Lifestyle

I’m Not In It For the Free Stuff… BUT!

For this week’s Tuesday Truth, I want to talk about the one thing that is really starting to get on my last nerve about being a blogger. 

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I started Bookish Liaisons as a hobby and a passion project. A place I could take all my thoughts and opinions about the books I read. It still is. It has definitely grown larger than my wildest dreams. It accidentally turned into a small job and business. This place of mine transformed from a book blog into a bookish lifestyle blog because I’m a nerd with a life!

I never, not once, started this to get free stuff. Actually, the first time someone sent me a free book, I was thrilled and mostly shocked. “I should have started doing this a long time ago,” went through my mind because free books! A bookworm’s dream. I do not search out free books, and I do not search out free stuff. Sometimes, I get things in exchange for an honest review. Always honest. I’m never going to sell out for loot. Or try and sell my followers on things I don’t genuinely believe in.

Complete honesty: I’m pretty proud of the following I have on Instagram. I love all my followers because they are joining in on this great journey of mine. I’m no Selena Gomez, but I’m doing just fine!

Due to the number of followers I have, I get a lot of offers from companies and people wanting to send me their products. I turn down most because I am very picky about what I associate with. I am only ever going to talk about, post, and promote things I believe in and would spend my own money on. The books I have received from publishers are fabulous, but I only say “yes” to the books I’m actually interested in reading. I have turned down a ton of books, even if they are free. No matter what, I still review with honesty. (The books I have hated the most have been books sent to me for free. Oh man, I roasted a couple.) I’m not going to put my integrity on the line for a free book. No way. If I upset a publisher, editor, or author because of that, so be it.

What is starting to get on my last nerve as a blogger: companies soliciting. I’m a blogger. I’m a blogger on a limited budget. I freelance for a living. I like to spend my money on three things: travel, my dog, and food. I’m a bargain shopper when it comes to books because I’m a bargain shopper with e.v.e.r.y.thing. I ABSOLUTELY HATE WHEN COMPANIES, AUTHORS, ANYONE REACHES OUT ASKING ME TO BUY THEIR PRODUCT AND REVIEW IT. I get. We all have to hustle. It’s the way of the world. If you really want me to review your book, candle, bookmark, product, whatever, then send me an email, ask if I’d be interested, and then send it to me for free. I will never ever ever ask anyone to send me something for free. If I want it I will buy it. I am not going to spend the little money I have on something I do not want, need, or am looking for.

I have been contacted so many times because people want me to buy, review, and promote their product. Being a blogger, creating content, writing posts, and promoting takes A LOT of time. If you can’t pay for my time to market your product as the influencer I am, then at least offer to send it to me for free. I always politely say “thanks, but no thanks.” Sometimes, they even ask if I could shout them out or repost their pictures on my feed directing my followers their way. NO. Unless I can product test, I am not going to promote it. Integrity people. So many of the people who have approached me this way had products I would have totally accepted. Not now. Ya gotta spend some to make some.

I’m nothing special; I have a respectable following. I am an influencer and a blogger. I absolutely love doing this. I hate that people don’t take the work, my time, or my followers seriously. I’m not in this for free stuff. I am also not in this to spend all of my money.

End of rant!

Lifestyle

Invest in Books and Friends

Happy Feminist Friday!

I think two of the most important things women can invest in are books and friendship. These two things have a lot in common. They’re both time consuming. They cost. Books cost money; friends can cost money (going out, gas, etc.). They are absolutely priceless!!!

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Books
Well, I obviously think these are one of the most important things anyone can invest in. Not like I’m a book blogger or anything…

Books for a really, really, really long time were inaccessible. They were expensive to make. Then the Gutenberg Press happened. Woohoo! Technology helped make the production of books simpler, faster, cheaper, which allowed more books into the world creating more authors and more readers. Before the Gutenberg Press, you had to be super rich or clergy to have books. The other big reason books were inaccessible for so long: literacy. The only way you learned to read was if you were – again – super rich or clergy. Rates of literacy began to rise after books became more accessible………..

I forgot to mention one teensy little thing. Previous paragraph is pretty much just about men. Women reading, yeah that, it’s a new thing. Women didn’t read. They weren’t taught. Education was a thing for men. Educated women? They existed… Very few and far between. That history is loooong.

Anyways, books are important. It’s still a fairly new phenomenon. There are still many places in this world where reading is rare, but I’m lucky to live in a place and a time where reading is easy and inexpensive!

Women should read because knowledge is power. Enough said.

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Friends
Friends are super important. Books are not my only friends. I wouldn’t say I have tons and tons of friends. I have several really close friends. I am beyond blessed to have each and every one of them.

Funny enough, books have lead me to several of my friendships.

My best friend and I met in the library at college. We both worked there. I was a senior; she was a freshman. It was her first day of college, and it was my last first day of college. I trained her. One thing lead to another, and she has never gotten rid of me since.

My blogger bestie, Maria, and I solidified our friendship over books and reading and the general accumulation and discussion of knowledge. We lived on the same dorm floor our freshman year in college – a handful of years ago, now. We met and hit it off pretty much immediately. I would love to say books were the catalyst, but it was a combination of books and fashion. We LOVE both. Fast forward a handful of years. We had fallen out of touch because life. We kept tabs, but hadn’t talked or seen each other in YEARS. Living on opposite sides of the country, we each entered the blogosphere within months of each other, literally two. She is a fashion/lifestyle blogger: Millennial Fashionista. I am a literary/lifestyle blogger. We support one another. We chat often. We share blogging woes and highs. Books brought us together many years ago, and books helped rekindle our friendship. Click here to see us in action on her page!

Friendship is such an important aspect in our lives as people and women. It’s important to have a support system. Friends provide a place to be our weird selves.

Books and Friends. My two favorite things!

 

Lifestyle

This Feminist Wears Heels

Happy Feminist Friday! I’ll write on this topic every so often because it’s important, and I read a lot of books with strong female characters and feminist undercurrents.

My feminism is intersectional and inclusive and all about equality. No one is better than anyone else. We all deserve the same rights and opportunities. I don’t care if you’re female, male, trans, gay, straight, bi, liberal, conservative, religious, non-religious, have similar beliefs, think I’m full of crap or everything in between. You all matter. You all deserve respect. You are all part of my rainbow, and you’re all beautiful. I have said it before. I will say it again. I will repeat it until I die. And I hope it’s something people remember about me.

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This feminist is a hard core feminist. I believe we should all live our lives however we want to live our lives. I will never push my beliefs on you, and I hope you give me the same. I will never judge a woman or man on how they lead their lives.

This feminist LOVES heels. I love dresses. I love… well I like makeup. I love clothes. I love looking nice. I love having long hair. I love having shaved legs. I love bows and pearls and lace. I love cooking. I love baking. I hate cleaning. I love taking care of those close to me. I love to sew and knit. Actually, I’ll probably take care of anyone crossing my path who needs it. I love kids. I love men. I love ballet. I love music. I love art.

I live a life that screams conservative to those who don’t know me well because I am attracted to very stereotypical female activities. I’m very liberal, but I feel comfortable in the choices I make. They make me happy. The thing is: I have the choice to enjoy the things I enjoy. I wasn’t forced into them. I’m not pressured into them. When I don’t want to cook, I order in. When I don’t want to bake, I don’t bake. When I don’t want to wear heels or makeup or a dress or whatever, I wear sweats and flip flops.

I have the privilege and ability and education to live my life the way I want to live it. Sure, I experience pressures to be a certain way, but I have the confidence to live my life my way. My way wears heels.

 

Lifestyle

Dear Black Women

Dear Black Women, 

Happy Black History Month!

I have a small yet growing following on social media. So I’m going to use that platform to talk about something all month long that is really, really important to me: you.

I am a feminist. I am a white woman. My feminism includes you. My feminism is inclusive.

Women have to deal with some real bullshit. There are some upsides, though. Having to deal with being treated like less, working harder to prove we’re equal, being observed as sexual playthings years before it’s appropriate, and more because there’s a lot bullshit. We’re humans. We deserve respect. We deserve to live our lives our way without fear or judgement or interference from people who have no idea who we are.

I’m white. Those are my experiences. I’m writing this to you because you have different experiences. You don’t have the privileges I do. You have to live life in a way I never will. You have to take precautions I never will. You have to deal with microaggressions and racism I never will. You have to deal with discrimination and harassment and sexuality in ways I never will.

I’m sorry you have to go through that. I wish it weren’t your reality.

Sadly, this world is nowhere near postracial. I love that people think since we had a black president *poof* racism, finito!  Those people died the moment Obama was elected because things are not ok. We – as a country, I didn’t – voted Darth Cheeto into office. Unfortunately, 53% of white women voted for that ass hat wearing mongoloid. (I hate using language like mongoloid but yikes, he’s deficient and it’s dated.) We live in a world where #blacklivesmatter is controversial. WHAT??? Ugh. (Just so we’re clear, I’m pro #blacklivesmatter.) We live in a world where black boys and men and women and children are dying because of the police. We live in a world where 1 out of 3 black males will be incarcerated at some point in their lives. We live in a world where black women wearing their hair natural is seen as a political statement. We live in a world where black women are angry and black men are dangerous. I think the only time I’ve ever heard a black woman yell in real life is at step competitions. Let’s just say, the only men I’ve seen with guns are white. This list can go on and on and on.

We all have biases. That can’t be avoided. I’m sure I have been insensitive. I hope if I am someone points it out to me, so I can learn from that experience. The thing is we can learn and do better and change and make this world fair for our children and our grandchildren. But it takes making an effort, learning, and communicating. We have to take ownership of the past and the present. (This is more of a white people issue.)

It’s sad that we have to have Black History Month. IT SHOULD BE DISCUSSED EVERYDAY!!! It’s important. Your history is my history because we’re people, we’re Americans. We need to recognize the faults we made and the faults we make. If it’s not part of the discussion how will we learn?

This month is an ode to you. Every day, I will post on social media about a fabulous black woman past or present. Narrowing it down to 28 is rough. Some may be famous, and some may be friends of mine. I think it’s important to recognize the accomplishments of women and especially black women because if we see excellence achieved by people similar to ourselves we know it’s possible. If we know it’s possible, we won’t just dream. We will act and be amazing ourselves breaking down gender walls and racial walls. Every success made by a woman and a black woman is a step forward for all of us no matter how small.

Women need to stand together. We have no chance if we don’t. Historically, white women have always benefited from the oppression of woc (women of color). Feminism has been historically white centric. When “women” were fighting to work, woc had been working for years because they didn’t have a choice. When “women” won the right to work, they depended on the low wages of woc to do the things around the house they were no longer doing because men didn’t pick up the slack. White women have benefited from the inequality.

Black women have been the leaders in change but never received any credit. A lot of the actions, ideas, and more that helped gain freedoms for white women originated in black communities… but no one cared until a white voice spoke it. A whole bunch of fashion, music, dance, etc trends over the past centuries, which have been popular in the US, have roots in black communities. Yay cultural appropriation… Totally fair and not at all offensive.

Dear Black Women. You are seen. You are important. You are spectacular. You matter. Your experiences are significant. Your voice should be heard. You are worthy. You are smart. You are funny. You are complex beings with layers upon layers of emotions, experiences, actions, dreams, and more. You deserve the best. You deserve the right to be yourself. (I hate telling women they’re beautiful because there are so many other things I can and should compliment them on, but I don’t think you hear it enough.) You are beautiful. You are a knockout just the way you are.

Love,

RaeAnna
Founder of Bookish Liaisons

P.S. I’m hoping white people read this, and learn something. We can always learn something. I have lots to learn.
P.P.S. To other nonblack women of color. You also matter!
P.P.P.S. Dear White People. If you find yourself angry: good. You obviously need an education. Also there are opinions in here that are my own. The facts I talk about are facts. They cannot be refuted. You may try; I will block you. I hope you learned.