Books, Fiction

Complexities of Being an Artist in We Play Ourselves

Read Yes
Length 326
Overall Feels Solid
Gay Vibes 10/10
Drink Pairing Cheap Vodka and Sprite with a Pineapple Slice
⭐⭐⭐⭐

Writing about the inner life of a writer is a difficult feat.

Writing about the inner life of a writer who’s making questionable—sometimes just bad—decisions while she’s in the midst of a scandal and manages to get caught up in the chaos of other artists’ lives is exactly what Jen Silverman does in We Play Ourselves.

Cass leaves her beloved New York in disgrace for Los Angeles after an incident with another playwright. Staying with friends, her neighbor is a talentedly eccentric film maker, following a group of teenage girls to document their reimagination of Fight Club. Along the way, Cass runs into her NYC nemesis on her meandering and often dead-ended path towards happiness and success as a queer woman in her thirties. 

Silverman creates a fully formed human in the character of Cass. She is simultaneously unlikeable, relatable, and completely captivating. An artist at heart, she reacts [poorly] to criticism. And don’t we all, at times. History is full of disgruntled artists retaliating. What unfolds is Cass’s interactions with a diverse cast of characters with hearts of artists and critics. Each one is human in surprising and predictable ways. There is a complexity and fullness to even the minorest of players. Life is full of chaos, humor, and big feelings. Silverman tackles that throughout the novel without ever looking away from the [dark] comedy of searching for meaning and motivation: “Unrelated to sex. Ambition is all desire, all the time. So is success. I’d take success over sex.” Even in the smallest observations, there is an approachableness. Everyone, on some level, can understand the pull of sex and success as well as their fleeting nature. Silverman’s humor is in their affecting and realistic take on everything. Because as humans, we understand what they’re saying even if the thought hasn’t occurred to us personally. It’s ridiculously easy to empathize with the choice of success over sex because one has a tendency to last longer with a bigger dopamine hit. 

The writing really is superb. Not only is the narrative searing, funny, and insightful, Silverman organizes their novel to keep their readers thumbing the pages. The question: “What happened?” is never far from mind. Silverman gives just enough without giving much at all. In a mastery of making us care about Cass while she makes a plethora of poor choices, there is still a looming knowledge of finding out an even bigger poor choice. We Play Ourselves is smoke and mirrors before you even start reading. The back cover will lead you to believe you’re embarking on a story going in one direction, but that’s not the leading plot but a compelling subplot. 

Throughout, Silverman is constantly making poignant observations on the human condition and the gray area people live in. Each of the characters in We Play Ourselves is ultimately doing their best for the greater good, yet the greater good is all dependent on their perspective. It is both the normalization and vilification of emotional manipulation for perceived positive change. Thematically, the novel [and life] can best be summed up, “Because doing your best isn’t necessarily an excuse for doing damage. | Sometimes you do an awful lot of damage. | And that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.” Do your best, but, sometimes, it’s just not good enough. I get it, Silverman. I’ve been saying the same for forever. You just said it better and more entertainingly than I ever have.

As a queer, thirty-something writer, Cass feels like a more successful and publicly disastrous version of my internal self. The absolute most resonating and insightful moment in the entire book for me is taken from an observation made during a conversation between Cass and her father: “Sixty-five, and he hadn’t even finished leading all the lives he was going to lead.” I love it. It is hope that something different if not better lies ahead. Who we were doesn’t have to be who we are or who we will become.

We Play Ourselves is an exploration of failing, striving, and the diversity one life can be.

Jen Silverman is an exceptional storyteller.  

Memorable Quotes
“I watched my parents give up on understanding. But lack of understanding is not a lack of love. Not always.”
“”And it’s not not you. But it’s a version. And the more time passes, the more people only know the version. And the more time you spend as the version. And then it’s like: Well, which one is the version and which one is real?””
“Joy is a tricky proposition. I would rather invest in granite countertops.

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Title: We Play Ourselves
Author: Jen Silverman
Publisher: Random House
Copyright: 2021
ISBN: 9780399591549

Books, Fiction

Lesbian Love, Affair of Poisons, and Abuse in The Disenchantment by Celia Bell

Read Yes
Length 368
Overall Feels I wanted more gay.
Gay Vibes 8/10
Drink Pairing A slightly watered down, iced oat milk latte.
⭐⭐

A girl reading The Disenchantment by Celia Bell in a candlelit and petal filled bath and drinking a cup of tea.
I wish all my baths looked like this.

I am disenchanted with The Disenchantment.

I firmly believe the world needs more queer literature, so I’m glad this book exists to help create more visibility. Especially as it tackles queerness for women in history. Depicting one of the many ways that has played out throughout history. I wanted to love this one, but I don’t love it. The overall book feels like it is being pulled in two directions and neither are particularly well portrayed: being a lesbian in a society and time that does not condone or allow it and surviving an abusive marriage in a society and time that condones and allows it. Basically, as a woman, you’re fucked if you do, fucked if you don’t. The main character in The Disenchantment is fucked all around except in the most literal way.

As both a lesbian and survivor of domestic violence at the hands of men… I could not connect with this book, and I really should have. Marie Catherine is a Baroness in Paris during the Affair of Poisons. She’s married to a physically and emotionally abusive older man with whom she has two young children. She is having an affair with another noblewoman. There’s storytelling and an artist who gets caught up in the whole thing. There was so much potential in this not-so-little novel, but my attention was not kept. I think I read four books in the time it took me to get through this one. 

Cover of The Disenchantment by Celia Bell in a candlelit and petal filled bath.
I had more fun taking these pictures than reading this book.

The plot is muddy, while the narrative is meandering. Bell is tackling too many massive topics in one debut novel. If she would have focused on a singular theme, the book would have benefited and had a larger impact. 

I desperately wanted to love this because it is all about the lady-gay, female empowerment, overcoming obstacles, and surviving abuse. Unfortunately, I just could not get on board with it. I expect great things from Celia Bell, but this was not it.

Memorable Quotes
“So Marie Catherine had quietly believed for years that she had been made with something lacking, and any spark of inclination that she might feel for a man in company was a short-lived thing that fizzled out after the first imaginary movement of love. Then she had met Victoire de Conti.” … “She didn’t love as some women did.”
“”I forgive you.” She said it as if she were a priest who had the power to offer absolution. And, for a moment, she felt that she did, as if the words had lit a candle flame inside her mouth that burned with the light of her love. She did not, would never, believe that flame was the flame of hell. Not if every confessor in France lined up to tell her that she was damned.” 

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Buy on Amazon

Title: The Disenchantment
Author: Celia Bell
Publisher: Pantheon
Copyright: 2023
ISBN: 9780593317174

Books, NonFiction, Travel

Dame Traveler by Nastasia Yakoub; Exploration of the Feminine Gaze

Read Yes
Length 215
Overall Feels Awe
Gay Vibes Unfortunately nonesies
Drink Pairing Sombai 
⭐⭐⭐⭐

A woman standing on Brighton Beach in Melbourne looking at Bathing Boxes, holding Dame Traveler.
I’m a dame traveler. While I was on the biggest trip I’ve ever taken, I met the woman I call my partner in Australia. So now, I have one exceptionally amazing reason to travel even more.

Women are amazing. I am obsessed with them. I’m also lucky enough to be a lesbian [maybe not “lucky” in the political sense…], so I’ve gotten to know women as humans, friends, adventurers, lovers, coworkers, and more. 

In a world where women are still a minority after millenia of subjugation, they never cease to defy convention and live their lives unabashedly. I’m sure throughout history, there have been countless women who have done the same in their own extraordinary ways, but the vast majority have been lost to history through erasure and a failure to see the importance and document… Thanks, men. 

With the rise of social media—also education, healthcare, right to vote, legal protection, employment, status as almost human, etc, but that was just the groundwork for what women do on Instagram—women have visibility, representation, autonomy, and power in a completely unprecedented way. Women are living their lives publicly. And they’re doing it in a really aesthetically pleasing way. But pretty pictures in cool places is not what Dame Traveler by Nastasia Yakoub is really showcasing. It’s about women untethered. Women who are not afraid to see the world alone, with others, on their own terms, and document it. The fact women feel important enough to document themselves, their travels, their lives, their art is a feat in and of itself. The world has finally arrived at a place where women are deemed human enough to be interesting enough to care enough to give us space enough to exist. Not only are women doing it and posting about it, there are now books in bookstores for little girls, little boys, and little theys to see and make their own dreams.

A woman standing on Brighton Beach in Melbourne looking at Bathing Boxes, holding Dame Traveler.
While my girlfriend was at work, I did some touristy things… like take pictures in front of the iconic Bathing Boxes at Brighton Beach in Melbourne, Australia.

This is an interesting book to review because it is mostly an amalgam of pictures by creators from around the world, whose work has been showcased on Yakoub’s curated instagram account @dametraveler. There are snippets from contributors as well as information and tips about certain locations. Yakoub could have created a book dedicated to her own travels and photography. Instead, she used this opportunity to support and document incredible women who believe enough to do. Divided into sections on architecture, water, culture, and nature, Dame Traveler delves into a photographic exploration of the diverse feminine gaze of a world too large for any one person to experience fully. So, for those of us who are trying to know the world in its entirety, we must turn to beautiful collections like this to explore, learn, and grow. 

Yakoub curated a stunning book. The only thing stopping me from grabbing my passport and leaving permanently is my dogs and bank account. Until then, this will be sitting on my coffee table to daydream through.  

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

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A woman standing on Brighton Beach in Melbourne looking at Bathing Boxes, holding Dame Traveler.
I loved this day. It was so good.

Title: Dame Traveler; Live the Spirit of Adventure
Author: Nastasia Yakoub
Publisher: Ten Speed Press
Copyright: 2020
ISBN: 9781984857910

Books, Reading Lists

A Gay Little Reading List

Representation is vital.

For every single minority group and person.

This picture just makes me happy.

We live in a world of spectrums and differences. All of it, every single one, should be depicted in art, media, news, books, everything. The world cannot grow into a better one if we ignore all the people who do not fall in the category of cishet, white people/men because cishet, white women hold minority status too, though with marked privileges. 

I have always, especially since the inception of this blog’s first iteration, tried to read diverse books written by diverse voices and as few white dudes as manageable. My mind and heart can’t grow, evolve, or be challenged if I’m not exposed to ideas, views, and the realities of others. It’s easy to get caught in a bubble, and I try really hard to not get stuck in one specific bubble for too long. 

This photoshoot was done as a surprise for a friend, but I also turned it into a gay book stack photo when I grabbed a bunch of queer books. Soccerwomen is not inherently queer, but have you seen women’s soccer? It’s real gay. Some of these books I’ve read; some I’ve not. Either way, it’s Pride. So if you’re looking for something queer to read, try one of these. If you’ve read all of these, read them again, or DM me so I can give you more options. 

The Disenchantment Celia Bell
Soccerwomen Gemma Clarke
The Queen’s English Chloe C. Davis
Queerly Beloved Susie Dumond
Save Yourself Cameron Esposito
Girl, Woman, Other Bernardine Evaristo
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe Fannie Flagg
The Queer Bible Jack Guinness
Hijab Butch Blues Lamya H. 
Queer Love in Color Jamal Jordan
Sister Outsider Audre Lorde
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo Taylor Jenkins Reid
Transgender History Susan Stryker

bisous und обьятий,
RaeAnna

Books, Fiction

Prevailing Impacts of Cishet Normativity in Torrey Peters’ Detransition, Baby

Read Yes
Length 337
Feels Complicated yet Positive
Gay Vibes Super Gay
Drink Pairing Wine Flight
⭐⭐⭐⭐

As a woman living in a non-traditional family, Detransition, Baby is an important representation for so many people who have been confronted with the cishet-normative and choose to live the life we want or need. As a queer woman, Detransition, Baby is exceptional for so many reasons. Torrey Peters and Detransition, Baby is one of the first novels ever published by an out-trans woman by a big-five publishing company. Congratulations to One World, an imprint of Penguin Random House, for using its considerable power and influence to uplift a voice that needs to be heard. 

A blond woman in a romper lounging on stairs beside the book Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters.
This picture was taken over a year ago. Finally posting a review. We can say I’m a bit behind and have definitely changed my hair.

The most exceptional part of Detransition, Baby is in its presentation and acceptance of the mundane and quotidian quality of the lives and struggles of queer and trans people because they are. Peters, as a queer trans-woman writes with the authenticity of lived experience and presents it to her readers with a perfunctory yet humorous: this is life. Queer lives and loves hold all the same ups and downs of cishet loves and lives, we just have the added bonus of prejudice, bigotry, systemic laws, outdated beliefs, ignorance, and hatred cishet people don’t have to deal with. For the LGBTQIA+ community, that is just life and it is mundane and quotidian, albeit painful and frustrating, but to be queer is to look the world in the face and keep living and loving authentically. Peters doesn’t make instances of homophobia or transphobia extraordinary or unique because they are not. They are a part of our lives. We do our best to get through them; educate the people we love so they can better protect us; and we continue on because that is all we can do. Queer people are just trying to pay the bills, feed our pets, have some friends, get a healthy amount of sleep, create families, and enjoy life. Detransition, Baby allows readers into the daily struggle of what that looks like for queer and trans women from the very first page. 

Reese is a thirty-something, queer, trans woman living in Brooklyn with a penchant for men who do not treat her well and a deep yearning for a child. Ames, formerly known as Amy, was Reese’s partner for years before detransitioning, losing Reese and their life together. Ames’ lover, Katrina, is a half-Chinese, half-Jewish cis woman. These three thirty-something women’s lives collide in Brooklyn when Katrina finds out she’s pregnant, though Ames believed he was sterile from the years of hormone treatments. Ames creates a plan to bring Reese, Katrina, and himself together to bring this baby into the world in an unconventional yet stable and loving manner. The narrative bounces along a timeline spanning years before the baby’s conception when Amy and Reese were together to weeks after conception as Ames, Reese, and Katrina confront their own self-destructive ways, identity, gender, and what a stable life for a child could and should look like. 

Close up of the cover of Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters on steps.
Detransition, Baby is an amazing book.

Ultimately, Detransition, Baby puts cishet social norms at the forefront of the novel in conjunction with how queer lives, loves, and families are expected to fit within an outdated societal structure, which no longer serves the humans it was built for and around. (Like it ever did…) Yet everyone is impacted by those expectations due to the basic human need to be seen, accepted, and affirmed. Peters, in her debut novel, which garnered her the first nomination ever by a trans woman for the Women’s Prize for Fiction, creates a messy, emotional, and vulnerable deep dive into the meaning of womanhood, queerness, family, relationships, gender, and sex. It speaks so deeply to the queer experience, yet every human who has been met with the opportunity or sought out a new beginning in their thirties, when their lives are expected to be settled. It’s hard. It’s messy. It’s painful. And yet, we come out the otherside more authentically ourselves. It’s no wonder Peters dedicated her novel to “divorced cis women.” 

Within Detransition, Baby there is a universal understanding of the human condition told through the lens of a specifically queer story. 

Memorable Quotes
“Many people think a trans woman’s deepest desire is to live in her true gender, but actually it is to always stand in good lighting.”
“She had previously been under the impression that she had failed majorly for most of her life, but in fact, she had simply confused failure with being a transsexual—an outlook in which a state of failure confirmed one’s transsexuality, and one’s transsexuality confirmed a state of failure.”
I stopped keeping quotes because there are so many fabulous ones.

bisous un обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Title: Detransition, Baby
Author: Torrey Peters
Publisher: One World
Copyright: 2021
ISBN: 9780593133378

Books, NonFiction

Raging Against Male Privilege in Entitled by Kate Manne

Worth A Read Most Definitely
Length 269
Quick Review If you’re looking to be angry at the obstacles women face, this is a great book to read. If you have no idea what obstacles women face, please go read this, right now. 

Entitled by Kate Manne | Shoes | Pants | Bralette | Earrings

Sometimes I think I’m the only one who likes to subvert serious conversations with an incredibly dark sense of humor, but then I read Kate Manne’s Entitled. I wouldn’t call it funny, but I would call it witty. Let’s be honest, male privilege is sadly funny in usually the most ironic ways; however, male privilege is a plague on society, hurting women and ultimately holding the entirety of the world back from its full potential.  

Starting off with Brett Kavanaugh’s hearing and the attack on Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, Manne only digs deeper into the blatant problems women face due to men’s entitlement. What’s even more impactful are the chapters on the subtle ways women are hurt by male privilege. It is the everyday male privilege affecting the physical and mental well being of women everywhere that is so often overlooked and unaccounted for in daily life and conversation. We can all agree rape, beating, retributative violence against women is bad. What isn’t talked about so often is emotional labor, mansplaining, domestic labor, medical gaslighting, bodily autonomy, parenting, and so much more women are inundated with and by daily, which has an immeasurably negative impact on women’s psyche. Yet Manne never lets up on the importance of every facet, no matter how seemingly benign, the pain caused by male entitlement through anecdotal and academic evidence. 

Noting Manne’s definition of misogyny—therefore male privilege—may be one of the most important moments in Entitlement,

“First, some instances of misogyny lack any individual perpetrators whatsoever; misogyny may be a purely structural phenomenon, perpetuated by social institutions, policies, and broader cultural mores. Second, understanding misogyny as more about the hostility girls and women face, as opposed to the hostility men feel deep down in their hearts, helps us avoid a problem of psychological inscrutability.”

Misogyny is pervasive, and men are not the only culprits of it. As much as women are victims, we are also culpable. Manne tackles instances of women perpetuating and bolstering misogyny and male entitlement because this system indoctrinates us from the moment we enter the world to cater to male feelings, privilege, experience, and everything else. Defining an aspect of that, “himpathy, as I construe it, is the disproportionate or inappropriate sympathy extended to a male perpetrator over his similarly or less privileged female targets or victims.” It is not our fault, but once we have the knowledge, we can choose to combat the system keeping us in a place we have never deserved to be in. Manne is not only providing the information, she’s creating a rule book for every woman and man to follow on how to create a better tomorrow for men and women. 

I’m just going to stare down male entitlement in a power suit.

Short, yet deeply unsettling from start to finish, Manne unveils the horrifying world women are born, live, and die in. She does not fail to point out the imbalance when the minority status is multiplied by race or sexual identity. Chapter after chapter rages on, enumerating the ways male entitlement causes harm, creating a spiral of depression. For me, at least. Ending with a glimmer of hope in the last chapter, an address to her unborn daughter. Manne hopes for an easier future for her daughter; though, she knows the fight will be “long, and interminable.”

The narrative may end in the last chapter, but the Notes section is an amazing trove of research, statistics, quotes, anecdotes, and information. Do not overlook it. It’s powerful and soul crushing, in the best way.

Women fill the role of provider. Providing, providing, providing for the needs emotional, physical, and all the in betweens of men, children, and everyone around us.. Even when completely fulfilling the role of provider or caretaker happily without complaint, women are interrogated, berated, and undermined at every turn. It has been the way of the world for so long, it’s what we women have come to expect as acceptable, and it is not. Kate Manne’s Entitled can be summed up in one succinct sentence: “We expect too much from women.”

Memorable Quotes
“As we’ve already begun to see, medical misinformation is a ubiquitous feature of anti-abortion activism.”
“If the truth is not our property, then neither is authority.”
“If men often feel entitled to certain kinds of paid work, they also feel entitled to far more by way of leisure, as compared with their female partners.”
“Do men do so little because they engage in more leisure activities than their female partners? Or do they engage in more leisure activities in order to do so little?”
“Another reason men don’t do more is that, under such conditions, asking them to pull their weight is in itself a form of labor.”
“Don’t we regard rape as a heinous, monstrous crime? Yes, in the abstract. Very well then, but in practice, why do we refuse to hold certain perpetrators accountable vis-ȧ-vis certain victims?”

bisous un обьятий,
RaeAnna

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Title: Entitled; How Male Privilege Hurts Women
Author: Kate Manne
Publisher: Crown
Copyright: 2020
ISBN: 9781984826572