Tag: 11…

11..., Lifestyle

11… Ways Life Is Being Nice to Me Right Now

RaeAnna
Enjoying a quiet moment in a peony garden in Iowa. | Dress | Earrings

Life is a cluster fuck right now; there’s no better way of putting it. COVID has done a number on people, economies, jobs, politics, society, the world. You name it, it’s been touched by COVID. This year has felt like the longest, gloomiest day ever. COVID is the single most pervasive thing I have encountered in my entire life. Sex, money, and power might be more pervasive, but it’s a close race. 

Last week, I wrote about eleven shit things going on in my life right now. Optimism and positivity do not come naturally to me. I’m an upbeat person with a morose soul. I’m trying to keep things happy inside my head because I have six fuzz balls depending on mommy to not spiral into a well of sadness. They need and deserve a happy mommy who can talk in a high pitched puppy voice coming from her heart and not faked.

Here are eleven ways life is nice to me.  

  1. I have six amazing dogs that make me feel more loved than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. Love just pours out of every possible opening of my soul for these dogs. I wish I had six bodies and all the money I could possibly need so every inch of my body and second of my time could be spent loving them. Alas, I have work to do so I can pay for their extravagant eating habits. Taking in a rescue and four puppies was borderline bonkers, but it is the best decision I have made. It’s been the best thing I have ever done for my soul. I love them. 
  2. I own a house. Yay for housing. That one was touch and go for a while, which was rough. We’ve been in the house for three full months, almost four. It’s still a mess, but it’s ours. Eventually things will get done, but I’m enjoying watching the puppies grow into dogs in their home. No more moving! For a while at least.
  3. Not traveling. I hate writing this one, but in its own way, not traveling has been a good thing. I’ve been able to concentrate on my family and dogs. I miss being on the road and the trips I was supposed to take, but I will never get the puppy months back. Scotland and all the other places will still be there. The money I would have spent on trips has gone to the dogs or kept safe for travels at a later date. I’ve been able to put some roots down in the new area of Houston I live, which I was never able to do because I was always off on another adventure. 
  4. Dancing has always been a part of my life. I love it. I trained to do it professionally for a long time. Obviously, that didn’t pan out. I haven’t danced in years and years and years. Partially because of money. Partially because of time. Partially because I was never anywhere long enough to find a dance studio. Well, I’ve been able to start dancing again, and I’ve found some really lovely new friends!
  5. I have always loved big picture windows. I never thought about or wanted to buy a house, so I always admired other people’s beautiful windows. Our house has these awful original windows from the 70s. They’re not pretty, and they’re really not energy efficient. Replacing windows is expensive. We can’t do the whole house at once, but we decided to put new windows in the living room and a new sliding glass door in the dining room. Wow! I love it. They’re big and beautiful, and they make being stuck at home so much better aesthetically. Oh and it took a HUGE chunk out of our electric bill!
  6. Work is slow. I miss having oodles of work to do. It seems like a bummer, but it’s a blessing. Having less work to occupy my time has allowed me the ability to raise my dogs and provide them with a stable and healthy environment. I have the time to make sure their needs are met. I’ve been able to get to know them and pay attention to their individual personalities and nuances, which has enabled me to catch health concerns long before I would have if I would’ve had my usual work load. Slowing down has been a gift to me and my dogs. 
  7. I’ve done a lottle retail therapy. There have been some seriously good sales because of COVID, and I took advantage. I didn’t need to, but I did. And someday, I’ll get to wear these super cute clothes I just bought again. Also I finally found a computer bag I like, so I don’t have to put my computer in my purse anymore. Woo!
  8. Having a ginormous couch is the best thing ever. Fuckers it was expensive. I hate spending money, but buying a giant, comfy couch was a really, really excellent use of money. I’ve been dealing with health issues, so I’ve been clocking in some serious couch hours. It’s big enough for the entire family to sit on, and it’s blue. Wins all around. 
  9. I have learned so much about pop culture. I really hate being unproductive, but I also really love it. I miss getting shit tons of things done and going everywhere and doing all the things. But I also love not getting to. Being at home and binging Netflix/Hulu/Disney+/Amazon. I’m super unproductive in a tangible way. The blog is floundering. My work is slow. Boy am I catching up on pop culture! I’ve learned so much useless crap about the world and generation I live in. Who knew about Memes? Apparently everyone, and now I do too!
  10. Cooking and baking is something I love to do. But I’ve done exactly almost none of that during the pandemic. Instead, I have been embracing the exhausted mom-life and supporting local places through delivery. And now that I live somewhere more conducive to ordering in, I have loads of options! Just last night, I had amazing pot roast that did not require me spending hours in the kitchen cooking. 
  11. I have spent more consecutive time with my boyfriend than ever before. I think I still like him. We’ve definitely had more tête-à-têtes than usual, but that’s because we’ve had more concentrated time together, even though we’ve lived together for four years. Gotta love COVID!

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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11..., Lifestyle

11… Struggles of Being a Tall Girl

RaeAnna
I have finally found jumpsuits that don’t give me a 180 wedgie!
I’m really loving these jumpsuit pictures. | Shoes | Earrings

Average Height of All Men: 5’9 or 5’6” (depending on what source you choose)
Average Height of American Men: 5’10” (almost)
Average Height of All Women: 5’3”
Average Height of American Women: 5’4”
Average Height of Women Supermodels: 5’9″
My Height: 5’10”

To be considered a tall woman in the United States, she must achieve 5’7” in vertical talent. I’m three inches more talented than that. Also, I’m taller than a lot of models. Hello, Ford Models! I’m waiting for my contract. 

National and international heights are trending upwards. Over the last 150 years, the average height for people living in industrialized nations has increased by FOUR inches. Evolution plays a part in the height increase because ladies like the tall guys, and tall guys usually make tall or tallish humans. However, evolution doesn’t play a big enough part in the equation to explain an increase of four inches in such a short period of time. Nutrition is the key component. For most of history, food was not readily available, and the first modern, one-stop American grocery store didn’t open until August 1930. Dying of hunger was a pretty common reason for death for a long time. If you wanted to eat, you had to hunt, gather, farm, or steal it. As food became more accessible, children started eating regular meals. Well fed children are healthier children, and those children grow the way they’re supposed to into non-stunted adults. Food isn’t just more accessible, it’s more nutritious than it was before because technology. There’s a lot of really interesting proof and resources on the subject, but back to me!

I guess my parents fed me because I’m a tall lady. The funny thing is I’m the short one on my dad’s side of the family. My aunt is 6’ tall and my cousin (her daughter) is well on her way. Growing up I was never tall for my age. When most girls stopped growing between 13 and 15, I kept growing for another six years. I started being “tall” my sophomore year in high school. By the time I was a senior, I was one of the tallest girls in school and there were 1,500 students.  I stopped growing at 21. In college, my friends were shocked I was still growing out of pants for reasons other than I had an obsession with chocolate milk, candy, and cake. My feet stopped growing when I was 13… My body is and always has been confused. 

I love being tall for so many reasons. I don’t need to ask people to get things off the top shelf. I have a great line of sight pretty much everywhere. There are some real downsides, though. 

  1. Jumpsuits!!! I hated on jumpsuits for a long time when they came back into style. Not because I didn’t like them, but because they didn’t like me. I was like the mean girl in high school when it came to jumpsuits. Being tall, jumpsuits are not usually designed with me in mind, and I don’t have the budget to buy jumpsuits designed for supermodels. Not only is it a wedgie in the back, it’s a wedgie in the front. 180° wedgie. Cute. In the last year or so, brands have started making jumpsuits for tall girls. Old Navy, Aerie, I’m looking at you. I can now enjoy them!!!! And they’re great. Ugh, finally I can stop being mean to jumpsuits. 
  2. I REALLY AM 5’10” This may just be me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m curvy or proportional or my personality or what it is, but people will argue with me about how tall I am… Even in person! Over the interwebs, fine whatever. I don’t care. But when I’m right in front of you! Ugh. I am actually 5’10”. I’ve had 5’8” (other heights too, but it’s almost always someone around the 5’8” range that wants to prove to me they’re taller. No you’re not. I’ll sit on you, stop.) men and women try to argue that I’m definitely shorter than them. When we go back to back and their hand comes halfway up my head, they eat shit! Because I am taller than them. Ha! I don’t know why this irritates me so much. It really doesn’t matter. Being tall doesn’t make me or anyone else better than anyone else, but some people really want to argue that I’m not tall because I don’t look tall… Sorry not all 5’10” girls look like Victoria’s Secret models. Which speaks to the fact Victoria’s Secret really needs to diversify their angels. Come on guys (and yes dudes, they’re in charge), it’s 2020. 
  3. Sometimes I want to feel small. I don’t know why, but sometimes I just want to feel little. Maybe this just has to do with sex. Watch TV or movies. Sexy scenes dudes are picking up girls and walking to the bedroom or pushing them up against a wall or a door or a whatever. It just doesn’t work with a tall girl. The legs go everywhere. Or maybe I need to diddle stronger dudes. You’re welcome for too much information. 
  4. Pants I am a vocal opponent of pants, but I wear them far more than I would like to. In order to wear them, I have to find ones that fit. I have curves aka an ass and hips. For some reason, most brands don’t make pants for tall girls with an ass in a size 4 or 6. It’s super frustrating. Where am I supposed to put this butt? Obviously not in these pants. 
  5. Dating… I’m taller than the average man in the United States (and world but I’ve not had the opportunity to date internationally yet), which means over half of the guys in this country are shorter than me by a little or a lot. I don’t mind dating short guys. Most of the guys I have dated are shorter than me. My current boyfriend and I are basically the same height (he’s actually shorter, but I’m sparing his feelings by saying we’re basically the same height), so when I put heels on, we’re in different elevation zones. It seems like the taller the guy the shorter the girl. My brother (6’2”) married a 5’½” woman. Look at professional athletes… Point proven. After dating a guy who was 5’5” – on a good day – it’s better for my back to date taller guys, which is why tall guys should date tall girls: I’M GOOD FOR YOUR BACK!!! THINK OF OLD YOU, PICK ME!
  6. Dresses… Maxi dresses are my favorite because they make me feel like a classy lady even though I’m absolutely bonkers. Maxi dresses are not practical in most situations, but it’s hard finding short dresses that don’t also show off my labia. (Spanx are my best friend for this reason and the chafe.) Even maxi dresses are hard because they’re never quite long enough. I end up buying tea length dresses because it cuts down on the voyeurism. Just forget clubbing dresses. That’s a hard nope. I’ve seen strippers with less visible skin than me in a minidress. 
  7. Men get weirdly competitive. Sometimes when dudes are shorter than me, they get competitive about all sorts of random shit. Maybe they’re trying to prove their masculinity because I have somehow demasculinized them with my height. Whatever it is, it’s weird and usually mean and/or super disrespectful. 
  8. Economy on an airplane is really fucking tight. This is not exclusively for ladies. It’s inclusive for all tall people. It’s tight. It’s uncomfortable. I feel like I’m eating my knees. Also car rides in the backseat. Really any place with a minimal amount of leg room.
  9. Gal pal pictures are weird. I love my girlfriends. They’re amazing, but almost all of them are significantly shorter than me. My very best friend is exactly my height. I have an Aussi friend here in Houston who is taller than me. A friend from college was taller. That’s it. Most everyone else is under 5’4”. Do I strike a sorority girl pose so we’re all the same height? Slouch and look lumpy and frumpilicious? Or do I stand normally and be super tall and have them use my boobies as pillows? I don’t have the answer, I’m genuinely asking what looks better.
  10. Defined waistlines… I love them because they cinchy-cinch my waist and draw attention to my hourglass shape. Yay! …Except defined waistlines are put into dresses based on average height ladies. So almost all defined waists hit me in an unflattering space between an empire waist and the fourth and sixth rib. It’s not cute. It doesn’t even make me look like I have Amazonian legs… It just makes me look fatter than I am. It took me a long time to just put dresses back when the waist doesn’t hit AT my waist. Heartbreaking but the best choice for looking like I know how to shop for my body.
  11. Barres are not made for me. I trained to be a ballerina for a long time. I have recently started taking barre and ballet classes again. I’m taller now than I was in my ballet days (remember, I kept growing until I was 21), and barres are not set at appropriate heights for tall ladies. While everyone else is enjoying their average height barre, I’m bending over trying to reach it, not getting any stretch, or just balancing on my own because it’s useless. 

If you haven’t noticed, I didn’t put heels on this list because I don’t find heels to be a struggle. I love heels. I have always loved heels. I’m going to wear them even though they make me very, very, very tall. Even when I dated the 5’5” dude, wore heels! It’s not a struggle. It’s great! Many other tall ladies feel selfconscious in heels, and I don’t think they should be. If they want to wear heels, wear the damn heels. Because one day we’ll be old and have old lady knees, and we shouldn’t walk around in our orthopedic shoes saying we wish we would’ve worn those cute shoes. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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11..., Lifestyle

11… Ways to Be a Better Antiracist

RaeAnna
The Black Book is one of the most moving and heartbreaking books I have ever read.

I am not the first person to come up with a list of ways to be a better antiracist, and I won’t be the last. You should look up others because I’m sure they are better. Obviously, this is a list of things you can do written by a white lady with a lot of white privilege who is on her own imperfect and perpetual journey to be a better antiracist. 

This post is titled “… Better Antiracist” because hopefully you’re already on your antiracist journey. If you are not, WELCOME! Now is the perfect time to start your journey. 

  1. READ. There are so many wonderful books, articles, stories, etc. written by Black writers, educators, activists, etc. who have made it their life’s work to educate. You will learn so much from them. Also buying and reading their books supports them and their work. It tells publishers and academia to be more inclusive, to publish more Black authors, to support the Black community. All you have to do is scroll through my book reviews to find some really great books. Or just google it. (Google is a great resource, use it.)
  2. EVALUATE YOURSELF. The hardest thing to do is admit fault or complicitness. We’re all racist. It’s ingrained in society. That doesn’t make it okay. When you have feelings or apprehension, ask yourself why. Evaluate what you do, your feelings, your thoughts, where you live, what you read, what you watch, everything. It takes time and effort. Being self-aware is hard, but it makes us better people. The more good people in the world fighting for equality and justice, the better the world will be. Be a part of the change, and that change starts within. 
  3. DIVERSIFY YOUR FEED. More than likely, you found me through social media. Social media is amazing. I love how it connects the world. It is also a way to maintain our safe bubbles. If you only follow people who look and think the way you look and think, you’re not challenging yourself to be better. How many BIPOC people do you follow? Seriously, go take a look. I had this realization a few years ago after reading a book (see point 1), and the first thing I did was go and follow writers, bloggers, actors, people of color. It’s important. And so easy. 
  4. DIVERSIFY YOUR LIFE. How many people of color are you friends with? This is harder to change because it takes more of a conscious effort, and a lot of times. It might even mean going pretty far out of our comfort zone. If you don’t have any friends of color, why? I grew up in a diverse city in Iowa – I know, it sounds like an oxymoron. I had access to immigrants, people of color, different religions, diverse cultures. I had access to be friends with people of all kinds, and I was. I have friends of all colors. I’m not friends with them because they have a different hue than me. I’m friends with them because I love them as humans, and I know I do because I didn’t let their skin color hold me back from getting to know them. 
  5. SUPPORT BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES. Take five minutes, google “black owned businesses in ____” and insert your area. You will find a ton of references. Whether it’s trying a new restaurant or shopping at a new boutique, when you support black owned businesses, you’re supporting the people. It’s harder for a Black person to get a bank loan to open that business. When we support them and they thrive, you’re telling banks to invest in those businesses. Money talks, so let yours.
  6. FUCKING LISTEN. This could alternatively be titled SHUT THE FUCK UP. If you’re white, shut your mouth. So often the floor is ceded to us because of our paleness. Our opinions and experiences are treated as more important than those held by less pale people, which is stupid. As a woman, I’ve had to fight to speak and be heard. It can be hard to not talk when given the opportunity because I’m silenced often. It is so important to let people tell their own story and share their own experience. We need to not take up space that should have never been ours to begin with. We have colonized so much of the world, we need to stop colonizing time. 
  7. DON’T APPROPRIATE. At this point in time, I shouldn’t have to say it, but I do. Don’t appropriate. It’s wrong. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google “cultural appropriation.”
  8. SHARE. It’s really important to share the work, opinions, and experiences of BIPOC. And I mean this in a very works cited kind of way and not an opposite to #6 or #7 kind of way. If there is an artist you love, share! If there’s a writer you love, share! A blogger you’re low-key stalking their life, share! If you love it, other people will too. Everyone loves being loved, so share the love. 
  9. STOP STEREOTYPING BASED ON RACE. I hate this so much. Black people… are not anything. They are people. They are as diverse, multifaceted, interesting, and all the other things humans are as every other “race”. Stereotypes are stupid and should stop. Do not be that person who says things like, “Black people are bad tippers.” I heard that when I bartended. You know why Black people were tipping that person poorly? Because that person was serving them poorly based on a dumb-ass stereotype. That person didn’t deserve a good tip because they were serving like shit. If you start a sentence with “Black people…” it should end with “… are victims of systemic racism.” That is the option. 
  10. ASK TO BE CALLED OUT. I tell all my friends to, “call me out if I say something offensive, hurtful, inaccurate, uneducated, whatever.” No matter what or who they are. I want to be the best person I can be, and I can only be that person by being accountable. I want and hope all my friends will hold me responsible and call me out if I say some shit. I don’t want to be the person who hurts anyone, and I can’t know something until I know something. I surround myself with smart, amazing, vibrant people, and they have access to all sorts of information I have yet to access. When we open ourselves up to being responsible for hurting others or making them feel small or perpetuating horrible things, we allow ourselves to have innumerable teaching moments. When I open myself to the fact I can and will make mistakes, I’m less defensive, hurt, contradictory when I am called out. To create change, I have to be open to being the change, and I can’t be the change if I think I’m omniscient and all-kind. There is power in the vulnerability of allowing myself to be wrong. It is a kindness to others because I give them the space to feel their feelings knowing I will listen and accept responsibility in my role of shitty person. It enables open dialogue and deeper human connection. (You can also be the person to call out your friends and family in a kind but firmly don’t-be-a-racist-dick-noodle way.)
  11. DON’T BE THE PERSON WHO CONFINES THEIR DATING LIFE TO YOUR OWN RACE. This is very specific. It bothers me when people say they’re not attracted to Black men/women or any other race. Sexuality is weird, I get it. If you’re not attracted to Black men, you don’t have eyes (but if you don’t have eyes, color doesn’t exist to you in the same way it does to seeing people). If you’re not attracted to Black men, you’ve never seen: Taye Diggs, Idris Elba, Daniel Kaluuya, Barack Obama, Michael B. Jordan, Chadwick Boseman, Anthony Mackie, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Jessie (the Director of Security at my building in Chicago, and the only regret I have in life: not asking him out). If you’re not attracted to Black women, you’ve never seen Michelle Obama (they are an attractive couple), Iman, Kerry Washington, Halle Berry, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Beyoncé, Gabrielle Union, Kamala Harris, Tiffany Hadish, and more. I find them all unbelievably attractive. Science would also agree with me because they’re very symmetrical. I can honestly name more attractive people of color than I can name white people. Just date people, don’t limit yourself. 

Don’t limit yourself. That should be number one on the list. Being racist means limiting yourself. The world is not white. It would be so boring if it were. It is gloriously colorful. Soak up the world for everything it is, the good and the bad. Where there is bad, there is room for growth. Where there is good, there is room for better. Let’s be better citizens of the world and neighbors to our Black brothers and sisters (and BIPOC in general), who deserve to live in this beautifully colorful world with the same rights and peace as white men. I would say me, but the feminist in me says there is room to reach. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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11..., Lifestyle

11… Joy Bringers

RaeAnna
Embracing joy on a carousel. | Skirt | Shirt | Button Up | Glasses | Headband | Shoes | Earrings | Necklace | Purse

Right now is a shitty, shitty time. Between COVID-19 and people fucking finally waking up to systemic racism. Alright, life is always shitty, and nothing about systemic racism is new, but COVID is making the world a worse place. I haven’t been writing about social justice lately because I’ve been writing about it heavily for years, and I’m happy BIPOC voices are getting the attention they deserve. I will start writing about it again, and I will definitely toss my two cents out there soon. But right now, I’m gonna focus on eleven things that bring me joy. 

  1. My dogs. I love my dogs more than anything else in the whole world. Now that the puppies are to an age where they can snuggle on the couch with me, Tess, and Beau makes me very happy. 
  2. Carousels. On my 23rd birthday, I went to six flags with my bestest friend. She doesn’t love carousels. I get it: they’re slow, boring, and made for children. I LOVE THEM. They make me so happy. I can’t wait til COVID becomes less of a threat, so I can ride one again. 
  3. Tea. It brings me so much joy. I drink it all the time. If I’m at home, there’s an 87% chance I have a cup of tea in my hand. The other 13% of the time, I’m waiting for the water to boil. 
  4. Traveling. I haven’t traveled in four months, which is the longest I have been in one place in years. I can’t wait to hop on the road or board a plane again. I’m not sure when it will happen, but I’m looking forward to it. 
  5. High heels. I love a pretty pair of heels. I don’t wear them as much anymore because I work from home and rarely put on pants. I wear them as often as I can, which is not often, but I love them. 
  6. Ice cream cones. I love a good soft serve ice cream cone. It’s so good. It makes me so happy. Honestly, I could go for one right now. They make the bad days good and the good days better. 
  7. Not wearing pants. Going home and taking my pants off is the best feeling. If I don’t leave the house, I don’t put on pants. 
  8. Lazy days. I hate not being productive, but sometimes, laying on the couch doing absolutely nothing is just the best. It really calms the soul and gives me extra time to love on my dogs. 
  9. Pastries and fresh bread. These go hand-in-hand because pastry shops almost always have fresh bread. Living in France, I had fresh bread and pastries every day. It’s amazing I didn’t gain a gazillion pounds. 
  10. Rainy days. Houston is in a drought right now, so I miss reading and working hearing the rain. It is such a calming thing for me. I thrive in rainy weather. (The dogs do not share the same affinity for rainy days. If I had to poop in the rain, I doubt I would either.)
  11. Music. I love music. It’s been a huge part of my life forever. I love creating, well making,  music – I’m a crap composer – and listening to it. Music is an integral part of my life. It is always on. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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11..., Lifestyle

11… Things I’ve Missed Over the Last Three and A Half Months

RaeAnna
Enjoying downtown Houston last summer when I had significantly less dogs and far more time and no COVID in my life. | Dress | Watch | Earrings |

The last three and a half months have been crazy chaotic for everyone around the world. You’ve probably noticed the hoard of puppies in my Instagram stories or the pictures or the posts I’ve managed to produce. COVID and quarantine have definitely had a serious impact on my life, but the puppies have had a far bigger impact. Working from home, my quotidien life didn’t change drastically because of quarantine, but it did change because of the swarm, which is what we came to call the thirteen puppies. I love them, but I have missed out on a whole lot of things because of them. 1000% worth it, though. 

  1. Sleep. I have missed sleep. What is it? I don’t even know anymore. They are sleeping through the night, so I’m getting more than two non-consecutive hours now. I am playing catch up. 
  2. Beau. Because I was living at my best friend’s house and then in Iowa, I went two months without seeing Beau. It hurt my heart, and I know it hurt her feelings because I disappeared with a gazillion dogs for EVER. Luckily, I’ve been back in Houston for two weeks, and Beau and I have been snuggling like crazy trying to catch up.
  3. Going Out. Even if COVID hadn’t shut down the world, I wouldn’t have been able to go out and enjoy the world. I feel like I’ve been so detached from everything because the puppies have kept me occupied and preoccupied. 
  4. Showers. I haven’t had tons and tons of time for showers, and even if I did, I’m not completely sure how useful they would be. The moment I get out of the shower, I tend to find poop or pee or throw up or most usually a combination of all three. It’s hard to convince myself to shower when I’m just going to be gross ten minutes later. Might as well stay gross.
  5. Reading. I have not had time to read because my time is spoken for. I’m about a gazillion books behind schedule. Woops.
  6. Looking Like A Human. I’m certain I look like an exhausted, chubby alien version of myself. Eating well went right out the window because I haven’t had the time to cook, let alone grocery shop. I’ve definitely put on some softer edges and some wrinkles. 
  7. Water. Honestly. I’m so dehydrated. I keep forgetting to drink water because… Well, I’m not good at it to begin with, so when I’m uber busy, hydration just doesn’t happen.
  8. Knowing What’s Going On. Whether it be what’s going on in the world or what’s going on with my best friend, I honestly have no fucking idea. I’m not even on social media right now. This is the first blog post in a month! I found out about George Floyd because my best friend texted me (I did take time out to protest because that is FUCKING IMPORTANT, and social justice is a huge part of …on the B.L., so I can’t not march.) I love my friends, but seriously, I hardly talk to them. 
  9. Money. I’ve been spending it like it grows on trees because these puppies have been ridiculously expensive because the number of them and they’ve also had some super fun rare medical problems, but they’re healthy now. Also I’ve not had much money coming in because COVID has slowed everything down. I so poor. 
  10. …on the B.L. Hello. I haven’t written or posted anything in weeks and weeks. It’s hard to motivate myself to do anything with the very little free time I have when I’m exhausted. So here I am, finally posting something. Woo!
  11. Houston. I’ve missed Houston. I was gone for a month, but even when I’ve been here I can’t even enjoy the outdoorsy things this great city has to offer because I’ve been momming it up. Oh well. Maybe soon. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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11..., Lifestyle

11… Devastating Things About Raising Puppies

RaeAnna

I have loved raising the puppies. From the moment I brought Tess home at the end of February, I knew my heart was going to break. Having had a litter when I was fourteen, I had an understanding of the difficulties lying ahead of me. It’s different because there were “only” ten puppies in that litter. Thirteen… that’s another story entirely. As an adult, though, it’s different; it’s harder. Being financially, physically, and emotionally responsible for the first three months of thirteen little puppy lives has been beyond hard. As much as other people have been around, I have almost completely been the sole caretaker. It’s one of the most taxing experiences of my entire life. It’s different than taking care of babies; in a lot of ways, it’s harder. The difference: it’s only for a few months.   

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Getting cuddles in before she goes. | Dress | Shirt 

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Boudica playing in the backyard before she went to her furever home.

  1. Boudica went to her furever home on Saturday. She’s the first to leave the litter. She needed to go to her family. She is so shy and timid, her brothers and sisters were overwhelming her, and she couldn’t grow into the explorative, happy puppy I know she will be given the space and patience she has found with her family. It is heartbreaking letting her go, but she couldn’t have found a better fit for her sweet soul. She has a huge back yard and will go on so many camping trips. My heart hurts without her, but it’s easier knowing she’s in the best place for her. 
  2. Health problems have been plaguing this journey. Puppy Strangles was one of the most terrifying experiences. Walking in after letting the two-week old puppies have an hour nap to find one struggling to breath through a swollen face and hard neck dropped my stomach. Two more had it within the hour. We didn’t know what it was; luckily, we went to the ER, and they were able to get the help they desperately needed. It was five weeks of antibiotics and steroids to make sure they would be healthy and happy the rest of their lives. They’re perfect, and you’d never know we almost lost Oryol, Athena, and Knight. Noski has a degenerative joint problem; it was so bad, I wasn’t sure he was going to make it because he couldn’t walk. He absolutely was not himself, and my heart broke watching him struggle to lift his head. Tess had a hotspot, which showed up overnight, leaving her with no hair and huge scabs around her neck. It looked like I had her collar on too tight for ages; I felt horrible. She was on steroids and anti-inflammatory medicine for weeks to get rid of it… The hair hasn’t grown back yet.  
  3. Tess has struggled. She has absolutely persevered and been a rock star mom… But there are THIRTEEN puppies and EIGHT functional nipples. The math does not work out in her favor or mine. They all want to be with her and love on her, and she’s exhausted and fed up with the swarm. It’s hard watching her do her very best by them. She’s torn between wanting to be with them and wanting to be alone. I wish I could do more for her.
  4. It’s hard giving all thirteen puppies the attention and socialization they need and deserve. I only have so many hands. My life is spent almost completely with them. If I’m not changing sheets, doing laundry, feeding them, or trying to get a little work done to pay for the vet bills, I’m with them outside, inside, wherever. I do everything I can to make sure they’re all loved on equally, but it’s hard.  
  5. A few puppies needed extra special loving because they were sick, small, or not getting enough food. As newborns, the puppies ate about every two hours on a rotating schedule because: not enough nipples. Tess couldn’t produce enough, and the little ones weren’t able to fight their way in. I had to supplement several puppies by pulling them out and letting them nurse without the competition. But that wasn’t enough, so I ended up bottle feeding them every two hours for four and a half weeks. It’s not conducive to sleep, but I’ll get to that. 
  6. My sleep cycle has been devastated. It wasn’t normal to begin with, but it was regular and perfect for me. I usually went to bed around 4:00 am… Now, I get up at 5:00 am. NOW, before I was getting maybe three hours of non-consecutive sleep a night. It was horrible. I’m getting around four and a half hours of sleep at once. It’s hard. I’ve always functioned tired because I’ve had to. I’m used to the feeling of complete exhaustion. The kind where there is a pit in your stomach that feels like hunger, but it’s literally my body hungering for sleep. I’ll get it in a few more weeks. 
  7. All this work, lack of sleep, and poor hydration is taking quite the toll on my skin. I’m looking a bit haggard. I’m a bit vain. I’m actively trying to prevent wrinkles and signs of aging because I’m a woman and society dictates it so because my worth becomes non-existent the moment I look three minutes older than 25… Kidding, kind of, probably not really. Anyways, I’m doing my best to treat my skin well, but all this not fabulous schedule and difficultness is really starting to show on my face. I HAVE FINE LINES. I need a facial. Stat!
  8. Having to choose sucks. I mean, it is horrible. Talk about a Sophie’s Choice – this is complete hyperbole; they are all going to absolutely the very best homes I could find. It was hard. We knew we wanted to keep three puppies. Actually, we weren’t going to keep any. Then it was one puppy. Then it was two puppies; Dylan’s pick and my pick. But Knight was really sick and small and deformed, and I put a LOT of time and money and energy into just keeping him alive, and no one deserves his goodness but me! So we decided to keep three puppies. Dylan pretty much immediately bonded with Bear, so that was his pick. I have spent just about every waking moment with them for the last ten weeks. I love each and every one of them with all my heart. I know them better than anyone else. I want to keep them all forever. How could I possibly choose? I couldn’t. I did, but I chose based on what the best fit for our family was. Bear is a scrappy cuddler; Tess is laid back; Knight wants nothing more than to cuddle. Beau needed someone who could run, run, run with her. I chose Makeda because they can run around for hours together. There were others who would’ve been better fits for me, but I wanted to make Beau happy. 
  9. The stress of everything has been tough. I can handle stress, but this is a lot. There have been things outside of the puppies causing stress like COVID and everything else life throws at us. The puppies are stressful, though. Trying to make sure they’re healthy, happy, socialized, and everything else is stressful. I have been on the verge of tears pretty much constantly for eight weeks. My teeth are loosening up a bit because of all the stress. I don’t remember the last time I showered because my brain has shut off. Speaking of my brain not working, words are hard. My speech has definitely struggled. 
  10. I’m not a particularly in shape or fit person. I do my best to avoid working out every way I can. That being said, I’m not that out of shape. Puppies grow quickly. At birth, they all easily fit in a cat bed. Now, one fits in that cat bed. All thirteen fit in a single laundry basket for their two week check up. At six weeks, only four fit in a laundry basket at a time. I used to be able to carry four in my arms. Now, I can manage two – as long as it’s not Bear. Carrying them all up and down the stairs, wrangling them, feeding them, trying not to step on them, and more has had quite the toll on my body. My back aches. My neck aches. My leg muscles are so tight. I’ve gained weight… Damnit stress. My arms and legs are covered in scratches and bruises; it looks like I didn’t survive the razor blade windmill in a horror movie. I have a hard time wearing shoes because the tops of my feet are so scratched. My fingers are covered in band-aids. I have to wear wrist support because they have reached their max. I hurt. I need a massage and a vacation. Probably some sleep.
  11. I can bear all of these things. It’s been hard and exhausting and lonely and expensive, and it’s completely worth it. The hardest thing has been knowing from the moment we decided to keep Tess is the knowing I would have to say goodbye to these perfect little beings I raised and loved with my whole heart. I have thoroughly vetted everyone getting a puppy. Furever families must sign contracts to guarantee they will be taken care of. Most are going to friends or family members, which means I’ll get to visit them and watch them grow up. Knowing they are going to wonderful homes that will love them for the rest of their lives makes it easier, but it’s heartbreaking. I’ve said goodbye to one already, but I have eight more goodbyes to come. It’s devastating but the best thing for them. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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