Books – …on the B.L.

Read Yes
Length 326
Overall Feels Solid
Gay Vibes 10/10
Drink Pairing Cheap Vodka and Sprite with a Pineapple Slice
⭐⭐⭐⭐

Writing about the inner life of a writer is a difficult feat.

Writing about the inner life of a writer who’s making questionable—sometimes just bad—decisions while she’s in the midst of a scandal and manages to get caught up in the chaos of other artists’ lives is exactly what Jen Silverman does in We Play Ourselves.

Cass leaves her beloved New York in disgrace for Los Angeles after an incident with another playwright. Staying with friends, her neighbor is a talentedly eccentric film maker, following a group of teenage girls to document their reimagination of Fight Club. Along the way, Cass runs into her NYC nemesis on her meandering and often dead-ended path towards happiness and success as a queer woman in her thirties.

Silverman creates a fully formed human in the character of Cass. She is simultaneously unlikeable, relatable, and completely captivating. An artist at heart, she reacts [poorly] to criticism. And don’t we all, at times. History is full of disgruntled artists retaliating. What unfolds is Cass’s interactions with a diverse cast of characters with hearts of artists and critics. Each one is human in surprising and predictable ways. There is a complexity and fullness to even the minorest of players. Life is full of chaos, humor, and big feelings. Silverman tackles that throughout the novel without ever looking away from the [dark] comedy of searching for meaning and motivation: “Unrelated to sex. Ambition is all desire, all the time. So is success. I’d take success over sex.” Even in the smallest observations, there is an approachableness. Everyone, on some level, can understand the pull of sex and success as well as their fleeting nature. Silverman’s humor is in their affecting and realistic take on everything. Because as humans, we understand what they’re saying even if the thought hasn’t occurred to us personally. It’s ridiculously easy to empathize with the choice of success over sex because one has a tendency to last longer with a bigger dopamine hit.

The writing really is superb. Not only is the narrative searing, funny, and insightful, Silverman organizes their novel to keep their readers thumbing the pages. The question: “What happened?” is never far from mind. Silverman gives just enough without giving much at all. In a mastery of making us care about Cass while she makes a plethora of poor choices, there is still a looming knowledge of finding out an even bigger poor choice. We Play Ourselves is smoke and mirrors before you even start reading. The back cover will lead you to believe you’re embarking on a story going in one direction, but that’s not the leading plot but a compelling subplot.

Throughout, Silverman is constantly making poignant observations on the human condition and the gray area people live in. Each of the characters in We Play Ourselves is ultimately doing their best for the greater good, yet the greater good is all dependent on their perspective. It is both the normalization and vilification of emotional manipulation for perceived positive change. Thematically, the novel [and life] can best be summed up, “Because doing your best isn’t necessarily an excuse for doing damage. | Sometimes you do an awful lot of damage. | And that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.” Do your best, but, sometimes, it’s just not good enough. I get it, Silverman. I’ve been saying the same for forever. You just said it better and more entertainingly than I ever have.

As a queer, thirty-something writer, Cass feels like a more successful and publicly disastrous version of my internal self. The absolute most resonating and insightful moment in the entire book for me is taken from an observation made during a conversation between Cass and her father: “Sixty-five, and he hadn’t even finished leading all the lives he was going to lead.” I love it. It is hope that something different if not better lies ahead. Who we were doesn’t have to be who we are or who we will become.

We Play Ourselves is an exploration of failing, striving, and the diversity one life can be.

Jen Silverman is an exceptional storyteller.

Memorable Quotes
“I watched my parents give up on understanding. But lack of understanding is not a lack of love. Not always.”
“”And it’s not not you. But it’s a version. And the more time passes, the more people only know the version. And the more time you spend as the version. And then it’s like: Well, which one is the version and which one is real?””
“Joy is a tricky proposition. I would rather invest in granite countertops.

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Buy on Amazon

Title: We Play Ourselves
Author: Jen Silverman
Publisher: Random House
Copyright: 2021
ISBN: 9780399591549

Books, Fiction

Lesbian Love, Affair of Poisons, and Abuse in The Disenchantment by Celia Bell

February 14, 2024February 11, 2024 RaeAnna

Read Yes
Length 368
Overall Feels I wanted more gay.
Gay Vibes 8/10
Drink Pairing A slightly watered down, iced oat milk latte.
⭐⭐

A girl reading The Disenchantment by Celia Bell in a candlelit and petal filled bath and drinking a cup of tea. — I wish all my baths looked like this.

I am disenchanted with The Disenchantment.

I firmly believe the world needs more queer literature, so I’m glad this book exists to help create more visibility. Especially as it tackles queerness for women in history. Depicting one of the many ways that has played out throughout history. I wanted to love this one, but I don’t love it. The overall book feels like it is being pulled in two directions and neither are particularly well portrayed: being a lesbian in a society and time that does not condone or allow it and surviving an abusive marriage in a society and time that condones and allows it. Basically, as a woman, you’re fucked if you do, fucked if you don’t. The main character in The Disenchantment is fucked all around except in the most literal way.

As both a lesbian and survivor of domestic violence at the hands of men… I could not connect with this book, and I really should have. Marie Catherine is a Baroness in Paris during the Affair of Poisons. She’s married to a physically and emotionally abusive older man with whom she has two young children. She is having an affair with another noblewoman. There’s storytelling and an artist who gets caught up in the whole thing. There was so much potential in this not-so-little novel, but my attention was not kept. I think I read four books in the time it took me to get through this one.

Cover of The Disenchantment by Celia Bell in a candlelit and petal filled bath. — I had more fun taking these pictures than reading this book.

The plot is muddy, while the narrative is meandering. Bell is tackling too many massive topics in one debut novel. If she would have focused on a singular theme, the book would have benefited and had a larger impact.

I desperately wanted to love this because it is all about the lady-gay, female empowerment, overcoming obstacles, and surviving abuse. Unfortunately, I just could not get on board with it. I expect great things from Celia Bell, but this was not it.

Memorable Quotes
“So Marie Catherine had quietly believed for years that she had been made with something lacking, and any spark of inclination that she might feel for a man in company was a short-lived thing that fizzled out after the first imaginary movement of love. Then she had met Victoire de Conti.” … “She didn’t love as some women did.”
“”I forgive you.” She said it as if she were a priest who had the power to offer absolution. And, for a moment, she felt that she did, as if the words had lit a candle flame inside her mouth that burned with the light of her love. She did not, would never, believe that flame was the flame of hell. Not if every confessor in France lined up to tell her that she was damned.”

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Buy on Amazon

Title: The Disenchantment
Author: Celia Bell
Publisher: Pantheon
Copyright: 2023
ISBN: 9780593317174

Books, NonFiction, Travel

Dame Traveler by Nastasia Yakoub; Exploration of the Feminine Gaze

December 5, 2023December 5, 2023 RaeAnna

Read Yes
Length 215
Overall Feels Awe
Gay Vibes Unfortunately nonesies
Drink Pairing Sombai
⭐⭐⭐⭐

A woman standing on Brighton Beach in Melbourne looking at Bathing Boxes, holding Dame Traveler. — I’m a dame traveler. While I was on the biggest trip I’ve ever taken, I met the woman I call my partner in Australia. So now, I have one exceptionally amazing reason to travel even more.

Women are amazing. I am obsessed with them. I’m also lucky enough to be a lesbian [maybe not “lucky” in the political sense…], so I’ve gotten to know women as humans, friends, adventurers, lovers, coworkers, and more.

In a world where women are still a minority after millenia of subjugation, they never cease to defy convention and live their lives unabashedly. I’m sure throughout history, there have been countless women who have done the same in their own extraordinary ways, but the vast majority have been lost to history through erasure and a failure to see the importance and document… Thanks, men.

With the rise of social media—also education, healthcare, right to vote, legal protection, employment, status as almost human, etc, but that was just the groundwork for what women do on Instagram—women have visibility, representation, autonomy, and power in a completely unprecedented way. Women are living their lives publicly. And they’re doing it in a really aesthetically pleasing way. But pretty pictures in cool places is not what Dame Traveler by Nastasia Yakoub is really showcasing. It’s about women untethered. Women who are not afraid to see the world alone, with others, on their own terms, and document it. The fact women feel important enough to document themselves, their travels, their lives, their art is a feat in and of itself. The world has finally arrived at a place where women are deemed human enough to be interesting enough to care enough to give us space enough to exist. Not only are women doing it and posting about it, there are now books in bookstores for little girls, little boys, and little theys to see and make their own dreams.

This is an interesting book to review because it is mostly an amalgam of pictures by creators from around the world, whose work has been showcased on Yakoub’s curated instagram account @dametraveler. There are snippets from contributors as well as information and tips about certain locations. Yakoub could have created a book dedicated to her own travels and photography. Instead, she used this opportunity to support and document incredible women who believe enough to do. Divided into sections on architecture, water, culture, and nature, Dame Traveler delves into a photographic exploration of the diverse feminine gaze of a world too large for any one person to experience fully. So, for those of us who are trying to know the world in its entirety, we must turn to beautiful collections like this to explore, learn, and grow.

Yakoub curated a stunning book. The only thing stopping me from grabbing my passport and leaving permanently is my dogs and bank account. Until then, this will be sitting on my coffee table to daydream through.

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Title: Dame Traveler; Live the Spirit of Adventure
Author: Nastasia Yakoub
Publisher: Ten Speed Press
Copyright: 2020
ISBN: 9781984857910

Books, Reading Lists

A Gay Little Reading List

June 20, 2023June 19, 2023 RaeAnna

Representation is vital.

For every single minority group and person.

We live in a world of spectrums and differences. All of it, every single one, should be depicted in art, media, news, books, everything. The world cannot grow into a better one if we ignore all the people who do not fall in the category of cishet, white people/men because cishet, white women hold minority status too, though with marked privileges.

I have always, especially since the inception of this blog’s first iteration, tried to read diverse books written by diverse voices and as few white dudes as manageable. My mind and heart can’t grow, evolve, or be challenged if I’m not exposed to ideas, views, and the realities of others. It’s easy to get caught in a bubble, and I try really hard to not get stuck in one specific bubble for too long.

This photoshoot was done as a surprise for a friend, but I also turned it into a gay book stack photo when I grabbed a bunch of queer books. Soccerwomen is not inherently queer, but have you seen women’s soccer? It’s real gay. Some of these books I’ve read; some I’ve not. Either way, it’s Pride. So if you’re looking for something queer to read, try one of these. If you’ve read all of these, read them again, or DM me so I can give you more options.

The Disenchantment Celia Bell
Soccerwomen Gemma Clarke
The Queen’s English Chloe C. Davis
Queerly Beloved Susie Dumond
Save Yourself Cameron Esposito
Girl, Woman, Other Bernardine Evaristo
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe Fannie Flagg
The Queer Bible Jack Guinness
Hijab Butch Blues Lamya H.
Queer Love in Color Jamal Jordan
Sister Outsider Audre Lorde
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo Taylor Jenkins Reid
Transgender History Susan Stryker

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Books, Reading Lists

A Stack of Novels I Read Once Upon A Time

May 9, 2023May 9, 2023 RaeAnna

I read these books too long ago to actually review them. So I’m not going to. I also took the picture with these for a roundup so long ago I not only had bangs, long hair, I was also blond, and in a skirt. So enjoy the flashback.

I do remember reading all these books. So I’ll give a brief: here’s what I remember thinking while I read this because my memory is still good enough for that. I’ll thank the gym because that’s why I’m going now that I’m creeping ever closer to decrepitude. Anyways, I have loads more books that will go uncriticized because I was lazy for years and don’t feel like going back. So I’ll work my way back into being a book critic, kind of.

Destination Wedding Diksha Basu
I don’t remember loads about this one, but I do remember it being fun and witty. I read it on vacation, and it triggered all my Indian wedding jealousies. I liked this one.

Djinn Patrol on the Purple Line Deepa Anappara
This was heartbreaking as it dives into the endemic problem of the multitudes of missing children in India along with the ever-present and ever-growing wealth disparity in India. A social commentary told with equal parts mysticism and realism. I just want to hug and save all the kids.

God Spare the Girls Kelsey McKinney
I hate how authentic this felt. Set in small town Texas, the pastor’s two daughters are faced with life-altering decisions when their father’s secrets are revealed. It’s a story about womanhood and sisterhood and finding one’s truest self in the face of patriarchal society.

Little Gods Meng Jin
The plot of this book is an absolute mystery to me even after googling it. I don’t remember anything about this other than it exists on my bookshelf, there are in fact notes in it, so all evidence points to I did read it. So that’s telling.

Men, Women & Children Chad Kultgen
Written by a Chad, strike one. Though, that might be why it was so cringingly realistic about the horrible way men talk about women and sex and how that affects those men’s sons vernacular, which all affects the women they supposedly love. I just remember hating the men in this one.

Native Son Richard Wight
Ooof! It’s a classic for a reason. It is a truly remarkable and gut wrenching story. Layered and nuanced, it’s one of those books that makes you think. There’s a reason it’s taught in curriculums: fantastic discussion piece.

So We Meet Again Suzanne Park
Typically, rom-com books don’t call to me, but every once in awhile, I’ll crack their spine. I love that it’s about two Asians just doing life and falling in love. There really does need to be more inclusion and representation in the books we publish and advertise.

The Heiress Molly Greeley
Who doesn’t love a weird Pride & Prejudice spin off. This is done fine. I remember not hating it. It was cute, but I wouldn’t call it a social critique to rival the original.

The Sinful Lives of Trophy Wives Kristin Miller
There’s murder and jealousy and mystery and wives in expensive clothing. That’s all I remember. I’m sure they figure out who done it at the end; I just don’t remember.

The Vegetarian Han Kang
Incredibly moving and well written. It also made my skin crawl during a great many moments. I loved it in the I didn’t like it at all kind of way. Beautifully written. Absolutely art. I hated the content, which is exactly the icky feeling it’s supposed to give off.

Transcendent Kingdom Yaa Gyasi
A bit disappointed by Gyasi’s second novel. She wrote one of my favorite books on her first try, and this one fell flat in comparison. A great book, but it’s hard to love when you know what the author is capable of creating.

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Books, NonFiction

Humanity of Horses in Sarah Maslin Nir’s Horse Crazy

April 25, 2023April 25, 2023 RaeAnna

Worth A Read Yes
Length 304
Quick Review An exploration of the constant search for love, meaning, and belonging so many people find in animals, but this is a tale of finding stories and horses in the most unusual places.

Horse kisses are almost as good as my dogs’ kisses.

I’m a wanna-be horse girl. I have loved horses forever but grew up around cows. In college, I dated a man who’s mom has horses. Her farm is still one of my favorite places in the world. 80% because of the horses. They make me happy, but then again, all animals do. Reading Horse Crazy was like diving into a completely different yet oh so similar life’s journey. I think animal people, in the way Sarah Maslin Nir is, will find pieces of themselves tucked away within these pages.

Nir writes a fascinating and engaging memoir. She grew up in New York City with the kind of privilege that allowed her to be a true horse girl, which would have provided the backdrop for an already interesting memoir. Growing up Jewish on the Upper East Side, she’s the daughter of a holocaust survivor father and a workaholic mother. She was an outsider in New York City because of her love for horses. She was an outsider within the equestrian community as a city girl. Even within her family, she was often left alone. Though she has three half brothers, they’re two decades older and barely claimed her as family. She sought out community and belonging but found horses to be the only beings to truly understand and accept her.

There is so much cool stuff in Horse Crazy. I legitimately learned a lot. Nir answers questions, I never even thought about. There are horses in New York City… Where do they live? Not only does she answer that question, she dives into the history of Black cowboys in the United States, brutalities of horse training, the rampant neglect and abuse that’s part of the horse life, and so many other things.

There’s such a humanness to Nir’s persistent struggle with feeling worthy within her family and the world. She found validation through horses. Even when people tore her down and made her feel less than while training, horses were always there for her. I get that. More days than not, I only find validation from my dogs. Animals, whether they be horses or dogs or cats or a pet tarantula, are so many people’s joy and unconditional love and even lifeline to continued existence.

Horse Crazy is well written, funny, relatable, and filled with amazing moments of humanity. I’d read it again.

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Buy on Amazon

Title: Horse Crazy; The Story of a Woman and a World in Love with an Animal
Author: Sarah Maslin Nir
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Copyright: 2020
ISBN: 9781982145484

Category: Books

Complexities of Being an Artist in We Play Ourselves

Lesbian Love, Affair of Poisons, and Abuse in The Disenchantment by Celia Bell

Dame Traveler by Nastasia Yakoub; Exploration of the Feminine Gaze

A Gay Little Reading List

A Stack of Novels I Read Once Upon A Time

Humanity of Horses in Sarah Maslin Nir’s Horse Crazy