I Will Say “Tampon”

I want to talk about tampons. I get to talk about tampons because this is my blog, and I can talk about anything I want. Today, it’s tampons. You do not have to be here or read this or care about my opinions.

It’s not that I love talking about tampons. It’s more of a need. There’s a need to talk about them. Tampons make people uncomfortable. Tampons make women uncomfortable. Talking about them; we wear them just fine. Tampons make men uncomfortable. Tampons completely bewilder men. How is it that half of the population has almost no clue how tampons work? I have dated a handful of men, and none of them knew how a tampon worked. (I once showed my college boyfriend how they worked.) There are girls out there who don’t know how tampons work. Insanity! Do not make girls wear the mini, sticky diapers, I mean, pads. Unless that’s their choice. Then, I’m just in disagreement with their life choices.

Periods, in general, elude men. I found out recently a whole section of men think women can just hold it. “It” being our periods. I’m pretty phenomenal and impressive, but I can’t hold my period. I don’t know any woman who can. It shows up whenever it wants to. It’s like a hurricane or an earthquake. There are signs, but once it’s on its way, there’s no stopping it. Mother nature is miraculous. Periods differ from pee. They come out completely different holes. Spoiler the urethra and the vagina are different. One is for pee. One is for babies and sexy time. There is bladder control, but there’s no such thing as uterine lining shedding control. That’s why women NEED tampons or pads or diva cups or Thinx (I had to google “magic period underwear” cause I couldn’t remember what they’re called) or whatever other weird invention is out there.

I don’t blame men or women for not knowing about tampons or periods. The education system is failing us. This is a basic bodily function like peeing or shitting. It happens. It’s nature. Everyone should know about it. Everyone should know about tampons and the other contraptions. Tampons make it easier for women to carry on with our lives. It’s far better than being sent to a tent outside the city for a week. (Although, there are times when that doesn’t seem half bad. Especially if the tent has a spa or pool boys.)

In April, my period showed up unexpectedly while I was at to Axpona, an audio expo, with my dad. My dad, bless his heart, is immune to period talk because I grew up in a house where it was normal!!!! Periods happen. My dad never had a problem buying tampons or grabbing one from the bathroom for me. It’s life; he’s a good dude. During the unexpected visit from my underwear demon, I had no tampons with me. I was at an expo made up of 98% men, and the only place with tampons was a CVS kiosk. I bought the box; it was the only option. My mom tried to make me hide the box in my tiny purse. I didn’t. I walked through the many, many men, who were all around my dad’s age, with a box of tampons on full display. My mom was embarrassed. I was not. The men either didn’t notice or didn’t care. Either way, the only person who cared was my mom. Periods happen. Tampons help. We should never be embarrassed by either one.

I always get excited when I see unisex bathrooms. I think they’re great. What makes me even happier is when I see tampons in a bathroom. Recently, I was in a unisex bathroom with a counter. The only thing on the counter was a glass jar of tampons [pictured above]. This seems small, but it’s really not. It’s kind to the women who need tampons. More importantly, it’s a step in the right direction towards normalizing the female body and all that goes with it. Like tampons.

There are so many things I could talk about when it comes to tampons. Tax. Diva cups. Stigma. Education. Toxic shock syndrome. Plastic. Chemicals. Fertility. The list goes on. I have opinions, obviously. My biggest issue surrounding tampons is the stigma. I want it to disappear. Until a doctor will give me a hysterectomy (I keep asking), I will have a period and a need for tampons. I’m going to say “tampon” and “period” with as many decibels as is necessary. Never will I speak in hushed tones or try and hide a tampon to make other people feel comfortable.

This is life. Periods, literally, help bring life into this world. So… yep!