11..., Lifestyle

11… Fun Facts I Know and Love to Share

I am a huge fan of knowledge. It’s really the reason I love to read. I want to know everything about anything. As a kid, I’m pretty sure I took “knowledge is power” literally, and I’m not sure I ever stopped. Knowing things makes me feel more secure in the world; I don’t mind not knowing things or the absence of knowledge. 

Me trying my super hardest to soak up all the knowledge.

The invention of the internet then high-speed internet then smartphones has made my pursuit of knowledge so much easier. If I don’t know something, I pull out my phone and do a quick Google search. Some of the things I learn stick for good, others may not. I grew up in the era before home computers were everywhere. Hell, I grew up when cell phones were a luxury. If I wanted to know something, I had to open a book or a dictionary. Now, my home had a dictionary and an encyclopedia, but those only do so much. So I kept a notebook with a list of things I wanted to know, and when we would take our frequent trips to the library, I would find the answers to my questions. 

Instant gratification did not exist as a child on my search for knowledge; however, it does now. And I take full advantage of Google. My search history is diverse and sometimes a bit frenetic. “David Bowie’s birthday” may be followed by “who founded quantum physics” followed by “what gun did Billy the Kid use.” Why oh why do I need to know these things? Frankly, I don’t. But I want to. I like finding answers to my questions. I like collecting information. I like being the person who is full of random facts. 

I have been called a know-it-all. I used to say “Well, actually” with my pointer finger extended. Then I realized that’s incredibly off putting. So I replaced “well, actually” with “fun fact!” and jazz hands because I have to gesticulate when I speak. Sometimes I don’t even realize I know something about a topic until someone says something, and I realize I have a factoid to add to their statement… Or correct their statement to make it factually correct.

When people find out I’m a knowledge nerd, a perpetual learner, an eternal student, a seeker of truth, they often want to know some fun facts. I realized it’s rather difficult to come up with fun facts on the spot when not prompted by conversation or information. So I compiled a handful of fun facts that I can spout at a moment’s notice. Some of these are fun facts and others are just facts that I like to tell people are fun because knowledge is cool, and no one can tell me different.  

  1. The pound sign, or hashtag if you will, was originally called the octothorp. Yes, it is also known as the number sign. The symbol itself has roots dating back to ancient Rome, the modern incarnation can be seen in variations since 1850. There wasn’t an official name for the symbol, which appeared on the bottom right of a telephone keypad. So Don MacPherson, a Bell Telephone Laboratories engineer, created the term octothorp. Octo- for the eight points in the symbol and -thorp in honor of Olympic medalist Jim Thorp. There you have it.
  2. Qatar, Monaco, and Cuba have the highest number of doctors per capita at 77, 71, and 67 respectively. 
  3. Magnolia trees are older than bees. They were [probably] pollinated by beetles until bees evolved and started pollinating the flowers and plants of the world. 
  4. The average international height of men is 5’7.5”, but average height varies drastically throughout the world. Timor has the shortest men on average, and the Netherlands boast the tallest average men. 
  5. David Bowie had heterochromia, which is an eye condition causing the eyes to be two different colors. It is very rare in humans, but it is far more common in animals. Several dog breeds see frequent occurrences of the condition, such as: Huskies, Border Collies, and Australian Shepherds.
  6. French and Russian have a lot of cognates, or words that sound similar and mean the same thing. I could get into the history of the two countries and how that affected Russian’s linguistic evolution but that’s another story entirely.
  7. Queen Elizabeth I died on March 24, 1603, which is exactly 391 years before my little brother was born on the same day. 
  8. Women are 73% more likely to be injured in a car accident than men. Funny, men and women have different insides, but crash test dummies are all modeled after the male anatomy. The crash test dummies used for women in cars are just small men. Cars are literally not designed to protect women. This isn’t necessarily on purpose, but data bias is a real thing and causes real, inherent problems in the world. But you know, we’re just women.
  9. Dr. Jen Gunter, a respected gynecologist, said that menstrual cramps are much more painful than a heart attack. Take this with a grain of salt because heart attacks in women often come with no pain because, SHOCKER, heart attack symptoms are different in men and women. Still menstrual cramps can be absolutely debilitating; I speak from experience. 
  10. Nigeria has been home to some of the most famous African writers, and many are of Igbo descent. Chinua Achebe, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Flora Nwapa, Christopher Okigbo are among them.
  11. One of the ways scientists proved all human life originated in Africa is through study of linguistic evolution, also known as evolutionary linguistics. Language originated in Southern Africa and evolved uniquely into families with specific characters. As humans dispersed, their language evolved and became simpler. Languages tend to lose phonemes, a distinct unit of sound, as they evolve away from their mother language. Africa is home to languages with more phonemes than other continents/countries and their languages. Like any science, this is a whole lot more complicated and fascinating than I’m making it. Today, the Taa language, spoken by people in Botswana and Namibia, has the most phonemes with a total of between 93 and 109, depending on the source. Rotokas, native to Papua New Guinea, has the least phonemes at eleven. 

Yes. I really know all of these things off the top of my head. I did fact check to make sure my knowledge wasn’t outdated, but these are things my brain has decided are important enough to store long term. I’m not complaining; though, I look like a real nerd, which is on brand for me. 

I love to learn. Some of these things directly correlate to my interests: women’s issues, books, and history. Some of these things were researched because it had something to do with my education: linguistics, language, and words. Yet some, I just have no idea why I know them other than I probably looked it up once upon a time, and it stuck. Permanently in my noggin. 

So I hope you enjoyed and learned a thing. Maybe this even sparked a sense of wonder and will elicit some random Googling and dives down the knowledge acquisition rabbit hole. Either way, I like fun facts!

bisous un обьятий,
RaeAnna

Shop the Post
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4543171″]

Travel, Travel Guides

The Best Photoshoot Locations in Las Vegas

In usual RaeAnna style, I am incredibly behind on my travel writing. Normally, I put it off because I don’t want to edit pictures, but the pictures have been edited since the plane ride home. I’ve just been ridiculously terrible at getting the writing portion done. 

Las Vegas is the perfect place to go when you want to pretend you’re not where you are. So many of the casinos have destination themes, and they sure do go over the top. You can enjoy a romantic gondola ride through Venetian canals and be under the Eiffel Tower ten minutes later before seeing the Sphinx before heading to the tropics enjoying a slice of pizza by the Statue of Liberty. Truly there is so very much to do and see and let your imagination run wild. If you’re me or just like a good picture opportunity, there’s really so many places you can do just that. Honestly, you can spend your whole trip posing around the world within two miles. 

Hello, Vegas! I’m here to play!
Thanks for a good time! I’ll be back soon.

Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas Sign This sign is iconic for a reason. I wasn’t quite sure where I thought it was, but it’s a bit of a walk from the strip. There is a convenient parking lot if you don’t want to walk there like I did. What I didn’t realize was that it was two sided! On the other side, as you’re driving away from the strip [duh], it says “Drive Carefully Come Back Soon.” I walked past the sign on my very first day. I didn’t stop to take a picture because there was a VERY long line, and warning, there is always a long line unless…. I went at 6:00 am the next day, and I was the only one there. Except for Elvis, from Pittsburgh. He serenaded me as I posed. Luckily, I was prepared and brought two outfits so I could take pictures front and back and pretend I was leaving to post when I was actually leaving.

Shop the Look
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521948″]

Standing in the middle of the room for a cool picture.

The Venetian Really anywhere you go here, there are gorgeous picture spots. Had I known, I would have gotten up earlier and snagged a picture before all the people arrived to shop and site see. Inside is equally gorgeous with their flower installations. 

Shop the Look
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521956″]

Dancing in the morning glow.

Mandalay Bay Again. This one is HUGE, so the picture moments are endless. The main entrance is really gorgeous and filled with waterfalls and tropical plants. If you can’t tell, I managed to match my outfit to the theme of the place. I got there too late in the morning for a sunrise golden hour, but I made it work, I think. This one is at the very end of the strip, and I almost never saw it thrumming with people. 

Shop the Look
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521958″]

There’s nothing much better than reading in the pool.
Of course I had to see the sphynx.

Luxor Pools I stayed here the very first night. I’d only been to Las Vegas once before in 1999… It was an ode to my childhood trip. The pools are very well known and make great photo spots. When I was there at the end of April/beginning of May, one pool was closed due to COVID, another was under renovation, and the third was open. It was good enough! I landed at 9:00 in the morning and was poolside by 10:15. The pools crowd very quickly, so I suggest getting there early if you don’t want too many bodies sharing the spotlight. Sphynx By noon, I had a bunch of content because I changed into a cute outfit to pose in front of the Sphinx. If you’re trying to find it, like I was (it’s hard to know where things are when you’re INSIDE the casinos), the Sphynx is out the doors next to the front desk, facing the waterfalls. I had to get creative with my angles because the normal photo spot for the Sphinx was closed. They turned out fun anyways!

Shop the Look
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521955″]

This was my favorite place in all of Las Vegas.

Bellagio There are so many gorgeous photo spots. I suggest all of them. I fell, absolutely fell in love with the Conservatory and Botanical Garden. The first night I was there, I walked the entire strip and into the Bellagio. I followed the flowers to the Conservatory, where I was left in awe, which meant I visited every single day to appreciate it at different times of the day. It’s a 14,000 square foot Botanical Garden with a stunning glass ceiling; every season and for Lunar New Year, the Horticulture and Engineering teams create a unique and brilliant floral and botanical installation. They reuse, recycle, replant, and repurpose as much as they can in their commitment to sustainable art. They recently changed the installation for summer, and now I want to go back to see it. This may have been my favorite thing in Vegas…. And it’s free. 

Shop the Look
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521972″]

Best food I had in all of Las Vegas.

Best Friend In Park MGM, Roy Choi’s incredible and experiential restaurant can be found. This was a must on Amanda’s list, and I never say no to food. I didn’t know what to expect, but the moment we walked up, I was in. 90s Kid Paradise. I’m not kidding. If you were raised in the 90s like I was—aging myself—, then you’ll have, at the very least, nostalgia, and, at the best, a full on nostalgiagasm. There is so much going in the front, and then we walked to the dining room… I wasn’t expecting that. The food was incredible. The best food of the trip, hands down. I will go back again.

Shop the Look
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521975″]

It was hot. This was the coolest I was the entire trip.

Hilton Garden Grand Vacation Just a normal Hilton. It’s connected to the Flamingo, so my friends wanted to stay there for pool access (discussed below). The cute part about this hotel is the oversized chair. Everyone needs one of those pictures on vacation.

Shop the Look
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521978″]

I really loved this bathtub.
Rooftop pools are for me.

Waldorf Astoria Rooms Themselves I stayed here the last couple of nights. There is no casino here, which means it’s quieter and caters to a less rambunctious crowd. It’s also nice as fuck, which is why the rooms themselves are the perfect place for a photoshoot. I don’t take baths, but I took a bath every day I was there. Also… not a bad view to get some work done. Pool The rooftop pool is really, really nice. It has a fabulous bar with wonderful waitstaff. You’ll need a reservation for the cabanas, but honestly you don’t need it. Amanda and I lounged in our Texas icon, Buc-ee’s, swimsuits before immediately changing into something cute. I spent several hours by that pool. Paul, the bartender, is fantastic and also an Iowa native; we hit it off when he wasn’t busy. The [nonalcoholic] drinks are delicious. I felt like I had loads of money sitting by that pool… A beautiful fantasy.

Shop the Look
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521981″]

These were my favorite pictures from the entire trip.
Who wouldn’t want to eat a baguette in front of the Eiffel Tower?

Paris Eiffel Tower The Eiffel Tower is one of the most photographed structures in the world, one of the most tagged locations on Instagram. Okay… the real one, but that means the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas is a must see and must photograph spot too. There’s loads of ways to get your picture, but I suggest heading across the street to the Bellagio Fountain and posing with your back to the Eiffel Tower. That way you get a cute foreground and the entire tower in the frame. And if you scroll through Instagram, very few people are doing that. Arc de Triomphe This spot isn’t quite as noticeable when you’re walking around the strip because it’s nestled back into the hotel. The Arc de Triomphe is on the side of Paris, where people are picked up and dropped off. I woke up early and headed over there to take a whole bunch of fun Parisian inspired photos with the Arch in the background. 

Shop the Look
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521983″]

Meow Wolf was incredible.

Meow Wolf This was such a fascinating experience. If you want to spend an entire day taking unique, strange, and potentially disturbing pictures in the midst of a hoard of people, this is the place for you. I truly loved it, and there is so much to take in. I didn’t spend a lot of time behind my camera. Instead I immersed myself in the immersion. I did pause to take this picture because the room truly was beautiful. 

Shop the Look
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521985″]

I preferred looking over it after it closed.

Flamingo’s Pool For the young, party people—not me—this is the go to spot. It’s very pink. Very crowded. Very expensive. I stayed in the Hilton Garden Grand Vacation attached to the Flamingo for one night, so I got in for free. But you will have to wait in line and pay to get in. If you want a chair or a table or a couch, pay some more. It’s not my scene. I walked in and walked right back out. I took this picture on a walkway overlooking the pool after it had closed. Honestly, I think it’s better than being surrounded by a whole lot of sweaty, wet drunk people while trying to get a picture for the gram. Take a flight of stairs. Worth it.

Shop the Look 
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521984″]

I would not go back, but you should decide that for yourself.

Fremont Street If I never go back to Fremont Street, I will be okay. It did not speak to me. It was fine once. There’s a lot of alcohol, gambling, and drunk people. LIGHT. So much light. There’s not really any amazing photo opportunities except for literally standing in the middle of the street, surrounded by people. Which can be a cool picture, but that’s about it. I do like the picture, though; it’s not my usual aesthetic.

Shop the Look
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521986″]

This was just a cute nook.

An Alley of Shops Between Linq and Flamingo I tried so hard to find out if this area had a name, and I have no idea what it’s called if it’s called anything at all. Onward, it’s a nice, clean lane with shops and restaurants.. It’s a great little spot for just a casual picture in the sun. Nothing crazy, but nice. 

Shop the Look 
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521988″]

I was feeling myself.

Caesars Palace Can we briefly mention the lack of an apostrophe… I don’t like it. Grammar aside, it’s a beautiful casino. Huge. Being completely transparent, there are tons of photo worthy spots, but a lot of times the interesting thing about it is the art and sculpture recreations. So go explore and find the naked man statue that speaks to your soul, I mean, Instagram feed. 

Shop the Look
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521989″]

So there’s a run down of my favorite photo worthy locations. The thing is, this is not at all a comprehensive or even intensive or even well-researched look at Vegas’ Insta notable spots. This is what I found works and is pretty while still trying to have fun and not be intimidated by the swarms of people. 

If you’re on your way to Vegas, remember to stop by the Bellagio’s Conservatory & Botanical Garden. You will not regret it, and send me a picture of what’s installed right now. Also eat all the food, every single bite. 

bisous und обьятий,

Books, Reading Lists

Pride Month May Be Over But Here’s An LGBTQ+ Reading List

Pride was last month. Like all the other heritage months, those who belong exist the other eleven months of the year. I love Pride. I think it’s great. A month long opportunity to celebrate, learn, challenge, and spread love. For the LGBTQ+ community, Pride is every day, all day, forever. It’s an existence. 

A combination of not being able to and spreading the joy, this post is coming after Pride month has come to an end. If you didn’t dive into learning about LGBTQ+ issues or stories during Pride, there’s no better time than the present. Learning is a never ending pursuit. 

I belong to the LGBTQ+ community, but I have so much to learn as well. We all do. None of us can know all of the things. Although, that’s not going to stop me from trying. These are three of my favorite books I’ve read recently dealing with rainbow issues. If you don’t know much, these are a great place to start. They’re grounded in personal stories, so you can connect and empathize with the people that make up this beautiful community. 

Of course I posed in front of a church with this one. How could I not?

The Queer Bible edited by Jack Guinness
I loved this one so, so, so much. It’s jam packed with illustrations, stories, maps, and more. It’s told by and supports the LGBTQ+ community. A collection of essays by well known members of the queer community about their personal queer icons. From David Furnish to Tan France to Graham Norton to Mae Martin and so many more. They’re personal stories of discovery but also love letters to the people who inspired them. 
Memorable Quotes
“This book is dedicated to my queer ancestors who went before me, that I never knew existed, whose stories we’ll never know, I hope that I’m making you proud.” Jack Guinness—dedication

Buy on Amazon | Buy on Book Depository
Shop the Post
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521863″]

I sat on a rainbow in a rainbow dress for Queer Love in Color.

Queer Love In Color by Jamal Jordan
The queer community has been marginalized for so long, but to be a person of color and queer is double the marginalization. So often the queer narrative has been told by the white community. The media has portrayed white queer stories. Where are the people of color? They exist. Jamal Jordan photographed people around the world and tells their love stories in this marvelous book. 
Memorable Quotes
“Their stories range widely, but one thing kept coming up: the feeling that, on some level, finding love felt impossible.”

Buy on Amazon | Buy on Book Depository
Shop the Post
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521860″]

I will find color whenever and wherever I can.

The Queens’ English by Chloe O. Davis
Language fascinates me as a writer and a linguist. Words are fluid; they change with time, geography, community, and more. Words are a way of excluding and including people. The LGBTQ+ community has their own language, which evolved as much as a way to protect themselves as to include themselves. So much of queer language has seeped into the mainstream vernacular, but so much of queer language has not.
I am known for being decades if not centuries behind on slang. I’ve found mainstream language difficult to understand, and I have found queer language just as difficult because my head has been hidden in books for years. The Queens’ English is a cheeky and very thorough dictionary that opens queer terms to me and I’m sure countless others. This is a fabulous book that is simultaneously heartbreaking, inspiring, educational, and uproariously funny. One of the most important things to remember, Davis says, “Many of the terms are not appropriate for people not in the LGBTQIA+ community to use.”
Memorable Quotes
The Queens’ English is merely a starting point for the important conversations around inclusivity, sexuality, gender expression and identity, gay slang that’s been co-opted by mainstream culture, and queer American terminology that’s been around for decades.”

Buy on Amazon | Buy on Book Depository
Shop the Post
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4521851″]

Happy reading, my dears. I hope you enjoy these books as much as I do. They’re inspiring and beautiful. They showcase the ever expanding range of humanity and our capacity to survive and love. Because love is love, and we all are exactly who we are. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

In My Own Words, Lifestyle

Hey! I’m Queer. Happy Pride!

Does this outfit make me look gay? Good.

Hey, y’all. I’m queer. Pansexual to be specific. This isn’t my coming out. I’m fully out of the closet. If I’m being honest, I never had an I’m-not-straight talk with anyone. It’s just been something that has existed as a solid fact in my life for a decade now. My non-heterosexual identity has been talked about for awhile, but as I get older, I’m feeling the need to live more loudly in my queer identity. This story is a whole lot longer than a single blog post, and, honestly, I may turn it into a collection of essays at some point. Let’s be honest, I’m unpacking so many things about my sexuality that I have kept firmly in a box unto itself, which is very unfair to my identity and journey as a human. 

I never felt the need to come out for a whole lot of reasons. Too many to count. The two biggest being my family and my college. 

I grew up in a weird house. Conservative in as many ways as it was liberal. So much progress mired in an ideology founded in my parent’s small, Midwestern childhoods’ of the 60s and 70s. My parents were and are accepting, but they did not grasp the nuance, language, or broad rainbow spectrum. They were products of their generation, and it showed[s] in their language, phrasing, expression, and beliefs. Equally, I am a product of my own generation, education, family, and ultimately genetics. 

Cornell College, my alma mater, is incredibly liberal. The epitomization of: college is for self-exploration. My friends embodied “Do the thing. Do all the things. Try them now before life crushes us with debt and responsibility.” Damn, I love those humans. There were labels, but if you were on a journey and didn’t label anything, well that was okay too. Label it or don’t, just be a good person.

My favorite pride dress.

I remember writing, “I think I’m gay.” at twelve. I quite literally burned that piece of paper. For so many reasons I couldn’t name back then. Shame (which was not instilled in me by my parents or church, just, you know, society and the patriarchy). Isolation. Mostly uncertainty. I knew I wasn’t gay in the binary that I was aware of. Bisexuality wasn’t even presented to me as an actual sexuality… I’m not even going to get into that here. The isolation came from knowing I wasn’t straight, but knowing I wasn’t gay either. In a progressive town that had… all but no gay people (that I knew of, especially at the time), I would have been very much alone in an identity I still had no name for. For the kids reading this, this is pre-high speed internet, and I would have had to know the term to look it up in a dictionary—it’s a large book containing all the words and their definitions. I remember hearing people say, “Oh, she’s gay.” But “she” had moved out of town years before. Had I known what I was and been out in high school, it would have changed nothing because there were only boys to date anyways. 

For so many reasons, the unknown of what I was didn’t affect my adolescence in any way. Truly, there is zero trauma stemming from my pansexual existence; loads and loads of trauma from other things in my life, though!

I don’t have that trauma because of a seminal moment in my adolescence. 

But first, back story. I was an incredibly late bloomer. I didn’t get my first period until I was sixteen. I was not interested in sex until I met the love of my life at almost twenty. (I did get raped repeatedly by my high school “boyfriend” from 17 to 19. Oh hey there, trauma. Sup?) My sexuality wasn’t a crisis because it didn’t really exist for twenty years. I did not go through the boy/girl/sex crazy phase. Ever. I might be entering it now at thirty. Like I said, late bloomer. I became a sexual human at 19.5 when I fell in love and entered my first serious relationship with a human, who happened to be male. I fell in love with the human because he was and is incredible. 

More back story. As a kid, I was pretty intensely into ballet. I was also a cheerleader, had a huge affinity for dresses, played the flute, was working on being a classical pianist, had straight As for most of middle school and high school (getting raped affected that a bit), obsessed with wearing heels. In so many ways, all arrows pointed to girly-girl, on the surface. (I still present super femme.) Dig deeper into my psyche and for those who knew/know me, the gender expression and sexuality waters get a lot murkier, but I won’t get into that right now.   

Can’t Even Think Straight

On to the seminal moment. 

At fifteen, I was walking through the kitchen, having just gotten home from cheerleading practice. My mother was in the kitchen stirring spaghetti sauce. One hand controlling the wooden spoon. One hand holding the pan. One foot grounded and the other on a stool, a bit Captain Morgan-ish now that I think about it. As I walk past, she says, “RaeAnna, I have a question for you.” My mother is never this formal. The Type A personality in me froze. What had I done wrong??? “Okay?” Without missing a beat or looking at me, still very much focused on her task, “Are you a lesbian?” Not the question I was expecting at all. It was so far off my radar, I really never ever thought I would hear that question. I had always known that if I was gay that it would be no big deal. My parents would be able to accept that without a problem (probably one of the few things about the authentic me that have been easily accepted). I hadn’t really thought about it since writing “I think I’m gay” three years prior. Like I said, not a sexual human at that point in time. “Um… Not that I know of.” Again, without missing a beat, “Okay. Just asking. If that ever changes, let me know.” One of the most nonchalant conversations I have ever had with the woman. She has given me a lifetime’s worth of writing material, but this is one of the moments I look back on and respect the hell out of her for. 

If you don’t know me, if you don’t follow me, if you’re just meeting me for the first time, I present as ultra feminine, conservative, Christian, Suzy Homemaker, Type A, straight woman. I can be femme, but I also have some serious masc energy. I am absolutely not conservative; I get why people think that, but yikes no. I live my life pretty conservatively because that’s my comfort zone. Haha, trauma. But I am not conservative in any way at all. I am quite the flaming liberal, progressive, intersectional feminist. I’m not Christian; I’m atheist, but I was raised Methodist. I am definitely a Suzy Homemaker. Call me grandma; I love cooking, baking, sewing, cross stitching, knitting, crocheting, taking care of people, and keeping a clean house. I hate cleaning, but I AM Type A with a touch of OCD. Hey there, I’m neurotic, fun neurotic, still neurotic, though. I am NOT straight. I have only been in relationships with men. For a lot of reasons, none of which have anything to do with preferring men to women. 

There was never an announcement of my queerness. No discussion. No party. I never officially came out. I never felt the need. It started with an “I’m attracted to women.” progressed to “I would definitely date women.” before turning into “I would have sex with women.” and eventually became “I’m attracted to people. I could spend my life with any gender.” It was slowly and steadily established as a fact about me. It’s been the last six years that I started using the term pansexual to describe myself. It’s been in the last year that I’ve started claiming queer. It’s a journey, and I’m on it. 

Alphabet Mafia

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Shop the Post
http://[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4503846″]

11..., Lifestyle

11… Habits I’m Trying to Re-Form This Summer

A picture I took of Beau and I even before COVID and the puppy invasion… We were hiding from responsibilities then, and I we didn’t know what was coming yet.

Rescuing Tess, raising thirteen puppies, keeping four, dealing with rare doggy disorders, and surviving the pandemic did not ruin my life. BUT it did give me a really good reason to put off all my good habits. 

In my defense, I’ve been busy. 

The reality: I am no longer motivated to do all the good things I had been consistently doing in my life before becoming a pack mama. That’s right, I’m no longer a dog mom. I am a pack mama, which I can only equate to the feeling of being the very stressed Polar Express conductor as it mercilessly careens across the ice. If you haven’t seen the movie, the Polar Express does safely make it across the frozen lake… I think I see land. 

Back to my point. I had been working on developing really solid, unbreakable, healthy habits for myself in 2019 and 2020. Then Tess arrived. Then puppies arrived. Then COVID arrived. Then life stopped. Not stopped, slowed, drastically. Life changed very suddenly in very concrete ways. I stopped doing so many things I had worked really hard at doing on a regular if not daily basis. 

I had the goal of having a consistent routine before I turned 30. Hello, 30. You came exactly when you were supposed to, and yet I was completely unprepared. I wanted a routine of healthy and good habits before I turned 30 because it seemed like a good milestone. Creating a lifestyle is hard, but once it’s been done, maintaining it becomes a lot easier. I wanted to have a lifestyle I could maintain with relative ease by the time I hit 30. 

In a way, I did! Not the lifestyle I want, but an easy one to maintain. Wake up. Feed and let the dogs out. Work. Read. Eat. Enjoy exorbitant couch time with the dogs. See very few people. Sleep. These are easy things. A very manageable lifestyle, but not the one I want. 

I’m actively living my best life… aka not wearing any pants and barely managing to keep the dogs alive.

So this summer is about reforming the habits I lost in 2020 and maybe even forming some new ones!

  1. Exercise I don’t like exercise. Actually, I quite loathe it. But moving is so important. It helps just about everything. From sleep to mental acuity to aging to mood. Exercise is the key. I’m not looking to lose weight or really even change the way my body looks, I’m good with all that, but I put in the effort for my mind. My mind is the most important thing, the thing I love best about myself, the thing I want to maintain for the entirety of my life. Moving, exercise is the way to do just that. I am going to get back into doing yoga and pilates and barre and ballet. I slowed down because of the dogs, but I stopped when I got COVID. My lungs are starting to get back to a place where moving is an option again.
  2. Writing Book Critiques As a blogger with a big focus on books… I have done very little book critiquing even though I’ve been reading very regularly. I need to write like it’s my job… Oh wait, it is.
  3. Sticking to My Diet This isn’t a diet that I want to stick to. It’s a diet I need to stick to. I have a whole lot of pretty serious health issues. Staying on my diet can be hard and inconvenient and unfun, but it helps my body continue doing its job, which is staying alive. I fell out of being really strict about it because with everything going on it was just another thing on top of all the other things, and so I stopped being diligent. 
  4. Not Turning On the TV I used to be so good at waking up and not turning on the TV. Once I turn that sucker on, I have a hard time extricating myself from it. I started turning the TV on in the morning while the puppies played. I couldn’t leave them alone because they were very chewy. So TV was the easiest way to keep an eye on them without being distracted. So I’m going to start waking up and not turning the damn TV on.
  5. Maintaining A Sleep Schedule I lost my sleep schedule because of the puppies. I’ve always been bad about maintaining sleep patterns anyways; I do whatever my body wants. The problem: with my unfortunate health issues, sleep is essential. So I need to sleep regularly and enough even when my body and brain don’t feel like it, which is always.
  6. Reaching Out On Birthdays and Anniversaries I was pretty good at remembering birthdays and anniversaries for friends and family with cards. 2020 ruined that. I need to be better about it again.
  7. Getting Dressed I haven’t had many reasons to get dressed let alone get dressed up in 2020 or 2021… Or really since 2016 when I moved to Houston and became a full-time freelance writer. I love getting dressed up and wearing all the pretty clothes I’ve spent too many monies on. So I’m going to work on taking the few extra minutes to put effort into the way I look again. I do miss it. 
  8. Journaling This is not something I have ever done. As a writer, I’m a weirdo. I don’t like journaling. As a writer, I think it’s important. I’m also hoping it will help me process my anxieties, depression, life, and all those other things. 
  9. Going for Walks I used to go for walks with Beau and/or friends on a regular basis. I love walks because they get me out of the house and let me be in nature. I’ve always enjoyed walks. Plus this will help me leash train the puppies. Having a backyard has not beneficial to leash training. 
  10. Seeing Friends Again COVID really put a dent in my social life. I have missed so many friends because of social distancing and staying inside. I’m hoping as more and more people get the vaccine and restrictions are lifted, I can start seeing my people again. They’re wonderful and I miss them all.
  11. Working Regularly I used to be a bit of a workaholic. I worked a lot. Like a whole shitload. After the puppies were born and COVID affected a giant percentage of my clients, I have only been working the bare minimum. If I don’t have to do it. I don’t. This is not getting me ahead in any ways. Being a workaholic isn’t necessarily sustainable but neither is being a couch schlub. I need to find a balance between the two. 

I started slowly adding some of these habits into my life after the New Year to varying success. Starting small with the ones that are sustainable. I know I can’t make huge and sustainable lifestyle changes and immediately jump back to and improve upon what my life was before the puppies and COVID. That will only end up with nothing at all changing. I’m working on slowly adding the changes and habits in, guilt free. I’m giving myself grace to fail and sit in front of the TV for a day because change and habits don’t happen overnight. But I’m striving to do better, be consistent, show up, and work at getting into a new normal. Life will never be what it was with only one dog. That’s okay, I don’t want it to be, but I also can’t continue being a bare minimum human. 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

In My Own Words, Lifestyle

In Seven Days, I Turn 30 Years Old

This past year has been quite the year. So long!

I turned twenty-nine. 

I rescued a dog, who had thirteen puppies. 

I raised those puppies and that dog in the midst of a global pandemic while depending on the kindness of family and friends as we bought a house as we dealt with rare puppy disorders as we coped with Dylan losing his job as my work slowed down to a near halt as we criss-crossed the country. 

Me living my life.

For the first three months of the pandemic, I was stuck inside with fifteen dogs, of which thirteen were completely dependent upon their mama and me. I was run ragged to the point of complete exhaustion. My body was even starting to give out under the physical strain of toting around thirteen large puppies. 

As a constant struggler of anxiety, depression, PTSD, and in a perpetual nihilistic crisis, it was not an ideal time to be trapped inside with me, myself, and my multiple internal narratives of doom for company. 

Now, I work from home under normal circumstances, so I am very used to my own company. I used to joke about never leaving the house, but that’s not nearly true. I was always on the go. Having lunch with friends, traveling, going to dog parks, attending events, exploring fun Houston things, creating content, and so much more. My calendar and life were filled with talented people who inspire me. 

Everything changed. The puppies gave me a brief respite. They’ve helped alleviate the catastrophic train wreck that would have been my mental health with their pure existence in my life. But during the pandemic, I’ve felt like I’m watching my impending quarter-life crisis trundling right at me for all of the reasons: imagined and real. 

I turn thirty in one week. I am not one of those women who are scared of turning thirty. In fact, I quite embrace it. The vast majority of me is so ready to be out of my twenties. Those really sucked a big D. I’ve gone so far as to preemptively tell people I’m thirty for the last few months because why the fuck not. At the same time, thirty does come with its fair share of burdens.

As a woman, this is an age where culture, society, the media are persistently confronting me with an alarm clock ticking down the time left on my worth to and in this world. 

I feel like time is running out. I’m almost thirty. Society is a barrage that, as a woman, life ends at thirty. I know it doesn’t. So far all the women I know over thirty have not ceased to exist when their 10,957 day arrived. But, no matter how hard I’ve tried, I can’t help internalizing all the cues telling me life as I know it is over for me and, in a week, I’ll be shipped off to the glue factor with last month’s Kentucky Derby winner—who even remembers that horse anyways. I think if we took the part where I had to age in society out of the equation, I wouldn’t care at all. If I could hermit á la Michel de Montaigne circa 1571, I don’t think I would give a rats ass about aging and this post wouldn’t exist at all. Unfortunately, I must be of this world.

Me wearing the bikini and being all but thirty in this world because I can and will and won’t stop.

I would be 100% lying to you if I said, “I have not ended up covered in snot crying on the kitchen floor being held by my partner as the dogs try to figure out what’s wrong with their seemingly resilient mama because I’m getting older and the world will stop looking at me and stop caring because I have a gray hair (I haven’t found one yet; that’s not a lie) and the hints of forehead wrinkles so none of my big dreams will come true because they haven’t come to fruition yet and all this work has been for naught and fucking life is hard.” That would be a lie. It would be a lie if I said it didn’t happen at regular intervals over the last two years. I’m not scared of getting older, but I’m scared of how the world will treat me as I get older. The world hasn’t been kind to me for the first thirty years when I was apparently worth something, so how the hell is it going to be for the next seventy years? Society tells me: not great. 

Life is terrifying. There is so much to process, handle, solve, enjoy, escape, see, do, taste, smell, and avoid all the time; honestly, I love each and every one of those pieces of living life. But being an aging woman is just terrifying. I know it’s different for me than it was for my mother and grandmothers, but things haven’t changed so much that wrinkles and grays and numbers don’t matter in the world. They do. And I don’t really care for anyone to tell me otherwise because my entire life all I’ve ever been validated for is my looks and what that means for my place in the world. The marriage I could make, the doors that will open, the way life will be “easier” because I was tall, thin, fair. So for me and my life experience, the moment my boobs start to droop, my waistline starts to expand, my hair starts to thin, my skin starts to slacken, what will I be? Who will care? It doesn’t matter and has never mattered that I’m intelligent, well-spoken, a linguist, possess a wicked wit, kind, giving, accepting, an activist, a writer, a creative, a critic, a dog mom, a friend, and all the other things that actually make me me and interesting and complex. My existence has always and almost solely been validated and made worthy by the way I look. 

Who I am has always just been a positive addendum to the way I look. 

I have never liked close up portraits. My teeth are funny. My nose is weird. I’m hyper critical of everything. As I get older, I see the lines, the pores, the acne that had never been there, everything. But if I don’t take them now, I never will, and I’ll look back and say, “damnit, I should have.” And I don’t do regret.

So… I love getting older. I’m wiser, funnier, smarter, humbler, more experienced, a better listener, a better talker, a deeper thinker than I was at twenty. I think I’m cuter, but that’s probably because I know how to do my makeup better. I truly and completely love getting older. Life is so much better than it was twenty years ago, ten years ago, a year ago. I know myself more completely. I am happier at a week away from thirty than I was at a week away from twenty. 

But… I’m scared of getting older. I don’t know how the world will treat me. I know how the world has treated women. I know how I want the world to treat women. And goddamnit, I have the audacity to age like the women who’ve come before me.

Now… I can only do one thing. Wake up tomorrow and keep on living my life. I’m going to moisturize and exercise—sometimes, infrequently, it will become a habit—to fight off aging physically, emotionally, but most of all mentally. More than anything, I’m going to keep working on my dreams. I’m going to keep creating new dreams. I’m going to strive for happiness. I’m going to live my life fully and enthusiastically surrounded by weirdos who love life and me. I’m going to support women and be everyone’s cheerleader. I’m going to be kind and find beauty in my body as it changes with the days and years I have ahead of me. I’m going to write. I’m going to lift up women’s voices of all ages because the world needs to remember that we women continue to evolve not stagnate. I’m going to tell my stories because I have seventy more years of stories, and I’ve hardly started on telling the first thirty years. My life isn’t over. I’m not done living. I will age with audacity.

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Shop the Post
[show_shopthepost_widget id=”4464196″]