11..., Lifestyle

11… Disappointing Things I Have Shoved In My Mouth

Bad Banana Bread is up there in disappointment factor. | Sweater | Sports Bra | Yoga Shorts | Glasses |

I’m sure Freud has something to say about that title. 

When we’re children, we stick everything in our mouths because that’s one way we learn. It’s also evolution’s way of weeding out the real dummies. Kidding. As adults, we are more fastidious about what we shove into our mouths. But there’s really only one way to know if you’ll like it or not: open up and let your tongue decide. 

  1. Bland Indian Food This deserves to be number one for a reason!!! (The rest are not in numerical order, but this one is.) Bland should never be an adjective for Indian food. They just don’t go together. But I have had bland Indian food, and it was the most disappointing thing I’ve ever experienced. It hurt my soul and sent me to Yelp, which never happens. Zero stars. Go somewhere else. 
  2. Bad Banana Bread Is there anything worse? Absolutely, but this is disappointing. Dry banana bread is the most disappointing, but I made bad banana bread a couple weeks ago. (Pictured) It was totally done on the outside yet pudding-like on the inside. Why? Because I ran out of regular flour and used whole wheat flour to finish it off. Nope. Doesn’t work. Don’t do it. DISAPPOINTING.
  3.  “World’s Best [anything]” It’s not. They just put it on the sign to make you stop and steal your money with their disappointing world’s not best whatever. 
  4. This One Dude in College I’ll keep it at: disappointment. Wherever your mind wandered, subtract all of the inches and it’s still more than what it was. 
  5. Anything Chocolate Chip When You’re Expecting Blueberry I’m weird. I don’t like chocolate chip muffins or cookies or really anything. It’s such a disappointment when it turns out to be chocolate instead of blueberry, which I don’t love, but give me a free muffin, I will take it.
  6. Post Five Second Rule In my house, if it hits the floor, it’s the dogs’. There is too much puppy glitter – aka dog hair – for me to put anything in my mouth once it hits the ground. I found this out the hard way. Water only does so much.
  7. Dog Treats That Look Like Human Cookies I love giving my dog pretty treats. They deserve nice things too. But when I grab a cookie out of a jar, I want it to be a human cookie. Label that shit!
  8. Tea Bags I mean tea bags with tea in them not the other thing that dudes do [Although, that’s pretty disappointing to have in your mouth too. Balls!]. Once you’ve gotten used to that high roller life of loose leaf tea, tea bags are just not so good. 
  9. Cilantro Everything There’s a genetic component in this one, which doesn’t apply to me. Cilantro doesn’t taste like soap to me; I just don’t love it. I don’t hate it, but it is a continual let down because it’s never as good as people say it is. 
  10. Folgers My high school AP U.S. History teacher (Mr. Mooney was the best) referred to this as the F word. He’d rather hear “fuck” than “Folgers” in his classroom; neither were encouraged. It’s not the best part of waking up. Don’t lie to me like that Folgers. 
  11. Real Milk When You Ordered Almond Milk This is disappointing because it tastes so good and you realize it tastes so good because the barista did it wrong and gave you the thing you can’t have instead of the less good thing you can have, and it’s the worst because you think, “Man, they have some bomb almond milk” only to realize “Nope, almond milk still tastes like almond milk, and this is good because fat.”

bisous und объятий,
RaeAnna 

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11..., Lifestyle

11… Reasons I Starbucks

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Who doesn’t love a red Starbucks cup??? | Here Comes Santa Claus shirt | Norwegian Pattern Pants | Christmas Tree | Red Blanket |

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Even Beau wants in on the action!!! | Santa Claus shirt | Norwegian Pattern Pants | Christmas Tree | Red Blanket |

Sometimes I’m real basic. I like to support local coffee shops as much as possible, but you know, Starbucks calls. And it’s hard to pass up a photo opportunity with their cute Christmas/holiday cups!

  1. My best friend, Alex, worked at Starbucks in college. He would always wake me up in the morning with a caramel apple spice or something else delicious he made up for me. It’s hard not to love free! When I miss him, I still head to Starbucks for a caramel apple spice.
  2. They are everywhere, and you always know what you’re getting. As a traveler, Starbucks is nice because it feels familiar on the other side of the world or in an airport.
  3. Rewards programs get me every time. Alex made me get a reward program almost nine years ago. I’ve been a gold member every since. I get tons of free coffee, and now that they updated the program, I can buy merchandise with my stars!!! (My wallet was stolen four years ago, and I’m still pissed my gold card was stolen. So much ANGER.)
  4. I have one 137 steps from my front door. A gate opens up from my apartment complex into a Starbucks parking lot. Convenience is sometimes key. It’s hard to compete with a minute away. I’m doing a service to the earth by not using gas, bringing my own cup, and taking my dog for a walk.
  5. Puppuccinos are Beau’s favorite thing. She will get mad and sassy if I come home with a Starbucks cup or a green straw and no puppuccino for her. Yes she can tell the difference. I have checked.
  6. I like being able to scan my phone and pay with the app. It’s convenient. I can grab a coffee while out on a walk with Beau even though I leave my wallet. I’m responsible, so this never happens, except all the time. 
  7. I can send Starbucks gift cards to my best friend as a treat, when she has something to celebrate, or she’s having a lousy day through the app. It’s easy to make a small gesture. Or for a last minute birthday/Christmas/whatever present if you forget.
  8. They treat their employees well. Alex loved his time at Starbucks, and we’re still friends with lots of his coworkers. Some still work there because it’s a good job. I like supporting businesses which treat their employees well.
  9. Christmas cups are selling point for me. I love the holiday season. I’m not religious, but Christmas is my jam. They get behind it with their red cups and holiday merchandise. Yay!!!
  10. No matter where you are in the world, you know what you’re going to get. Starbucks makes sure everything is cohesive. A vanilla latte will taste the same in Iowa as it does in London or Munich. I know because I have product tested in those locations.
  11. They’re nice. Starbucks takes customer experience seriously. I have met some of the nicest people behind their counters. No snarky baristas there. Or if they’re snarky, it’s because they’re being funny and playing off my snarkiness.

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

I’m also including a bunch of Christmas pajamas that I love and wear
this time of year… and all year round because I’m weird.
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Books, NonFiction

The Little Book of Lost Words by Joe Gillard

Worth A Read Absolutely
Length 192
Quick Review A compilation of words from ye olden days that should be brought back forthwith. 

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Reading The Little Book of Lost Words by Joe Gillard in New Orleans, Louisiana | Sweater | Jumper | Boots | Tights | Socks | Watch

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The Little Book of Lost Words by Joe Gillard in the French Quarter of New Orleans, Louisiana

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Reading The Little Book of Lost Words by Joe Gillard in New Orleans, Louisiana | Sweater | Jumper | Boots | Tights | Socks | Watch

I love words. I should; I’m a writer and a linguist. My job is literally words, words, and words. This book lives up to its name The Little Book of Lost Words. At less than 200 pages, there are 88 old yet oddly modern words. Joe Gillard chose 88 words from across time and languages – but mostly English – to include in this amalgam of linguistic precision. 

Words are fascinating. So many included sound familiar or similar to modern terms because of the way language evolves over time to suit the needs of people. These words are oddly specific, but many could have a place in modern usage: fabulosity or doundrins, for example. 

The Little Book of Lost Words is a short and sweet book to read, but would make the perfect coffee table book. With one word per two pages, it is easy to peruse. The word is given with its origination and date of usage. A phonetic pronunciation is included, followed by the word used in a sentence. The sentences are usually comical and always modern. Gillard probably has an obsession with cats, or grimalkins, because he brings them up repeatedly and uses them in example sentences. Each word is illustrated by classical artwork, which drives home the humor of language and historicals need for certain words. 

I read so much old literature. I even found I found a few words I really do use in real life… If you have a love of old literature or a familiarity, almost all of these words will not come as a surprise because they were actually used. 

Memorable Quotes
“There are very few treasures that we can dig out of the ground, dust off, and put into use as if they were brand new. Words, of course, are an exception.”
“It’s hard to define exactly why we love these dusty, musty archaic words.”
“Practicality may chip away at our language, but the magic of the lost words in this book ought not to be forgotten.”

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Title: The Little Book of Lost Words
Author: Joe Gillard
Publisher: Ten Speed Press
Copyright: 2019
ISBN: 9780399582677

Books, NonFiction

How to Date Men When You Hate Men by Blythe Roberson

Worth a Read Yes
Length 272
Quick Review A humorously philosophical look into dating while being a cognizant human in this weird-ass century by a befuddled, professional twenty-something lady, who doesn’t hate men.  

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Stay away from me crazy man!

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Dating is awkward like this picture. | How to Date Men When You Hate Men by Blythe Roberson | Skirt Set | Headband |

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Kidding! We like each other 96% of the time. 

Dating, love, and relationships are weird. I think it’s always been weird, but it’s only getting weirder with technology and awareness about gender equality and all that jazz. Love has always been a topic of discussion, a point of ponderance, and the source of much pain and misery for as long as the written word has existed. Men and their thoughts have always been taken seriously. Women are still working towards that, but that didn’t stop Blythe Roberson from writing her own book on the topic. When I have a bunch of money, I will be handing out How to Date Men When You Hate Men to all my single lady friends. 

I may not completely understand or agree with all everything Blythe Roberson writes about the dating world, but that’s because we’re different ladies with different lives and different men have crossed our paths. She and I do say a lot of the same things like “53% of white women voted for Trump.” She is far better versed in pop culture references than I am, but I do love her inclusion of science, comedy, and literary references. She also mentions one of my favorite quotes by Edith Wharton in The Age of Innocence “Each time you happen to me all over again.” Bonus points.   

How to Date Men When You Hate Men has a few minor grammar errors, but they are easily overlooked. Roberson is completely open about romantic misunderstandings and how dating and men are hard. Because life and love is hard. It doesn’t get easier the older you are, but Roberson manages it with a sense of humor.

Roberson has this amazing writing style. There are moments of great depth followed by a cutting wit and silly observations. She’s smart without being pretentious and incredibly comfortable in her own brand of weird, “But there is something gratifying about being a social catastrophe.” She has long winded sentences akin to streams of consciousness bathed in humor peppered with personal anecdotes and side thoughts marked by parentheses. She writes like the 27 year old woman she is as if she’s pulling a friend into a fun conversation. How to Date Men When You Hate Men is honest, vulnerable, strong, funny, and insightful. 

I love the honesty Roberson has with her crushes, emotions, and obsessions. Although, she may have an unhealthy obsession with Timothee Chalamet… Then again, I have an unhealthy obsession with Scotland, bagpipe music, and men in kilts. So, who am I to judge. 

If dating is hard for you, read this. It won’t help you at all, but you will find a soul sister and a good many laughs between the covers of How to Date Men When You Hate Men. Even if dating isn’t hard for you or you’re happily hitched or you’re not interested in men, there are a lot of modern day funnies. 

Memorable Quotes
“though I adore men as individuals, I believe that as a group they’re systemically oppressing women.”
“It’s like trying to kiss your sweet crush while a cement mixer operated by Woody Allen is dumping raccoons on you.”

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Title: How to Date Men When You Hate Men
Author: Blythe Roberson
Publisher: Flatiron Books
Copyright: 2018
ISBN: 978125019421

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How to Date Men When You Hate Men | Skirt Set | Headband |

Blog + Dog, Travel, Travel Guides

How to Road Trip

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God, my car needs washed. Yuck.

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Isn’t she the cutest being in the entirety of all the universes???

Fly.

Just kidding.

Get a driver. 

Preferably one with a license and opposable. 

I’m kidding. Kind of. I love(ish) driving. I might be getting tired of road trips. Ergo, the driver comment. Twenty hours, give or take, in the car a couple times a month is a little bit like dying slowly alone in a box on wheels. That’s hyperbole. It’s like running a marathon; except, I’ve never run a marathon, so that is also a guess. It’s kind of terrible. I, also, am kind of addicted. Obviously. Expensive but still cheaper than heroine, I’m told. 

The first twelve hours feel like a bad TV marathon, but you’re too lazy to get up and change the channel back when the dial was on the TV. The next five hours are when you hit the too-delirious-to-give-a-shit phase. This is the money zone. I love that zone. It’s when my voice is the right amount of shitty and perfect for belting out all the songs I should never try to begin with. The last hour or three are the worst because I’m sooooo close but still 183.29 miles to go. That’s the math phase. If I were to go over the speed limit – I never do, for realsies, ask my best friends – I could make it there in two hours if I manage to average 98.5 miles per hour. Again this is fantasy because I’ve been in the car for 18 hours, and I’m ready to offer myself to my ancestors by way of seppuku to get out of this damn aluminum transportation device. 

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Peace out North Carolina! Actually, this was taken in Galveston, Texas. Shhh….

I like road tripping because I can take my dog. Beau doesn’t fly. I’m too poor and she’s too dog to fly. It’s also convenient to have a car at my end destination. I hate relying on people. Unless, it’s my best friends forever and always til the Big Crunch because where would I go without them anyways? It tends to be cheaper than flying but not always. I can bring as much ridiculous crap as I want without having to pay for checked bags. Who knows! I might need those seven pairs of shoes, a ballgown, all of my makeup, 26 books, and a yoga mat – I don’t do yoga, but I could be inspired on this latest adventure. You just don’t know!!! AND the apocalypse might happen or a house fire or I can’t stand the people I’m visiting all of a sudden out of the blue, and I don’t want to sleep on the sidewalk or a bench beating people away with a stick from stealing my stuff, so I bring my car because I can sleep in it push comes to shove. 

Any who… I’m leaving North Carolina this evening on the next leg of my road trip extravaganza. Let me know if you want a recording of the singing happening between hours fourteen and sixteen tonight. 

bisous,
Your Tired Blogger Friend

Books

Food; A Love Story

Read Yes
Length 340
Quick Review A hilarious memoir through the lens of a man in love… with food. Gaffigan goes to great lengths to describe the depths of his feelings.

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I have been a Jim Gaffigan fan for a while. I, however, had not committed to reading his book. Granted, I knew it couldn’t possibly take me terribly long to finish… He isn’t exactly setting himself up to be the next Chaucer.

I finished the book in a grand total of two sittings. It ended up being two because he made me hungry, so I had to go take a food break. This can’t be too shocking, but we both rather enjoy food immensely. After reading his book, I think we could be friends bonding over our love of food and our loving-hatred of our shared Midwestern roots. (We can make fun of the Midwest because we grew up there, you can’t; unless, you’re one of us.)

Gaffigan is relentlessly funny and opinionated. Through his book it is easy to tell the two great loves of his life: his food and his family – which is number one and two I am not sure, though. If you’re familiar with his comedy, you will hear his voice ringing loud and clear through the book. Not that I’m a stalker, but it feels like he is speaking to you. His humor transcends the written word.

I highly enjoyed his innovative map of the United States, or as it will come to be known as “The Jim Gaffigan Food Map.” I particularly identified with his chapter on Seabugland. Have I mentioned, we should be friends.

Nothing that I’m about to say will surprise his fans. He has an affinity for making up conversations, which are equally hilarious and probably better than the truth. From now on, I will be citing these conversations as answers to my friends’ questions as often as possible. I found his use of repetition a bit well… repetitive, but that is his style, and he writes the way he speaks. Though it works in stand up, it is a bit much for a book.

All in all, if you are a lover of food or comedy or both or you have a pulse, you should read his book.

Memorable Quotes
“Anyway, I’m overweight.”
“I for one can think of a thousand thing that taste better than thin.”
“I was from Indiana, which tho many is considered the trailer park of the Midwest”
“I like to think coffee comes from beans; therefore, it’s a vegetable.”
“My heart with all its clogged arteries belongs to bratwurst.”
“There is something profoundly sad about eating cake while you are alone.”

Title: Food; A Love Story
Author: Jim Gaffigan
Publisher: Three Rivers Press (Crown Publishing Group)
Copyright: 2014
ISBN: 9780804140430