In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Pride 2020

Making our own Pride Parade.
Getting these pictures was a feat.
We were full of Pride. | Dress | Tutus | Bow Ties | Shoes | Belt

Happy Pride Month! 

It hasn’t felt like Pride because of everything else going on in the world. BLM, protests, COVID, and more have been dominating the conversation, which is not a bad thing. I’m thrilled BLM is starting to pick up some serious steam and gaining mainstream attention. Black Lives DO Matter. 

The beautiful thing about Pride: it was founded in protest. It is a community of protest. The Pride community has not been up in arms about the lack of visibility this month. We’re fighting for lives. It is a fight the LGBTQIA+ community is all too familiar with. They have and continue to fight for their own lives. Trans lives continue to be questioned, negated, and criminalized. LGBTQIA+ children are still ostracized and renounced by their families. They are at higher risks of suicide, self harm, and violence. To be LGBTQIA+ is still seen as being “other” instead of “human.” The Pride community fights for visibility, legitimacy, rights, and more the same way BLM is. Being LGBTQIA+ does not discriminate based on gender or race or religion or socio-economic status. It is a rainbow community made up of everyone. 

Pride matters to me for the same reason Black lives matter to me and Trans lives matter to me and every other life matters to me. Human rights matter to me. I identify as a feminist, but in reality, I am a humanist. I practice intersectional feminism because the work will not be done until everyone has the same rights and recognition as everyone else. People are different. We’re not the same. Our stories and experiences are as varied as our identities. That’s what is beautiful about the world we live in: no one is me, and no one is you. 

I haven’t considered myself straight in years; I would call myself pansexual. I have always dated men, but if I were ever single again, I would date people based on who they are not their gender identity. My sexuality is nondiscriminating; I am more interested in the person than the parts they have. This is not my coming out. I’ve never felt the need to do it. Since my early twenties, I’ve been pretty aware and open about my sexual identity. When people call me straight, I disagree. I’m not straight even though that’s what I look like. I’m not hiding, but I’m not going to pretend I’m anywhere near Kinsey-Zero-Straight. Why I’ve never dated a woman: That’s a longer story. 

My life and any area I reside – whether it be my physical existence or my virtual one – will accept everyone no matter gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, socio-economic background, religion, and anything else I’ve forgotten. I will even accept differences of opinions, political backgrounds, and more. I do not accept hate, intolerance, ignorance, and lack of compassion or willingness to listen.

COVID has affected so much. It has definitely put a damper on Pride. In Houston, the Pride Parade was canceled, as I’m sure it was elsewhere too. I was really excited to go this year because I was going to load all my puppies up in a wagon with their Pride gear on. We’ll all be out there next year in our rainbow extravaganza. We need to work on leash training before that happens; luckily, I have a year. 

I believe in love. I believe in people. I will fight for everyone’s rights whether I belong to the group or not. I am an intersectional feminst, and every single person deserves to be seen, accepted, and affirmed for who they are. We must stand beside one another and fight for equality together, or nothing will change. Whether it be the BLM protests or a Pride parade or the Women’s March or really any other group fighting for their lives and their right to exist in peace, support in any way you can. Educate yourself. Stand up for others. March. Protest. Write. Sing. Talk. Volunteer. Vote. Show up. Open yourself up to new friendships and connections. Whatever works for you. 

Do not be complacent. Do not stay silent. Silence kills. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Books, NonFiction

The Stonewall Reader

Worth A Read Definitely
Length 336
Quick Review A moving and brilliant collection of stories from before, during, and after Stonewall. 

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The Stonewall Reader | White Jumpsuit | Striped Tote | Nude Heels | Pearl Bracelet | Sunglasses

I didn’t know much about the Stonewall riots before this month, but I have done some reading and researching to learn more about this event and others in American history. Today is the fiftieth anniversary of this monumental event. I love a good anthology, and The Stonewall Reader edited by The New York Public Library is inspiring. 

The Stonewall Inn was a gay nightclub in Greenwich Village in New York City. It was owned by the Mafia and was home to some of the most marginalized among the LGBTQIA community. It was a popular haunt for drag queens, transgender people, lesbians, gays, and everything in between. The Stonewall Riot started in the early morning on June 28, 1969 and lasted until July 1. It was not the first incident nor was it the last. Stonewall was a turning point in American history for LGBTQIA’s fight for rights. The Stonewall Reader strives to capture the spirit and emotions of the times and people leading up to, during, and following the Stonewall Riots. 

It’s hard to write reviews of anthologies because there are so many different writers, voices, opinions, and things to say. Looking at The Stonewall Reader in its entirety, it is wonderful. The book is a tapestry of opinions, feelings, insights, and vantage points. I absolutely loved reading it, and would highly suggest it to anyone wanting to know more about the Stonewall Riots, gay rights, or just American history. 

Memorable Quotes
“Lesbians were probably the only Black and white women in New York City in the fifties who were making any real attempt to communicate with each other…” Audre Lorde Zami: A New Spelling of My Name
“The money which I got in exchange for sex was a token indication of one-way desire: that I was wanted enough to be paid for, on my own terms.” John Rechy City of Night 

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Title: The Stonewall Reader
Edited: The New York Public Library
Publisher: Penguin Classics
Copyright: 2019
ISBN: 9780143133513

Books, Fiction

Paul Takes the Form of A Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor

Worth A Read Meh
Length 352
Quick Review Paul is young and queer in the 90s on a journey and shapeshifting along the way.

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Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor | Asos Romper | Straw Purse | Bow | Pearl Barrette | Belt | Sandals | Pearl Bracelets

Andrea Lawlor’s debut novel Paul Takes the Form of A Mortal Girl is quite the book. I’ve never read anything quite like it. It’s not my typical read. I didn’t love it, but I didn’t dislike it. It just made me uncomfortable. Not because of the queer coming of age story. It’s the sex. Not queer sex, I don’t care about that. I just don’t read books with sex in them because reading and watching sex makes me uncomfortable. This book has a lot of sex. The New Yorker calls it “Smut,” and I don’t disagree. The sex has a point to it. 

Paul is queer in 90s Iowa City working and going to school as a Women’s Studies major. Paul has a dyke best friend, bartends, and dates around. Paul is a shapeshifter and can be anything he wants on demand. Paul changes his body by shortening his hair to becoming a party girl and everything in between. The young man travels from Iowa to San Francisco encountering struggles and pleasures along the way. 

I may have been uncomfortable through the book, but it is very well written. Lawlor fills Paul Takes the Form of A Mortal Girl with insightful and quippy one liners from the first page. Paul may be a young man trying to find himself and his place in the world as a queer person, but I think most everyone can identify with Paul in one way or another. People of all ages, genders, and sexualities are on continual journey to find themselves. 

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Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor | Romper | Purse | Belt | Barrette | Bow  | Pearl Bracelets | Shoes

I also love that the book is partially set in Iowa City. Unknown fact, Iowa City is a UNESCO City of Literature. The city is home to the University of Iowa, and their internationally renowned MFA Writers’ Workshop. I grew up in Iowa and spent a lot of time in Iowa City during college. 

If you’re looking for an intellectually stimulating book which is also fun for the summer, I would highly suggest Paul Takes the Form of A Mortal Girl. It is not for the faint of heart because it is quite the emotional roller coaster. 

Memorable Quotes
“Paul was flattered Jane thought he could understand what she was saying, did understand some percentage of what she was saying, and was bored by having to think that hard.”

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Title: Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl
Author: Andrea Lawlor
Publisher: Vintage
Copyright: 2017
ISBN: 9780525566182

In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Pride 2019

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Rainbow Dress (So many compliments and linen!) | Heels | Belt | Purse | Hair Clip | Watch

The fact we have to have a month to bring awareness to any population of the world is shitty. I truly wish the world was a loving and accepting place full of kindness, but it isn’t. Which is why we have African American History Month in February, National Women’s History Month in March, Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month in May, National Hispanic-Latino Month in September, National American Indian (cringe) Heritage Month in November. This month of June is Pride Month to celebrate all our LGBTQIA+ brothers, sisters, and gender nonconforming family members. 

I was lucky enough to grow up in a family and church where sexual orientation and gender identity were nonissues. My parents wouldn’t have cared if I came home with a girlfriend. When I was young, the church I grew up in created a mission statement accepting and welcoming people of all identities as God’s children. Two places where seeds of hate and ignorance could have – and for so many are – sowed, I was given examples of acceptance and love. People are who they are. I have always believed and will continue to believe sexual orientation and gender identity are a part of who a person is and cannot be changed, though they are often far more fluid than people realize.

Pride month is important to me like all the other months celebrating the beautiful diversity of humanity. I have known out LGBTQIA+ people my entire life. (We all know them, we might not be aware, though.) I remember my parents explaining to me, at four or five, why our family friend brought another man instead of a woman to dinner. The conversation went pretty much like this: Mom/Dad, “Instead of falling in love with a girl, he fell in love with a boy.” My reaction was along the lines of “ok.” Totally scarred for life. Just kidding. I loved him, he loved a man. Cool. When I was 15 and a freshman in high school, my mother asked me if I was gay because I had no interest in boys. It wasn’t a big deal, but it was a question. I was not a lesbian then, and I’m not now. (Although, my sexual preferences are probably more fluid than I had thought possible at 15.) People I knew came out at all ages around me. In college, I knew a ton of gay, lesbian, and bi kids; there were even people transitioning. On the first day of class, one of my classmates introduced herself and said she was transitioning and would prefer to be addressed with the pronouns “she and her.” I went to a very liberal school, and everyone had a nonreaction of “cool.” She was a she, and no one cared or made a big deal about it. It wasn’t really until after graduating from college, when I ran into homophobia or transphobia along with a lot of other phobias based on rigid and outdated ideas of how people work. I knew they existed, but it seemed like it should be a thing of the Ozarks where there is a lack of teeth and running water. 

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Dress | Heels | Belt | Purse | Hair Clip | Watch

I’m all about Pride because everyone should support people embracing who they are. I’m also all about Pride because I have two gay cousins, who I love very much. I have friends who are LGBTQIA+, who I love very much. I want them to be able to inhabit the world with the same rights, protections, and abilities to be who they are and love who they love as their straight, cisgender neighbors without fear of violence or persecution. The world is changing; not nearly as fast as I would like. Marriage equality has been passed in my lifetime. It’s a huge step forward, but there are so many more to go. 

Falling anywhere on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum or not on it at all is fine by me. I don’t care either way as long as you are a good person. My opinions are my own, and I would never push my own opinions and feelings on other people. I may not know a great deal. I do believe acceptance, kindness, and respect should be given to all people because every person is deserving. 

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Rainbow Dress (literally the best) | Belt | Purse | Heels | Watch | Hair Clip |

Books, NonFiction

Transgender History by Susan Stryker

Worth a Read Yes
Length 320
Quick Review An overview of the transgender people’s history in the United States from about WWII to present day.

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Transgender History by Susan Stryker | Red Dress Dress | Straw Purse | Bracelets | Bow | Belt

 

I’m always hesitant about nonfiction books written by people who don’t personally understand what they are writing about, which is why I picked up Transgender History so enthusiastically. Susan Stryker is a scholar and a transsexual woman. The book is full of insight and history and emotional depth. At the root of this often politically charged topic are people. So often that fact is forgotten. Transgender PEOPLE live lives as full and complicated and emotional as anyone else.

It would be almost impossible to discuss trans* history and rights without having an understanding of key terms and phrases. Stryker takes 45 pages to define many important terms. This sounds super boring, but it was actually very interesting. Some terms are well known but many are not.

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Transgender History by Susan Stryker | Red Dress Dress | Belt | Purse | Bow | Bracelets

There is so much information packed into 320 pages. Some of the highlights are the discussions about riots throughout American history and their impact on society and culture. Notably Cooper D-Nuts, Dewey’s, and Compton’s were huge points when several factors came together to create change on some level. The inclusion of excerpts from articles, letters, testimonies, research, and books helps to capture the spirit of the time, provide information from other experts, and give personal stories.  

I had always wondered why I heard more about trans women than trans men. Transgender History gave me the answer. Trans men could often disappear into society living as they wanted to. Known as passing. Trans women did not share the same abilities and have been at a higher risk of violence. I also wondered where the unfortunate idea trans people are rapists came from. Sadly, that idea originated at a feminist convention with the trans woman Beth Elliott. As a feminist, this saddens me greatly. I still don’t understand why there are types of feminism which are exclusionary. (Mine is not.)

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Transgender History by Susan Stryker | Dress | Purse | Belt | Bracelets | Bow

Fun facts I didn’t know but should have:

  • Ames was one of a handful of American cities and counties with trans anti-discrimination protections in 2016. Ames is my home town; so proud!
  • The DSM didn’t depathologize transgender people until the DSM V in 2013
  • HIV is common in poverty stricken trans communities because of sharing hormone needles.  

So many notable trans people are mentioned throughout the pages. Sarah McBride, author of Tomorrow Will Be Different,  is mentioned as the first trans person to speak at a televised national convention. Reed Erickson, a transgender male, did so much to further research and science for trans people.  

Transgender History is misunderstood if it’s understood at all. There is so much I didn’t know and still don’t know. Stryker does an amazing job educating the reader without making them feel guilty or uneducated. If you are interested in learning about a deeply oppressed community, I highly suggest reading this book.

Memorable Quotes
“When people struggling against an injustice have no hope that anything will ever change, they use their strength to survive; when they think that their actions matter, that same strength becomes a force for positive change.”

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Title: Transgender History: The Roots of Today’s Revolution
Author: Susan Stryker
Publisher: Seal Press (Hachette Book Group)
Copyright: 2017
ISBN: 9781580056908

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Transgender History | Dress | Belt | Purse | Bow

Books, NonFiction

Tomorrow Will Be Different by Sarah McBride

Worth a Read Most Definitely
Length 304
Quick Review Sarah McBride is a transgender woman active in politics living her life to the fullest. I was in happy and sad tears the whole book!

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Tomorrow Will Be Better by Sarah McBride looking over the National Mall in D.C.

I believe change happens when people are moved by people’s stories. There is power in a story. Sarah McBride opens up in Tomorrow Will Be Better about her story as a trans woman, a person, a wife, and an advocate. People are more than one adjective; they’re many. Sarah is more than a trans woman. She is a woman with a beautiful, uplifting, and heartbreaking story. If you read this without being moved you’re a gargoyle. I was in happy/sad tears the entire book.

The book starts with a forward by Joe Biden, which is very touching.

Sarah McBride grew up in Delaware and is a “stateriot.” I just love that term because I feel a little bit like a stateriot for my home state: Iowa. She fell in love with politics at a young age and worked on the governor’s campaign before graduating high school. In college at American University, she won student president. Before her senior year of college, she came out to her campus as transgendered. The university embraced her for who she really is. To officially mark the birth of Sarah, she threw a party asking everyone to bring things to fill her brand new closet. (This is such a smart idea! A complete wardrobe change is expensive. Especially as a woman.) After college, she stayed in Washington D.C. working for trans and human rights. She fell in love with the man who would become her husband. Tomorrow Will Be Better is an apt title for a book full of hardship dripping in hope.

The book focuses on two major parts of Sarah’s life. The fight for trans rights in Delaware and her journey with her husband, Andrew.

 

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Tomorrow Will Be Better by Sarah McBride | Dress | Heels | Hair Clips |

Sarah fought and helped pass the marriage equality bill in Delaware. In an unprecedented move a bill to include and protect trans people was passed a month after the marriage equality bill. Sarah was an integral part of passing that bill and bringing other trans people to Delaware’s Congress so their voices could be heard. I remember hearing about this in the news, and it was moving then.

Sarah and Andrew fell in love during her senior year at AU after meeting at a White House dinner. They dated for a year, when they found out Andrew had cancer. Sarah stood by and helped him through the journey. It is a heartbreaking story proving the power of love.

More than anything, I appreciated Sarah’s honesty and her voice in Tomorrow Will Be Better. Being a white, trans woman is a unique perspective. She went from being perceived as a white man with all the privileges that implies to living as her true self, a woman. The experience was incredibly jarring, “I never realized just how disempowering, unsafe, and unsettling it would feel to have a stranger assume they were entitled to comment on my appearance or my body.” The implications of being a woman in the world and being a trans woman in the world are complicated and ultimately dangerous. Transphobia combined with toxic masculinity are dangerous.

Trans rights are incredibly misunderstood if they’re understood at all. For the people who do accept people for who they are, it can come as a surprise the absolute lack of right trans people have. For the people who don’t accept them, it’s (hopefully) from a lack of education. Sarah explains the hurdles trans people face and how it compounds when they are not accepted, a minority, in poverty, etc. Sarah explains so many aspects of the trans experience without anger or judgement. She is patient and kind with a general attitude and hope that Tomorrow Will Be Better. She touches on privilege, names, documentation, medical awareness, and so much more.

This is an incredible story. Sarah McBride is an inspiration. I highly recommend the beautiful memoir, Tomorrow Will Be Better, to anyone who wants to learn, feel, and strive for hope.

Memorable Quotes
“”If we cannot change our college, then how can we expect to change our country.””
“There is a unique kind of pain in being unseen.”
“Somehow society manages to treat women like both a delicate infant and a sexualized idol in the same moment.”
“I felt a moral responsibility to use that privilege and those relationships to subvert the power of prejudice.”
“For many of us [trans people], though, we are reluctant to give out that information because it often becomes weaponized against us, invoked instead of our chosen name to ignore and deny our gender identity.”

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Title: Tomorrow Will Be Better
Author: Sarah McBride
Publisher: Three Rivers Press (Penguin Random House)
Copyright: 2018
ISBN: 9781524761486