In My Own Words, Lifestyle, So Gay

Gay A Synonym For Happy, So Gay Pride 2022

The very first Pride I ever went to was ten years ago in London, albeit accidentally. I haven’t been to one since. I have celebrated every single Pride month in some way for twelve years—a year before I came out as pansexual. 

“Can’t Even Think Straight” True Facts

I’ve never really been to Pride. As an extreme introvert with zero gay friends in Houston, I haven’t had anyone make me go or go with me. As soon as my life included people, straight but supportive people, who would happily accompany me to Pride, the pandemic hit, and Pride was canceled for two years; though, I put on my own Pride Parade, dressing up my six dogs in 2020. 

The pandemic put stress on the seams of my life that I had been so desperately mending as they tore until I couldn’t do it anymore. I let every seam pop, and my life is just a jumble of fabric and thread at this point. Eventually, I’ll figure out how to sew it all back together, but I’m in the process of figuring out how I want the pieces to fit together because what was didn’t work. 

Over the last two years, I have become more and more outspoken about being gay. I’ve never hidden this part of myself since coming out eleven years ago, but being in straight passing relationships made it a bit more complicated. And it is exhausting arguing with people over my own identity. Two years ago, I decided to stop letting exhaustion deter me from calling people on their heteronormativity. A conversation worth having for myself but also for every other queer person so maybe one day it no longer needs to be had. Six months ago, I came out as lesbian. 

Gay, queer, lesbian. They’re all identities I happily wear. 

Living my best gay life surrounded by a bunch of circles.

Sometimes I feel like my life has been nothing but doing hard things. Thirty-one years of just getting by, biding my time until the next tragedy creeps in. In my early twenties, I chose to walk away from a cushy corporate life to pursue a career in doing the hard things. I spend my time learning and writing about this life and this world of inequity, violence, and struggle. As someone who has chosen to always have the hard conversations, to stand up for what I believe is right, to never stay quiet, to not accept what is as what can be, my career and beliefs, though rooted in kindness, has alienated everyone in my life who do not believe in working to create a better world. We do not have to hold the same opinions or beliefs, but my people cannot actively cultivate ignorance, hate, violence, or worse ambivalence. So, I am well acquainted with watching people walk away. 

My life has been a series of doing hard things, but coming out was the easiest thing I’ve ever done. 

As someone whose life revolves around gender and racial equity and human sexuality, as a gay someone, I am well acquainted with the fears my community has when they come out, when we live our lives in the open. I know the privilege I have as a straight passing woman. A 5’10” woman who can hold her own in a fight against a man. A white woman. An American woman. A cis woman. A woman with an education and the words to tell my story and defend my actions and understand the consequences of my choices. I choose to come out at every opportunity. I chose to get very gay tattoos in very visible places. I choose to put rainbows on everything. I choose to call myself gay and lesbian and queer. I choose to be loud and proud because so many people never had the chance. So many live in fear because they are who they are. 

My community has fought for the rights we have. We have died to be where we are today. Yet three days ago, I listened to a fifteen year old girl talk about her parents refusing to acknowledge her sexuality because she’s not straight, maybe bi, maybe lesbian. The fact a fifteen year old feels comfortable enough to call herself gay is such an amazing win, but the fight is not over. Especially if we look at what is playing out in the highest court of this nation and the repercussions of the decision and overturning of Roe v. Wade will have for women and my community. 

Blue and yellow are my favorite colors, so yes for this wall.

Pride is a celebration. It’s a celebration of who we are. It’s a celebration I hold in my heart and life every fucking day because Pride isn’t a month, it is my life. It is the lives lost to violence and ignorance; the lives lost to hopelessness; the lives lost to a lack of health care; the lives lost fighting for equity. Pride is a remembrance of every person who has come before so that we can wear rainbows and dance in the street. Pride is honoring the pain that has led to joy and love and laughter. Pride is hope that the struggles and fights we continue to face will be alleviated for the queer people of tomorrow. 

So yeah, I’ve made gay a huge part of my personality in the last two years. Because I’m fucking proud. I’m proud of my community. I’m proud of myself. I’m proud of who I am, and it has taken me thirty-one years of doing the hard things so that I could have this one easy thing. 

I am gay. I am lesbian. I am here. I am loud. I am proud. I will be at Pride in Houston whether that is with my people or by myself. If you need people, I’ll be your people. Because I’m proud of you too. We’re not perfect, but gay is a synonym for happy, so here’s to a Gay Fucking Pride and celebrating exactly who we are because we are exceptional.  

Books, NonFiction

The Stonewall Reader

Worth A Read Definitely
Length 336
Quick Review A moving and brilliant collection of stories from before, during, and after Stonewall. 

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The Stonewall Reader | White Jumpsuit | Striped Tote | Nude Heels | Pearl Bracelet | Sunglasses

I didn’t know much about the Stonewall riots before this month, but I have done some reading and researching to learn more about this event and others in American history. Today is the fiftieth anniversary of this monumental event. I love a good anthology, and The Stonewall Reader edited by The New York Public Library is inspiring. 

The Stonewall Inn was a gay nightclub in Greenwich Village in New York City. It was owned by the Mafia and was home to some of the most marginalized among the LGBTQIA community. It was a popular haunt for drag queens, transgender people, lesbians, gays, and everything in between. The Stonewall Riot started in the early morning on June 28, 1969 and lasted until July 1. It was not the first incident nor was it the last. Stonewall was a turning point in American history for LGBTQIA’s fight for rights. The Stonewall Reader strives to capture the spirit and emotions of the times and people leading up to, during, and following the Stonewall Riots. 

It’s hard to write reviews of anthologies because there are so many different writers, voices, opinions, and things to say. Looking at The Stonewall Reader in its entirety, it is wonderful. The book is a tapestry of opinions, feelings, insights, and vantage points. I absolutely loved reading it, and would highly suggest it to anyone wanting to know more about the Stonewall Riots, gay rights, or just American history. 

Memorable Quotes
“Lesbians were probably the only Black and white women in New York City in the fifties who were making any real attempt to communicate with each other…” Audre Lorde Zami: A New Spelling of My Name
“The money which I got in exchange for sex was a token indication of one-way desire: that I was wanted enough to be paid for, on my own terms.” John Rechy City of Night 

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Title: The Stonewall Reader
Edited: The New York Public Library
Publisher: Penguin Classics
Copyright: 2019
ISBN: 9780143133513

Books, Fiction

Paul Takes the Form of A Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor

Worth A Read Meh
Length 352
Quick Review Paul is young and queer in the 90s on a journey and shapeshifting along the way.

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Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor | Asos Romper | Straw Purse | Bow | Pearl Barrette | Belt | Sandals | Pearl Bracelets

Andrea Lawlor’s debut novel Paul Takes the Form of A Mortal Girl is quite the book. I’ve never read anything quite like it. It’s not my typical read. I didn’t love it, but I didn’t dislike it. It just made me uncomfortable. Not because of the queer coming of age story. It’s the sex. Not queer sex, I don’t care about that. I just don’t read books with sex in them because reading and watching sex makes me uncomfortable. This book has a lot of sex. The New Yorker calls it “Smut,” and I don’t disagree. The sex has a point to it. 

Paul is queer in 90s Iowa City working and going to school as a Women’s Studies major. Paul has a dyke best friend, bartends, and dates around. Paul is a shapeshifter and can be anything he wants on demand. Paul changes his body by shortening his hair to becoming a party girl and everything in between. The young man travels from Iowa to San Francisco encountering struggles and pleasures along the way. 

I may have been uncomfortable through the book, but it is very well written. Lawlor fills Paul Takes the Form of A Mortal Girl with insightful and quippy one liners from the first page. Paul may be a young man trying to find himself and his place in the world as a queer person, but I think most everyone can identify with Paul in one way or another. People of all ages, genders, and sexualities are on continual journey to find themselves. 

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Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor | Romper | Purse | Belt | Barrette | Bow  | Pearl Bracelets | Shoes

I also love that the book is partially set in Iowa City. Unknown fact, Iowa City is a UNESCO City of Literature. The city is home to the University of Iowa, and their internationally renowned MFA Writers’ Workshop. I grew up in Iowa and spent a lot of time in Iowa City during college. 

If you’re looking for an intellectually stimulating book which is also fun for the summer, I would highly suggest Paul Takes the Form of A Mortal Girl. It is not for the faint of heart because it is quite the emotional roller coaster. 

Memorable Quotes
“Paul was flattered Jane thought he could understand what she was saying, did understand some percentage of what she was saying, and was bored by having to think that hard.”

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Title: Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl
Author: Andrea Lawlor
Publisher: Vintage
Copyright: 2017
ISBN: 9780525566182

Books, Fiction

Torch Song Trilogy by Harvey Fierstein

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Spreading love and tolerance to all my followers…. Torch Song Trilogy by Harvey Fierstein | Coziest Target Throw Blanket | Warm Etsy Grey Ear Warmer 

Read Yes
Length 320
Quick Review The original. The revised. Every once in a while, a book comes a long that is truly memorable. This is one of those books.

I have loved Harvey Fierstein since Mrs. Doubtfire. I’ve actually loved a ton of his movies, but I never realized it until reading Torch Song Trilogy because I didn’t really know who he was other than the guy in a bunch of movies I like. More than just an actor, he is an author and award winning playwright.

In the anniversary edition of Torch Song Trilogy, the original is featured along with the revised version. A forward by Fierstein starts the book off with a bang. It started off Broadway but eventually moved onto Broadway. There, Fierstein won a Tony for best play in 1983 and Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Play. It was a sensation. After reading it, I can see why.

Fierstein combined three one-act plays into one three-act play for the amazing Torch Song Trilogy: International Stud, Fugue in a Nursery, and Widows and Children First! Each act centers on a different phase in Arnold’s life. Starting in the 1970’s, he is a gay, torch singer, drag queen, who is also a Jewish man living in New York City. The play runs about four hours long.

It starts with a moving and completely cynical soliloquy about the disillusionment of love. Shortly after, Arnold meets Ed, who is not secure in his bisexual skin. The second act surrounds domestic bliss with Alan a year later. The third act finds Arnold alone dealing with his mommy issues while raising a gay teenage son, David.

Almost forty years after it first debuted, Torch Song Trilogy was incredibly important at the time as it collided with the after affects of the Stonewall age. The U.S. has come a long way in triumphing gay rights, but so many of the issues Fierstein battles are still prevalent today as the LGBTQ community is under attack. The play is stunning in its own right, but held up against the backdrop of social justice it is ever more important.  

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Title: Torch Song Trilogy
Author: Harvey Fierstein
Publisher: Ballantine Books
Copyright: 2017
ISBN: 9780525618645