Kindness – …on the B.L.

The Black Book is one of the most moving and heartbreaking books I have ever read.

I am not the first person to come up with a list of ways to be a better antiracist, and I won’t be the last. You should look up others because I’m sure they are better. Obviously, this is a list of things you can do written by a white lady with a lot of white privilege who is on her own imperfect and perpetual journey to be a better antiracist.

This post is titled “… Better Antiracist” because hopefully you’re already on your antiracist journey. If you are not, WELCOME! Now is the perfect time to start your journey.

READ. There are so many wonderful books, articles, stories, etc. written by Black writers, educators, activists, etc. who have made it their life’s work to educate. You will learn so much from them. Also buying and reading their books supports them and their work. It tells publishers and academia to be more inclusive, to publish more Black authors, to support the Black community. All you have to do is scroll through my book reviews to find some really great books. Or just google it. (Google is a great resource, use it.)
EVALUATE YOURSELF. The hardest thing to do is admit fault or complicitness. We’re all racist. It’s ingrained in society. That doesn’t make it okay. When you have feelings or apprehension, ask yourself why. Evaluate what you do, your feelings, your thoughts, where you live, what you read, what you watch, everything. It takes time and effort. Being self-aware is hard, but it makes us better people. The more good people in the world fighting for equality and justice, the better the world will be. Be a part of the change, and that change starts within.
DIVERSIFY YOUR FEED. More than likely, you found me through social media. Social media is amazing. I love how it connects the world. It is also a way to maintain our safe bubbles. If you only follow people who look and think the way you look and think, you’re not challenging yourself to be better. How many BIPOC people do you follow? Seriously, go take a look. I had this realization a few years ago after reading a book (see point 1), and the first thing I did was go and follow writers, bloggers, actors, people of color. It’s important. And so easy.
DIVERSIFY YOUR LIFE. How many people of color are you friends with? This is harder to change because it takes more of a conscious effort, and a lot of times. It might even mean going pretty far out of our comfort zone. If you don’t have any friends of color, why? I grew up in a diverse city in Iowa – I know, it sounds like an oxymoron. I had access to immigrants, people of color, different religions, diverse cultures. I had access to be friends with people of all kinds, and I was. I have friends of all colors. I’m not friends with them because they have a different hue than me. I’m friends with them because I love them as humans, and I know I do because I didn’t let their skin color hold me back from getting to know them.
SUPPORT BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES. Take five minutes, google “black owned businesses in ____” and insert your area. You will find a ton of references. Whether it’s trying a new restaurant or shopping at a new boutique, when you support black owned businesses, you’re supporting the people. It’s harder for a Black person to get a bank loan to open that business. When we support them and they thrive, you’re telling banks to invest in those businesses. Money talks, so let yours.
FUCKING LISTEN. This could alternatively be titled SHUT THE FUCK UP. If you’re white, shut your mouth. So often the floor is ceded to us because of our paleness. Our opinions and experiences are treated as more important than those held by less pale people, which is stupid. As a woman, I’ve had to fight to speak and be heard. It can be hard to not talk when given the opportunity because I’m silenced often. It is so important to let people tell their own story and share their own experience. We need to not take up space that should have never been ours to begin with. We have colonized so much of the world, we need to stop colonizing time.
DON’T APPROPRIATE. At this point in time, I shouldn’t have to say it, but I do. Don’t appropriate. It’s wrong. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google “cultural appropriation.”
SHARE. It’s really important to share the work, opinions, and experiences of BIPOC. And I mean this in a very works cited kind of way and not an opposite to #6 or #7 kind of way. If there is an artist you love, share! If there’s a writer you love, share! A blogger you’re low-key stalking their life, share! If you love it, other people will too. Everyone loves being loved, so share the love.
STOP STEREOTYPING BASED ON RACE. I hate this so much. Black people… are not anything. They are people. They are as diverse, multifaceted, interesting, and all the other things humans are as every other “race”. Stereotypes are stupid and should stop. Do not be that person who says things like, “Black people are bad tippers.” I heard that when I bartended. You know why Black people were tipping that person poorly? Because that person was serving them poorly based on a dumb-ass stereotype. That person didn’t deserve a good tip because they were serving like shit. If you start a sentence with “Black people…” it should end with “… are victims of systemic racism.” That is the option.
ASK TO BE CALLED OUT. I tell all my friends to, “call me out if I say something offensive, hurtful, inaccurate, uneducated, whatever.” No matter what or who they are. I want to be the best person I can be, and I can only be that person by being accountable. I want and hope all my friends will hold me responsible and call me out if I say some shit. I don’t want to be the person who hurts anyone, and I can’t know something until I know something. I surround myself with smart, amazing, vibrant people, and they have access to all sorts of information I have yet to access. When we open ourselves up to being responsible for hurting others or making them feel small or perpetuating horrible things, we allow ourselves to have innumerable teaching moments. When I open myself to the fact I can and will make mistakes, I’m less defensive, hurt, contradictory when I am called out. To create change, I have to be open to being the change, and I can’t be the change if I think I’m omniscient and all-kind. There is power in the vulnerability of allowing myself to be wrong. It is a kindness to others because I give them the space to feel their feelings knowing I will listen and accept responsibility in my role of shitty person. It enables open dialogue and deeper human connection. (You can also be the person to call out your friends and family in a kind but firmly don’t-be-a-racist-dick-noodle way.)
DON’T BE THE PERSON WHO CONFINES THEIR DATING LIFE TO YOUR OWN RACE. This is very specific. It bothers me when people say they’re not attracted to Black men/women or any other race. Sexuality is weird, I get it. If you’re not attracted to Black men, you don’t have eyes (but if you don’t have eyes, color doesn’t exist to you in the same way it does to seeing people). If you’re not attracted to Black men, you’ve never seen: Taye Diggs, Idris Elba, Daniel Kaluuya, Barack Obama, Michael B. Jordan, Chadwick Boseman, Anthony Mackie, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Jessie (the Director of Security at my building in Chicago, and the only regret I have in life: not asking him out). If you’re not attracted to Black women, you’ve never seen Michelle Obama (they are an attractive couple), Iman, Kerry Washington, Halle Berry, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Beyoncé, Gabrielle Union, Kamala Harris, Tiffany Hadish, and more. I find them all unbelievably attractive. Science would also agree with me because they’re very symmetrical. I can honestly name more attractive people of color than I can name white people. Just date people, don’t limit yourself.

Don’t limit yourself. That should be number one on the list. Being racist means limiting yourself. The world is not white. It would be so boring if it were. It is gloriously colorful. Soak up the world for everything it is, the good and the bad. Where there is bad, there is room for growth. Where there is good, there is room for better. Let’s be better citizens of the world and neighbors to our Black brothers and sisters (and BIPOC in general), who deserve to live in this beautifully colorful world with the same rights and peace as white men. I would say me, but the feminist in me says there is room to reach.

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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The fact we have to have a month to bring awareness to any population of the world is shitty. I truly wish the world was a loving and accepting place full of kindness, but it isn’t. Which is why we have African American History Month in February, National Women’s History Month in March, Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month in May, National Hispanic-Latino Month in September, National American Indian (cringe) Heritage Month in November. This month of June is Pride Month to celebrate all our LGBTQIA+ brothers, sisters, and gender nonconforming family members.

I was lucky enough to grow up in a family and church where sexual orientation and gender identity were nonissues. My parents wouldn’t have cared if I came home with a girlfriend. When I was young, the church I grew up in created a mission statement accepting and welcoming people of all identities as God’s children. Two places where seeds of hate and ignorance could have – and for so many are – sowed, I was given examples of acceptance and love. People are who they are. I have always believed and will continue to believe sexual orientation and gender identity are a part of who a person is and cannot be changed, though they are often far more fluid than people realize.

Pride month is important to me like all the other months celebrating the beautiful diversity of humanity. I have known out LGBTQIA+ people my entire life. (We all know them, we might not be aware, though.) I remember my parents explaining to me, at four or five, why our family friend brought another man instead of a woman to dinner. The conversation went pretty much like this: Mom/Dad, “Instead of falling in love with a girl, he fell in love with a boy.” My reaction was along the lines of “ok.” Totally scarred for life. Just kidding. I loved him, he loved a man. Cool. When I was 15 and a freshman in high school, my mother asked me if I was gay because I had no interest in boys. It wasn’t a big deal, but it was a question. I was not a lesbian then, and I’m not now. (Although, my sexual preferences are probably more fluid than I had thought possible at 15.) People I knew came out at all ages around me. In college, I knew a ton of gay, lesbian, and bi kids; there were even people transitioning. On the first day of class, one of my classmates introduced herself and said she was transitioning and would prefer to be addressed with the pronouns “she and her.” I went to a very liberal school, and everyone had a nonreaction of “cool.” She was a she, and no one cared or made a big deal about it. It wasn’t really until after graduating from college, when I ran into homophobia or transphobia along with a lot of other phobias based on rigid and outdated ideas of how people work. I knew they existed, but it seemed like it should be a thing of the Ozarks where there is a lack of teeth and running water.

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I’m all about Pride because everyone should support people embracing who they are. I’m also all about Pride because I have two gay cousins, who I love very much. I have friends who are LGBTQIA+, who I love very much. I want them to be able to inhabit the world with the same rights, protections, and abilities to be who they are and love who they love as their straight, cisgender neighbors without fear of violence or persecution. The world is changing; not nearly as fast as I would like. Marriage equality has been passed in my lifetime. It’s a huge step forward, but there are so many more to go.

Falling anywhere on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum or not on it at all is fine by me. I don’t care either way as long as you are a good person. My opinions are my own, and I would never push my own opinions and feelings on other people. I may not know a great deal. I do believe acceptance, kindness, and respect should be given to all people because every person is deserving.

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Tag: Kindness

11… Ways to Be a Better Antiracist

Pride 2019