Lifestyle – Page 6 – …on the B.L.

Dear Black Women

February 1, 2018 RaeAnna

Dear Black Women,

Happy Black History Month!

I have a small yet growing following on social media. So I’m going to use that platform to talk about something all month long that is really, really important to me: you.

I am a feminist. I am a white woman. My feminism includes you. My feminism is inclusive.

Women have to deal with some real bullshit. There are some upsides, though. Having to deal with being treated like less, working harder to prove we’re equal, being observed as sexual playthings years before it’s appropriate, and more because there’s a lot bullshit. We’re humans. We deserve respect. We deserve to live our lives our way without fear or judgement or interference from people who have no idea who we are.

I’m white. Those are my experiences. I’m writing this to you because you have different experiences. You don’t have the privileges I do. You have to live life in a way I never will. You have to take precautions I never will. You have to deal with microaggressions and racism I never will. You have to deal with discrimination and harassment and sexuality in ways I never will.

I’m sorry you have to go through that. I wish it weren’t your reality.

Sadly, this world is nowhere near postracial. I love that people think since we had a black president *poof* racism, finito! Those people died the moment Obama was elected because things are not ok. We – as a country, I didn’t – voted Darth Cheeto into office. Unfortunately, 53% of white women voted for that ass hat wearing mongoloid. (I hate using language like mongoloid but yikes, he’s deficient and it’s dated.) We live in a world where #blacklivesmatter is controversial. WHAT??? Ugh. (Just so we’re clear, I’m pro #blacklivesmatter.) We live in a world where black boys and men and women and children are dying because of the police. We live in a world where 1 out of 3 black males will be incarcerated at some point in their lives. We live in a world where black women wearing their hair natural is seen as a political statement. We live in a world where black women are angry and black men are dangerous. I think the only time I’ve ever heard a black woman yell in real life is at step competitions. Let’s just say, the only men I’ve seen with guns are white. This list can go on and on and on.

We all have biases. That can’t be avoided. I’m sure I have been insensitive. I hope if I am someone points it out to me, so I can learn from that experience. The thing is we can learn and do better and change and make this world fair for our children and our grandchildren. But it takes making an effort, learning, and communicating. We have to take ownership of the past and the present. (This is more of a white people issue.)

It’s sad that we have to have Black History Month. IT SHOULD BE DISCUSSED EVERYDAY!!! It’s important. Your history is my history because we’re people, we’re Americans. We need to recognize the faults we made and the faults we make. If it’s not part of the discussion how will we learn?

This month is an ode to you. Every day, I will post on social media about a fabulous black woman past or present. Narrowing it down to 28 is rough. Some may be famous, and some may be friends of mine. I think it’s important to recognize the accomplishments of women and especially black women because if we see excellence achieved by people similar to ourselves we know it’s possible. If we know it’s possible, we won’t just dream. We will act and be amazing ourselves breaking down gender walls and racial walls. Every success made by a woman and a black woman is a step forward for all of us no matter how small.

Women need to stand together. We have no chance if we don’t. Historically, white women have always benefited from the oppression of woc (women of color). Feminism has been historically white centric. When “women” were fighting to work, woc had been working for years because they didn’t have a choice. When “women” won the right to work, they depended on the low wages of woc to do the things around the house they were no longer doing because men didn’t pick up the slack. White women have benefited from the inequality.

Black women have been the leaders in change but never received any credit. A lot of the actions, ideas, and more that helped gain freedoms for white women originated in black communities… but no one cared until a white voice spoke it. A whole bunch of fashion, music, dance, etc trends over the past centuries, which have been popular in the US, have roots in black communities. Yay cultural appropriation… Totally fair and not at all offensive.

Dear Black Women. You are seen. You are important. You are spectacular. You matter. Your experiences are significant. Your voice should be heard. You are worthy. You are smart. You are funny. You are complex beings with layers upon layers of emotions, experiences, actions, dreams, and more. You deserve the best. You deserve the right to be yourself. (I hate telling women they’re beautiful because there are so many other things I can and should compliment them on, but I don’t think you hear it enough.) You are beautiful. You are a knockout just the way you are.

Love,

RaeAnna
Founder of Bookish Liaisons

P.S. I’m hoping white people read this, and learn something. We can always learn something. I have lots to learn.
P.P.S. To other nonblack women of color. You also matter!
P.P.P.S. Dear White People. If you find yourself angry: good. You obviously need an education. Also there are opinions in here that are my own. The facts I talk about are facts. They cannot be refuted. You may try; I will block you. I hope you learned.

Houston, On the Town

Tea Sip

November 25, 2017June 23, 2019 RaeAnna

Happy Small Business Saturday!

I decided to celebrate by making my way to a local small business. I have been meaning to go to for a long time, but I kept leaving town on trips. I pulled myself away from my very comfortable couch and books for the one thing I love almost as much: TEA!

I found out about the existence of Tea Sip through Instagram, of course. I followed them; they followed me, which automatically makes them cooler and more desirable in my book. It is a locally owned small business, which opened this summer – I think. Anyways… It’s new. It’s cute. It’s a tea store. What more could you want?!?!?

Tea Sip is located at 321 W. 19th Street Suite A, Houston. Or it’s in the Heights right next to Retropolis. If you’re in the area, you should definitely stop by. Not only are they a tea shop with the usual wares, they also have all their teas to go. So if you’re shopping in the Heights, grab a cup of tea (iced or hot) to keep you company.

It’s so cute! The windows are huge. Walking in there are tea cups and tea pots everywhere. Heaven, but I was incredibly self conscious because I’m clumsy and poor. I have been to so many tea shops, but I found a first! Most places have samples to taste and smell; Tea Sip does it different. All the packages of tea are labelled with a number which corresponds to a vial full of tea hanging up. It’s fun and unique! The tea pots are cute, but what really stands out are the cups and mugs. All kinds of different shapes and sizes ranging from classic to outrageous. My personal favorite were the cups and saucers in bright metallic colors. There are stamped spoons… I, of course, left with one one that said “Sweet dreams are made of Teas!” It’s true.

The employees are amazing. They were more than happy to answer questions and chat while we waited for my tea to steep. It is obvious they enjoy working there, or they’re incredibly good actors. Either way, I had fun!

Tea talk. I love tea. I have drank a lot of it in many parts of the world. I have come across weird teas. Tea Sip has some weird teas. I have a hard time buying weird tea without trying it. I’m not a gambler. I bought peppermint because a) it’s my favorite b) it’s hard to mess up. Before I learned of their tea-to-go, I asked what the best weird teas were they had. The two suggestions were Cupcake and a spicy one – I don’t remember the name. I love cupcakes. I love tea. I wasn’t convinced I would love cupcake tea. I love spicy, but since my gallbladder took its exodus from my body, spicy and I don’t get along. I decided to get cupcake tea to go, and my boyfriend got the spicy one. Apparently, the spicy one gets spicier the more you drink it. So I don’t know, but he enjoyed it. I LOVED the cupcake tea. It smells like a cupcake. It tastes like a black tea with a cupcake finish. It’s not something I would normally try or ever like, but it is amazing! Definitely try it. If you’re not in the Houston area, order it.

I left with a small bag of goodies. It took a lot of willpower to not leave with one of everything because the cups are so adorable. Since it’s the Christmas season, I held myself back. I will be back after Christmas… and I will be poor.

Tea Sip

321 W. 19th Street

Suite A

Houston, Texas 77008

346.701.8662

Lifestyle

#MeToo

October 16, 2017 RaeAnna

This isn’t necessarily about books. There is one thing I am more passionate about than literature, and that is advocacy. I have a passion for so many issues, but the one nearest and dearest for me is sexual assault and rape. With everything going on in the past week, I decided to share with you something very personal. I have had a separate blog about this issue for years. You can find that here: Unashamed Truths of a Middle Class Twenty Something. You can find my original blog post of this here: #MeToo

If you have been a part of my life or followed my social media in any degree in the last six years, you will not be surprised by this statement: I have been raped. I have been raped more than once. I have been raped by more than one man. I have been raped by more than one man at the same time. I have PTSD. Men have irreversibly changed my life through violence. I have been raped.

If you follow me, you know I don’t like to say I have been sexually assaulted. It’s not specific enough. I have been raped. And I am so far passed giving a fuck if that makes you uncomfortable to hear.

Harvey Weinstein and his deplorable actions have finally lead some of Hollywood’s biggest names to come forward to tell their truths. Good for them! Social media is starting to explode with #MeToo to show how widespread rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment are.

Rape is not a socioeconomic issue. Rape is not a race issue. Race is not a cultural issue. Rape is not a political issue. Rape is not a women’s issue. Rape is an issue.

Women are taught to protect themselves. Men are not taught to ask for consent. Women are taught to keep quiet. Men are taught to boast about their conquests. Women are taught shame. Men are taught pride. Women are taught how to be slut shamed. Men are taught to slut shame. Women are taught to laugh. Men are taught rape jokes are funny. Women are taught to be kind. Men are taught to be ruthless. Women are taught to be weak. Men are taught to be strong. Women are taught to suck it up and keep on keeping-on. Men are continually reinforced with the fact they can do pretty much anything they want to women and face zero consequences.

The hard part about being a raped woman is you’re constantly surrounded by men acting out, in varying degrees, the same behavior which hurt you. Where is our safe space?

I met my first rapist in church. We grew up together. I met my second in college. I met my third in church. I met my fourth in middle school. Aren’t these supposed to be safe places? Some even sacred? Church is supposed to be safe and holy and the embodiment of Godliness. That’s the problem. Rapists are everywhere masquerading as friends and even family.

I don’t like working in an office. It’s hard because they usually only look at me as one thing: their next blow job. Or they think I’m stupid and only hired me because I am nice to look at. I found it easier to work in a bar because at least, there there was a lack of nicety about it. Those men were up front about their assholishness.

I work from home now as a freelancer and blogger. I try not to leave the house without my big dog or my even bigger boyfriend. Speaking of which, I like to date big men because they scare away the other men because men don’t actually respect women enough to leave them alone when they say no. If I go to the grocery store alone, someone either asks for my number or calls me a bitch, but usually it’s both. As a blogger and freelancer, I spend most of my time online or on social media to expand my business. There is no respite there either. My Instagram inbox is filled with older men bombarding me with dick pics, sexual come-ons, and more. It’s become a new hobby of mine to see how many white men don’t take “no” for an answer. The best insult I get is “blond,” which is funny because I’m not even blond. The worst is somewhere along the lines of I hope you get raped.

When I’ve told men I’ve been raped, too often I hear “Yeah, me too! Haha.” Then they realize I’m not joking, they’re usually a bit confused followed by “I guess, I shouldn’t make rape jokes around you then, huh?” Rape has become more of a punchline and less of a criminal offense.

In college, I remember reading essays on rape. The authors didn’t know how to charge the men because it is so he said she said, and unfortunately, the men have the power. The authors were angry and upset and frustrated because they didn’t know what to do. Their arguments were well thought out, but nothing ever came to fruition in court when prosecuting. The authors were alive and writing in fifteenth century France. I remember sitting at home on my couch in tears with the heaviness of the knowledge that not a single thing had changed in over six hundred years. If some of the greatest thinkers of Renaissance couldn’t encourage change in one of the most pervasive issues, how would I?

I have been incredibly open about my past. I have always believed it can help someone. There are days, I don’t know if it’s true. There are month long periods, I will go without writing or talking about it. It doesn’t mean it’s not there; it’s just too hard to go there.

I don’t like being known as the girl who got raped. It’s not a fun identity. I have been on the receiving end of many rape and death threats because of it. Why men think this is an appropriate response is beyond me. It’s amazing how many women have similar responses. I’ve heard everything from “if you would have gotten pregnant by your rapist, then you’d have something to talk about” to “I hope it happens again and they disfigure your face” to “maybe you should have fought harder.” When employers Google my name they find two things: I’ve been raped, and I’m vocal about it. So I don’t get many interviews… Actually, none.

I mentioned I wanted to try stand up comedy to a friend because I funny stories, I like to make people laugh. Their response was “like ‘I once got raped in this super funny way’? Yeah, funny.”

I am known as the girl who got raped. Even to those closest to me. I am not known by my triple degree or penchant for books or encyclopedic trivial knowledge or my musical talent or even my personality. I am known as the pretty girl who was raped. I am not defined by the achievements I have worked my entire life for. I am known by the actions of men. Moments have defined who I am in the eyes of others because I chose to speak out in order to create change in the world women inhabit.

Sexual harassment is rampant. Sexual assault is rampant. Rape is rampant. Sex trafficking is rampant. Every woman I have ever known has been sexually harassed, some don’t even know it. I know too many women who have been sexually assaulted. I know so many women and men who have been raped. I have worked alongside sex trafficked women. I am the keeper of so many people’s painful secrets because they have no safe place, no one to talk to. I keep my own secrets because some things are too hard to talk about.

I don’t want children. If I were to have children, I don’t want girls. I want boys. I want to raise boys to be good men who do not rape or perpetuate rape culture. I want to raise boys to be good men who call out sexist jokes and support women. I want to raise boys to be good men who raise the bar for all other men. Because I do not want any other woman to know a moment of the pain men have caused me.

Houston, On the Town

Buffalo Bayou & Allen’s Landing

August 18, 2017June 23, 2019 RaeAnna

As I’m trying to make my way through Houston, I realized Buffalo Bayou and Allen’s Landing are frequently mentioned and pictured. So, I wandered my way along the river through downtown Houston.

I parked the car and wandered down the steps completely unsure of what I would find. I was almost immediately met by the living incarnation of the Thanksgiving oddity the turducken. This turkey large bird had the feet of a duck and the gobbler of a rooster. It was a sight, but very friendly.

Buffalo Bayou was reopened in 2015 by Buffalo Bayou Partnership and is a intended for outdoor recreation encouraging Houstonians to walk, run, play, bike, and more. It wasn’t until Buffalo Bayou with its five foot wide kinder paths, waterways, dog parks, and more opened anew that Houstonians realized they had been missing an outlet for their outdoorsy desires. Surprisingly, in the few short months it has been open to the public, it has become a landmark for the city to adore and boast about. A real plus about the park is that it is designed for flooding unlike the rest of the city, which just floods how it pleases.

Buffalo Bayou is considered a park. A walkway runs alongside the meandering river. Every once in awhile a boat floats by on the slow current. I have no idea what they’re caring, but it looks like a peaceful job from the banks. There are brick buildings running along each side of the river and casting shadows over the water. Some date back to a time without computers and some are modern. Bridges run over the river every so often. There is a lot of concrete and very little green space.

Allen’s Landing is the true place where the city of Houston originated. It predates Texas being a part of the United States. The Allen brothers purchased a large tract of land on the banks of Buffalo Bayou where they settled in 1936 and began constructing a dock. Allen’s Landing was the original Port of Houston in 1841 and was the lifeblood of the city. What used to be a central point of Houston, it has become a small park. In 2001, the park was redone with a concrete wharf to replicate the original port dedicated to remembering this monumental site in Houston’s history.

Allen’s Landing is a beautiful section of Buffalo Bayou. It is located at the end of the park. The river keeps going past the end of the walkway, but the brick buildings continue on. Along the walkway there are steps down into the water, words of traded goods stamped into the concrete, large chains lying on the ground.

Buffalo Bayou and Allen’s Landing are gorgeous and perfect for the outdoorsy bibliophile. It has a hustle and bustle about it because it is a popular destination for the athletically outdoorsy, but it does also prove to be a brilliant reading spot. For me, there is nothing more perfect than reading to sounds of nature.

Bookstores, Houston, On the Town

Texas Independent Bookstore Day

August 5, 2017June 23, 2019 RaeAnna

August 5th, 2017 is Texas Independent Bookstore Day! BookPeople in Austin, Texas and Brazos Bookstore in Houston, Texas came together to begin this new tradition in 2017 with the hope it will become an annual, widespread celebration.

I have been in and out of Houston so much since I moved to the city, I really have not had enough time to explore the city I live in. I knew Brazos Bookstore was a place I had to see because being a part of the Bookstagram community, Houston can’t stop talking about this lovely store. I had been to Brazos the weekend before spending more than I needed to, which happened to be my first time in the store. When I found out about this celebration, I knew I had to go back two weekends in a row. So… I spent even more money!

In this ever changing world of technology and online shopping, I do my best to support small businesses especially independent bookstores. There are so many people and so few active readers, I want to do my best to support and encourage writers, the publishing industry, and bookstores. As much as I love Barnes & Noble, I love the little bookstores that feel like home when you walk in the door.

To celebrate Texas Independent Bookstore Day, Brazos had a number of events. They kicked off the day with a Texas themed family morning, the debut of their Paper and Pen Pal Club, a Happy Hour, and a vendor market! I had wanted to be there for the Paper and Pen Pal Club since I enjoy writing letters and do so as much as possible. Alas, I laid on the couch reading too long. I made it in time for the Happy Hour, but I don’t drink. So I bought two books instead. It was hoppin’! Lots of people buzzing around the bookstore looking, chatting, and buying. Nothing I love more than listening to the hum of people discussing books, authors, and what makes a good book.

I really enjoy Brazos Bookstore. It is well organized. The decor is sparse with all the walls, shelves, and tables painted white allowing the books to become the centerpiece of the shop. Every month, they highlight a different cause. This month they are honoring female writers in translation. (As a woman and a translator, I am very excited about this.) The large windows at the front of the store are currently painted with a mural of Jane Austen. There are comfy leather chairs sitting by the windows for those too eager to wait until they get home to start reading, or maybe for those who are waiting on the more inclined readers. It is evident everything in Brazos is geared toward the reader, the writer, and the reader-writer because the most dedicated readers are usually aspiring authors. The people behind the counter making the magic happen are wonderful, knowledgeable, and helpful. Shelves are dedicated to staff picks, plural because it’s impossible to pick just one. Throughout the store, there are cards with helpful hints and facts about books and authors making it easier to decide which ones to take home. The store is full of gorgeous notebooks, stationery, which is incredibly dangerous for me, and other items helpful to the reader.

Brazos does not just sell books. They foster a sense of community creating spaces for those of all ages with a love of the written word. They are currently hosting a summer long series entitled “Summer of Austen” celebrating the life and work of Jane Austen. I’m hoping to make it to their final book club if I can read Sense and Sensibility in time. There calendar is full of events from Book Clubs to Story Times to readings and things in between! I love how involved they are in the literary scene and the Houston community.

I will be back… When I can afford it.

Brazos Bookstore
2421 Bissonnet Street
Houston, TX 77005

Experiences, Travel

Los Angeles Trip

July 20, 2017September 8, 2019 RaeAnna

I had not been to Los Angeles in… twelve years. So, you know, I was completely old enough to remember everything but at the age where you’re just along for the ride. This is the first time since I was fourteen, I’ve done anything more than fly through LA.

If you can’t tell from the over-saturated book theme of this website, I’m not a big partier. I prefer to spend my nights on the couch with a blanket and book or at cafes with, again, a book or my laptop writing. There will be no tour of nightclubs here; it is a strictly daytime fun and embarrassingly touristy list of things to do.

I had been wanting to go to Urban Lights in downtown LA pretty much since it went up in 2008. A public exhibit consisting of 202 antique cast iron street lamps restored by Chris Burden dating from the 1920’s and 1930’s. The lamps are solar powered after the sun goes down. Sitting right outside LACMA – Los Angeles County Museum of Art – it is in the heart of the museum district and historically gorgeous. It’s incredibly touristy yet a wonderful place for taking pictures. Instagram is saturated with the lamp photos, including mine, of course! Urban Lights is a can’t miss. Being such a huge tourist attraction, it gets quite crowded around noon. In the morning, it makes for an ideal reading spot. It’s beautiful to just wander around and look up. The lamps vary size and shape but are uniformly painted a light grey.

Rodeo Drive is world famous for the shopping; of course, I absolutely cannot afford to shop there. Maybe someday, I’ll write a book (or a million) and be able to afford socks on Rodeo Drive. I call this my California dream. Anyways, Rodeo Drive is also a beautiful street to walk up and down peeking in windows, people watching, and grabbing a cupcake from Sprinkles because I can afford to spend $4 on a nibble of yummy cake. There are some really beautiful areas to sit down and read a book on Rodeo Drive if you can tear your eyes away from all the beautiful things and people.

I walked up and down Hollywood Boulevard. It’s not a place to read. It is, however, an interesting place to look at the stars in the floor. The amount of talent is enormous. Actors, producers, singers, writers, directors, and more line the street. I stopped to take a picture of a book, but the photo is about all the bookish things that can be done on that street. Too many people walking to and fro. Also, I had to hurry along because the sidewalk is black, and my dog had hot paws. So we did not tarry long on Hollywood Boulevard because the beach was calling our name!

The last thing we did before leaving Los Angeles and California was spend the afternoon at Venice Beach. It’s been almost twenty years since I had been to Venice beach. It’s just like I remember along the boardwalk. People everywhere in nothing but swimwear. There is so much going on; I do not suggest reading here. Nowhere comfortable to snuggle in with a book except for the sandy beach, which is not dog friendly. The boardwalk is fun because loads of people are wandering around with and without dogs. Lots of spots for pictures. Muscle beach is great for looking at men. Venice Beach is a huge touristy spot, but my favorite part was just off the beaten path walking up and down the historic canals of Venice Beach. The houses are in the style of bungalow, modern, cottage, and more running along the canals in every color of the rainbow. There are delicate, white wooden bridges criss-crossing the canals. I loved walking up and down the waterways. Beautiful and serene.

I really enjoyed LA more than I thought I would or at least more than I remembered. The traffic sucks. After living in Chicago and Houston, I am extremely used to it! So for me, it wasn’t that bad.