a jar, I want it to be a human cookie. Label that shit!
  8. Tea Bags I mean tea bags with tea in them not the other thing that dudes do [Although, that’s pretty disappointing to have in your mouth too. Balls!]. Once you’ve gotten used to that high roller life of loose leaf tea, tea bags are just not so good. 
  9. Cilantro Everything There’s a genetic component in this one, which doesn’t apply to me. Cilantro doesn’t taste like soap to me; I just don’t love it. I don’t hate it, but it is a continual let down because it’s never as good as people say it is. 
  10. Folgers My high school AP U.S. History teacher (Mr. Mooney was the best) referred to this as the F word. He’d rather hear “fuck” than “Folgers” in his classroom; neither were encouraged. It’s not the best part of waking up. Don’t lie to me like that Folgers. 
  11. Real Milk When You Ordered Almond Milk This is disappointing because it tastes so good and you realize it tastes so good because the barista did it wrong and gave you the thing you can’t have instead of the less good thing you can have, and it’s the worst because you think, “Man, they have some bomb almond milk” only to realize “Nope, almond milk still tastes like almond milk, and this is good because fat.”

bisous und объятий,
RaeAnna 

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Lifestyle

I’m Not In It For the Free Stuff… BUT!

For this week’s Tuesday Truth, I want to talk about the one thing that is really starting to get on my last nerve about being a blogger. 

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I started Bookish Liaisons as a hobby and a passion project. A place I could take all my thoughts and opinions about the books I read. It still is. It has definitely grown larger than my wildest dreams. It accidentally turned into a small job and business. This place of mine transformed from a book blog into a bookish lifestyle blog because I’m a nerd with a life!

I never, not once, started this to get free stuff. Actually, the first time someone sent me a free book, I was thrilled and mostly shocked. “I should have started doing this a long time ago,” went through my mind because free books! A bookworm’s dream. I do not search out free books, and I do not search out free stuff. Sometimes, I get things in exchange for an honest review. Always honest. I’m never going to sell out for loot. Or try and sell my followers on things I don’t genuinely believe in.

Complete honesty: I’m pretty proud of the following I have on Instagram. I love all my followers because they are joining in on this great journey of mine. I’m no Selena Gomez, but I’m doing just fine!

Due to the number of followers I have, I get a lot of offers from companies and people wanting to send me their products. I turn down most because I am very picky about what I associate with. I am only ever going to talk about, post, and promote things I believe in and would spend my own money on. The books I have received from publishers are fabulous, but I only say “yes” to the books I’m actually interested in reading. I have turned down a ton of books, even if they are free. No matter what, I still review with honesty. (The books I have hated the most have been books sent to me for free. Oh man, I roasted a couple.) I’m not going to put my integrity on the line for a free book. No way. If I upset a publisher, editor, or author because of that, so be it.

What is starting to get on my last nerve as a blogger: companies soliciting. I’m a blogger. I’m a blogger on a limited budget. I freelance for a living. I like to spend my money on three things: travel, my dog, and food. I’m a bargain shopper when it comes to books because I’m a bargain shopper with e.v.e.r.y.thing. I ABSOLUTELY HATE WHEN COMPANIES, AUTHORS, ANYONE REACHES OUT ASKING ME TO BUY THEIR PRODUCT AND REVIEW IT. I get. We all have to hustle. It’s the way of the world. If you really want me to review your book, candle, bookmark, product, whatever, then send me an email, ask if I’d be interested, and then send it to me for free. I will never ever ever ask anyone to send me something for free. If I want it I will buy it. I am not going to spend the little money I have on something I do not want, need, or am looking for.

I have been contacted so many times because people want me to buy, review, and promote their product. Being a blogger, creating content, writing posts, and promoting takes A LOT of time. If you can’t pay for my time to market your product as the influencer I am, then at least offer to send it to me for free. I always politely say “thanks, but no thanks.” Sometimes, they even ask if I could shout them out or repost their pictures on my feed directing my followers their way. NO. Unless I can product test, I am not going to promote it. Integrity people. So many of the people who have approached me this way had products I would have totally accepted. Not now. Ya gotta spend some to make some.

I’m nothing special; I have a respectable following. I am an influencer and a blogger. I absolutely love doing this. I hate that people don’t take the work, my time, or my followers seriously. I’m not in this for free stuff. I am also not in this to spend all of my money.

End of rant!

Lifestyle

This Feminist Wears Heels

Happy Feminist Friday! I’ll write on this topic every so often because it’s important, and I read a lot of books with strong female characters and feminist undercurrents.

My feminism is intersectional and inclusive and all about equality. No one is better than anyone else. We all deserve the same rights and opportunities. I don’t care if you’re female, male, trans, gay, straight, bi, liberal, conservative, religious, non-religious, have similar beliefs, think I’m full of crap or everything in between. You all matter. You all deserve respect. You are all part of my rainbow, and you’re all beautiful. I have said it before. I will say it again. I will repeat it until I die. And I hope it’s something people remember about me.

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This feminist is a hard core feminist. I believe we should all live our lives however we want to live our lives. I will never push my beliefs on you, and I hope you give me the same. I will never judge a woman or man on how they lead their lives.

This feminist LOVES heels. I love dresses. I love… well I like makeup. I love clothes. I love looking nice. I love having long hair. I love having shaved legs. I love bows and pearls and lace. I love cooking. I love baking. I hate cleaning. I love taking care of those close to me. I love to sew and knit. Actually, I’ll probably take care of anyone crossing my path who needs it. I love kids. I love men. I love ballet. I love music. I love art.

I live a life that screams conservative to those who don’t know me well because I am attracted to very stereotypical female activities. I’m very liberal, but I feel comfortable in the choices I make. They make me happy. The thing is: I have the choice to enjoy the things I enjoy. I wasn’t forced into them. I’m not pressured into them. When I don’t want to cook, I order in. When I don’t want to bake, I don’t bake. When I don’t want to wear heels or makeup or a dress or whatever, I wear sweats and flip flops.

I have the privilege and ability and education to live my life the way I want to live it. Sure, I experience pressures to be a certain way, but I have the confidence to live my life my way. My way wears heels.

 

Lifestyle

Dear Black Women

Dear Black Women, 

Happy Black History Month!

I have a small yet growing following on social media. So I’m going to use that platform to talk about something all month long that is really, really important to me: you.

I am a feminist. I am a white woman. My feminism includes you. My feminism is inclusive.

Women have to deal with some real bullshit. There are some upsides, though. Having to deal with being treated like less, working harder to prove we’re equal, being observed as sexual playthings years before it’s appropriate, and more because there’s a lot bullshit. We’re humans. We deserve respect. We deserve to live our lives our way without fear or judgement or interference from people who have no idea who we are.

I’m white. Those are my experiences. I’m writing this to you because you have different experiences. You don’t have the privileges I do. You have to live life in a way I never will. You have to take precautions I never will. You have to deal with microaggressions and racism I never will. You have to deal with discrimination and harassment and sexuality in ways I never will.

I’m sorry you have to go through that. I wish it weren’t your reality.

Sadly, this world is nowhere near postracial. I love that people think since we had a black president *poof* racism, finito!  Those people died the moment Obama was elected because things are not ok. We – as a country, I didn’t – voted Darth Cheeto into office. Unfortunately, 53% of white women voted for that ass hat wearing mongoloid. (I hate using language like mongoloid but yikes, he’s deficient and it’s dated.) We live in a world where #blacklivesmatter is controversial. WHAT??? Ugh. (Just so we’re clear, I’m pro #blacklivesmatter.) We live in a world where black boys and men and women and children are dying because of the police. We live in a world where 1 out of 3 black males will be incarcerated at some point in their lives. We live in a world where black women wearing their hair natural is seen as a political statement. We live in a world where black women are angry and black men are dangerous. I think the only time I’ve ever heard a black woman yell in real life is at step competitions. Let’s just say, the only men I’ve seen with guns are white. This list can go on and on and on.

We all have biases. That can’t be avoided. I’m sure I have been insensitive. I hope if I am someone points it out to me, so I can learn from that experience. The thing is we can learn and do better and change and make this world fair for our children and our grandchildren. But it takes making an effort, learning, and communicating. We have to take ownership of the past and the present. (This is more of a white people issue.)

It’s sad that we have to have Black History Month. IT SHOULD BE DISCUSSED EVERYDAY!!! It’s important. Your history is my history because we’re people, we’re Americans. We need to recognize the faults we made and the faults we make. If it’s not part of the discussion how will we learn?

This month is an ode to you. Every day, I will post on social media about a fabulous black woman past or present. Narrowing it down to 28 is rough. Some may be famous, and some may be friends of mine. I think it’s important to recognize the accomplishments of women and especially black women because if we see excellence achieved by people similar to ourselves we know it’s possible. If we know it’s possible, we won’t just dream. We will act and be amazing ourselves breaking down gender walls and racial walls. Every success made by a woman and a black woman is a step forward for all of us no matter how small.

Women need to stand together. We have no chance if we don’t. Historically, white women have always benefited from the oppression of woc (women of color). Feminism has been historically white centric. When “women” were fighting to work, woc had been working for years because they didn’t have a choice. When “women” won the right to work, they depended on the low wages of woc to do the things around the house they were no longer doing because men didn’t pick up the slack. White women have benefited from the inequality.

Black women have been the leaders in change but never received any credit. A lot of the actions, ideas, and more that helped gain freedoms for white women originated in black communities… but no one cared until a white voice spoke it. A whole bunch of fashion, music, dance, etc trends over the past centuries, which have been popular in the US, have roots in black communities. Yay cultural appropriation… Totally fair and not at all offensive.

Dear Black Women. You are seen. You are important. You are spectacular. You matter. Your experiences are significant. Your voice should be heard. You are worthy. You are smart. You are funny. You are complex beings with layers upon layers of emotions, experiences, actions, dreams, and more. You deserve the best. You deserve the right to be yourself. (I hate telling women they’re beautiful because there are so many other things I can and should compliment them on, but I don’t think you hear it enough.) You are beautiful. You are a knockout just the way you are.

Love,

RaeAnna
Founder of Bookish Liaisons

P.S. I’m hoping white people read this, and learn something. We can always learn something. I have lots to learn.
P.P.S. To other nonblack women of color. You also matter!
P.P.P.S. Dear White People. If you find yourself angry: good. You obviously need an education. Also there are opinions in here that are my own. The facts I talk about are facts. They cannot be refuted. You may try; I will block you. I hope you learned.